Journey into the Unknown: Belief-Questioning Insight Journal

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

Excited to start keeping a journal of some parts of my spiritual practice, mainly contemplation/self inquiry and other personal experiences. Will mainly use as a reference for myself to keep myself motivated and consistent in this work, perhaps even practice writing skills or use therapeutically, but hope others can draw inspiration as well to set forth or stay on track with their own journey.

I started watching actualized.org videos around a year ago. I discovered it 'randomly' through the youtube sidebar suggestions. I remember I was watching a video from Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters) when I clicked on Leo's face. It was the video about karma, and I found it very interesting. From there I watched the "most important discovery" video of Leo's, or something along those lines, that there is no "I" residing in the skull, and I had a very strong emotional reaction from it. Not a denial, but a feeling of deep unease, yet wonder, which led to more open investigation. I started contemplating that idea myself, before I even knew contemplation was a spiritual practice, and found it earth shattering to my worldview once I could not locate myself as I thought I could. From there I started watching more and more of his content, researching about the nature of perception, and becoming more familiar with non-duality. Even after I read multiple books on non-duality, I still was entrenched entrenched in plenty of beliefs, unknowingly. I had some direct experiences that started to chip away at my belief of separation, but an important point that failed to hit me on a cellular level is: the map is not the territory. In some way I felt I was starting to close off my open ended personal investigation by being "fed the ultimate answers". I knew I had to experience all this for myself. From reading Peter Ralstons work, I made a commitment to enter a "state of not knowing" and be comfortable residing in it, in order to receive real insights. 

[Raptorsin7]

@TrynaBeTurquoise What's your spiritual practice like? What kind of practices do you besides meditation?

I'm doing a similar journal, but i'm just trying to dump my thoughts about everything and look for patterns. 

 

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

@Raptorsin7 I started off doing mindfulness meditation, then transitioned into kriya yoga. Now I still do kriya yoga, but mainly my own spin on the breathwork techniques and visualizations. It was getting really technical for me to follow the exact lessons and I wanted to use my spiritual practice to "let go" more, so I merge meditation and kriya into one. 

Recently started focusing on contemplation more. Since I started reading Peter Ralstons work, I've been trying to tap into a "state of not knowing" trying to free myself of any beliefs about my direct experience, and comfortably sit there to get authentic insights. I like doing that now while I'm driving, instead of listening to music or podcasts all the time, it gets me in a flow state of being. 

[Raptorsin7]

@TrynaBeTurquoise Yoga is the best for meditation. It super charges meditative progress imo. I started doing yoga 3 months ago, and my meditation practice has grown more in the past 3 months than it has in the past 2.5 years. Have you seen Nahm's thread on using the dream board. Most practical thing on this forum for me so far

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

This morning I had a breakthrough into the nature of the ego and consciousness. I could almost feel in my bones that my ego identity is "content" and that consciousness, this present moment of awareness, that which is always there regardless of circumstance, is who I really am and is "structure". I am an idea, or dream, inside the universal mind, having the experience of being a particular form. Its such an interesting feeling of pure recontextualization, nothing really changes but at the same time there is clarity about the things that I don't have to identify with that create unnecessary suffering. Will be tripping this weekend so am planning to question into this further. Wish me luck. 

[Raptorsin7]

Good luck! I'm also trying to get some LSD while back home from school. Been meaning to add psycs to my path for a while now, pretty pumped to get it going.

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

2g Psilocybe Cubensis Trip Insights:

-all fear is imaginary 

-insanity/sanity is just a groundless distinction

-language is extremely limited

-the inner child is still inside of you at all times, the innocence and bliss is still there and has never left

-the human form is a representation of duality (symmetry-right eye, left eye, nostrils, ears, limbs. ect)

-I asked about my emotional baggage and I got an answer saying that I already have healed a lot of traumas, I need to take a higher dose to go deeper next time. Felt like I was on the brink of interacting with entities but couldn't quite channel them, although the whole time it really felt like I was only with myself, except my ego took a huge backseat and all neurosis were gone.