How to turn "survival" into LOVE...

[Existence]

Edited version:

Recently,I was journaling and realized that i am studing hard not because i want to learn stuffs and value knowledge, but what is going on, on the deeper level is that my survival mechanism wants to preserve the image of "a good grader" in front of my parents, friends and others. It subconsciously creates fear and negative emotions to motivate me and i don't wanna do things that way. I tried to let go of the IMAGE, stop serving it and generally feel LOVE towards studing without any strings attached. But sadly, the mechanism is more powerful and wins everytime.

How can i HACK that mechanism and not do things because i fear the death of the IMAGE ( And maybe move to higher levels of motivations like LOVE or valuing knowledge) ?

 

[Sorry, my English isn't fluent]

Thanks for reading.

Edited December 11, 2019 by Existence

[VividReality]

Create really strong Routines! 

 

[Existence]

@VividReality

I guess the edited version is understandable to you now.

A few days back, i saw leo's video about survival and started contemplating and tried to notice how it plays role in my day to. I found out 95% of things i do is motivated by it. And as the SSC (secondary school certificate) exam is knocking in the door , to preserve that image of a good student, i found myself cramming all day long. And the whole game was motivated by fear. As i said before, i did not liked being chased by fear and tried to defy the mechanism. Didn't worked.

But creating routines? Would that really help me changing my survival mindset? Yes, I believe it would be helpful to some extant, to have some better habits that is going to systematically produce results. But isn't changing how you look at the world is more a thing of contemplation and journaling? What specific habit or routine you want me to have?

Edited December 11, 2019 by Existence

[Truth]

7 hours ago, Existence said:

Edited version:

Recently,I was journaling and realized that i am studing hard not because i want to learn stuffs and value knowledge, but what is going on, on the deeper level is that my survival mechanism wants to preserve the image of "a good grader" in front of my parents, friends and others. It subconsciously creates fear and negative emotions to motivate me and i don't wanna do things that way. I tried to let go of the IMAGE, stop serving it and generally feel LOVE towards studing without any strings attached. But sadly, the mechanism is more powerful and wins everytime.

How can i HACK that mechanism and not do things because i fear the death of the IMAGE ( And maybe move to higher levels of motivations like LOVE or valuing knowledge) ?

 

[Sorry, my English isn't fluent]

Thanks for reading.

Tell yourself again. Tell yourself again as soon as you have that thought of, "Oh, I'm only doing this for my parents etc. and not because of LOVE and knowledge" challenge that with the next thought of "now I am, I didn't in the past but I am now and from now on."

 

Edited December 11, 2019 by Truth

[Existence]

@Truth

Thanks, but i was looking for more mature solution.

[Truth]

Hows that.

Edited December 11, 2019 by Truth

[VividReality]

@Existence, @Truth

 

Watch this, it'll be essential for growing inner self. 

 

[Existence]

14 hours ago, Truth said:

Hows that.

@Truth

You know, like contemplating this topic so deep, such that at a point where i gain the ability to be aware of all the ways i preserve my images from dying and just begin transforming from the inside.

Those neuro-hacks are cool. But looks kinda "outside-in",not dealing with the root cause. At least from my perspective.

Edited December 12, 2019 by Existence

[Existence]

@VividReality

Wow, i really like the way to answer people. (In video format)

Now, i can see you are trying to give a level 1( from Leo's video about levels of self development) solution. Habits, self esteem, self love,acceptance and other stuffs like that. Where i was seeking a level 3 answer. Stuffs like self inquiries, higher level meditations, hardcore contemplations, reflecting life...and so on.

But don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that level 1 stuffs are not worth doing. I was and am a fan of it. What I'm trying to say is that at this moment I'm more interested in those advanced ways of self improvement. And that is what I'm seeking in this thread.

By the way, thanks again for your efforts. It is very inspiring for me:)

Edited December 11, 2019 by Existence

[Ryna]

Internal Family Systems Therapy!

[Forestluv]

12 hours ago, Existence said:

Recently,I was journaling and realized that i am studying hard not because i want to learn stuffs and value knowledge, but what is going on, on the deeper level is that my survival mechanism wants to preserve the image of "a good grader" in front of my parents, friends and others. It subconsciously creates fear and negative emotions to motivate me and i don't wanna do things that way. I tried to let go of the IMAGE, stop serving it and generally feel LOVE towards studying without any strings attached. But sadly, the mechanism is more powerful and wins everytime.

This is just one view based on my experience. . . When I was an undergrad student, I went through a similar process as you. I was highly motivated to learn, yet realized my motivation was fueled by getting good grades, being a top student, image, status and also deeper insecurities and fear. For a while, I was pre-med and had an image of myself being a medical doctor, helping others and being admired by others. At a deeper level, I wanted my friends to be proud of me and for others to see me as worthy (that I was "good enough"). I was also waiting tables at the time and feared that if I didn't succeed in my classes, I would go back to waiting tables the rest of my life.

After about three years of this, I realized there was something deeper that was not being satisfied. All the stuff I mentioned above felt like a more surface level. Yet there wasn't any "zest" in my life and studies. I wanted to feel in awe of what I was learning. I wanted to be super curious. I wanted to feel excited to learn and feel good when I figured something out. I wanted to explore. I wanted to create. Rather than asking "Will this be on the exam?", I wanted to be engaged in my learning and have high grades be a secondary output of my learning. I wanted to visit my professors and brainstorm ideas. 

Just recognizing this can create an energetic shift. With awareness, the deeper desire can get stronger and the surface level desires can become less influential. One of the times I realized this shift. . . I was studying all day with a study buddy. I was trying to memorize all the steps of photosynthesis and just going through the motions. Then there was this realization of how freaking amazing photosynthesis is. The whole process of transferring energy from sunlight to sugars was amazing. The mechanism was sooo elegant. It was so intelligent. I became interested in tweaks of photosynthesis in various plants and bacteria. How it relates to cellular respiration in animals. Then, a deeper realization was revealed. It's not about the photosynthesis, it is the energy of my curiosity and desire to explore, wonder and learn. That is the zest, that is the juice for me. 

I've spent 30 years in academic studies and ime, nothing beats genuine curiosity, exploration and creativity. A few things I've learned.

1. Extrinsic motivators like high grades, recognition and awards is fuel. I don't repress it, I allow it - yet I don't let it run the show. Similar to putting fuel in a car. The fuel is helpful for forward motion, yet it's about driving through amazing places and the juice of the journey.

2. There are times I just didn't want to be a student or learn. There were times the juice was gone and I was burned out. Yet it always returned. Sometimes I needed a break or add something new - yet the juice always returned and I'd be like "Ooohhh yea. Welcome back my friend".

3. There are parts of the learning journey that I don't care for. I'm not going to love 100% of my work 100% of the time. Last month, I was in my happy zone creating new classes about epigenetics. This weeks, I have stacks of exams to grade and it's like chewing on tin foil. 

4. All the recognition, awards, achievements etc. are a surface level. Pats on the back will not get to the deeper levels of joy and satisfaction. For me, I would much rather be sitting in my office alone learning and creating what I want than giving a canned talk at a science conference. 

5. It's gets better and better the more fluent you become. Imagine learning a new language. In the beginning it's a lot of tedious work. You have to memorize tons of knew words and it's awkward trying to speak the language. Yet once you reach intermediate stages, all sorts of new opportunities arise. You can have discussions in a foreign language. You can see the nuances of different accents and dialects. You can dream in the foreign language. You can travel to new countries and live with the locals. Similar in all fields. As a beginner, learning the science language was a lot of tedious work. Yet once I reached an intermediate level, things got much more interesting. I was developing my own scientific research. At advanced levels, it's even more amazing. Today, I create new scientific theories and integrate previous scientific finding with sociology, psychology, metaphysics, mysticism etc. 

6. For me, knowledge and facts is just a tool. I have no interest in knowledge hoarding. I'm much more interested in using knowledge as a tool for exploration. 

7. When you go deep enough into any field, all fields open up. For me, I went so deep into the scientific paradigm that the walls collapsed. There is transcendence. Ime, this took 25 years of scientific study to break through. Yet I can now see how it doesn't need to take that long. Part of the long process for me was being immersed and conditioned within the scientific paradigm. My advisers were more like Richard Dawkins than Deepak Chopra. Choose your starting career and advisers consciously and with intention. Choose adivisers that "have what you want".

 

 

[Nivsch]

@Existence Dont hack. Dont manipulate. You answered yourself in the beginning of your message - the desire is not authentic, but created by your parents. Thats the core of the problem. Just DROP the mission to impress your parents and they will have to accept you exactly as you want to be accepted.

Edited December 11, 2019 by Nivsch

[mandyjw]

You don't love your parents? The love is already there, in what you're doing, if choose to see it. Drop ideas and thoughts like "it wins every time". Pay attention to how you feel, watch your thoughts, meditate when they start to run away from you, meditate every morning to prevent it from happening so often. Choose to see the beauty in every situation, even in your own survival mechanisms. We must love and accept ourselves first and in doing so we see who we really are and see there's nothing left that needs accepting after that. 

[Existence]

9 hours ago, Ryna said:

Internal Family Systems Therapy!

I don't know what you're saying. Can you explain further?

[Existence]

8 hours ago, Nivsch said:

@Existence Dont hack. Dont manipulate. You answered yourself in the beginning of your message - the desire is not authentic, but created by your parents. Thats the core of the problem. Just DROP the mission to impress your parents and they will have to accept you exactly as you want to be accepted.

I can't "just drop the mission",if it was that easy, i wouldn't be here seeking help. I tried to LET GO before. That just doesn't work. What happens is, i try to force myself with my conscious/logical mind and on the other side my deepest part/subconscious holds some different ways of looking.(representing the morality problem leo talked about )

If you try to abort the mission the mechanism will go to any limit to not let that that happen. All kinds of negative yakky stuffs can surface. Fear, resentment, resistance of all kinds, you can't imagine how far it can go.

That's how it protects itself.

[Truth]

12 hours ago, Existence said:

@Truth

You know, like contemplating this topic so deep, such that at a point where i gain the ability to be aware of all the ways i preserve my images from dying and just begin transforming from the inside.

Those neuro-hacks are cool. But looks kinda "outside-in",not dealing with the root cause. At least from my perspective.

you're true motivation is outside-in (external friends, family, validation) Mine is literally from the inside-out (literally changing your thoughts and your beliefs.) 

 

unless you believe those don't really matter, in which case never mind.

[Existence]

@Truth

19 minutes ago, Truth said:

you're true motivation is outside-in (external friends, family, validation) Mine is literally from the inside-out (literally changing your thoughts and your beliefs.) 

 

unless you believe those don't really matter, in which case never mind.

Hey, i understand what you are saying. The thing is, I've tried those before. But didn't worked for me. It was like forcing myself to be/think in a certain way when i am not authenticly. To me,They work for short term issues like reaching a certain state of mind. But for a stable solution, I'd prefer dealing with the inner world of beliefs.

I think as our knowledge and experiences of the world are different from each others, it is not unnatural to come up with different perspectives and opinions about a general topic like this.

[Existence]

9 hours ago, mandyjw said:

You don't love your parents? The love is already there, in what you're doing, if choose to see it. Drop ideas and thoughts like "it wins every time". Pay attention to how you feel, watch your thoughts, meditate when they start to run away from you, meditate every morning to prevent it from happening so often. Choose to see the beauty in every situation, even in your own survival mechanisms. We must love and accept ourselves first and in doing so we see who we really are and see there's nothing left that needs accepting after that. 

Thanks.

[Derek White]

Survival is love. ?‍♂️

Right now you identify as a child of your parents. Just change your identity to a student. 

Tell your self that you are a student and that you like studying, it’s as simple as that. Get this deep in your psyche with visualization. Of course it should feel authentic, if not then be someone else.

[Byun Sean]

Bite that bullet and surrender to the possibility that you may not live up to the expectations of your parents.

You are doing your best. It is neurotic and foolish to think you should do more than your best. 

Why do you want to do well in school? If pleasing your parents is the only reason why the hell do you need to do well in school?

If I were you. I would create a vision. Imagine how trying hard in school will affect your understanding of life, your work ethic, etc.

try in school for the learning. If you get a C while learning a lot so be it. Will you remember 20 years from now what you got in high school Spanish? I don't think so. Look at how older people talk about their high school days. "I stressed out way to much and should have enjoyed my school days more instead of worrying about grades all the time."