Dominance during sex

[Arcangelo]

My girl used to call me spanky.

 

 

Arc

[whoareyou]

55 minutes ago, Elisabeth said:

 

Actually, I reconsidered. It's just a gross generalization. And I fell for it because my own attraction fits the stereotype to some degree. Yeah, MANY women will enjoy some dominance and will seek security through a powerful male. But no, not everyone. Women have a lot of other desires from a partner, and I know wonderful couples who don't fit the stereotype at all and have a lot of fun sexually. And no, women are not really socialized to repress their desire - if anything we're still socialized to be submissive in so many ways. 

In fact, I believe an integrated human being is above male and female, and can switch between passivity and activity, dominance and submission, take the lead or follow. Yeah, he/she can still have preferences but finds enjoyment in both roles. 

You didn't understand my point. I am talking about strictly sex here - what happens in the bedroom.

It's not a gross realization - it's the reality after thousands of years of evolution.

Sure there are exceptions here and there - but for the vast majority this is the case.

As the saying goes- "Women want to be treated like princesses but in bedroom fucked like whores".

This does not include women who have had sexual traumas. I am talking about strictly majority of healthy sexually women.

In the west - the women are socialized to repress their desire and so are the men. The women became less submissive in general and less feminine than they used to be.

Dominance, respect and other traits that one may desire are not exclusive. Yes people enjoy switching and experimenting - but there is still the primary desire.

Dominance and respect are not mutually exclusive - not sure where you got that idea from?

If you haven't traveled yet, go and travel to Russia + Eastern Europe, and see how feminine + submissive the women there are. Also some Asian countries. The difference is day and night - and social programming is responsible for this.

Edited December 17, 2019 by whoareyou

[Elisabeth]

 

 

 

1

28 minutes ago, whoareyou said:

If you haven't traveled yet, go and travel to Russia + Eastern Europe, and see how feminine + submissive the women there are. Also some Asian countries. The difference is day and night - and social programming is responsible for this.

Well, since you're talking strictly about sex, I obviously won't meet them as a men in the bedroom! 

I am from central Europe, I do get exposure to influences from both Germany and Russia. Maybe I should travel to USA to see if women there repress their desires as you claim. 

****

Biological evolution is hard to distinguish from cultural evolution. Since none of us has data on how much of a majority of women enjoy submission, let alone on that nature vs. nurture problem, let's agree to disagree. 

****

Hah, I was reminded of an extremely bizarre Russian influence! This one is for the ladies:

http://hellgalerie.cz/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/ropespirit-x-2019-agience-084.jpg

[whoareyou]

28 minutes ago, Elisabeth said:

Well, since you're talking strictly about sex, I obviously won't meet them as a men in the bedroom! 

I am from central Europe, I do get exposure to influences from both Germany and Russia. Maybe I should travel to USA to see if women there repress their desires as you claim. 

****

Biological evolution is hard to distinguish from cultural evolution. Since none of us has data on how much of a majority of women enjoy submission, let alone on that nature vs. nurture problem, let's agree to disagree. 

****

Hah, I was reminded of an extremely bizarre Russian influence! This one is for the ladies:

http://hellgalerie.cz/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/ropespirit-x-2019-agience-084.jpg

When it comes to femininity in general - you will see that the women are way more feminine in Russia and Eastern Europe for example.

You would be able to tell from their energy alone (don't need to meet them in bedroom), not to mention the external factors such as clothing.

You indeed should travel to USA - you will be in quite a shock.

The social programming goes very deep - I just don't think totally realized it yet.

Edited December 17, 2019 by whoareyou

[Elisabeth]

Quote

I wouldn't say that I like to feel dominated (because domination supposes a loss of power, which isn't part of the dynamic with my right man), but I love the feeling of giving myself away and finally fully trust and love a man, and put myself in the receptive mod. Which feels good, because we're living a life where we're constantly solicited by men who are wrong and potentially hurtful for us so we're constantly suspicious and paranoid...

Somehow it's even therapeutic, and feels like healing the battle between the two polarities in a perfect union.

I think that's the real underlying blueprint why so many women are looking for dominance. Maybe we're just looking for a man to trust and heal us.

@Etherial Cat Much love 

Edited December 17, 2019 by Elisabeth

[whoareyou]

@Etherial Cat

Read the title and OP of this thread : "Dominance during sex"

Pulling a woman's hair and slapping her ass during sex is something as natural as it gets - yet a guy is questioning his desire due to social programming he has received in the western world.

It is simpler than you think and spiral dynamics doesn't apply to everything.

We can agree to disagree, but I will stand by my opinion that social programming in the West is responsible for the things that I mentioned.

 

Edited December 17, 2019 by whoareyou

[Forestluv]

Dominance is one of many dynamics. Be careful not to conflate it with other dynamics, such as letting go of resistance, vulnerability, mutual support and trust (during sex). 

It seems many men try to extrapolate dominance broadly and miss out on a lot of nuances and energetics. 

And it’s not just during sex. Many men also try to broadly dominate conversations and miss out on a lot. 

[whoareyou]

@Etherial Cat Exactly - I am saying that a lot of the women in Eastern Europe have not lost the touch with their true nature, unlike a large portion of Western women.

You would be surprised, but majority of men (including Western men) find those women far more attractive and desired. Some that even travel to these destinations to find a long term partner/wife.

There is a difference, and if you don't see it, then I can't help you.

 

Edited December 17, 2019 by whoareyou

[SoothedByRain]

 

[whoareyou]

59 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

 

It's not a surprise that a lot of men wants to find some docile women, so those men can get their needs met and push the relationship on their side. 

The attraction that many of Western men have towards Eastern European women is quite often based on enjoying an uneven power dynamic that allows them to get laid by girls or marry women they like to sexually objectify, fetichize for their features and control.

Western women as a collective rejected that experience so that's why the men who desire such relationships with women got to travel to destination where those power structures still holds. I'm personally not interested in dating those type of men, so that's really not a loss. 

Fortunately, there are plenty of men who recognizes the problem of this type of behavior between male and female, and are looking for a more fulfilling relationship. I wouldn't bother in dating a guy who fails to see me as a subject and understand my imperative needs solely so he take advantage of me and claim it's all because on a natural, absolutistic order.

The men I date are looking for a healthy and intimate relationship, not a fantasy that is going to backfire.

 

This is total nonsense - you have clearly been brainwashed by the western culture.

An actual healthy relationship is when a woman gets to be at her feminine core and a man gets to be fully at his masculine. (This is true for at least 80% of the people, not including the minority where the roles are reversed or where there is equal polarity between masculine/feminine)

Your negative association and picture that you painted tells me you have rejected your femininity and are trying to justifying it in all sort of ways, instead of working on healing yourself.

I will not respond any longer, as this is something that you won't be able to understand by logic, and without direct experience.

Edited December 17, 2019 by whoareyou

[Preety_India]

So awkward when you see a man deciding how feminine expression should be. 

 

Leave it to the females I say 

Feminity is a constant Flux and a constant flow. Therefore there is no set definition to it. 

You cannot dismiss a woman's femininity just because she does not fit your general stereotype of how a woman should be. 

She is a woman at the end of the day, no matter how she expresses herself. 

 

Plus given the history of women's oppression for centuries, you may never know for sure how a woman really wants to be unless you are a woman yourself. 

Because men in male dominant cultures never had to question their own manhood so they were free to create whatever image they wanted of themselves.. Don't you hear the expression now and then "men will be men" that's because our societies are very liberal and open when it comes to a man being a man. But when it comes to a woman being a woman she is subjected to all sorts of judgement. Therefore you cannot be assured women who appear feminine in your eyes are genuinely expressing their inner energy or just aligning to social standards of Femininity

 

I  agree with Etherial Cat here. 

[Elisabeth]

Heh, thanks girls, and sorry for falling for his bullshit at the very first reading  There's nothing "as natural as it gets" about slapping someone's ass and the wide range of emotions that ds opens up should be explored with respect.

We've deviated far from the OP's question, but hopefully it was interesting to at least some people reading along.  

[Ero]

Experiment, try out new expressions of this dynamic. It's only natural when attraction occurs between polar poles.

Your girl knows best what she likes. You may be in for some very fun experiences. 

[Ero]

On 18/12/2019 at 5:05 PM, Elisabeth said:

We've deviated far from the OP's question, but hopefully it was interesting to at least some people reading along.  

It certainly was fruitful and interesting to read, so thanks for chiming in. 

To just add as somebody who lives in one of the least developed eastern european countries, there were a lot of stereotypes used, that certainly were not general truth.

As Dr Luv has expressed, this is about an "us" dynamic and it's a learning experience. Whenever someone puts in the "that's how it is" dynamic the conversation is bound to become based on stereotypes - something that should be left, when being in a relationship.

Who can know best what a girl likes than the girl herself? 

With a bit of Dr Luv's magical technique of reading the vibes, it can turn out to be great.