How does one change core beliefs?

[Commodent]

Firstly, don't give them any attention (like you do now) as that will only strengthen them. You can literally think yourself to mental illness by overfocusing on your problems. This happens because of neuroplasticity, a well-known concept within neuroscience. Cells that fire together wire together (Hebb's law), so when you "activate" the problem in your mind by subconsciously visualizing it, you are making it more likely to occur in the future.

Secondly, focus on the experience that you would like to have. Visualize it, to the point where you can literally feel what the experience is like. In a similar fashion as stated above, this will strengthen the nerve bindings associated to said experience and make it more and more "accessible" in your day-to-day life. So what you essentially want to do is to use neuroplasticity to your advantage. Within spiritual circles this is commonly known as the Law of Attraction.

I've been into personal development for a long time, and I must say that this principle, which builds upon Hebb's law, is by far the most powerful one I have ever put into practice. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that this principle alone has been responsible for more than 95% of my personal growth.

[Lento]

@Commodent Wow! Good for you.

[Gili Trawangan]

On 12/7/2019 at 6:41 AM, Commodent said:

Firstly, don't give them any attention (like you do now) as that will only strengthen them. You can literally think yourself to mental illness by overfocusing on your problems. This happens because of neuroplasticity, a well-known concept within neuroscience. Cells that fire together wire together (Hebb's law), so when you "activate" the problem in your mind by subconsciously visualizing it, you are making it more likely to occur in the future.

Secondly, focus on the experience that you would like to have. Visualize it, to the point where you can literally feel what the experience is like. In a similar fashion as stated above, this will strengthen the nerve bindings associated to said experience and make it more and more "accessible" in your day-to-day life. So what you essentially want to do is to use neuroplasticity to your advantage. Within spiritual circles this is commonly known as the Law of Attraction.

I've been into personal development for a long time, and I must say that this principle, which builds upon Hebb's law, is by far the most powerful one I have ever put into practice. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that this principle alone has been responsible for more than 95% of my personal growth.

@Commodent Thanks, this is very useful. I can see how I've been falling into that trap of focusing on some issues. It's not just the socializing one, it's other old stuff that has been coming up lately.

There's plenty of good advice here, I appreciate everyone's contributions.

[Byun Sean]

the strongest way imo is to get out there and practice socializing over and over again with the mindset that you are growing 

[Commodent]

4 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

@Commodent Thanks, this is very useful. I can see how I've been falling into that trap of focusing on some issues. It's not just the socializing one, it's other old stuff that has been coming up lately.

There's plenty of good advice here, I appreciate everyone's contributions.

No problem, I'd also like to mention that the first point that I mentioned is mostly enough, as when you stop focusing on your problems and things that make you feel bad your mind will naturally gravitate towards things that are enjoyable and actually makes you grow. You might wonder, "If I'm not focusing on my problems then how am I going to be able to fix them?", to which I'd say you need to just have faith and trust the process. When you're not focusing on your problems the nerve bindings to said experiences will be weakened, which will make them less likely to occur. You will literally forget them, it's the same process. And forgetting deeply held habits does take a long time, so be patient.

I'm not saying that you should not be aware of your problems (you should), but you won't get anywhere by endlessly repeating them in your mind. Just give the occurring problem some detached awareness the moment it arises, and instead focus on the joyful experiences that you would like to have on a general basis. You might not have the courage to fully realize said experiences just yet, but over time you will soften into it and it becomes easier. More specifically for social situations, focus on staying grounded in your own internal validation and joy for life (search "RSD Tyler" on YouTube for more on this). And if you fail at that, be kind with yourself. Changing your deeply ingrained habits does certainly not happen overnight. And don't feel bad about not socializing as much as you'd like. It's completely fine to give your amygdala some rest, and find your inner grounding (where long walks and getting plenty of solitude could come in handy). So in short; stay aware, and focus on what brings you joy.

@Lento

[Surfingthewave]

@Gili Trawangan What actually in actuality is a belief? Something you think over and over? Something you identify with? Drop it. Let it go. Walk away. You are good with people as you've opened up on this forum and you've shown vulnerability. So your beliefs are unfounded. You don't need to do anything, just be aware that your thoughts are just thoughts, like clouds in the sky, raindrops in the rain. Start thinking new thoughts about how amazing you are and see what happens. 

[aklacor727]

The book "loving what is" by byron Katie is focused around changing core beliefs, and even helps to become aware of subconscious beliefs.    Highly recommend reading that and doing her worksheets!

[outlandish]

@Gili Trawangan Check out "The Growth Mindset" by Dr. Dweck

I'm with you in that positive affirmations and such don't resonate.

You can change your core beliefs by adopting a growth mindset, and then working on the thing you want to change, knowing that it's human nature to change, incrementally or radically. You don't become "good with people" by repeating a mantra. Rather, you observe and acknowledge where you are at on that axis of "good with people", recognize that you can improve your skill in that area, and then take the steps to get better at it, by actually going out and practicing with people. 

If you stay at home and repeat an affirmation that you're good with people, a part of your mind will resist and push back, and you will be missing the chance to go out and get better at being good with people.

[Gili Trawangan]

@Surfingthewave @aklacor727 @outlandish Thanks for the advice and the recommendations, will definitely check out those books.