I know my identity to be illusory but can't let go

[Loving Radiance]

Even my suffering and resistance to letting go are illusory. Haven't I internalized the seeing/feeling/knowing/being of my hollowness enough? Haven't I suffered enough?

I work on shifting my identity to be functional in current circumstances through writing a behavior change journal and daily affirmations (will also pick up a dream board). My present one has served me and now seems to become a hindrance. I don't want to suffer, but I know suffering is the way. It is inevitable that I will eventually radically change/overcome/override myself due to my suffering. My survival is at risk when I resist to change. Ironic, to survive I must let go of surviving (at least temporarily).

I sense that I haven't done enough but wanted to hear your observations anyway.

 

PS: I guess this could also be partly suited for the sub self-actualization.

[Rigel]

Do you really know? How would you know if you knew? What is suffering really? You say you don't want to suffer why is that? You say suffering is the way, how do you know? 

[Nahm]

Sounds heavy minded. How about less suffering...more ‘contrast’. Like the static of the radio, which is what allows the tuning into a particular channel. No good, no bad. No self, no no-self - just change the channel. It’s ust what you know you do not want, from which you can readily derive what you do want. 

In some ways, it sounds like you’ve got a bar set at suffering. Suffering is the greatest teacher, but..before you get there, at any given time, there is... a thought which didn’t feel good to you, the feeling of discord in continuing to focus on it, the repetition, annoyance, frustration (deeper discord), anger, and self referential thoughts which don’t feel good either. Lighten the path, by nipping it in the bud. Thought doesn’t feel good to you, no biggie, choose a better feeling thought.  

[erik8lrl]

@Loving Radiance If it truly is illusory then what is there to let go of? 

[Loving Radiance]

1 hour ago, Rigel said:

Do you really know? How would you know if you knew? What is suffering really? You say you don't want to suffer why is that? You say suffering is the way, how do you know? 

@Rigel  I got glimpses of illusion in deep meditation - I see the possibility that its appliance to other aspects could be a fallacy. There would be no question left. Suffering is an interpreted sensation which is based on a filter of thought/opinion (although, I need more contemplation for seeing its essence). I identify suffering as bad and avoid it - I see myself as good. In the past, suffering caused change because pain and following suffering would be avoided.

@Nahm Tuning out would do good for now.

@erik8lrl All is meaningless, and I assign meaning to all that serves me - because all is without value I can create value out of nothing. This insight seems to not be fully integrated because I think to have to let go of the conviction that it has meaning.

 

Thank you for your perspectives. I have to reread your questions many times more.

Edited November 26, 2019 by Loving Radiance
punctuation

[erik8lrl]

@Loving Radiance The more you try to let go of it, the more attached you become. There is nothing to let go of. Let go of letting go. Just be, just love. 

[erik8lrl]

@Loving Radiance Inquire deeper into the full implication of that insight. 

[Loving Radiance]

7 hours ago, erik8lrl said:

The more you try to let go of it, the more attached you become. There is nothing to let go of. Let go of letting go. Just be, just love. 

@erik8lrl  So just be?

7 hours ago, erik8lrl said:

Inquire deeper into the full implication of that insight. 

The insight of meaninglessness or let go of letting go?

Edit: Maybe both.

Edited November 27, 2019 by Loving Radiance
adding

[Nahm]

@Loving Radiance Nature retreat. With no path stuff. No spiritual crap.    Let go by thinking of one muscle in the body at a time and relaxing it. Then the whole body. Feel the muscle relax. Keep repeating. And keep going deeper into the tinier muscles, etc. Then start doing it while breathing from your stomach. You’ll notice even breathing is contracting. But you’ll be quite relaxed by then.