Spirituality and Family

[DreamScape]

Okay. So for starters, I'm 17 and I live with my family. I've had the Kundalini awakening, and I've let go of a lot. I'm working on the sacral chakra, where I'm letting go of shame and societal conditioning. The problem is: my parents are conservative and libertarian and stage blue, and they have views on right and wrong and they're extremely judgmental. Am I going to heal/raise kundalini enough to where the shame they project onto me won't affect me even while living with them? does it make it harder that I'm living with them? Also, how should I act? I notice that I have shame for swearing, although I have a fear of letting it go that I might say it around them because I don't have the shame blocking myself from doing it. Is it possible that I can build a mental conception using the pranic energy so that my subconscious mind will remember not to do it around them, that's not out of shame, but because I have to fit into where I'm at? 

[erik8lrl]

Doesn't matter what you do, as long as you love, everything will melt away. People are afraid of change in others because they are afraid of it themselves. If you can love everything without doubts, they will be so touched by that love that they begin to love too. Because all we really want in life is love, love from others and from ourselves. Just love. 

[Martin123]

@DreamScape Don't be afraid to tell your parents how you feel and let them know if they act in ways that are hurtful to you.
Such conversations might not be popular with them, but through following through on what you feel and need emotionally, just through the grace of honest communication with your parents, you will see transformation happening for you and for your family as well.

You have a wonderful opportunity to transform your family, but not in a direct way, nor through any way you'd wish to change them.
But through the power of vulnerability and communication. Through statements such as 'You know mom when you say that that's actually pretty hurtful and makes me feel horrible.', if that statement isn't very popular with your parents, and they accuse you of things like 'talking back' or 'being rude' and 'being ungrateful', know that that's just their ego being defensive and their shame acting out. But don't be afraid to stand your ground and do what's best for you.

The good news is, that most of what your kundalini energy brings up is in some way going to be related to your parents and to the dynamic you have with them. Therefor healthy communication will not only transform your family, but assist your kundalini awakening in the bests way possible.
Your healing will be their healing, they just probably haven't gotten on board yet, and that's okay.
Being 17 and going through an awakening puts you in a very unusual position, where you are transforming the karma and the density for the people who you are dependent on financially and physically. Embrace this. It can get messy, it can get weird, and it will get chaotic, but know that it can only be for the awakening of consciousness and the transformation of your lineage. Good luck.

PS: I had a Kundalini awakening just out of highschool and am still healing (now in my 4th year of university) while still being a very much integral part of my family and being dependent financially, but the relationships in our family have never been better. It can still sometimes get uncomfortable when I have to stand up for myself and put a boundary against my parents (I come from a narcisssistic family so there's no easy way to do this), but it always leads to healing.

By the way a part of me is very excited to see someone going through a similar thing I have been going through. I feel much less alone

Edited December 11, 2019 by Martin123

[mandyjw]

What is judgement in your own experience? Is it wrong to judge between right and wrong? 

[DreamScape]

@erik8lrl haha... you're ultimately right. Unfortunately, I'm not at the point where I can be unconditionally and always loving. @mandyjw like if I talk about anything spiritually or what I'm doing I get a backlash.. stuff like telling me to toughen up, if I bring up my feelings about something he says "oh you know I'm not like that" and then continues to do it. When I was a vegan he used to make fun of me and my family didnt stop me but there was a lot of backlash against stage green stuff LMAO. You get the point, I know that theres nothing right or wrong in reality but it skews my worldview while trying to heal. I do have karma related to living with my mom, she was really controlling and tried to nit pick every part of my life but I moved out when I was 16.

[DreamScape]

@Martin123  it is a unique situation. I know others into spirituality but I was alone for a while in the start. Glad that I make you not feel so alone!

As I said above, I try but they dont usually listen. Actually, my dad actively forgets what I say. He blatantly ignores anything I'm actually into and then acts like hes unconditionally accepting of me /:. You're right though, maybe communication can help and I'll try it again but I'm not sure if I'll get any different results ?

[mandyjw]

@DreamScape Yes, but just be aware that you are differentiating yourself from your parents (completely natural, normal thing to do when you're 17), yet, you are following a path of spirituality that is about oneness. That's bound to cause you to be uncomfortable in itself. It's less about the external circumstances. We all have shame as a function of survival, it's less about freeing ourselves from an environment that shames us and more about noticing how we allow shame and disconnect ourselves. 

The ego complains about situations and requires the situation to change so that it can get what it wants. It's never the situation, it's always the function itself. This is the pattern of thought or deception we are trying to "see through" with meditation, contemplation and awareness. 

[undeather]

10 hours ago, DreamScape said:

Okay. So for starters, I'm 17 and I live with my family. I've had the Kundalini awakening, and I've let go of a lot. I'm working on the sacral chakra, where I'm letting go of shame and societal conditioning. The problem is: my parents are conservative and libertarian and stage blue, and they have views on right and wrong and they're extremely judgmental. Am I going to heal/raise kundalini enough to where the shame they project onto me won't affect me even while living with them? does it make it harder that I'm living with them? Also, how should I act? I notice that I have shame for swearing, although I have a fear of letting it go that I might say it around them because I don't have the shame blocking myself from doing it. Is it possible that I can build a mental conception using the pranic energy so that my subconscious mind will remember not to do it around them, that's not out of shame, but because I have to fit into where I'm at? 

You too have views on whats right and wrong. Dont bullshit yourself.
You make choices according to what you prefer and what you "dont like". What do you think that is? Exactly! Its Judgement. In fact, you obviously see your parents or at least the way they act/think as "not preferable" - guess what, thats judgement too. Every opinion is judgement at its core. If you like something more than something else, you will automically put a label on it. Welcome to relative world. 

The problem is not judgement, its unconcious, dumb judgement. 

The notion that "enlightened" masters dont "judge" is also wrong. 
Krishnamurti and Osho judged each other all the time, even with some strikes below the belt. There are dozens of stories about spiritual beef when you research it long enough, so lets just take this into account. They are all human, so are you and your parents. 

I cant tell you exactly why you struggle with your parents, nobody here can. All the advice you get here might lead to more misery. We just dont know your exact situation.
Maybe your parents are just afraid that you waste your life away because they dont really know what you are doing? 
Maybe your life is a mess and your spiritual bypassing is a huge problem?
Maybe your parents actually are stubborn?
Maybe they think that you are very young and should focus on building a fundation first?

Have you ever thought about taking extreme measures and actually talk with them about it? You wont believe how open minded blue people can be if you just word stuff the right way and present yourself in an appropriate fashion! You obviously have to phrase it in their language, so they can understand it from their point of view in the spiral.

My father is a deep, deep stage blue/orange person. 
Yet our relationship got wayy better in the last years, even though I went from orange to yellow/turquoiseish while he remained on his level. He knows about my spiritual journey but also doesnt care because I have got my shit together. If you truly are an integrated person, you should be able to relate to every other stage on the spiral with ease. I dont talk my with parents about spiritual stuff either, they dont care and I dont mind. Many spiritual seekers are such one-sided, boring human beings because they dont have any interests outside of spirituality. 



 

[DreamScape]

@undeather haha, yeah I didnt see that that was judgement originally. 

I was thinking of looking into bypassing, although now I realize that I need to research this more and do more work toward it. I seem to have a paradigm where I think everyone is out to hurt me which I think is why i try to separate myself or detach instead of dealing with problems head on. 

I do have views toward right and wrong but what I was saying is that I am breaking down the conceptual filters of good vs bad. I'm not necessarily bullshitting myself.

[DreamScape]

@mandyjw good differentiation. I kind of wanted to free myself from what shames me but I see why the other is superior. Thanks for the advice 

[Martin123]

2 hours ago, DreamScape said:

As I said above, I try but they dont usually listen.

I know, that is a painful thing. But the fact that they’re not listening is actually helping you to reorient yourself. You can’t make this about your parents. It has to be about you. About what you need to feel supported and safe enough to allow your body to heal incredibly and at an incredible speed. It doesn’t actually have to start with your parents but with asking yourself a question ‘what do I need right now to feel more supported’

maybe you need to feel acknowledged, seen, heard, loved, held, safe. Once this need  comes up, ask your inner child if you could be the one who can give it what it needs, and provide the emotional support that’s been withheld from you in the past.

 

From this space where you’re building emotional honesty with yourself you will be able to build enough equity that once you bring this newly emotionally nourished you to your parents, they will have nothing to do but to assimilate themselves to this new version of you, and improve the quality of your relationship.

I say this with respect to your parents, but once you transform emotionally, they will have No chance. Their judgements will be done... it may take time, but it will happen.

[Martin123]

@DreamScape I also want to share with you something that will give you more confidence and faith into your healing journey.

I've known this within myself for a long long time, ever since the beginning of my healing journey, and I know there is a part of you that will resonate with this, and it gives me a great pleasure to share this.

Through your evolution, since everything we heal and all dynamics are archetypal on a collective level, you are transmuting and redefining the archetype of what it means to be someone's child. Through your evolution, all children in future generations will receive better upbringing and support from your parents, because you had the courage to start healing at such a young age. You will literally end neglect and abuse just through your willingness to heal, and create a ripple effect on a quantum level that will have long-lasting positive impact for all beings of earth.

That's why it is quite exciting! And that is why your courage and determination to yourself and to respecting the emotionally vulnerable innocent child within you are so important. For you, for your family, and for the well-being of humanity.

[Nahm]

19 hours ago, DreamScape said:

Am I going to heal/raise kundalini enough to where the shame they project onto me won't affect me even while living with them?

Been there, and feel for ya man. What ‘worked’ for me, and hopefully is of some help for you...  my parents are like that. I, am not. I love them like that. I love me like I am. No judgment on my part, no problem. Meditation every morning makes it pretty easy to let go of thoughts which do not feel good, and to choose thought about what does feel good to you. I would consider being “selfish” in this regard. What you create, what opportunities you seize, what you focus on which becomes your life - no one else will experience it but you, and no one else will answer for it, but you. If they’re perspectives, comments, etc are not serving you - just change the channel to what you actually want to focus on. They are the greatest of teachers in this way. They have served well to your realizations of what you don’t want, and now, you know much more of what you do want. 

It might be helpful to make a dream board, and get so much of what you are wanting in life in front of you. You’re got the energy, not direct it into creating the life you really want. This changes everything, and you’d find just how little time you have for giving attention to what does not resonate for you. Wherever & whatever you put your focus upon, you get more of. Accept that not everyone will be focused, and attuning their thoughts with feeling. Exemplify this, it is most worthwhile. 

Though it happens quickly, notice & be accountable to yourself, for your interpretation. 

Notice if I say “you are a toaster”, due to your interpretation, you have no issue. But if I say (apparently from reading your post) that you are a “hippy dippy spiritually bypassing fool”...you interpret that, bounce it off beliefs of who you are, and there’s an issue. At the end of the day, who cares what people think. It’s what they think. It has as much to do with you - as you are choosing that it does.  

17 - 25, imo, is the roughest part of life. Consider, emotions thus far have been created relative of the outside world, of circumstances & events, just like hearing & interpreting what people say. There is another way with emotions, and that is the relative creation, to the absolute unconditional love within you. 

Notice, you must feel bad twice in such events: 

Once from your interpretation & beliefs.

Then again, in ignoring your feeling, and choosing to tango in unwanted. 

The Love within is not moving, nor joining you in what does not feel good. You, must align with it. We are relative. Love is absolute. This is simply what is, fight it as we may, it is at the peril of our own feelings.

[DreamScape]

1 hour ago, Martin123 said:

And that is why your courage and determination to yourself and to respecting the emotionally vulnerable innocent child within you are so important. For you, for your family, and for the well-being of humanity. 

That hit me hard. Thank you. 

 

46 minutes ago, Nahm said:

It might be helpful to make a dream board, and get so much of what you are wanting in life in front of you.

That's a really good idea, especially since I am going through what I want in life now. I'm going to do that over winter break. 

 

52 minutes ago, Nahm said:

It’s what they think. It has as much to do with you - as you are choosing that it does.

Yeah you're right. It's interesting how I have beliefs about who I am and then I can see how when talking to someone, if they have a different belief the belief in my head goes to the one they're saying. It is a choice. 

 

[Nahm]

17 minutes ago, DreamScape said:

Yeah you're right. It's interesting how I have beliefs about who I am and then I can see how when talking to someone, if they have a different belief the belief in my head goes to the one they're saying. It is a choice. 

That’s huge! Good for you man. ??♥️ 

Now don’t go telling them “it’s your choice to believe dogma, etc, etc...”

Just choose for you. Exemplify. 

 

[Martin123]

@DreamScape You're welcome! Much power and love to you. 

[njuufa]

@erik8lrl he spits truth. 

As you surrender more and more the love becomes your way of being in the world. You begin to support a whole. Whole family,equally,every member. Everyone want to support you as well. 

In the world where love is real; support becomes the new currency.