The Glorification of Independence

[Parththakkar12]

Why is it considered so bad to be dependent on a partner to take care of you emotionally? Are the people glorifying independence avoidant of real, vulnerable relationships where you actually care for one another (and receive their care)? Humans are a social species and we depend on each other emotionally.

[Forestluv]

Consider degrees of dependence and different dynamics. Imagine a couple is mutually supportive. Sometimes one person is is in emotional distress and their partner is supportive. Sometimes the other person is emotionally distressed and their partner supports them. It’s mutual and in balance. To me, this seems healthy. 

Now consider an extreme: one person is emotionally distressed 100% of the time and their partner gives 100% support. This will suck all the energy out of the person. And it doesn’t feel healthy. If the person wanted to be a caregiver100% of the time, they could become a nurse.

The other extreme of 100% independence would also be problematic. A person that is 100% independent would have difficulty forming human connects with another. In particular, they would be hyper-adverse to being vulnerable or asking for assistance. 

[mandyjw]

We do depend on each other emotionally but we are trained to expect too much from a single partner in our society. There isn't enough importance put on the value friendships in my opinion. It's asking for trouble to expect to meet all your needs for human connection from a single partner. I wonder if stage orange society has brainwashed us into thinking that if you aren't having sex with it or making money from it, it's a waste of time. Of course the other possibility is that we also often look to partners or the material world to get needs met that aren't material at all but spiritual. Spirituality is what dissolves the independence/dependence duality.

Edited December 10, 2019 by mandyjw