Dominance during sex

[Forestluv]

14 minutes ago, TrynaBeTurquoise said:

Unless infinite intelligence has got your back in the bedroom. 

Haha yes. 

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

12 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

Haha yes. 

I'm talking going full-"blown" Neale Donald Walsh between the sheets 

[Michael569]

just observe her reactions. Some girls will allow more than others. However if she enjoys being called bitch and a lot of "punishment" you may be opening a pandora box to potential childhood issues and that's something to be on a lookout for, but innocent slaps on the bum every now and then should be turned on to most girls  

[Nivsch]

@Identity just from curiosity (not judgment at all. If you both like it its all good) - why are you attracted to the "strong" position that dominant her "weak" position? Why is it attractive to you?

Edited December 9, 2019 by Nivsch

[Identity]

@Nivsch Hmm, not sure tbh. Seems like there is something masculine to it? 
It makes me feel powerful.

Its like I am coming fully alive, expressing myself fully.

this “roaaahhh” feeling, instinctual, animalistic.

Its like I am penetrating her with my full being.

It also feels to me like the feminine, my girlfriend, is “testing” my masculine. Trying to get me to step more into it. This naughty look like “show me what you have got”. “How much of a man are you?” 

[EddieEddie1995]

21 minutes ago, Identity said:

Hmm, not sure tbh. Seems like there is something masculine to it? 
It makes me feel powerful.

Its like I am coming fully alive, expressing myself fully.

this “roaaahhh” feeling, instinctual, animalistic.

Its like I am penetrating her with my full being.

It also feels to me like the feminine, my girlfriend, is “testing” my masculine. Trying to get me to step more into it. This naughty look like “show me what you have got”. “How much of a man are you?” 

@Identity Just thinking of that naive look, begging to be dominated makes me text my ex girlfriend now

[Identity]

@EddieEddie1995 Well, hope thats a good choice ?

[Igor82]

One thing is to experiment with being able to relate to your polar essence's direct experience. For example, when Im high on weed im much better at relating, to things, to people, molding my experience into something that I think they are feeling, and so I went and watched porn (classic weed activities) to soon find out that if I don't jerk off my mind goes crazy with sexual energy, and I was able to think up and strongly relate to how the woman was feeling in that certain sex scenario. 

I kind of project the feeling of being filled up with love and joy as I've read that that is what women feel during sex, I projected the feeling of being penetrated, and then I could resonate with her desires, how she would enjoy being dominated, how certain woman fetishes actually fits in with what I relate that she is feeling... its crazy, but as a man, you resonate with it because a part of you is a woman.

And then when I have sex its easier for me to predict what she would enjoy - of course, based on what she has enjoyed from me previously but also what I think she would enjoy based on how I have related to the feeling of being a woman during sex. 

Like, she may like that you are pulling her hair or pinning her down, but why does she like that? And why does she like the unpredictability? Dont mix logic into this, think of yourself as a woman then feel it.

Action: Watch some healthy porn, don't jack off as that eliminates your ability to fantasize, and then try to relate to how the woman feels. Or just don't watch the porn, and then its easier tp actually think of how you would look like as the sexy woman version of yourself, and go with that.

Hope this helps, I got jealous of Serotoninluv getting called a sex god so I wanted to share my unique thoughts... 

[Lento]

On 08/12/2019 at 10:38 PM, Anna1 said:

You have to ask her, everyone's different. 

For example, I wouldn't mind the hair pull or slap (not excessive), but draw the line at being called bitch.

Wouldn't this make the male "beta" and a "nice guy" which is unattractive in sex?

[Ananta]

5 minutes ago, Lento said:

Wouldn't this make the male "beta" and a "nice guy" which is unattractive in sex?

No, that's such hog wash..lol. There is a fine line though...ask Dr Luv (aka @Serotoninluv)

[Lento]

@Anna1 ?

[Forestluv]

I wouldn't ask "can I pull your hair?" during the act of sex. To me, that's lame and would ruin the energetics. I would find out prior to the sex. And I wouldn't find out by literally asking her "the next time we have sex, is it ok if I pull your hair?". That's a dud too. . . . Every dynamic within a couple is different.  If there is chemistry during a date, it's more about being in the moment. There is a general framework I have, yet there is a lot of improvisation and going with the flow. Like a jazz musicians performing live. There is a basic framework of the songs, yet there is also a lot of improvisation. Suggestion, innuendo, playfulness with the flow is best. Yet it's not something that can be rehearsed or that I can make happen. As well, if I am interacting with her as if she is an object for my self-centered sexual desires - it's a flop. The best chemistry for me is when it's not a "me" and "her" dynamic. There is an "us" energy between us. Two things that kills that energy is neediness or fear of rejection - whether that comes from me or her. 

Yet this isn't traditional "game" in which the guy tries to manipulate a situation toward his desired outcome. I totally suck at that type of game. 

[Ananta]

@Lento sorry , didn't mean to be rude at all. Just meant a conversation should take place about limits during sex. If a guy pulled my hair without first asking if I'd be okay with that sort of thing I might not like it. The conversation needs to happen sometime prior to the sex act though to not ruin the mood.

[skywords]

@Identity

On 12/8/2019 at 10:58 AM, Identity said:

 

However, I am curious where the line is between it being healthy and it becoming dysfunctional.

Yeah, let's chill.  But chill, to me, means you don't worry about what others think is "healthy" or "dysfunctional."  Instead, chill, to me, means you trust your own feelings, they'll tell you.  Chill means you know that others can't possibly know you as well as you know yourself.

But since you want others' perspective on this, mine is that any kind of violence is the body saying, "I've been stressed and angry, and I don't know how to communicate this without demonizing."  Take it or leave it.

Humor, on the other hand, says, "this might look violent, but it's harmless."  So, if you're just making fun of violence, then, to me, that communicates the ABSENCE of stress/anger.

IMO

[Matt8800]

On 12/8/2019 at 10:58 AM, Identity said:

Now that my girlfriend and I have become more comfortable with having sex, our sex is also becoming more polorized.

Im stepping more into my masculine and she more into her feminine.

Sometimes we also start having sex where I am more dominant. This includes things like dirty talk, moving her around, stuff like that.

It feels great, we both love it.

However, I am curious where the line is between it being healthy and it becoming dysfuctional.

If I pull her hair?

If I call her bitch?

If I give her a slap?

 

@Identity There are no rules so you can do whatever you want. Just make it clear that you are both playing a character in a play for artistic and sexual appreciation.

Hair pulling, dirty talk and a bit of slapping/spanking - definitely! A surprising amount of women like this very much.

Calling her a bitch? I wouldnt but that is me. Putting a label on her that is derogatory might muddy the water.

Remember, there are no "rules". Lust is not necessarily non-spiritual depending on how its used according to Tantra.

If you want to know what she likes, ask casually ahead of time...."So, just curious...what kind of things do you like during sex? A bit of ass-slapping or hair pulling?" Keep it light.

Edited December 15, 2019 by Matt8800

[petar8p]

On 08. 12. 2019. at 8:19 PM, Chakra Lion said:

The line is when she wants you to stop and you don't.

When she says NO and you don't listen. 

When you do it out of Aggression, not Love. 

This is the answer. I don't understand why people kept posting after this  

[Elisabeth]

 

 

 

 

On 15. 12. 2019 at 6:04 PM, petar8p said:

Quote

The line is when she wants you to stop and you don't.

When she says NO and you don't listen. 

When you do it out of Aggression, not Love. 

This is the answer. I don't understand why people kept posting after this  

@Identity I agree, this is the answer. 

Look up some basic text on consent (in bdsm) if you need to, but this is the essence.

[whoareyou]

Dominance is the key to great sex. Sexual healthy women crave to be dominated after thousands of years of evolution.

Majority will enjoy ass spanking, hair pulling, and dirty talk. The key is to mix in variety.

You will be surprised how many love getting called words like "slut" during the play.

Our society has made the female desire to be submissive to a dominant male taboo. Every one of us has been deluged with social programming like "men want to have sex, women want to make love" and "a woman wants a man who respects her" since grade school. Women are socially conditioned to repress their desire to be dominated and men are conditioned to repress their desire to dominate.

In the absence of dominance there is no sexual satisfaction. While women will never speak about it and may not even be conscious of it themselves, they all deeply desire to be submissive to a powerful man.

Edited December 17, 2019 by whoareyou

[Elisabeth]

 

 

 

 

2

35 minutes ago, whoareyou said:

Dominance is the key to great sex. Sexual healthy women crave to be dominated after thousands of years of evolution.

Majority will enjoy ass spanking, hair pulling, and dirty talk. The key is to mix in variety.

You will be surprised how many love getting called words like "slut" during the play.

Our society has made the female desire to be submissive to a dominant male taboo. Every one of us has been deluged with social programming like "men want to have sex, women want to make love" and "a woman wants a man who respects her" since grade school. Women are socially conditioned to repress their desire to be dominated and men are conditioned to repress their desire to dominate.

In the absence of dominance there is no sexual satisfaction. While women will never speak about it and may not even be conscious of it themselves, they all deeply desire to be submissive to a powerful man.

I'm not disagreeing about your main point, but as a submissive women involved in conscious bdsm communities I must add two important caveats to your post. 

1) A woman wants to be dominated and taken in bed, AND she wants a man who respects her. Respect is the background on which dominance can happen. Healthy dominance is acknowledging her wish to be sweps off her feet, it is NOT disregarding her other wishes and boundaries.

2) Believe it or not, there are genuinely dominant women, although they seem few and far between, and many, which do have a wish for submission but it is not defining to their sexual enjoyment and they can comfortably take the lead, in life and in bed. There are also PLENTY of authentically submissive men. That is the true societally repressed secret. There's no shame for a man in enjoying submission, however, it could make his partner search harder

[Elisabeth]

 

3 hours ago, whoareyou said:

Dominance is the key to great sex. Sexual healthy women crave to be dominated after thousands of years of evolution.

Majority will enjoy ass spanking, hair pulling, and dirty talk. The key is to mix in variety.

You will be surprised how many love getting called words like "slut" during the play.

Our society has made the female desire to be submissive to a dominant male taboo. Every one of us has been deluged with social programming like "men want to have sex, women want to make love" and "a woman wants a man who respects her" since grade school. Women are socially conditioned to repress their desire to be dominated and men are conditioned to repress their desire to dominate.

In the absence of dominance there is no sexual satisfaction. While women will never speak about it and may not even be conscious of it themselves, they all deeply desire to be submissive to a powerful man.

 

 

 

 

 

3

2 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

I'm not disagreeing about your main point, but as a submissive women involved in conscious bdsm communities I must add two important caveats to your post. 

Actually, I reconsidered. It's just a gross generalization. And I fell for it because my own attraction fits the stereotype to some degree. Yeah, MANY women will enjoy some dominance and will seek security through a powerful male. But no, not everyone. Women have a lot of other desires from a partner, and I know wonderful couples who don't fit the stereotype at all and have a lot of fun sexually. And no, women are not really socialized to repress their desire - if anything we're still socialized to be submissive in so many ways. 

In fact, I believe an integrated human being is above male and female, and can switch between passivity and activity, dominance and submission, take the lead or follow. Yeah, he/she can still have preferences but finds enjoyment in both roles.