How do you discover the real reasons of your actions?

[Codrina]

I find myself in a new situation. For the first time in my life I have the financial freedom to  do whatever I want. 

I worked hard to get this budget. I wanted to use it to start my career as an artist in Barcelona. (I dreamed about being an artist for the last 9 years) I got there, visited the city for a few days, looked for rent (I have the possibility to share a beautiful, huge industrial space with someone working in the movie industry).

I was really excited being there. I then came back to Madrid, to my parents home and woke up thinking about my home town (small city in northern Romania). I thought about going back there, going back to school, working to be a teacher (I am thinking sociology, literature, philosophy or painting).

I would still go on with art, but I would keep it more as a hobby.

I am still trying to figure out where does this desire come from. Is it a genuine desire of my soul, or is it a fear of failure.

When you decide to leave your country for a better future, how much of it is  a running away from your own inadequacy and how much is reality?

As a human being can you grow into your best version into your own culture, speaking your own language or is it the same being in a foreign country?

Is this desire of mine a longing for Unity, a reunion with the space in which I spawned? How natural is it for humans to move from their birth place? I feel a lot of trouble in the world is caused by people thinking the grass is greener on the other side.

I also felt like Barcelona was a really crowded place. I found myself asking while I was there: 'Does this place really need me to be here?' That poor piece of land looked really overused.

Then I thought about the superficiality in the art world. I asked myself if the world really needs another artist, or there's something better I could do with my time. Barcelona would give me a good market, lots of opportunities.

I want to use art to explore my thoughts on reality and bring awareness to people. How can I talk to Spanish people about their issues when I am not part of their community? 

People have a hard time listening to their closest friends when it comes to discussing issues.

I just thought I could do more back in my home town, especially with so many young people leaving Romania. I also thought I would enjoy the amazing nature, and I would not be in a overcrowded space.  

I just wish I knew which direction to choose. 

I wish I knew if my dream of being an artist was just an easy way to avoid responsibility, my green stage of hippie dreams. Am I now growing up or am I still running away? 

I also realize that even though I have insights into the nature of reality I still have a lot of personal issues to work through. How can I do something for the world around me when me myself are in need of work?

What makes a good life when there's no good without bad? How do you choose when there's nothing to choose? 

I apologise for my rambling. I am happy to hear your points of view

[SoothedByRain]

What potential actions and paths offer the most value to yourself and your community? 
Have you gone through Leo's Life Purpose Course? If not, I highly recommend it.
What would Love do now?

---

Fruitful. Fertile. Generative. Valuable. Arable. Abundance. Value. Help. 

All In. Giving. Efflux. Acceptance. Patience. Beauty. Assistance. Peace. 

Joy. Cooperation. Creation. Intelligence. Efficiency. Grace. Passion. Vibrance. 

Contribution. Focus. Care. Gentle. Soothing. Inspiration. Growth. Mastery. Vision. 

---

“There is nothing I have to do, nowhere I have to go, and no way I have to be except exactly the way I am being right now. My happiness is knowing this, my joy is expressing it, my bliss is experiencing it.”   

How can I serve myself in the highest creation?

How can I serve humanity today? 

How can I spread love to others today? 

How can I help others grow today? 

What would Love do now?