How does one change core beliefs?

[Gili Trawangan]

There are certain beliefs that are ingrained in me. They keep coming back, because events take place that seem to confirm them and thus end up reinforcing them.

The one that bothers me the most these days is: "I'm not good with people." I spend a lot of time on my own. I don't get the chance to practice socializing much, and quite frankly I also don't make the effort to meet new people. But when there is a situation where I do meet people (like at a training session today for work), I find myself uninterested in speaking up, or maybe afraid, or maybe I feel (socially) inferior. It ends up bothering me.

Do you have any practical advice on how to change core beliefs? Let's just assume that I don't have the opportunity to just practice being around people much.. what else could I do?

[kira]

@Gili Trawangan  you could try visualitation? and possitive affirmations ?

[Gili Trawangan]

21 minutes ago, kira said:

@Gili Trawangan  you could try visualitation? and possitive affirmations ?

@kira Thanks, I guess I could try visualization, but how does that work practically? Do I shut my eyes and imagine myself being sociable in different situations? Do I do this every day for a few minutes?

As for positive affirmations, it's something that doesn't quite resonate with me, for some reason.

[28 cm unbuffed]

i tried both of these, after doing leo's life purpose course, for like 3 months and tbh these 2 methods didn't really resonate with me either

it was just forced, grind work, just to make it done

i think the key is to really feel what you want and then the visualisations and affirmations should become easy and smooth automatically

but it's really hard to wipe out subconciouss, social conditioned needs, that are not really ours, to find out what we truly want out of life

 

edit : just read this post: 

that's exactly what i'm talking about - how do you know, when you know for 100%, that something is your purpose, your dream, something you really want to visualise / affirm into your life?

it's not that easy to find it and erase the false ones

i guess there's no way around, just keep on digging, what do you guys think of all of that?

Edited December 5, 2019 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Gili Trawangan]

@28 cm unbuffed Yeah, there must be stuff stuck in the body that needs to be released, I just don't know how to do that.

I'm not sure if I understood the connection with life purpose. That's not the angle I was approaching this from, some core beliefs I just want to get rid of because they seem unhealthy and they piss me off, they're not really connected to life purpose, not in a way that I can see.

[Strangeloop]

This advice might be weird and crazy but this has helped me so far. Have a conversation with yourself in your mind or outloud when you're alone. It helps bringing thoughts and the deepest of your desires into reality. And it opens up new possibilities into telepathy which I won't get into here. 

So for example if you want to change core beliefs try this: I think that I'm not good with people which means I'm not that sociable. What do you think about it? Well I think if you looked at your past where you were sociable you would see that you have a lot to say and if you don't remember any that you could start talking with me and train up the social skills. 

I do this everytime and get interesting results.

Edited December 5, 2019 by Strangeloop
Spelling

[Lento]

With more awareness and going meta. Change the structure, and then the content will change automatically.

Edited December 5, 2019 by Lento

[Gili Trawangan]

38 minutes ago, Strangeloop said:

This advice might be weird and crazy but this has helped me so far. Have a conversation with yourself in your mind or outloud when you're alone. It helps bringing thoughts and the deepest of your desires into reality. And it opens up new possibilities into telepathy which I won't get into here. 

So for example if you want to change core beliefs try this: I think that I'm not good with people which means I'm not that sociable. What do you think about it? Well I think if you looked at your past where you were sociable you would see that you have a lot to say and if you don't remember any that you could start talking with me and train up the social skills. 

I do this everytime and get interesting results.

@Strangeloop Thanks, that's very interesting, will try for sure. Actually, it reminds me of a technique I tried in the past called EFT (I think it stands for Emotional Freedom Technique), which consists of tapping with your fingers on chakra points of the body while talking to yourself and going over your past traumas. I had some good results with it as well, it's good to be reminded...

 

12 minutes ago, Lento said:

With more awareness and going meta. Change the structure, and then the content will change automatically.

@Lento I appreciate the tip, but don't really see how that would work. If you're talking about seeing through the illusion of ego, I'm able to do that but it doesn't change core beliefs automatically, though I know that many spiritual teachers claim that it does. I think they're wrong, actually, from my own experience.

[kira]

@Strangeloop  i do this in the car lol

[Lento]

2 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

 

@Lento I appreciate the tip, but don't really see how that would work. If you're talking about seeing through the illusion of ego, I'm able to do that but it doesn't change core beliefs automatically, though I know that many spiritual teachers claim that it does. I think they're wrong, actually, from my own experience.

Well, obviously it's just a general advice. It certainly does not work in all technical cases.

However, I do believe that changing the way your external environment is structured can change the way you internally think and talk to your self. After all, external vs. internal is a duality, and change doesn't only occur on one side of the spectrum.

So, maybe try changing your outside if you can't seem to be able to change your inside. You know, a killer counter-intuitive move.

[Nickyy]

@Gili Trawangan One of the easiest ways to learn to change this belief (you have to actually learn how to socialize in order to change the belief) is to observe yourself when you are with others and notice when you are thinking about the past or daydreaming about the future. 

It takes a bit of practice to become sensitive to the times where you slip into a delusion vs. the times where you can just express yourself authentically 

You have to get a feel for it though, but when you do you will be able to snap out of the little daydreams you're having in moments of stress around others. The more you do this and the more you gain confidence in your real abilities the more your mind will just automatically shift to a new way of perceiving yourself 

Believe it or not your mind is helping you by telling you that you're not good with people if that is truly the case. It's just being honest about your abilities at the moment. 

[Scholar]

This might be worth watching, it can be applied very broadly:

 

[DrewNows]

 

[Consept]

I actually did this the other day, but you could use a Socratic questioning to delve into your thoughts and see what is actually holding them up and why you believe them. They actually use these in CBT which is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and designed to do what you want which is change core beliefs or irrational thoughts in the therapeutic setting. 

I would google for more info but this is an outline of the method 

Clarifying concepts. ...

Probing assumptions. ...

Probing rationale, reasons and evidence. ...

Questioning viewpoints and perspectives. ...

Probing implications and consequences. ...

Questioning the question.

[DrewNows]

@Consept Nice, turning judgment around back on itself 

[universe]

17 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

The one that bothers me the most these days is: "I'm not good with people."

Why does it bother you? Its ok if you are not good with people, its like a muscle. You can train it. (E.g. by watching charisma on command videos on youtube). There is nothing wrong with you and you dont have to be good with people.

 

14 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

Yeah, there must be stuff stuck in the body that needs to be released, I just don't know how to do that.

Look up the sedona method.

What Im guessing is that you have a need for validation and a need for control which ultimately block you from behaving how you would like to. With the sedona method you have a tool to release these needs. Do that and in any situation where youd want to be social you will be able to easily accept that there is no guaranteed control or validation. By accepting this part of reality you will become fearless.

[Gili Trawangan]

@Joshi3 @Maximus @Scholar @DrewNows @universe @Consept

I really appreciate all the responses and different perspectives, there is much food for thought. I'll go over these as soon as I have some more time and might give you guys some more feedback then.

Thanks!

[Gili Trawangan]

@Lento @Lento @Lento I forgot to add yours  (so now I did it three times lol) thanks!

[hyruga]

There are many things you need to do to change core beliefs. It doesn't change overnight. 

You need to forget some old beliefs and learn more things and increase your knowledge. Then, you will have stronger beliefs.

[Harikrishnan]

If you have a extrovert friend  who is loud go with him regularly to places, soon you will mimic his socialising skills.