Brain visions

[Preety_India]

Some stuff needs to change. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I am with a man now who makes me so much happier. I can be myself again. I don't have to question who I am or feel guilty like in my last relationship. I don't need to feel like I was being judged and tested anymore. Because honestly and frankly it wasn't fair for me either. The way I was being treated. 

 

[Preety_India]

My ex called me today and was trying to have a conversation. 

He was psychologically abusive when we were together. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Aftermath messages

 

 

[Preety_India]

Your so called aren't so pristine or innocent or pure or wonderful as you think. Not even perfect. 

 

[Preety_India]

Time for the forever sleep emoji

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Everything on the emotional plane is going to change so rapidly. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

You haven't done anything angelic in your life. You've only done damage control. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Just because somebody hates you, you don't need to change yourself. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm not stepping out because of the coronavirus threat. 

But I'm also feeling so lonely. This is the week I had so many plans on shopping. 

I had no idea the coronavirus was going to spread so quickly and suddenly there is panic everywhere. 

My neighbors are all wearing masks. 

I can see anxiety on people's faces 

I'm the only person who is not wearing a mask. 

I just don't know. 

I am so not ready for all of this because I have been so exhausted the past couple of weeks dealing with my family issues and other woes. 

Andrew is in another city for his work since 3 weeks and he isn't able to travel here because of the virus scare. I told him not to travel. 

But this whole thing sucks. Everything. Just about everything. 

I have no idea.. 

My ex is waiting for me to offer him emotional support because he says he is lonely. 

He sends me random text messages and I tried blocking him but I'm not able to block his messages unfortunately. 

Everything is beginning to look like a mess. 

Everything has been thrown into chaos. 

 

[Preety_India]

I went through so much narcissistic abuse with my ex. I will call it narcissistic trauma syndrome. A set of symptoms that arise out of deep fear and terror felt with a controlling narcissistic abuser.. 

Finally I'm able to put a name to my symptoms. 

I remember waking up with a ball of fear coming to my throat when I was in a relationship with him.

He would control everything. 

I had to always impress him. I never felt free. 

I never used to do anything on my own. It was like psychological pressure I couldn't explain. 

In my mind I knew that this was all wrong. 

I knew that I don't have to do whatever he says. 

 

[Preety_India]

I successfully escaped the relationship by breaking up with him. I felt better. But the healing needs time. 

I do get nightmares and sweats arising from all the chaos and fear and panic I experienced during the relationship. 

It's still there sometimes especially when I have a dream where in the dream my ex is talking to me.         

Narcissistic echo chamber red pilled on survival. 

Every word  is apd and npd..

Do screening of texts and calls. 

 

 

Edited March 15, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Ignoring and selective responding 

 

Ignoring that which is harmful for the self 

Selective responding to that which needs responding. 

 

[Preety_India]

Respond like a professional reader and listener. 

There are only two modes of communication. 

Written text like email, text messages and instructions or words written. 

Audio messages or spoken words or discussions 

Both are the only means of communication. 

Both need extreme censoring and filtering to make them appropriate for  the listener or professional reader. 

Word to word analysis and breakdown is important. 

Any word that doesn't fit the context should be removed. 

 

[Preety_India]

How to filter and what to filter 

Filter information which is good for you

Censor information which is bad for you 

Censor words that are not pc 

Filter information that needs a reaction 

How to respond or react 

 

React first to that information to which a reaction needs to be given. 

Learn to ignore that needs to be ignored. 

React in a pleasant manner. 

Respond to the extent to which the information is needed. 

Give zero response to things that are difficult to respond to

 

Edited March 15, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

One way to respond to bad communication is to have a strong social setup 

A strong social setup needs a proper criteria assertion. 

Assert criteria that a person needs to mandatorily fulfill in order to be in the setup. 

Those people can be incorporated into your special personal team as they assist you in your processes and help you with things.. 

Learn to raise specific criteria and boundaries and requirements and conditions that cannot be breached. 

Although this might look narcissistic this is important to do in order to not allow the breaking or exploitation of boundaries and barriers and to avoid toxic buildup. 

So this is a prevention measure and not a narcissistic dictation. 

 

[Preety_India]

It was like a death wave. 

And my silence was deafening. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Some bad stuff happened since March 13. It's just ridiculous and I'm still trying to recover. It was bad. 

But I'm going to make it. I felt traumatized. 

I tried to stay calm. It's so hard but I'll try. I can't sleep because of that. 

 

[Preety_India]

Any behavior that causes change in personality is trauma inducing or abusive behavior. 

How to detect abusive behavior 

• Feeling of sudden fear or Insecurity 
• Feeling of abandonment 
• Feeling of isolation 
• Feeling of loss 
• Feeling of stress or pain 
• Feeling of discomfort or pressure 
• Feeling of unable to open up 
• Feeling of heightening stress 
• Feeling of being suppressed 
• Feeling of being bullied 

 

[Preety_India]

7 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Some bad stuff happened since March 13. It's just ridiculous and I'm still trying to recover. It was bad. 

But I'm going to make it. I felt traumatized. 

I tried to stay calm. It's so hard but I'll try. I can't sleep because of that. 

 

 

March 13 - Friday 

March 14 - Saturday 

March 15 - Sunday 

Today is Monday March 16 

Tuesday - March 17 

I'm going through a horrible 4 days. 

The food shortage is affecting me. 

I have been having a stomach illness now. I'm having stomach upset and acidity. 

I am eating erratically and feeling weak. 

This is a challenge. 

I am also having huge anxiety and stress in the past 48 hours. 

Just emotional ups and downs. 

My family is feeling like a dead hollow. Everyone is just sleeping. Honestly feels like I'm in a graveyard. 

I have never felt so depressed before. 

Neighbors aren't talking to each other. 

The guy who delivered a letter today didn't want to look at me. 

Nobody is looking at each other. Feels like social isolation. 

People are avoiding and looking down around me. 

My neighbors didn't say a hi. 

Unbelievable.