Solitude

[Nemo28]

Hello! 

I just wanted to share something i notice in myself durring these past months and see how that fits into "spiritual " work. So like 5  months ago i did ayahuasca and gradually since then i feel less and less need for people, socializing, friends or any type of social interaction, its goten to the point where i  would be fine spending all my life by myself. I dont have social anxiety  (not anymore at least) or anything like that, i just dont see any point or desire to verbally communicate with anyone. It feels like waste of my energy. I could just sit in silence and feel good. I wonder if this behaviour is healthy or should i force myself to engage with people more, what do you think? Currently im not working (due to favorable finacial situation) and engaging full time absorbed in arts, since thats the only thing i feel passionate about. 

[Dumuzzi]

Hi Nemo, 

I personally feel the same way, although some amount of social interaction is necessary as humans are social animals. In fact, isolation and solitary confinement is considered a form of torture. Even Tom Hanks wanted to get off that wretched island and started to talk to a football 

It's important to try and find likeminded people and interact with them. Complete solitude and social isolation usually leads to mental deterioration and depression, it definitely isn't healthy. 

[Nemo28]

@Dumuzzi Well the thing is i dont want to force myself if not required by external forces, I better like the surrender path, if people come in my way i engage but i would not seek them in order to fill someting in me which i lack. I dont want to appear fake when talking with people, and obviousy that would show if im doing it as obligation rather than genuine desire. But now that I think i actually avoid interactions, since it requires me to be vonurable, which i cant allow..so maybe this solitude is just protective mechanism hmm but either way i dont mind to suffer through this solitude I even enjoy it lol 

[Dumuzzi]

@Nemo28 That's how introverted people are, I suppose. Also, the more intelligent you are, the fewer friends you're likely to have as most people will be unable to engage you mentally at your level. 

The way I see it, most people are well-meaning, but not very bright and know next to nothing. So, I treat them like I would a child. I will indulge them in conversation and try to simplify things and bring it down to their level. I will also choose my topics carefully and try not to overtax their brains. I used to teach, so I'm used to dealing with people on their own mental level.

[rNOW]

I relate with what you said, I've lived most of my days in the solitary bliss of my room  But but there's a catch. 

I realized that I 'need' to be alone for long periods of time after socializing. And that means that people are draining my energy. Why are they able to drain my energy? Because it is not in my control. I find superficial discussions on general life and politics very uninteresting and whenever someone starts discussing these topics, my mind wanders off into some other place, a.k.a. I lose my presence and awareness, which causes the loss of energy. If I can figure out a way to remain present equally in all scenarios, with or without people, company would be as blissful as solitude and better still, there wouldn't be much distinction between what I find interesting and what I don't find interesting. 

And I have a long way to go. 

(Do you notice how enlightened people have no need to be alone nor do they need to be around people all the time? They do whatever is necessary for whatever work they are doing.)

[Commodent]

I have experienced the same. And the more time I spend in solitude, the more I want it.

I would love doing something similar as this guy, at least for a period of my life: 

 

[Lento]

@Nemo28

There's no right or wrong here. The future is mysterious and unpredictable. It's not possible to know what is worthwhile doing and what's not.

But, as a general rule of thumb, whatever you do or decide to do, don't resist or second-guess. Even when you resist or second-guess, don't resist or second-guess that. Just fully embrace your life. Embrace all the details, the positives and the negatives. Live it up to the fullest.

Edited December 11, 2019 by Lento

[Nemo28]

Thank you all 4 replies! 1000 blessings to you all ^^

[Sahil Pandit]

@Nemo28 I've been there. It's amazing and peaceful, you may stay there as long as you like. But on the flip side, there is amazing moments to be had while sharing with others. Perhaps this will come back to you when the time is right. 

[rNOW]

14 hours ago, Meta-Man said:

If you feel good and solitude feels natural, how can it be unhealthy?

Because 'feeling good' and 'what feels natural' are often a result of doing something over and over again. That is how all habits are formed. As an extreme example: If you start eating a pizza every evening, after 2 years, you'd 'feel good' about it and it will even 'feel natural' to do so. 

I've been an introvert all my life and if I back to my childhood, it is not something I willingly chose. I can list thousands of incidents wherein people chimed in to speak on my behalf or got offended if I opened my mouth and that ultimately might have led me to think it is better to be shut up and be silent. I remember people praising me for sitting silently and minding my own business, unlike other kids who caused a lot of mayhem, and invariably I came to see it as something 'good' in me. Now this silence is very natural to me and people call me a very calm person. I've never so much as yelled to anyone in my life, nor do I feel like either.

The point I'm making is, to not set yourself up to any system of being, whether other people's or your own. That is natural: to be completely aware in any moment and doing or not doing whatever is required/not required. Sure solitude is essential when you're learning meditation, but true meditation is when you're as aware in presence of a crowd as you're when you're alone. Being around people, or away from people, both are fine as long as you're not addicted to either. That is natural- no chasing, no avoiding: Just being. 

 

[XYZ]

Even before getting into spirituality I realized the joy of being alone, and this cured me of any feelings of loneliness, while also making deliberate socializing for the sake of socializing seem pointless. I rarely make plans to get together with friends, but I end up having some really good interactions with people at the yoga center I go to, and other times when encountering familiar faces while out and about. Other times I barely talk to anyone all day, and that's perfectly fine. When I feel really in my bliss is while I get to be home alone by myself, or out on a walk outside with no one else around.

A very positive side effect of being very comfortable alone, one which I am developing more of, is I don't need to talk about myself when I do interact with friends. And so I have learned to be genuinely interested in people and be a good listener, which actually makes me more likable. The old way was using an opportunity to talk to someone to meet my own perceived social needs, and from that angle I ended up stuck in my own head blurting out things just to fill any silence and hope I am being a good enough talker.

Edited December 13, 2019 by XYZ
run-on sentences

[SoothedByRain]