No respect/appreciation for woman (the feminine side)

[DrewNows]

I’ve recently noticed then acknowledged my lack of respect for woman, particularly their feminine side. I’ve never been good at complementing or flirting. Whenever I feel attraction for someone,  there seems to be a shadow of hate that’s triggered and I believe it has to do with my mother.  I believe this even shows up in the expression of my own feminine side. With this struggle I tend to end up hurting all the woman who come into my life, even the “friends”. This has increased my fear around connecting with the opposite sex. I am nearly 30 and never even spoke much with woman until I was in my early 20s, always thought I needed to find the one, and had just a few short term partners 

What are your recommendations for working through this wound?
I’ve always felt awkward around woman, and in my last few shroom trips I freely expressed a feminine side of me I’d never completely let out before 

I’ve also begun to understand the personality aspects in woman I’ve been programmed to desire relative to my parents who did divorce 

honestly I do have a pretty good idea on how to bring more integrity into my life and relationships but am definitely open to anyone’s thoughts on this, especially @Emerald

 

 

Edited December 10, 2019 by DrewNows

[universe]

See what you can love about the feminine side. And then go deeper and deeper into this love until you love every aspect of them, other humans and the universe. Practice gratitude.

If you have problems with that, see which emotions arise and welcome them. Let go of your ego.

To stop the fear of interacting with the opposite sex accept the possibility of hurting your friends. Thats ok. If they hate you for that. That is ok as well. You will be fine.

[DrewNows]

@universe Fuck it, complementing or expressing gratitude it is!
 

Right on the money ??

7 minutes ago, universe said:

To stop the fear of interacting with the opposite sex accept the possibility of hurting your friends. Thats ok. If they hate you for that. That is ok as well. You will be fine.

? 

[Leo Gura]

You simply need a lot more experience socializing with women.

You're not gonna get good with women by sitting at home thinking about it. Go socialize. You will learn from your mistakes in the field.

[Michael569]

John Brandshaw - Healing The Shame That Binds You  

 

[bejapuskas]

I used to have a similar problem, guys are often communicating in a way in which they are just measuring their dicks, trying to say something cool all the time, come out on top as the strongest... Women are trying to relate, have fun, not take things so seriously maybe... Try to see how you can enjoy a conversation without being right, without showing of, without roasting someone, just don't take it so seriously  There really is nothing serious about words in this context.

[Shin]

Make friends with girls in a meditation center or something alike, and be honest about this problem.

They will want to help you and you will understand intuitively how they work on the long run.

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

5 hours ago, Shin said:

They will want to help you...

Heh, yeah, I wouldn’t bet my money on that.

[bejapuskas]

@Bazooka Jesus  why not? 

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

@bejapuskas  Because unfortunately, real life is not a cushy self help internet forum. Let’s face it, in the real world, even the most well-meaning people - and this is true especially for women - try to minimize contact with psychologically and emotionally maladjusted persons as much as humanly possible, unless they’re a) deranged themselves or b) paid professionals.

"Hello, may I introduce myself, I’m a traumatized and insecure loner who cannot hold on to a girlfriend because deep down I basically hate women. Wanna be my new best female friend?" Lol, what could possibly go wrong, right?

(No offense btw, I’m a traumatized and insecure loner myself, so I am certainly not pointing fingers here... heh. )

Edited December 10, 2019 by Bazooka Jesus

[mandyjw]

I don't think you're as bad as you think you are. You are beginning to recognize and take responsibility for distorted thought patterns so it feels that way, but they are not you. You can take responsibility for them without taking ownership of them, subtle but important difference. Every moment and every interaction is a clean slate. Good luck! 

[bejapuskas]

37 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

@bejapuskas  Because unfortunately, real life is not a cushy self help internet forum. Let’s face it, in the real world, even the most well-meaning people - and this is true especially for women - try to minimize contact with psychologically and emotionally maladjusted persons as much as humanly possible, unless they’re a) deranged themselves or b) paid professionals.

"Hello, may I introduce myself, I’m a traumatized and insecure loner who cannot hold on to a girlfriend because deep down I basically hate women. Wanna be my new best female friend?" Lol, what could possibly go wrong, right?

(No offense btw, I’m a traumatized and insecure loner myself, so I am certainly not pointing fingers here... heh. )

The world is better than *you think*  

[Forestluv]

@DrewNows Developing close friendships with women was helpful for me. 

[Ananta]

22 hours ago, DrewNows said:

Whenever I feel attraction for someone,  there seems to be a shadow of hate that’s triggered and I believe it has to do with my mother.

I've read this a couple of times and I really don't get it.

[DrewNows]

@Anna1 simply put, trust issues.

 

[Ananta]

Just now, DrewNows said:

@Anna1 simply put, trust issues.

 

I see, well, trust is earned, so I think it's okay to not fully trust someone (male or female), until its earned, but giving ppl the benefit of the doubt is good too.

If you are simply not comfortable around women, then like others have said that's an exposure thing. You need to expose yourself often to speaking with women to get more comfortable.

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

@Anna1 simply put, trust issues.

 

Don't let your childhood impact your worldview. Women or men are not bad, nobody really is. It's only a few bad experiences that make us feel that way. There are many wonderful people in this world, both men and women. 

I feel like what I am getting from your post is not so much about a particular woman because you haven't described a particular relationship which means you could have intimacy issues with women, you haven't gotten that close to a woman where you feel like you really know her well. Till then everything is just your perception. 

Not being able to be intimate with the opposite sex is not a woman's fault. Try socializing more and fall in love. Don't hold yourself back out of fear or rejection. 

A woman doesn't come to you on her own. You have to put that effort

 

Good luck 

[DrewNows]

@Anna1 is it okay not to fully trust ourselves? 
 

 

[Ananta]

10 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

@Anna1 is it okay not to fully trust ourselves? 
 

 

Meaning, in a relationship? If so, yeah, you have to see how you react to the other and vice versa. Sometimes things don't work out and it may hurt, but it's okay. It's all a learning experience and you'll grow from it.

Over time you will learn to trust yourself more with others, if that's one of the hang ups. You have to learn how you react to ppl.

[DrewNows]

Thanks for the kind words/support, objective views and suggestions people! 

 

14 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Don't let your childhood impact your worldview. Women or men are not bad, nobody really is. It's only a few bad experiences that make us feel that way. There are many wonderful people in this world, both men and women. 

Yes it has to do with the misunderstandings of what love and relationships are supposed to be like and how to heal the trauma. Fragmentations breeds fragmentation until the pieces get put back together. The broken is attracted to missing pieces seen in another 

14 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

What makes you so angry about us?

It has nothing to do with others and everything to do with myself, aspects of myself, so re-parenting and inner child work, learning about attachments has really been helpful. The woman who trigger me or who i find unattractive tend to be very extroverted and always expressing what's on their mind. This means they would be the best to be around to help grow and heal, let go of this old identity 

@modmythMy mother ended up being my shadow aspect so i always judged her as being weak for needing others approval to feel/be happy/fulfilled, seemingly unable to ask for what she actually wanted, she puts everyone else first because she never knows herself outside of what others give her. Always felt like i knew what was best for her and how she could do things better for herself just like my father. He's very controlling and needs everything done his way