Suicidal

[Mindfang413]

I dont know whats going on. Im reaching my limit mentally. I feel so totally empty. I dont desire to feel anything. I dont want to feel happy or feel love. I dont want to feel anything. Yet, i feel obligated to my family to live but now i dont even know what living is. And i also just dont see the appeal anymore. Ive fought so long to find a reason to keep going but it no longer makes sense. I dont know what to do. I dont even want to do anything. Ive thought existence to death and all i want is to not exist. Theres no point to any of this anyway. Please tell me that when i die, ill at least forget this life. But what i want most is to just become nothing.

[Sempiternity]

I hear you. Most people feel this way at some point. I'm sure others will have good advice, but mine is to do what Leo and others teach and do a heavy psychedelic and experience being God. It's dying without dying. It's getting to experience death, but be able to come back with the ability to revel in the beauty of existence. Irony is you will find that you are Nothing already, and have always been, and always will be. This way you can shift your perspective to actually enjoy the rest of your life, no matter what the circumstances. Please consider it. And I love you, because we are the same. You are absolutely not alone (yet at the same time you are). 

P.S. please watch Leo's latest video on death. Might explain alot of your questions and concerns. 

Edited November 29, 2019 by Jed Vassallo

[JustThinkingAloud]

12 minutes ago, Mindfang413 said:

Ive fought so long to find a reason to keep going but it no longer makes sense. 

This is your main problem, you're fighting life. Trust the nature, try to find good things around you no matter how small and try to go with the flow meaning do only what feels right, enjoyable, boosting etc. The more you recharge, the easier it will get. It's hard for you now because your energy levels are low. Be nice to yourself and let yourself recharge through focusing on little pleasures, once you recover a bit you'll find energy to do bigger and more enjoyable things. Try to stop being negative and start being realistic. Life has a lot of great things to offer when you're willing to see them. 

[Sempiternity]

Another suggestion is to change your environment. Move to another city, another country even. Get away from your family and social circles. If even temporarily. You are a product of your environment, so a new environment and peoples will greatly shift your perspective on yourself and your life. 

Watch Leo's videos on Spiral Dynamics. You'll understand people and societies better. Find yourself a Green (or above) community. There you'll find love, acceptance, and inspiration to better yourself. 

[Preety_India]

Have you tried therapy? 

 

 

 

[electroBeam]

@Mindfang413 Time for you to take 5 grams of shrooms

[Jonac]

@Mindfang413 hey nobody ask if wanted to live your life, so why worry so much. I recommend although go therapy, you will feel better, mind more clear, dont kill yourself. 

[StefiKSM]

2 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

What I'm afraid of is eternally reoccurring/repeating life, in detail, without remembering it.

 

That is one of by biggest fears too, not dying, but that I may be born again in an other body and not remember anything from this life. And be a person( or anything else) that never wonders about existential questions. I feel like that would be so sad. So that's why I'm trying to live this life to the fullest...

[StefiKSM]

@Mindfang413 I would suggest doing a really big step and starting doing something. A hobby, a study, anything! When you are constantly doing something you will find that your mind will be so busy so the bad thoughts will have no room. I mean you don't have anything to lose. Just stand up go an join a Capoeira martial art class. Or start cycling or go hiking, join a mountain climbing group or learn to do kendama tricks, find a job. There are endless things you can try. There is something for everyone. Fill your program and you will see results. Sending you much love .

Edited November 29, 2019 by StefiKSM

[erik8lrl]

You are living this life eternally, and it is because it is infinitely beautiful, and it is all you, and it is all love. You can only feel empty or sad or fear from your ego's perspective. If you are aware of who you really are, which is the entire existence itself, you will see infinite love everywhere, because it is all you. Too often our ego takes deep spiritual insights and uses them as an excuse to escape what it fears. When you completely let go of your ego, you become nothingness/infinite love/existence. Life is all you, so it doesn't matter if you die or not, you are always you. So live, because it is a gift that you gave yourself, and be the love that you are, because you are so beautiful that you don't even know it. Much love.   

[StefiKSM]

Yes definitely torture would be an even worse option, as for reliving the exact same life, I don't think that is something that is happening, does't  feel right. 

[Inliytened1]

32 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

Yea. But I actually meant living the exact same life, exact same body and everything. 

 

Can you see that this and what is happening right now is indistinguishable.  That's Infinity.

@Mindfang413 As was mentioned earlier a few things.  Talk to a therapist.  Look into pyschedelics as a possible treatment option if you are feeling depression for long bouts it could be clinical depression and there is now medical treatment offered using pyschedelics.

[Inliytened1]

10 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

No I can't. But I'm not sure if I understand what you mean.

Experiencing your same life an infinite amount of times and not remembering is the same as living it once.    Nothing is really happening at all, actually.

[Inliytened1]

4 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

Okay, so.. after death I will just repeat this exact same life? And then repeat forever. No way out.

Be careful not to get lost in concepts.    What matters is right now - the present moment.   You are interpreting your life as some type of prison when it doesn't have to be like that.    You make your own reality.

[TRUTHWITHCAPITALT]

@Mindfang413 I had the same thoughts million times before I meet GOD.

Addictions, anxiety, fear of death, feeling of inadequacy you name it.

One hit of 5Meo. Everything was put into perspective.

You will experience your birth, your death and be in contact with your true essence of being.

This is why we need 5 Meo Energetic Therapies in every corner of the world. 

 

 

[Nickyy]

16 hours ago, Mindfang413 said:

I dont know whats going on. Im reaching my limit mentally. I feel so totally empty. I dont desire to feel anything. I dont want to feel happy or feel love. I dont want to feel anything. Yet, i feel obligated to my family to live but now i dont even know what living is. And i also just dont see the appeal anymore. Ive fought so long to find a reason to keep going but it no longer makes sense. I dont know what to do. I dont even want to do anything. Ive thought existence to death and all i want is to not exist. Theres no point to any of this anyway. Please tell me that when i die, ill at least forget this life. But what i want most is to just become nothing.

Just thoughts. That's all. As long as you believe them you suffer

[Ananta]

@Mindfang413 I think at this point non-duality isn't going to help the situation. You are fully convinced you are a suffering person. So, I'd say, go get that suffering person some professional help, before you do something stupid.

When in the dream, if someone's dream house catches fire, you don't tell the person the house isn't real, no. You hand them a pail of dream water.

[Mindfang413]

Thank you all for the replies. Ive read each one carefully and am trying to get some professional help. I may eventually try a psychedelic at some point in my life but im afraid to take that plunge just yet. I dont feel im ready. I had a brief encounter or experiance of being god once after simply smoking some weed which lasted hours and it scared the f*** outta me cause i had no idea non duality was a thing at the time. Its actually what made me find leos videos and this website of his, not to mention other spiritual teachers and philosophies. Ive realized my issue is i wasnt seeing the significance of love and i am starting to see it again. Hopefully im getting better.

[Ananta]

@Mindfang413 ? Take care! Keep us posted

[Mindfang413]

Update: I am feeling so lost after this. I was anxious for so long over all this, it feels like a shock to me to not have a reason to freak out and because its so sudden and different, i am anxious still??? I still get that empty feeling but i remind myself why things matter.  However, im so used to questioning every reason for lifes existence, that i even question love as an answer and then it suddenly seems meaningless but im catching myself now to remember the importance of love and why it matters. Alot of the time, i still feel like i dont want to deal with this shit anymore. I also wish i had never thought about this stuff in the first place. This non duality and enlightment stuff has completely changed the way i look at existence and its just scary and trippy and i dont like how different everythings become in reality. I wasnt ready for this, it happened too quickly...