How to let go

[wesyasz]

So Im after looong and intense relationship. I mean INTENSE. Like being one for over 10 years and doing all together fulfilling dreams together etc. It somehow ended and I'm trying really hard to let go. But she's like coming into me in my dreams at night it's like getting through this brake up over and over and over again. I've just woke up after dreaming third night in a row of her and today it was like dream of packing up and sorting things just before splitting. And even things like saying my father never liked you. And it's like wtf at first he always liked me at second I don't even care because I never liked him

I cannot be tortured by these dreams any more it's messing my mind up. Is there any way to just LET GO? I have enough of this.

[Forestluv]

Ime, the most important thing is no contact. No texts, no looking at her social media, no looking at her in photos. Second, release through writing. I released by writing several pages everyday. Everytime it pressures up, open up a relief valve through writing. A lot of the writing revealed unhealthy aspects of the relationship. This was particularly important when I missed the good times, had little hope for a better future and wanted to contact her. And writing allows relief which is really important for the mind and body. Third, do something new and healthy for you. I started doing yoga and it was so helpful to change my orientation. I did 1-2 hrs of yoga everyday and went from a total beginner to intermediate in a couple months.  It breathed new life into in my life. It’s a different thing for each person. I think it’s a big help to start something new and bold to re-orient in a new direction. 

[wesyasz]

Thanks a lot for your advice.

I do not contact her. Neither watch. I try to focus on myself, my own life and I even met someone new. 

And I also acknowledge worse times. The problem is it has been only good times. Apart from last few months. Anyway I am doing ok during the day but how can I go on if I dream at night of her and the moment of saying bye? And it's like three nights in a row? Can you ever say bye, really to someone you merged into one for nearly half of your life?

The only way to truly forget is to die. So that's not the way. It's more like how to integrate and make peace with it? I so not even wake up that troubled as before but still, it's annoying and unbalancing my already unstable balance.

Edited December 7, 2019 by wesyasz

[wesyasz]

Thanks! I was even thinking to write to her to stop visiting me at night! ??

[wesyasz]

5 hours ago, Nickyy said:

@wesyasz it's a big change, your brain is doing a lot of things to adjust. Seeing this all as an inevitable part of being human will give you depth.

Yes. Thank you. I'm just finding out being human is not as easy as I thought for previous 30 years. 

But if she's coming tonight I swear I write to her to fuck off .

[universe]

What you probably felt was an intense connection to her. But its an illusion. The same intense connection you had to her, actually you have to every thing existing in the universe.

The illusion is pretty good so its totally normal for you to think that you now lost this connection. You can start to appreciate other things/humans and see the connection. It might take sometime, that is ok.

Watch actialized.org videos on emotional mastery, that might help you as well.

[wesyasz]

Thanks for all this. I know conceptually it was an illusion, though it's my mind who doesn't know what illusion is, is playing it. And after over 10 years when most of the time we have been travelling the world together, meaning being together 24/7, and not seeing each other for maybe a week all accumulated together is pretty tough stuff as you can imagine . Honestly there was no distinction between me and her for that period so you can imagine how it feels now. I'm still feeling I'm doing pretty well still being here  and even overcoming this into being happy.

Edited December 11, 2019 by wesyasz

[oMarcos]

@wesyasz do you worry about not finding someone like her again? One of the things that make it harder, at least for me in this kind of scenarios, is the belief that "no other women will get my shit just like this one did". 

Edited December 12, 2019 by oMarcos