Removing Should-statements And Eventually Reaching Enlightenment

[JKG]

Consciousness self assessment:

I watched the new video "low quality vs. high quality consciousness" twice today, and wanted to look where I am at. I will be answering the questions Leo gave us:

How do I feel on an hourly basis:

That's different. Throughout the week when I am in school I am not super happy. It feels like the negativity of the people in school gets projected upon myself. But that's not true. I just am negative because it's a habit of mine to be negative in school. I am not as negative as most of the people, I just often complain about teachers and students just to have something to talk. On Thursdays I am the most negative because I have to spend 10 hours there and when I get home I am pretty pissed of. 
But at home I am relatively happy compared to my family members. I enjoy working out, meditating, developing myself, stretching... But when I have to do homework I just want to get it done quickly. For example today I had to learn thousands of history facts about the time after world war one. I didn't wanted to do that.
Today after I have watched the new video and have had lunch, I was so happy. I was just totally content and satisfied. From time to time that happens after my meditation, or just randomly. Sometimes I also have to just laugh about reality.

-> on average I am more happy than most of the people I know, but I have a lot of potential especially in school

 

How loving am I?

Sometimes after meditation I am very loving. But throughout the day I am not very loving, but also not hating, just neutral. Sometimes I feel a lot of love towards my sister and mother. Yesterday evening I did shadow work and started to love myself a lot, and some other people too.

-> I am not very loving, but when I am more conscious I love unconditionally

 

How fearful am I?

I am not fearful. I don't fear an upcoming war, crisis, homelessness... But I have a little phobia of dogs, spiders and disgusting insects like an earthworm.

 

How intellectually open am I?

I am pretty open-minded about everything. I am just a little bit dogmatic about veganism, but that is becoming less and less.

 

How well do I govern myself?

I have good habits with sports, cold showers, school work, cleaning, meditation... I am able to handle the basics well. But for a long time I am having problems with my eating habits and Internet habits. Almost everytime that I have to overcome huge emotional labor I am having problems. I am not able to meditate longer with pain, or overcome food cravings. I will be working on that!

-> I am able to handle the basics, but not good when I have to overcome emotional labor

 

How noble are my motivations?

I don't really know what my motivations are. I am just trying to get good habits. My motivations are not money, sex, appreciation, material success... I want to reach Enlightenment and this higher self happiness. I want to have a positive impact on the world and on other people, although I don't know how to do this exactly.

-> my motivations are pretty noble, at least I think so

 

I don't really identify myself with the characteristics of low quality consciousness, just a tiny bit. But I do identify myself with some of the high quality consciousness characteristics: focused on direct experience over believes, valuing learning and growing, aknowledging that I have not the highest consciousness, big picture understanding.

 

Conclusion: I am more conscious than most of the people I know around me. I see how I have developed over the last two or three years and how much my consciousness has grown. But there is a lot of potential open for huge amounts of growth.
I will especially have to work on my happiness in school and self governance.

[JKG]

Happiness:

Yesterday evening after dinner I sat down on my couch and worked on my values. I became so fucking happy, loving and grateful.

I am grateful for my family (for a high living standard, good food, a huge garden, money; I love them; they serve me as negative role models), for humanity (no war at the moment, great intellectuals, technology),for  my best friend, for Leo (he made my life so much better, thanks Leo), for the Internet (I learned so much from You Tube)...

I am sure about that my future will be great. I have confidence in that everything will work out well. I will be able to become really good at my life purpose. I will become enlightened, eventually. I will create myself the best habits and routines. I will die happy.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Love. Love. Happiness. Laughter. Thank you. Thanks to everybody.

It's infinite. It's absolutely infinite

[JKG]

Movement Inspiration:

Well, I am happy that I can balance a handstand rarely for 10s.

[JKG]

Values:

I finally figured out my values. It feels very authentic.

1. Consciousness - I am totally aware of all of experience, enlightened and one with everything
2. Open-mindedness - I am open to every new idea and question my own believes
3. Clarity - I know what I want, how I will get there, and have a plan
4. Understanding - I understand and know how reality, the self and my environment works
5. Contribution - I give value to people and help them to increase the quality of their consciousness
6. Health - I am full of energy, move a lot, fast, and eat little high quality food
7. Connection - I build deep relationships with few people and feel empathy and love towards everyone
8. Freedom - I am a minimalist, and able to go wherever I want without obstacles or problems
9. Nature - I spent most of my time in nature and feel connected towards it
10. Productivity - I get my tasks done focused and efficiently without distraction

 

Eeeeeegoooooo:

Sometimes when I meditate (1.5h), I recognize that there is no sense of self/ego. It's gone and there are just all of these experiences and the voice in my mind talking, but no self.

Then when I 'wake up' from my meditation and eventually get out of my room, I get bombarded with all these noises of the television, radio, music from my family.

What a crazy world. What a crazy society. All your motivations stem from your ego. But the ego is not there.

If they'd just know that...

 

Habits:

Everyday I just want to get one tiny step closer towards better habits. Today it was fasting until 4:30pm. That felt great.

 

 

 

[ajasatya]

@quantum i loved those values of yours! they certainly drive oneself to a profound experience of life.

[JKG]

(Note: I don't like using the word teacher. I just don't find a better label for it. For me a 'teacher' is just some guy who helps and explains stuff to others. He is not superior to others) 

Teachers:

Yesterday evening I thought about spiritual teachers. Those people are the ones which the world needs the most at the moment. They can reveal to society that the ego does not exist. And all those egos create all of those problems which humanity currently faces.

People like Teal Swan or Eckhart Tolle are nice, but society needs also different people, people like Leo, Ken Wilber or Sam Harris which touch the ego side of the individuals, and show them the non-dual side of their being - this mixture of personal development and non-duality.

 

Teaching:

Yesterday I went to school earlier to talk with my best friend. We haven't talked alone with each other in a long time, and that was necessary. I recently showed her a video about inner child work. Her childhood was very bad. She grew up in a part of Asia, very blue and family based. Just by watching the video she cried, she has a lot of work to do, and has to get to know herself again. She is doing a good job. So she explained me everything she has found out, I listened and gave advices.

Our relationship is very unique. We learn a lot from each other. I introduced her with Leo a long time ago, taught her basic principles... She is often asking for my opinion or help.

With the time I realized that I want to help more people this way. I want to make more people more conscious. I want to guide people along their journey towards a better life or even Enlightenment.

Such people needs the world......

 

Communication:

I am a introverted person, and used to talk very little, in school, at home, to everyone. My communication skills are not very good. I am bad at explaining things. I cannot express what I am thinking into words. I rather think in terms of pictures and don't like using words. In the last two years that became better, but I still have deficiencies.

So the problem is how to communicate my advices, knowledge, wisdoms, insights to other people. I even find it hard to put all my thoughts into a structured text here.

Then I remembered from the life purpose course that it is necessary to develop certain skills. My zone of genius doesn't has to be communicating insights. The communication can become a skill. I will have to develop this communication skill in order to become some sort of teacher. And teaching my best friend could be a good way to practice - or even writing this here.

 

My Love towards Mathematics...:

But I have another passion next to knowing and discovering all those great insights. I always have loved mathematics, physics, computer science, reality... With the science stuff it is much more easy to make a living in this society.

I still see there quite a few connections between non-duality stuff and maths stuff. I cannot express this good. Its a feeling.

Non-duality is about explaining reality, maths can explain reality. Reality is beautiful - maths can be beautiful...

 

Plan:

Yesterday evening I came to the conclusion that I want to become a teacher. Firstly I have to become enlightened myself. And while I am doing that, I can develop my communication skills through trying to explain little insights or concepts from other spiritual people.

But in 'real life' I will be studying maths, after finishing school next year. Maybe I will find a way to connect maths with non-duality. From time to time I will go to retreats or take psychedelics. After getting the degree I will probably have to work at a normal job, but help other people at the same time. Eventually I will become a 'successful spiritual teacher', so that I can live from teaching in some way. Maybe like Jed McKenna?

 

I will have to work on formulating my life purpose out precisely. I am almost done with figuring out my values. I will do the rest work in the next two weeks - I will be on holidays.

[JKG]

Final Values:

I am done with the process of figuring out my values and wanted to write it down here. It will probably be funny to read them again in the future. I am sure that they will change in the future, especially the formulations of the definitions.

I used the process from the life purpose course. 10 / 10 will mean how it would look like if I fully embody the value and x / 10 will mean how much I embody a value at the moment. 0 - 100, 5 - 95 or 60 - 40 will be about how whether the value is negative or positively motivated. 0 - 100 means that I am 100%-ly positively motivated towards the value,  60 - 40 means that I am 60%-ly positively motivated and 40%-ly negatively. I hope you get what I mean.

 

Consciousness:

Definition: I am totally aware of all of experience, enlightened and one with everything

10 / 10: I am one with everything, not a self, enlightened, aware of every single experience, infinite. I am able to meditate for days staight and practice consciousness for at least four hours a day. I am god.

Embodiment: 1 / 10

Percentage: 5 - 95

 

Open-mindedness:

Definition: I am open to every new idea and question my own believes

10 / 10: I am open to every new idea and hold onto no believes. I question all of my believes and am absolutely skeptic. But in the end I realize that no belief can be true and I know nothing. My knowledge graph is empty. I rather focus on direct experience than on believes.

Embodiment: 3 / 10

Percentage: 0 - 100

 

Clarity:

Definition: I know what I want, how I will get there, and have a plan

10 / 10: I know the prime directive and big picture of my life. I know what I want and how to get there. I have a strategic but adaptable plan on which I can execute. My subconscious mind is programmed for it. But I am clear about the fact that the plan is just a plan. I do not act upon it neurotically, it is just a guidance along the journey.

Embodiment: 3 / 10

Percentage: 10 - 90

 

Understanding:

Definition: I understand and know how reality, the self and my environment works

10 / 10: I understand and know how reality, the self and my environment works. No urgent or important questions are unanswered. I know how to live life. I have studied developmental theories, Ken Wilbers work, non-duality, psychedelics, self-actualization, mathematics and physics.

Embodiment: 4 / 10

Percentage: 0 - 100

 

Contribution:

Definition: I give value to people and help them to increase the quality of their consciousness

10 / 10: I experience great joy from helping people and being able to make them more conscious. They come up to me to help them. I have mastered the skill of explaining and teaching concepts. So I am able to guide people along their journey in life. I explain to people how to live life through self-actualization and non-duality. I am able to change their model of reality to the better.

Embodiment: 1 / 10

Percentage: 0 - 100

 

Health:

Definition: I am full of energy, move a lot, fast, and eat little high quality food

10 / 10: I am very active and work out for multiple hours each day. I am able to perform advanced bodyweight exercises (planche, front lever), athletic movements (one arm handstand, flips), and have great mobility (deep squat, over side split). I eat only one meal (raw vegan, many greens). I am fasting a few times a year and have detoxed a lot. I feel very energetic and need only little sleep.

Embodiment: 4 / 10

Percentage: 0 - 100

 

Connection:

Definition: I build deep relationships with few people and feel empathy and love towards everyone

10 / 10: I have deep relationships with few people. We listen to and help each other along our journey. We are extremely honest and can talk about everything. I love every being and feel connected towards them.

Embodiment: 2 / 10

Percentage: 10 - 90

 

Freedom:

Definition: I am a minimalist, and able to go wherever I want without obstacles or problems

10 / 10: I have only little possessions, which could all fit into a big bag. I am free from fear, limiting believes, attachments or addictions. I am free also from physical needs and am able to defend myself, so I could survive well in a crisis. I am independent and can go wherever I want, whenever I want.

Embodiment: 1 / 10

Percentage: 10 - 90

 

Nature:

Definition: I spend most of my time in nature and feel connected towards it

10 / 10: I live directly in nature, away from civilization and spend a lot of time outside. I live in harmony with my environment and am connected to all beings around me, I love them all. I am free from fear of wild animals or disgusting looking insects. I get my food directly from nature. I have no need for a house or a clean environment.

Embodiment: 3 / 10

Percentage: 0 - 100

 

Productivity:

Definition: I get my tasks done focused and efficiently without distraction

10 / 10: I work every day for at least an hour on my tasks, but therefore very focused and without distraction. I get my tasks done quickly, while I deliver high qualitative results. I learn fast and remember brilliantly.

Embodiment: 5 / 10

Percentage: 10 - 90

[Dragallur]

@quantum The list is amazing. This I would call top quality life when 10/10!

[JKG]

@Dragallur that would be so damn amazing.

[JKG]

School:

Now I will have no school for two weeks. The last week went well. On wednesday I had an easy math exam. We had four hours of time for the exam and I was done after two hours. I am such a genius!

And yesterday I had a history exam which went well too. The text was pretty easy and i liked the politicians opinion.

In each oft the four exams oft the last two weeks I was not nervous, at all. And meanwhile writing the exam I was relatively happy, content and it was even a bit fun.

 

Holidays:

Right now I am with my family on the way to Denmark. I have to spent seven hours in the car. I am listening to Jed McKenna and later maybe Leo. I wanted to do a bit oft self inquiry but my family is listening to a stupid audiobook and radio, which is pretty distracting. But thats simply the way it is.

In Denmark I intend to do a lot of meditation, shadow work, self discovery, stretching and movement.

I will shut down the Internet, because its such a distraction. From sunday after new video until the next sunday I will use my phone only in the airplanr mode.

I will challenge myself to take short swims in the north sea. That will be a tough challenge. Denmark is cold and windy, therefore the sea will be horribly cold...

[Extreme Z7]

Man, you put a lot of work into your journal. I myself have always been too lazy to take my journal very seriously since I started it. Hey, maybe I can use your journal as a form of motivation to make it better.

[JKG]

@Extreme Z7 thanks, although I dont consider myself as taking it very seriously. I could write here way more.

But it nice that people find it valuable

[JKG]

Internet Cleanse:

Alright, I have just finshed Leos latest video. Now I will turn into the airplane mode on my phone. Nest Sunday I will be allowed to turn it back on. The only exception will be for navigation, but no Internet!

I will move a lot, meditate, do shadow work, journal in my own, write stuff down, discovery my life purpose, programm my subconscious mind etc.

See you on next Sunday.

[Dragallur]

4 hours ago, quantum said:

See you on next Sunday.

Cool! See you

[JKG]

Taking action:

Ever since I am doing this personal development thing, I am consuming much more information than I can possibly apply. I am watching so many informative YouTube videos, and don't take as nearly as much action as I 'should'. I am truly addicted to the Internet. Now I've had time to take action. In this one week without Internet, without school, but with lots of family distraction I grew internally approximately as much as in tree months with Internet, with school and still family distraction.

I discovered relatively much about my shadow and my little ego. I had some little tiny insights about how I 'should' live life. I have worked on my values, adjusted them, updated them, visualized them... Values are a powerful tool.

I have rewatched / relistened to a few of Leos newer videos. I saw how much more I can learn from them, especially from the one about absolute infinity. The ego things that it grasps absolute infinity a bit, and that I would understand it. But no ego can possibly do that.

I see how much the ego is present. My ego is annoyed by the ego of my father, the ego of my mother and the ego of my sister. My ego is annoyed by the cold, by the music... The ego wants to be healthy, active, moving, eating high quality food. The ego is so hardly attached to this health stuff.

It's sad for the ego to see the egos little sister grow up. She slowly comes into puberty. She adopts so many stupid believes about reality, the world, how things SHOULD work, what is good... She becomes neurotic, hedonistic, narrow-minded...

Let go of everything you fear to lose. I found that to be quite true. Maybe this could be the new theme of my life.

 

After watching todays episode I will turn the Internet off again until Friday when I will head back home. It's time to take more action, to meditate deeply and to question a lot.

When I am back home I will probably report more about my time offline and how I plan using the Internet in the future.

Bye

[JKG]

Well, fuck it. This Internet limitation is just another rule 'I' set upon myself. I could continue without much emotional resistance, but who tells me that I should?

 

Tiny extraordinary (enlightenment?) experience:

Yeah, I finally had an extraordinary experience which my ego desired for a long time.

The external circumstances: Yesterday in the morning I woke up at 4 am because I had to go to the bathroom. But I felt relatively awake and though that I could stay up and meditate for a long time as long as everybody else is sleeping in the house. So I meditated for like 3 hours straight (new record). I changed my posture quite a few times and did only the do nothing technique because my monkey mind was going crazy. It thought a lot about the future, university, life purpose... My subconscious mind came up with a few cool ideas. After the three hours I stopped, it felt like going on wouldn't really make a difference. So I started continuing the exercise from the video 'The Mechanics of Belief.'
Time passed, I was working out, had lunch... My family was out of the house, so I had a few hours of quiet time to meditate. I firstly did 30 minutes of normal meditation, then switched to an hour of strong determination sitting.

I started to do self inquiry and writing the questions and answers down. I was pretty concentrated, skeptical, taking noting from faith and got satisfying answers. I came to the conclusion that I am not all those concepts which society tells us that we are. I am this constant. I am everything except from experience. But I couldn't find this thing in direct experience.

So I changed position. Now I was sitting in front of the window in the living room, looking on the grass, and kind of analyzing in which pattern the yellow flowers on the grass occur. Then somehow I was focusing my view on this one flower. Suddenly the environment around the flower got blurry. I was aware of this thing which I am, this thing behind of experience. Full of unconditional love for everything. The Ego became a little big weaker, but it was still there, I just became aware of it.
At the same time the monkey mind was thinking something like "Oh my god, I am having an Enlightenment experience. Oh my god, it is finally happening to me."

I continued sitting there for maybe half an hour. Full of love, full of energy, fully awake and everytime I was concentrated, I could get a sense of my true being. Then my parents came back and I had to open them the door. I wasn't annoyed about the fact that they came back and would make a lot of noise, just the ego.

I kind of stayed in this loving state for most of the rest of the day, full of this energy although I only slept for 6-7 hours in the night. It felt like I was so full of energy that I couldn't even sleep. But somehow I managed to go to sleep.

 

Too much love:

So now its the day after this experience. I wouldn't call it an Enlightenment experience anymore, just extraordinary. There are way way way more powerful experiences possible. When I am mindful enough and concentrate, I still am able to become a little bit aware of my true being and to experience this huge amount of love. It feels like that I now finally grasped what true Enlightenment could possibly be like and what non-duality is really about. The true being/nothingness/god/infinity cannot be possibly explained through words. You can just say that it not is.

I was just walking with my family at the beach and was often aware of my true being and relatively full of this love. And it kind of becomes too much. Too much love to handle for me. I firstly have to learn how to handle these amounts of love and adapt to it. Now I can imagine why its hard for Leo to handle the love when you take 5-Meo-DMT.

Today I absolutely have no need for meditation. Today I already have examined a few of my ego identifications and so on. But I kind of am tired of doing all these huge amounts of inner work. I had so much progress in these 10 or so days and especially in the last 2 days. It is too much for me. I need a break, at least for today.

I decided to use Internet again. I need a distraction from this inner work and love. I need to adapt to this first.

[JKG]

Finally Understanding:

I just meditated and I just get the sense that life is so meaningless, that I can do whatever I want now. There is nothing that I have to do. So I ate dinner and watched some Enlightenment videos:

This guy is amazing. I am finally understanding what all these teachers are saying. That is a beautiful thing.

 

Zone of Genius:

In one of the meditation sessions a few days ago my subconscious mind came up with the answer of what my zone of genius could be. Now I finally have words to describe it. It is about bringing structure into complex systems and creating models out of it.

I always have been a little bit confused about all those different concepts spiritual teachers and self help people talk about. And I don't like it when everything is so chaotic. I love it when I deal with those concepts and bring them together into a huge mind map in which everything is nicely structured, clear and easy to understand. I also am an extremely visual person and can learn the best by making nice learning maps.

Today I even comprehended a few of Leos video. I combined "The Mechanics of Beliefs", "You're not happy because you don't want to be", "The Ultimate model of human knowledge", "A rant against morality" and "How to stop moralizing" into a nice map where I combine the most important aspects with each other. I am really satisfied with this map. Maybe at some point I will share this here, somewhere else, or even make a YouTube channel.

Which this map I will be able to explain all the ideas in my mind to other people. Maybe this has just solved my communication problem.

I also used this following video in my map. A great one!

 

[ajasatya]

1 hour ago, quantum said:

I just meditated and I just get the sense that life is so meaningless, that I can do whatever I want now.

nice! now you're able to throw away any piece of guilt/judgments (about "yourself" and "others").

shall we let life be?

[JKG]

@iago iriarte arhatha Thank you

[Dragallur]

@quantum Great job with your enlightenment work! I really like to keep track up with your journey! Thanks for sharing these things
I was too thinking about longer meditation session, the max I did was something like 75 minutes of do-nothing, not very different from normal sessions.