Goals

[wesyasz]

16 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Lynnel @wesyasz Imagine someone commenting on your meditation journal and belittling you because you aren't meditating long enough. "Wow you're only doing 10 minutes you aren't going to make any major changes doing only 10 minutes, you need to do minimum an hour to notice real benefits. Might as well not meditate at all". All you're doing here is hurting her chance of being successful.

Maybe you are right, but I personally would appreciate someone telling my that sort of advice about meditation if it's going to help me.

No more advice but know that I genuinely wish you all the best with your goal whatever it is .

Edited December 16, 2019 by wesyasz

[Raptorsin7]

@wesyasz What if it discouraged you from going further? You know how hard it is to improve yourself. Especially when you start it's hard to have resolve. People need to be met where they are at. The whole point of anything is to help people progress. You have to realize when you're hurting their growth or encouraging growth.

[wesyasz]

6 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@wesyasz What if it discouraged you from going further? You know how hard it is to improve yourself. Especially when you start it's hard to have resolve. People need to be met where they are at. The whole point of anything is to help people progress. You have to realize when you're hurting their growth or encouraging growth.

What if, what if. What if comforting someone isn't progressing someone? Somebody told me once that its best and quickest way go get somebody out of something and progress if you stop comforting them and kick them straight in the ass. I couldn't understand until it worked on me. 

I rather being kick in the ass to meditate more and see some real progress than float around 10 minutes with little to no effect and being comforted by others. If you want to use meditation example.

But it's my experience and my personal opinion only. Let's leave it aside maybe for now as we are taking space of what suppose to be somebody else's journal .

Edited December 16, 2019 by wesyasz

[zeroISinfinity]

@Raptorsin7 Wow you grown so much in wisdom. Love you. ❤️

[Amandine]

1 hour ago, wesyasz said:

Maybe you are right, but I personally would appreciate someone telling my that sort of advice about meditation if it's going to help me.

No more advice but know that I genuinely wish you all the best with your goal whatever it is .

You're not exactly one to give advice though are you, @wesyasz ? 

Sleeping only an hour a night and consuming all that coffee and chocolate as you do.

Not exactly what I'd call a paragon of virtue, are you?

I've stopped the wine. Are you going to stop all that coffee you're drinking now?

And get some sleep?

Hope that's useful to you, I'm only "trying to help".

As @zeroISinfinity put it so succinctly "They project their own BS onto you"

Anyway, I thought I told you not to come back. 

Edited December 16, 2019 by Amandine

[Amandine]

43 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

@Raptorsin7 Wow you grown so much in wisdom. Love you. ❤️

@Raptorsin7  makes a great wingman!

And a fearless defender of the underdog. 

 

Edited December 16, 2019 by Amandine

[Amandine]

15 hours ago, wesyasz said:

What if, what if. What if comforting someone isn't progressing someone? Somebody told me once that its best and quickest way go get somebody out of something and progress if you stop comforting them and kick them straight in the ass. I couldn't understand until it worked on me. 

I rather being kick in the ass to meditate more and see some real progress than float around 10 minutes with little to no effect and being comforted by others. If you want to use meditation example.

@wesyasz You could see how hurt I was, and yet you came back with a second comment to rub more salt in the wound. 

I explicitly stated how discouraged it made me feel and that I had been doing ok until that mean comment was left on my Goals page. But yet you ran roughshod over that and came back and trod on me again. You were disregarding my feelings and just willy nilly doing what you wanted to do instead. 

Why did you have to pipe in anyway? @Lynnel had already left a disparaging remark, which I'd clearly repudiated. You chipping in (twice at that) felt like being "ganged up" against. Not nice.

Go read the comments again and you'll see that I unambiguously stated that the comments were not being helpful.

Can you not read properly or am I missing something? I guess some people may just have to learn tact, empathy and compassion the hard way (karma's a bitch).

At least the other Boot Camp Whipmaster left me alone afterwards.

Edited December 17, 2019 by Amandine

[zeroISinfinity]

@Amandine Why you bother. You don't have to respond. Instead just do something you like to do. 

[Amandine]

6 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

@Amandine Why you bother. You don't have to respond. Instead just do something you like to do. 

Idk, just felt writing that out might help, I remember the hurt and tears I shed last night, I felt I'd been trying so hard and then Wham!

Edited December 16, 2019 by Amandine

[Raptorsin7]

@modmyth Isolation can be very valuable imo. These past 4 months i've been isolated a lot, and i've grown more spiritually then I have in my entire life. People don't even mean to do it, but if something or someone is changing in their immediate environment they will stifle it either consciously or unconsciously. Common sense sais it's bad to be isolated ,etc. But what you talked about is why isolation is so valuable. 

[Arcangelo]

Keep going Am. You got this!

 

Arc

[Amandine]

7 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

Keep going Am. You got this!

 

Arc

@Arcangelo Cheers Arc! 

 

@modmyth @Raptorsin7 

Thank you, you are all so lovely.

Your words touch me more than you know.❤️

It feels so comforting when people "get where you're at".

Edited December 17, 2019 by Amandine

[Amandine]

Turned up for my daily 20' of meditation today, am amazed the time goes by so quickly.

Much more distracted today, though on the whole peaceful, calm and non-controlling.

Distracted by the cat too who found me meditating and started  licking my chin half-way through.

 

No wine today, but alcohol is not part of the equation anymore, I no longer have any desire to drink any.

There's not even any point me mentioning it any longer, you can take it on trust that I have committed to that.

I'll keep it for exceptional, special occasions, like the New Year's Eve party, or a nice restaurant out.

It's not even really difficult stopping the wine, after all, it's just the body, mind over matter.

I have a lot of strong will power and conscientiousness.

The "body stuff" is the easy stuff I feel.

I know greater challenges lie ahead.

 

 

Edited December 19, 2019 by Amandine

[Raptorsin7]

@Amandine Don't create so much pressure about drinking. If you have a drink tmrw it's OK. The big picture is what matters. Keep improving your life and eventually your life will be so amazing that you will have no need for alcohol to make you feel better. But creating that kind of pressure is dangerous. You will feel so bad if you relapse after setting that standard. 

[Amandine]

12 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Amandine Don't create so much pressure about drinking. If you have a drink tmrw it's OK. The big picture is what matters. Keep improving your life and eventually your life will be so amazing that you will have no need for alcohol to make you feel better. But creating that kind of pressure is dangerous. You will feel so bad if you relapse after setting that standard. 

Absolutely, thank you. All-or-nothing 's no good. I'm adopting more a take-it-or-leave it attitude with wine, no attachment, cravings, obsession. 

I just have to watch out for "priming" when I take the occasional glass at a special occasion, so I can get back on track straight away.

I can do this. 

 

Edited December 18, 2019 by Amandine

[Leo Gura]

On 12/15/2019 at 9:04 AM, Lynnel said:

In case you're not a troll I would encourage you to take this issue way more seriously.

Like set a more powerful goal such as drinking only once per week or something.

There isn't much difference between being a hardcore alcoholic and a medium one - it's just the speed at which you decay. I hope you stop decaying all together.

Be careful with your judgmental attitude especially in this Journal sub-forum where people are being honest and vulnerable. Alcoholism can be a very challenging habit to kick. So be supportive here.

@Amandine Don't let this get you down. You're on the right track. I had an ex-girlfriend who struggled with alcoholism, and yeah, it can be very challenging.

[Amandine]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Amandine Don't let this get you down. You're on the right track. I had an ex-girlfriend who struggled with alcoholism, and yeah, it can be very challenging.

Thank you Leo. Your warm, kind words have really uplifted me and given me strength. ❤️❤️❤️

Edited December 18, 2019 by Amandine

[Lynnel]

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Be careful with your judgmental attitude especially in this Journal sub-forum where people are being honest and vulnerable. Alcoholism can be a very challenging habit to kick. So be supportive here.

I did not have any ill intent - but yes I should have framed that a bit differently. I'll avoid posting on people's journals when they mostly need emotionnal support.

I understand it's a serious issue and I wanted to pinpoint the fact she needed to take drastic measures because there are dire consequences such as liver failure at play.

I also find that something along the lines of drinking 6 days out of 7 and using the other day to rest and process your emotions would work best than simply drinking less daily.

Yeah I was too quick to speak, and I'm sorry for that. (About the troll : not stopping drinking completely just because you're french is not a great excuse and last time I saw someone ration alcohol it was in Bojack Horseman.) But yes I should have read more before thinking in that direction. I'll be more careful in the future.

On the other hand I disagree with showering Amandine with praise just because she recieved a harsh comment while said she wrote several angry comments to insult me and is attacking anyone who contradicts her on sight.

This is supposed to be a civic discussion and I don't wanna be witch hunted just because I stated my opinion carelessly once.

[Amandine]

Days 3 and 4.

Still on it for a 20-minute session. 

 

Watching Leo's "Do nothing Meditation" video yesterday really helped.

I'll probably have to watch it a few more times to let the ideas sink in.

 

Decided to keep my eyes closed as I had during the previous 2 sessions (which has so far worked well for me).

It's advised in the video to keep them open but I thought that would be too distracting.

Tried not moving (resisting the odd itch, etc) as advised in the video, but found the body stillness was causing my head to nod forward.

So opened my eyes for the remainder of the session which helped with the "nodding off" bit. Leo was right ha.

It would appear to be difficult therefore at the moment for me to simultaneously keep the eyes closed AND keep the body still?

However, the good thing is I'm doing it in a calm, non-controlling, surrendering way as much as possible.

 

The thing which is surprising me most is that I imagined these 20 minutes would crawl by.

Kinda makes me wonder whether I'm doing it "right".

These worries are allayed when I remember what was said in the video: you just have to show up everyday and not try to "make something happen".

I really feel that I can do this, and will be able to get to a daily hour meditation (step by step) in a year's time as advised in the video.

And that I will never miss a single day in my life.

I'm committed to this.

 

I actually do feel more relaxed after these sessions, and feel good about myself for doing this. 

Ha, right now I don't even care if that's the placebo effect, I'm still going to be showing up.

 

So how can meditation help me with some other personal development goals I have?

Progressively, I would like to be able to improve my people-pleasing tendancies.

I often "over-compensate" with others to avoid the possibility of hurting or vexing them.

I also second-guess myself quite a bit.

"Did I say or do the right thing?" and all that baloney.

I also feel like I have to be the life and soul of the party, which can be draining.

 

The stress-management benefits of meditation will also help me achieve my other goals, such as be less "OCD" about certain things (like wanting to read absolutely EVERY thread on every message on this forum, starting from the very beginning!! And then every book on Leo's Self-help list. And then every video...) 

This "obsessive compulsiveness" about things means I don't often see the trees for the wood. 

I'd like to be able to see the "big picture" a bit more, which would help me prioritize things better.

 

Another immediate benefit would be to help me procrastinate less. I'd like to, for example, play the piano a lot more, read more actual books (real books, instead of mostly "Internet reading") and gradually do more of the other emotional and consciousness work (shadow work, core work, inner child, etc).

 

So this morning, I thought I'd try meditating first thing after getting up.

Decided to do my session before anything else (but after the cat had been fed, otherwise ...)

Maybe a morning session would allow me to accomplish both body stillness AND eyes closed? ...

 

... Conclusion, I am  not a morning meditator.

At least, not yet.

I feel like I spent the whole session thinking about last night's dreams, what I have to do today ...  

Monkey brain. Thoughts were everywhere.

Stopped and reset the timer twice to start again "this time to do it again perfectly" (OCD)

Paused half-way through to check if the volume was high enough on the timer app on my phone.

The volume wasn't even on. 

I fidgeted more than usual and for the first time was even wondering when it was going to end.

Guess I'm just a bit more antsy in the morning.

But I did stay until the end, that's the main thing right now.

Will try and do a better session tomorrow.

In the afternoon.

That morning one was a bit rubbish to be honest.

 

Edited December 20, 2019 by Amandine

[Amandine]

What are the main points then from Leo's "Meditation for Beginners" video I will need to remind myself of?

00:37 Meditation is the single most important habit for self-improvement that you can have.

02:19 There's a key distinction we have to make to meditate effectively, and that is the distinction between thinking and awareness.

02:42 This distinction is something that you actually make by meditating.

04:15 Now it's hard at first to see the importance of this distinction. It might seem like that distinction is not even there for you right now, but what's going to happen after practicing a lot of meditation, and after practicing a lot of watching and being aware of the difference between thinking and awareness, is then the distinction in your mind gets drawn sharper and sharper and over the years it becomes so sharp that then you have profound epiphanies and realizations and emotional releases and all sorts of amazing stuff starts to happen from this little simple meditation habit.

05:03 The most simple technique is called the "no-manipulation technique". 

05:34  Just sit and notice and be aware, just observe and watch what's happening right this very second in direct experience, right this moment, just train your mind on that and try to stick with it.

06:26 No manipulation means that you don't manipulate your body or your posture, you just let it go natural and whatever it wants to do let it do it.

06:36 This includes your mind, so let your mind go natural.

06:51 If your mind wants to think, let it, and if it wants to experience some emotion, let it. Whatever is occurring for you. Don't try to "experience" anything, because you already are experiencing something, there's never a moment when you're not experiencing something.

08:29 When you start to practice this one thing you're going to notice that "I am manipulating myself not to manipulate myself".

11:05 You come into thinking "non-manipulation is easy, I can just sit there for 20 minutes and not manipulate myself " and the reality is no, you can't and it will take you a year or more to get decent at that, and it's not within your control. You can't control yourself. You can't manipulate yourself into not manipulating yourself. 

11:41 It's out of your hands. The only thing you can control is the setting of the habit which is why it's so freaking critical that you do this every single day because that's really the only thing you can control here.

12:01 It is going to be very frustrating for the first year and so you quit in the middle of the learning curve. 

12:35 Meditation is a pretty steep learning curve. The benefit of that is that once you get past the learning curve it becomes amazing, so amazing it's hard to even describe with words.

12:47 One thing you have to learn by hitting your head against the wall repeatedly through meditation every single day is that you cannot control your thoughts and I don't just mean that in the sense that "you suck at controlling your thoughts" and that one day you will get good at it. I mean no, you can't control your thoughts.

13:06 That's not an ability you possess nor will it ever come into your possession. Now to fully grasp the significance of that you will have to meditate for a while so I'll let you meditate and discover that on your own. I don't want to spoil the surprise for you. 

13:25 Also you will have bad days, some days will be really really bad, on occasion you might have a couple of them per month. Remind yourself that it's actually during these very days that you're growing the most with your meditation. You don't grow the most when you're just sitting
there and blissing out and being peaceful and calm. I mean those are nice, take when you can get them, but you're not going to have very many of those days when you start. Your best days are your worst days.

15:26 What counts in meditation is the fact that you sat down and you have the intention to sit there and to be aware. Now it's not in your control whether you will be aware or not and some days will be very bad days but still count that as proper meditation.

15:46 So the stipulation here is that you should have this kind of rule in your mind that you can use to reassure yourself when you think you're failing, that the only way to fail here is to not do the habit. If you sit through 20 minutes, you succeeded. It's that simple. Don't make it any more complicated. 

16:24 Remember that what you're doing with meditation is you're sort of learning to deal with your monkey mind and you're learning to deal with all the distractions and self-doubt and sabotage that your mind creates for you and one of the ways in which it does it in the context of meditation is that it creates all sorts of questions and it wants to complicate everything. So here just keep it very, very simple. Your focus here has to be 100% on just sitting down and doing your 20 minutes every day. That's your whole focus.

17:54 Your first few months it's going to be 20 minutes a day then once you get a little bit comfortable with that, raise it to 30 minutes, then a few months later, raise it to 40 minutes, 50 minutes and then what I want you to do is by the end of the year, in 12 months, to be at 60 minutes, and then you can stay at that level for a while.

18:32 I give a lot of weird techniques for meditation for other types of inner development but really this here is all you really need. The effect meditation has had in my life has been beyond description of words and it's only been three years so far that I've been doing it. It's extraordinary the changes this will have on your mind. It's only 20 freaking minutes a day but what that will yield for you a year or two or three or ten down the road is going to be incredible. 

21:26 One of things you are going to discover is that the level of happiness you have now when you're doing your favorite most flashy activity like going to a fancy restaurant or snorting some drugs or playing the newest hottest video game, whatever floats your boat, whatever really excites you, that you'll be able to get that level of excitement and more by doing absolutely nothing.

22:16 You've opened the doors now, it doesn't just end there. It's not just a blissing-out. You've opened the doors to real self-improvement at that point and any problems you have in your life, emotional problems, relationship problems, business problems, these problems just melt away almost by magic. They melt away because this is the power of the distinction between thinking and awareness. It's very hard to believe that  this little distinction can have such a huge practical impact on your life but it certainly can.

*******************

So I guess that's where I am right now, like a tiny little worm at the foot of Everest. But a worm is better than a chicken haha.

The main message I'm getting is that I mustn't try to force anything to happen during meditation.

Edited December 21, 2019 by Amandine