Selfless Acts Vs. Relationships Vs. Self-actualization

[Pelin]

I'm translating Leo's video on Karma and therefore have watched it multiple times now. Still one thing I can't get my head around, hope you can help me.

So selfless actions are the good actions because they are far away from the ego as much as possible. So helping others and taking care of others could be considered as selfless actions I suppose.

In my life I've mostly tried to be of help to others. I ended up being a teacher, and this is something that I like doing. I even feel sometimes I spent too much time helping others. In another video what Leo says (or what I interpret) is that in order to self-actualize, you have to cut loose some of your relationships, especially those with family. Yet I feel my family needs me (although they do harm me/judge me sometimes), so I feel a dilemma here. Sparing more time to myself and communicating with them less, wouldn't that be a selfish action? So to self-actualize do I need to be selfish? But it was a bad action according to Karma?

Maybe I am off-track, so please tell me if I am so. (If this topic has been talked about, I couldn't find it so sorry about that.)

[charlie2dogs]

7 minutes ago, Pelin said:

I'm translating Leo's video on Karma and therefore have watched it multiple times now. Still one thing I can't get my head around, hope you can help me.

So selfless actions are the good actions because they are far away from the ego as much as possible. So helping others and taking care of others could be considered as selfless actions I suppose.

In my life I've mostly tried to be of help to others. I ended up being a teacher, and this is something that I like doing. I even feel sometimes I spent too much time helping others. In another video what Leo says (or what I interpret) is that in order to self-actualize, you have to cut loose some of your relationships, especially those with family. Yet I feel my family needs me (although they do harm me/judge me sometimes), so I feel a dilemma here. Sparing more time to myself and communicating with them less, wouldn't that be a selfish action? So to self-actualize do I need to be selfish? But it was a bad action according to Karma?

Maybe I am off-track, so please tell me if I am so. (If this topic has been talked about, I couldn't find it so sorry about that.)

how can you spend too much time doing what you love to do?  When i began to draw and paint i was older, but i loved it, it was meditation, i would spend 16 hours a day, doing it, nothing else existed, it was great.  I have given most of my life to helping others but it wasnt for recognition, there was no agenda, other than helping that individual in whatever way seemed the right thing to do, and that wasn't determined by what humans think, it was determined by what i was becoming, an aware, awakened being.  To be able to give hope, strength, solutions to others and see that hope in their face is enough reward.  to have others look at you and say from their heart, i love you, for being there for them is enough reward.  this doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself to your family or others who are hard nosed and critical of you, leave them to themselves and move on with your life, help those who are seeking help and cross your path, to many it will seem like you are being used at times but you, only you will know the reality of what is going on and those who have awakened, they will understand,  its not your job to save the world, save yourself, liberate yourself then you will know how to help others for good and it will be selfless.

[Concioushairqueen]

If u are helping others selflessly it's a good thing but helping them and getting run over isnt, or doin it to feel good isnt, u can be helping someone and being selfish at the same time.. I've recently cut everyone including my family off so that I can grow and live like happily, not everyone family or not wants best for you, only u know what's best for u. Set a foundation and no matter what don't over step it! And don't get taken advantage of! You could be using ur energies for greater things that aren't draining you!

[Pelin]

@charlie2dogs You may be right. Maybe I have some selfishness in me even when I'm helping others. That may be why I feel like a victim here and there. Or maybe I'm still looking for an external reward or less external suffering when doing a "good" action? This will be selfish and not a good action at all.

[Concioushairqueen]

I just grasp this last year myself, I always check my moral radar and ask myself "am I doing this to feel good or am I doing this for the good of everyone" good deeds don't need recognition it's something you do simply because it the right thing to do but that right thing can't over-ride a core belief or the well being you! Other people feed off of good people if allowed thats where your good judgement comes in,  Good luck, it seems you are grasping it and admitting the issue means it's a work in progress!

[Roise]

15 hours ago, Pelin said:

In my life I've mostly tried to be of help to others. I ended up being a teacher, and this is something that I like doing. I even feel sometimes I spent too much time helping others. In another video what Leo says (or what I interpret) is that in order to self-actualize, you have to cut loose some of your relationships, especially those with family. Yet I feel my family needs me (although they do harm me/judge me sometimes), so I feel a dilemma here. Sparing more time to myself and communicating with them less, wouldn't that be a selfish action? So to self-actualize do I need to be selfish? But it was a bad action according to Karma?

I am guessing the sense/feeling of selfishness sets in when you reject others who are in need of your help/time/attention etc. Personally, I feel that you should set aside time for yourself on a daily basis, if not a regular basis. You need to take good care of yourself first so that you can pour into others. And taking good care means setting aside time for yourself and taking care of your mental health on top of merely your physical health. We cant give more than we have or we will deplete ourselves. Therefore we should always take time to recharge. This is v essential and recharging doesnt mean simply getting enough rest or sleep. Different people recharge in different ways. For me, I recharge in solitude, music and doing art related activities. Recharging and setting time aside for yourself ensures that you are able to give your best efforts when helping others or simply spending time with your family. Imagine if you are drained and unsatisfied, how are you able to spend good quality time with your family? In fact spending time with them when you are not in the right mood to do so may be counterproductive. Sometimes I find myself in such situations and many a times, I do get overly frustrated overly little things or try to find faults with them (I did apologise afterwards, but what I learnt is that I should know when to spend time with others and when to return to solitude better). Also, recharging allows you to be on better grounds to self actualise. It gives you time to be in peace with yourself and allows you to relieve all the stress and feelings you may have. 

15 hours ago, Pelin said:

In another video what Leo says (or what I interpret) is that in order to self-actualize, you have to cut loose some of your relationships, especially those with family.

How I interpreted the video and what Leo said is that you should cut out toxic relationships in order to self actualize, but not all relationships. As social beings we need relationships to survive altough solitary can be great. Since family consists of those who stayed by your side during your best and worst moments in life, I dont think you would classify them under toxic relationships. (You can disagree with me because there are some families which are exceptions from what I just mentioned and under those circumstances you may wish to cut them out? Maybe not completely but largely?). Another point I intend to add is that when we set time for ourselves, we are not exactly cutting loose ties. Relationships and ties thrive on the time we spend with others and also the time when we arent with them. A good relationship is one where the connection you have with another does not depreciate despite the time you guys spend apart from each other. I hope you find my response useful (:

[Leo Gura]

@Pelin No, that's not what is meant by selfless action. Selfless action is literally action without believing you exist as a self.

You can kill someone selflessly.

It's NOT about the content of the action. And it has nothing to do with "good" action.

All "good" action is selfish. Because good only exists for a self.

When you abolish the idea of good & bad, and the idea that you exist as a self, THEN action becomes naturally selfless.

This is not anything that "regular" people are capable of it. It takes lots of inner growth to execute because your ego runs you in so many subtle ways.

Basically, if you're trying to be selfless, you're actually being selfish.

So in conclusion: be mindful of your self. Don't worry about being "good".

[Kelley White]

20 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Selfless action is literally action without believing you exist as a self.

You can kill someone selflessly.

That is a powerful statement right there.