Advice on keeping a date?

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

When she sees through it, it's time to move on and try a new flavor.

Why would you want to eat vanilla ice cream for 5 years, Why would you use the same shirt for 5 years.

Never made sense to me, and it never will.

 

 

Arc

5 years is bit of a stretch. I was thinking 2 months. When she sees that (in this context when Mikael89 said he wants to play hard to get or be careful with the amount of attention he gives) she is not going to appreciate him not giving his 100% to it. 

I don't think it's easy to move on when you have put so much effort into getting a relationship in the first place. What if that person is a real good catch. Yes you can always find other people. But if you are emotionally invested then it's easier said than done. 

Personally for me a man means much more than a vanilla ice cream or a shirt. He is a human being with feelings and I wouldn't want to play with his feelings or objectify him in any way. He is not a vibrator with a heartbeat. I believe in loyalty and trust and making things work. Maybe my value structure is different. 

I think if I play cheap I'll get cheap. That's how karma works. I don't play cheap. 

Everyone has their own value structures. They find relationships that serve them through the lens of their value structures. 

I wouldn't want to be with a man who can drop me on a whim, and I wouldn't want to be with a man who finds it cute if a woman plays games because I'm not into it. 

To each his own. 

[Nickyy]

2 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

Nickyy has it all figured out. He doesn't date because he is married. Because he's married he thinks he knows all about dating.

He has gone to the extent of saying that no dating coach in the world has a single piece of good advice for dating. HAHAHA!

Come on man open your mind dude.

+ You insulted me asking for my mom's age. Your advice is worthless to me, welcome to my ignore list.

 

 

Arc

 

16 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

@28 cm unbuffed  I used to try to be humorous with a few users in this forum in order to make them aware of their own projections. While the motivation behind this was positive and, to me, funny, it was interpreted as negative. I received 4 warning points - two for trolling that expires and two for name-calling that's permanent. I guess I was used to a certain type of humor that's too strong for some people and it needed working on. I would take care not to offend people here, even if it's just, especially in a triggered state if I were you.

    

Good advice there arc ^^^

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Danioover9000 

yeah, that's exactly what i was doing - trolling

if people get offended by that, not responding with like: "haha, yeah i can be like that sometimes" and they get triggered emotionally, that always means that it's something in them that needs a fix, not you, that's just a friendly banter and i don't get offended by shit like that like ever, because i worked hard on myself and i know what is my worth

and yeah, sometimes i'm acting too much like a dick, but fuck me dude, i'm just a mirror here

[Nickyy]

6 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Danioover9000 

yeah, that's exactly what i was doing - trolling

if people get offended by that, not responding with like: "haha, yeah i can be like that sometimes" and they get triggered emotionally, that always means that it's something in them that needs a fix, not you, that's just a friendly banter and i don't get offended by shit like that like ever, because i worked hard on myself and i know what is my worth

and yeah, sometimes i'm acting too much like a dick, but fuck me dude, i'm just a mirror here

I didn't see anyone get triggered so far with your contribution on the thread ?

[28 cm unbuffed]

1 minute ago, Nickyy said:

I didn't see anyone get triggered so far with your contribution on the thread ?

i got 2 warnings already soo

[Nickyy]

Just now, 28 cm unbuffed said:

i got 2 warnings already soo

I've got 12 points on my record, a two day ban and more recently a 7 day ban. It's all part of the experience. But I haven't blamed those mods for their descisions. I just get on with it and keep in the back of my mind that I did something wrong in this context 

[Preety_India]

@Mikael89 thank you. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

15 minutes ago, Nickyy said:

I've got 12 points on my record, a two day ban and more recently a 7 day ban. It's all part of the experience. But I haven't blamed those mods for their descisions. I just get on with it and keep in the back of my mind that I did something wrong in this context 

I can't even stress enough how much of a wonderful contributor you are and the level of maturity you show is something I can only imagine to attain. 

If there is one person I learned the most from throughout my time on the forum then it has to be you. Cheers mate. 

 

 

[Nickyy]

3 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

Nickyy has it all figured out. He doesn't date because he is married. Because he's married he thinks he knows all about dating.

 

I want to address this. 

There is literally nothing to know about dating. Dating is two people acting on a curiosity and trying to see if one is a good fit for the other 

Try to really think about and embody this perspective. If you can you will see how manipulative mainstream dating advice has become.

It's not a game of chess.

[Nickyy]

15 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

I'm inclined to agree. When someone thinks he knows best, better than everyone else, that everyone else is wrong, then he's wrong.

It's the same thing with spirituality. If a teacher says that all other teachers are wrong, then run away from that teacher.

I'm not saying that, I'm saying that YOU are your greatest teacher along with life itself.

I've never said I'm right about everything and everyone else is wrong. You have to follow my trail of thought in its entirety to see the big picture of what I'm saying so that you don't make the mistake of cherry picking parts of my worldview and then twisting them to suit your biases so that you continue to sabotage your life with. Even in this thread I give kudos to Manson giving him credit for possibly being a killer pick up artist in the field. 

I'm interested in integrating different schools of thought and putting them in their rightful place on the map. Nobody is 100% wrong, it's just that everyone holds a partial truth . 

I just see Manson's blind spot.

 

Edited December 2, 2019 by Nickyy

[Nickyy]

2 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

@Nickyy Yes, that's your teaching, with which you say all other teachers are wrong.

So you are actually saying that you are the best teacher (in the beginning, and THEN I should teach myself.)

?

What I'm doing is human, everyone is doing the same.

Turn the flashlight on yourself right now, you're saying that your perspective is the most valid by virtue of criticizing what I'm doing.

We all have our own teaching and we all think we know what's best. That is inescapable if you are a human being.

What's important is how integral is your teaching? How much potential does it include for constructing a better self?

I believe my worldview is more integral than yours. So in terms of growth hierarchy I am more advanced than you. So if you want to learn you have to listen to people who know more than you. 

I listen to my teachers and because I do I myself grow because they are more integral than me.

That's just the way of the world.

 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Nickyy said:

?

What I'm doing is human, everyone is doing the same.

Turn the flashlight on yourself right now, you're saying that your perspective is the most valid by virtue of criticizing what I'm doing.

We all have our own teaching and we all think we know what's best. That is inescapable if you are a human being.

What's important is how integral is your teaching? How much potential does it include for constructing a better self?

I believe my worldview is more integral than yours. So in terms of growth hierarchy I am more advanced than you. So if you want to learn you have to listen to people who know more than you. 

I listen to my teachers and because I do I myself grow because they are more integral than me.

That's just the way of the world.

 

My favorite trick is to learn and take in the good from each teacher and leave out that which doesn't suit my purpose. And then move on to the next 

Now howzattt 

 

[Nickyy]

@Mikael89 To add , this isn't to say I cannot learn from you or arc. I do, but in general I am more integral that you two guys, I've been where you are. But I can still take parts of your teaching when you say something that accelerates my growth.

But growth hierarchies are real.

[assx95]

From my personal experience, I've not learned how to maintain a relationship. 

Very tricky. It's hard to understand what the other person actually needs. Like what do you do when they ask for freedom. A kind of freedom which would absolve them from all commitment in a relationship. What will you try to maintain then? 

In my future relationships, i wouldn't try hard to maintain relationships, I would love them, and if they don't reciprocate, i'd let go with least resistance. Without being passive aggressive ( I did this when i was 20), without manipulating and without being angry. Easier said than done. But life is too short for not being able to let go. 

[Nickyy]

Just now, Preety_India said:

My favorite trick is to learn and take in the good from each teacher and leave out that which doesn't suit my purpose. And then move on to the next 

Now howzattt 

 

I agree. You're pointing out the difference between a growth hierarchy and a dominator hierarchy. 

One thing I'd add is that something may not suit your purpose now, but come back in 3 years to that concept and you are glad you came across it. Suddenly it fits in the jigsaw clearly 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Nickyy said:

I agree. You're pointing out the difference between a growth hierarchy and a dominator hierarchy. 

One thing I'd add is that something may not suit your purpose now, but come back in 3 years to that concept and you are glad you came across it. Suddenly it fits in the jigsaw clearly 

Yay. . It happened once. So true. What we think is not always how things really are. Life lies in letting your mind be free to explore  everything and that's the way to grow. 

 

[Nickyy]

34 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

@Nickyy Yes, that's your teaching, with which you say all other teachers are wrong.

So you are actually saying that you are the best teacher (in the beginning, and THEN I should teach myself.)

I guess what I'm saying is dependency on teachers to provide the answer is a sticking point in being authentic. I'd understand if you had some form of autism and you needed a step by step guide to mastering social interactions. But most people here are at blue and above, so it's not needed. The best thing is to put more and more responsibility on yourself to generate your own insight that resonates with you. 

Like, take arcs shopping mall example. This was a case where reliance on dating coaches literally caused a kind of temporary autism, literally the guy couldnt calibrate to reality and was picking up "chicks" in a supermarket. 

 

Edited December 2, 2019 by Nickyy

[Nickyy]

19 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Yay. . It happened once. So true. What we think is not always how things really are. Life lies in letting your mind be free to explore  everything and that's the way to grow. 

 

I explored the online dating coach world for a while, and then realized that they try to get from a to z by stepping through the entire alphabet, where the easiest method is just to work on your emotional issues, which will remove the need to "evolve" with these guys in their cult. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Nickyy said:

I explored the online dating coach world for a while, and then realized that they try to get from a to z by stepping through the entire alphabet, where the easiest method is just to work on your emotional issues, which will remove the need to "evolve" with these guys in their cult. 

They make money of it. Money out of keeping someone emotionally stunted. 

[Nickyy]

Just now, Preety_India said:

They make money of it. Money out of keeping someone emotionally stunted. 

I know this sounds cliché, but it's true that money corrupts. There is this concept in self help industry that one of the best ways to become good at something is to teach it. So think about all the guys who have come up through the ranks in the pua science since Ross Jeffries started it all off with his NLP manipulative tactics right upto RSD ripping off Eckhart Tolle and David Deidas work. Imagine all of these still learning guys who need to make a living while they are still trying to heal themselves but have gotten real good at the "game".