How can I reset my sexual fantacies?

[Aeris]

I m engaged with someone. Sorry people teaching on the physical for another day

[Shin]

5 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Shin

/looking for priestess for some buffs and party, pm me/

Can you give Nocturne 3 stars please, easy top 1

[Nivsch]

@Elham reset is impossible in my opinion. You can try to find the psychology common ground underneath those fantacies. There is something psychologically deeper that its the root of those fantacies.

Find it, and than you will be able to communicate it to your partner and maybe you will see that there is a much broader spectrum of acts that will "do it" for you.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Nivsch said:

@Elham reset is impossible in my opinion. You can try to find the psychology common ground underneath those fantacies. There is something psychologically deeper that its the root of those fantacies.

Find it, and than you will be able to communicate it to your partner and maybe you will see that there is a much broader spectrum of acts that will "do it" for you.

Very good answer 

 

 

[Elham]

@Nivsch I can do that. But I wanna change it. I don't want that fantacy.

[Hatfort]

No idea if you do it or not, but one of the effects of regular porn consumption on women can be the difficulty of obtaining orgasms with real partners. Also can help abstaining from regular masturbation or maybe even totally, and if not, try focusing only on body sensations as much as possible and keeping fantasy levels low and realistic too. This is not about repression, is about enjoying real sex in all its potential and as soft or kink as you want, but with real partners.

Less can be more sometimes. There is another approach, is not what you are asking for, but worth to consider. It's called Karezza sex, encourages to have sex not pursuing neither male or female orgasms, but more about loving, caring and bonding. Can be too radical for most people, specially young, and it is for me too, but I think there is value on these ideas. The referential book on this is "Cupid's poisoned arrow", worth a read.

Edited January 11, 2020 by Hatfort

[Kalki Avatar]

Do you have a partner and he doesnt satisfy you? 

[Matt8800]

On 11/29/2019 at 3:37 AM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Elham we can try solving that problem together 

but - seriously - i would love to get answer for that too

@28 cm unbuffed ^^ Great example of how NOT to get laid...just sayin

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Matt8800 that was an obvious joke, but thanks for your comment

[Elham]

@Kalki Avatar not right now and my partners in past wasn't helpful either 

[Elham]

@Hatfort thanks for your answer. I will read the book and I think to lower the fantacies I need to have partner to practice it with for a long time. 

Still working on it though 

[Martin123]

@Elham Hi Elham.

Sexual fantasies are closely connected to unresolved emotional needs. Your desire to 'change your sexual fantasy' is synonymous with wanting to resolve that emotional need from childhood - If I had to guess I'd tune in and actually say that what you specifically need is to feel safe, root chakra stuff. Probably your parents not the safest to be around at all times - look there.

I heard a great quote by Craig Holliday - 'Sexual issues are usually psychological issues.'

With you it will be specifically about exploring what you can do to make yourself feel more safe, your boundaries, your ability to have a choice in the relationship about what you want to experience even if it is different from your partner, and what you would like to do in bed that would actually meet that need for safety - it's not wrong to go in the direction of the fantasy because you're getting closer to feeling safe on an emotional and physical level.

Edited January 14, 2020 by Martin123

[Martin123]

On 12/6/2019 at 2:16 PM, Elham said:

ivsch I can do that. But I wanna change it. I don't want that fantacy.

Also please be careful with this attitude as it is as if you were saying 'I shouldn't need to feel safe', which is just a contradiction of your own experience and a way of denying yourself of what you need to emotionally mature, only because you were brought up by people who likely sent you that message as well, repeating a cycle from your parents.

[Emerald]

On 11/29/2019 at 6:09 AM, Elham said:

I want to get to orgasm easier and faster, experience multiple orgasm, vaginal orgasm and many other. I think my sexual fantacies prevent me to be fully engage in sex. Because it makes me to be aroused only in a particular situation with a particular mental image.

How can I reset my sexual fantacies?

Would you say that you clench up or hyper-focus on one spot (usually the clitoris). 

The thing that enables all these other types of orgasms is similar to what allows birth... contraction and relaxation. The difference is that, instead of passing a baby, you're passing energy.

So, if the image is functioning as a way to hyper-focus and you have all your attention fixed upon one spot... then that's probably the issue.

The key is to relax and become more diffuse and focus... and ebb and flow between tension (to build up the energy) and relaxation (to release the energy and let it flow).

 

 

[Elham]

On 1/15/2020 at 6:41 PM, Emerald said:

Would you say that you clench up or hyper-focus on one spot (usually the clitoris). 

Yes.

 

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Elham said:

Yes.

 

What I've found is that being able to both relax and contract is really helpful for climaxing. The problem before was that I'd just contract and contract and contract and contract, and there wouldn't be any opportunity for release without losing the build up and starting at ground zero. It can be difficult to learn to relax, especially when it's necessary to contract to feel enough pleasure for anything to happen. 

So, that's where I would start is just physically making yourself oscillate back and forth between tension and relaxation. And slow down a little bit. And from there really focus on the energy... building it up and relaxing.