SD Blue family controlling and highly anti-social behaviors, old notions and cult-ish

[Aquarius]

Hi, I posted something a while ago about how I wanted my family to develop into higher states of consciousness on the spiral. It gained a bit of criticism but I believe people don't really understand how most Purple/Blue families are working..

I had a fight with them because I cannot really endure their controlling behavior based on old notions of mannierism and moralism and closed-minded, dogma-based group/cult behavior, making favourites and lesser favourite people outside and inside their/our little "group". I told them of these and they got very offended and started yelling at me, became defensive and were in denial and claimed that they have to "raise me" to think like them, to be a GOOD PERSON!  Fucking. RAISE. ME?? I mean I'm 22 not a little child..

They like to have a holier-than-thou and a subtle "we better than other people mentality" on how they approach other people, and are in denial about it when confronted. Things about how our family is better and more moral than other people out there, we know everything better, we know even what GOD WANTS, that bearded man in the sky, yeah, because "we know how His mind works, and He is angry if you do this or that, because oh wait wait, what if we are the some higher natured humans, the people next to God, almost like God is our genie in the bottle that punishes others at our will, because our psychological persuasion, mental captivity and religious emotional abuse aren't enough!"

So I feel like they have this cultish behavior and air of culticness around them, being in this one family group, there being 1 family member who is the control of finances and moral conduct, then she has a loyal weak-willed, emotionally maltreated daughter next to her, having her help making the other people in the family obey based on shaming and emotional abuse based on religious ideologies. We are ONE family, only WE matter, others are "aliens". They call other people I talk to "stranger".

When I say, hey, I am going with this person for a drink, I knew him for 5 years.. they are like wtffff with that stranger??? You better stay at home... you...... have a lot... to do. You do!... You cannot leave the house because we are the important people for you! We do everything to please you! You are one of us and we are the FAMILY! You cannot betray of just to sell your soul for a drink..!"

They don't talk to other people and feel good about it, the head of the family, the oldest, isolating, keeping captive the other weaker people, who she have weakened through the years, through shaming and guilt-inducing by portraying masochistic tendencies... in a way of, I am sacrificing my body for you because I am willing to suffer when you aren't doing how I wish... 

Old notions are very prevalent, for example one night I slept in another home, at a boy I date, because it was getting late, we had other people over as well and they stayed late so he invited me to stay over for the night. When I got home, the old "I am torturing my psyche and body for your bad deeds" masochistic manipulative mind-control technique came, of my grandmother making motions of almost fainting, barely breathing, eyes making movements of hurt and portraying feelings of inner torture. It took like 2 days to calm her down and she is still full of resentment.

I cannot even say dirty jokes, because if I do... they are like, this is not your personality, this is not you, you don't say things like that, these don't fit you, you cannot be like these, because you are a soft little girl (!!!) and cannot say this.

And even this weird psychological abuse of being a "little girl"... like wtf at 22 I am an independent woman!  

They didn't want to let me work for like 3 years I was unemployed because of them... they kept saying I cannot work a normal job, I must be a secretary or informatician because I am "beautiful, intelligent, perfect, higher than others, better than others, more amazing than others, a special person..", which is NOT true, I am like everybody else or even worse! And I admit that! But for them, I must be the perfect little princess girl. Ew. So I tried a few jobs, I got employed because I was young.. but they kept hurting me with things like OH MY GODDD you are so tired and you will feel sick and this job isn't for you, you must work something that is higher class! because you are higher than others!

So please help me, what can I do to open their eyes!?? They are in so much denial about reality..  

[brugluiz]

I'm sorry you're suffering this kind of abuse. From my interpretation, your family is full of Blue perverse narcissists.

I live in a family similar to this and I don't know very how to deal with it. There are techniques like the Gray Rock technique.

My father don't want me to work selling candies. He says I'm entitled to work as a "high value" person or whatever. I should just have jobs that they like.

I think the most unbearable thing about it is that no one believe your suffering. That's when you realize how cynical people are (no matter which SDi color they're pegged).

These kind of families are the same as cults. It's literally a cult. How to get out of it? We need to discover, because I'm also dealing with it.

[TRUTHWITHCAPITALT]

@Aquarius   You have underestimated the level of bullshit in this world.

I had same issues with my stage red family and community at large. Once I experienced my death though, I dropped everything. I am still at work of awakening but I have committed myself to not  traffic bullshit anymore.

The question is who said you have to raise your families' consciousness? How is it even possible to wake someone who is enjoying their sleep.

Understand people willfully accept their conscious self deception. The ego is master in that.  It is a self sponsored prison after all. Deconstruct your ego prison first and then accept that consciousness can not be raised in group. it is a solo work.

From what I read it looks like you have  not upgraded your survival value. That is why your family are using that to conform you with the pyramid scheme, that is society.

 Work underground for now and observe.

[Nahm]

Actually be independent. Stop wasting your focus and creative power. Let them be.

[d0ornokey]

I understand. I went through this too. You need to let go and let them be. It takes 2 people for a conflict. If you don't engage, there can't be conflict 

They will respond best to kindness, love and empathy most likely 

If they don't respond even to that, they're too stuck in their own ego and it's best if you become independent and find more conscious people that you resonate with (they exist, we are plentiful :)) 

[Aquarius]

On 12/7/2019 at 8:04 PM, brugluiz said:

I'm sorry you're suffering this kind of abuse. From my interpretation, your family is full of Blue perverse narcissists.

I live in a family similar to this and I don't know very how to deal with it. There are techniques like the Gray Rock technique.

My father don't want me to work selling candies. He says I'm entitled to work as a "high value" person or whatever. I should just have jobs that they like.

I think the most unbearable thing about it is that no one believe your suffering. That's when you realize how cynical people are (no matter which SDi color they're pegged).

These kind of families are the same as cults. It's literally a cult. How to get out of it? We need to discover, because I'm also dealing with it.

I became a Coral now. I will escape by becoming financially independent and making myself a home.

On 12/7/2019 at 8:21 PM, TRUTHWITHCAPITALT said:

@Aquarius

 Work underground for now and observe.

Thank you. That I do,

On 12/7/2019 at 9:45 PM, Nahm said:

Actually be independent. Stop wasting your focus and creative power. Let them be.

Thanks Nahm! Oh yes, independence is life.

On 12/8/2019 at 0:47 AM, d0ornokey said:

I understand. I went through this too. You need to let go and let them be. It takes 2 people for a conflict. If you don't engage, there can't be conflict 

They will respond best to kindness, love and empathy most likely 

If they don't respond even to that, they're too stuck in their own ego and it's best if you become independent and find more conscious people that you resonate with (they exist, we are plentiful :)) 

Yes! I succeeded in calming them. I am empathetic. 

I have anger issues because of all the trauma. Anger energy trapped in energetic and emotional body.

Slowly healing. Together as a nice loving family.  <3 

[VerballyHazardous]

Dang, and i thought my parents are hard to deal with 

A lot of people i know live with this kind of family. They don't even know that they are being controlled/abused by their parents. Schools and my country as a whole pretty much normalized child abuse, they just call it "raising my kid to be a good person". The children, thus develop a toxic personality just like that of their parents.

[Aquarius]

On 4/11/2020 at 9:31 AM, VerballyHazardous said:

Dang, and i thought my parents are hard to deal with 

A lot of people i know live with this kind of family. They don't even know that they are being controlled/abused by their parents. Schools and my country as a whole pretty much normalized child abuse, they just call it "raising my kid to be a good person". The children, thus develop a toxic personality just like that of their parents.

Sad.

On 4/11/2020 at 6:23 PM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

If you're 22 than you have every right to get a place of your own and move out. Complaining is the worst thing you can do because it will make you bitter and further resentful, and you won't be able to see things from your perspective. You may not be stage Blue, but you're definitely not yellow or beyond, because of how you;re demonizing the religious conservative types.

I grew up in a Russian household, and I'm still in one as I haven't finished high school, so I was indoctrinated in Russian culture and language, so I can relate. 

P.S. if they have an issue with you drinking, just don't tell them you drink

This thread was old. Right now I am in loving harmony with my family and I found a way to get them to stage Orange and Green. 

Thanks for the insight, I live in Romania. We are neighbours.  

[Arcangelo]

On 12/7/2019 at 7:59 AM, Aquarius said:

I mean I'm 22

Move out already.

 

[Aquarius]

@Arcangelo it's not that easy. it's a work in progress. I have other stuff going on now..

and 22? in my country that's like being a child. 

I had mental health issues recently and I just wanna feel good with my family. We are alright with each other now. They're all I have basically..

Edited May 19, 2020 by Aquarius
im 22

[Fkdel]

Ohh, girl! I got your pain... 

My family is pretty much like this, full dogmatic religious behaviour, like "if you do something you go to hell" and shit like this, and most man in my family have that beta vs alpha behaviour, always trying to be better than the other kkkkkkkk. 

I Managed to get far away as possible, and bring my mom with me, because my grandpa is the most narcisistic person i have ever seen - he has gone trough a lot of trauma so i can be kind of empathetic with him, but it' s hard to stay in his presence hahahha. 

But the secret is to get away, and not get to much invested in their stories, some people just prefer to be right than to be happy, just let them.

Sorry for bad english  Lot' s of love 

[Aquarius]

@Fkdel Aw thanks this made me feel good. But for me my family is not that bad. We had an ugly fight when I made the whole original post. 

I can tell them any nasty stuff about myself and they are not judging me. I might have distanced myself from them so my vision of their behaviors wasn't too clear, maybe was even a bit autistic. They are older and kinda naive, not made for life. All of them get money from government because of illness and cannot work. 

I need to differ from them. But I am helping them with models like maslow or spiral. I feel like a strong person now and they are not bothering me. If they say their crazy stuff I just laugh and mind my own business.  

[Arcangelo]

Honestly I think you are trolling. From blue to green in 4 months?

Does not add up + you can not change another person, let alone a whole family.

[Aquarius]

10 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

Honestly I think you are trolling. From blue to green in 4 months?

Does not add up + you can not change another person, let alone a whole family.

I'm not trolling. Stop attacking me! You guys are full of hate! I wasn't blue, I just had blue stuff going on.

I was yellow when I registered at 19 years old but I had blue shadow. Because of the upbringing. And yet again I don't care about your opinion but your skepticism stresses me out. 

How would you feel if I threw a label on you? A harsh one like "troll"?

 

I remember when I wrote something in the relationships subforum I got the same response. That I'm not a girl, but a male troll.. very nice of you guys.

 

I seriously was seeking help and if I was a troll, why would I even post such detail and there is an obvious suffering going on in me. Just read all the posts. 

And I don't even believe in the SD model right now anymore cause it's full of shit. Dramatic change is possible especially if one is working on oneself nonstop 24/7. 

 

 

I am not a troll. I suffer and seek genuine help.

 

And I do not seek to change my family. Yes it's true, you cannot change someone. I just wish to live in harmony with their beliefs. They're not idiots. They need no change. They are perfect the way they are. I'm just discussing serious stuff with them. And they are great listeners.

 

I had some blind spots and I opened my mind more to some stuff in these 4 months if that's what you mean.

Edited May 20, 2020 by Aquarius

[Rilles]

11 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

Honestly I think you are trolling. From blue to green in 4 months?

Does not add up + you can not change another person, let alone a whole family.

Stages are not binary, do your research. You can be blue green, in fact you can be the entire damn rainbow. You will have a majority of your values somewhere though but if you went to prison now you would be Red in about a week, otherwise you would die. 

[Aquarius]

48 minutes ago, remember said:

you said you are taking some  meds, is it because of them or because you also see a necessity to a point in that? some families get over protective if they somehow are scared of what they don’t know because they can’t somehow get a picture about how far you might be able to navigate, it might be that they completely don’t know or that some of their fears are related to issues you really don’t have under control yet (not that they would know better what that is). of course working on independence means  also to prove to your self and to them that you somehow can make responsible decisions. for example find a therapist you can trust and show that you are under control, that the therapist is the authority and not them, that you are in a feedback system where you decide together with the therapist what is good for you. somehow the feathers show that you are about to leave the nest, no one talks about free fall.

That's what I'm working on right now! Yesterday I had quite some serious talk with them, I even felt suicidal, so many traumas came up and they trust me and my independence more now. Also they trust my opinions more now.

 

Yes money was and is always a big issue in my family.. it's like there is never enough. In the end of the month we barely eat good foods. So yeah.

 

They do have green, yellow and orange in them. Some of them even have turquoise mind, but the blue lifestyle and blue surroundings make us the way we are. That doesn't mean there are no psychedelic insights in any of them.. 

 

My mom for example is big on dream interpretation. My uncle experienced God and has a doctorate diploma in psychiatry. And my grandmother is financially maintaining the whole family so she is not stupid. 

 

My original post was harsh. But I had that on my chest and I was glad I got listened to.

[Aquarius]

49 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Stages are not binary, do your research. You can be blue green, in fact you can be the entire damn rainbow. You will have a majority of your values somewhere though but if you went to prison now you would be Red in about a week, otherwise you would die. 

Thanks dude. 

I'm a cute pink rainbow lol.  

I do meet people that are clearly orange or clearly green. 

But most of my friends are a cute rainbow. 

[Arcangelo]

She said she moved her whole family from blue to orange/green in 4 months. I just don't buy it.

[Aquarius]

9 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

She said she moved her whole family from blue to orange/green in 4 months. I just don't buy it.

That's not what I meant. They do have all those stages inside them already. Always had. But they felt guilty to show it. I talked to them a lot about real life stuff.

My mom was obsessed with religion and God. She thought God punishes her.. She is still stage Blue, but more empathic with herself like Blue -Green.

All of my family were healthy humans once, it's just something went wrong and they started becoming toxic. 

I don't care about the spiral.

And I cannot change my family. I just feel I made them slightly more open-minded.

I didn't make my whole family stage green. 

Sorry my communication skills were low when I said that. I keep thinking in less deluded ways.