Brain visions

[Raptorsin7]

@Preety_India When you find your happiness you will look on those 3 months as completely integral to your current love for life. The narrative is always changing.

[Preety_India]

I want to discuss about emotional immunity 

 

 

It takes time to develop emotional immunity in a relationship 

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Preety_India When you find your happiness you will look on those 3 months as completely integral to your current love for life. The narrative is always changing.

You are right about that. Maybe certain events are just a huge learning lesson for the future. 

The toxic relationships I had gave me depression and health issues. I tried escaping many times but I couldn't because of emotional dependency. 

 

But  I'm finally seeking help. I'm trying to sort things. 

 

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Preety_India All part of the journey. When we're in it is difficult to see on the outside. But even acknowledging that we are on the down end of a great journey is helpful because we can keep the big picture in mind. Imagine how sweet it will taste when we finally see the beauty in life that so many other's see. This is feeding that.

[Preety_India]

@Raptorsin7  thank you for the support. It means a lot 

 

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Preety_India No problem. It means a lot that my support means a lot lol

[Preety_India]

 

I have decided to devote my love to plants and animals. They deserve more love than anyone. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I got purpledip 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I need to work hard for it 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Always use the end perspective and the big picture. 

Like what's the end of this.. It helps a lot 

 

 

[Preety_India]

It's important for me to get rid of mental blocks. 

To focus on how to immediately put out mental thinking that blocks further progress or general development. 

Any thought pattern should be immediately recognized and categorized as bullshit. 

Because it is what it is. 

My thought patterns have been very destructive. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Preety_India I'm starting to try and live with just ignoring my thoughts. No matter if they're positive or negative. Just trying to detach from the story that I keep telling myself. I'll see how it goes.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Raptorsin7 said:

@Preety_India I'm starting to try and live with just ignoring my thoughts. No matter if they're positive or negative. Just trying to detach from the story that I keep telling myself. I'll see how it goes.

I can do that. The problem is certain thoughts are intrusive and they can easily seep into the subconscious before you have time to ignore or block them. 

These are intrusive thoughts and hard to uncondition.

For example you have a presentation for your job tomorrow. Now the night before the presentation you are trying to not stress yourself but suddenly a thought comes to your mind "what if I didn't fix that error in the document or maybe it won't go well" this thought has already formed in your mind and even you cast it out or ignore it, it has flown into your subconscious mind before you could catch it. This thought has now generated anxiety and this anxiety is now blocking your sleep. 

So you see.. Sometime you simply cannot ignore the thoughts which are having a direct impact on your health or life. They need to be brought to the surface, confronted, detected, recognized, labeled and then called a bullshit or considered bad or wrong or intrusive. Then they should be discarded each time they appear. This way such thoughts can't manipulate the mind 

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Preety_India That's true.  But I think as a practice if you just do your best to just ignore thoughts and just live moment to moment then over time thoughts will not be an issue for you. But in the meantime you will face problems like the one you described above. We can only ever do our best in the moment, so just do your best with the bad thoughts then when it passes just keep on going with the practice.

[Preety_India]

@Raptorsin7 yep.

 

[Preety_India]

I have no idea where my trajectory is going. But good things seem to be waiting for me. 

 I feel like I'm in New York city. Looking at all the high rise buildings and wondering to myself where have I come, in this world where there is no textbook for life, where one says one thing and another says another.. Too confusing. Everything is complicated. 

Mostly my emotions.. Like in a knot. 

Back then Annie didn't make any sense at all. But now she does. Sometimes melody lies in static and peace lies in chaos 

Man's search for meaning never ends. 

You keep looking for rhyme and reason. 

When you do wrong, people call you wrong, when you do right ?, you get punished by your righteousness.. 

At your service sir.... Sigh. 

Sometimes I wonder if everything is just manipulation and games and then  I sigh realizing so much is lost in all of this. 

Then my heart speaks to me in a moment of oblivion,... "hey just do whatever is right okay"...

 

I'm not going to bullshit myself into guilt tripping Me.. Not anymore. 

What am I guilty of? Maybe falling in love. 

I am not guilty of anything except guilting myself.. 

The waves crash at my feet. The sands get onto my toes. I don't know.. A sense of calm takes over me.

I have been so driven to life. Is this wrong.. 

The only thing that kept me going on is my own survival instinct. 

Deep down my heart knows what it knows. Nobody gives a fuck.. Cmon don't kid yourself. 

I want to be me. Only me. The most liberating experience ever is to be me. 

 A free bird 

 

. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I forgot the thought I had in my mind an hour ago. 

 

Sometimes I'm just not able to articulate 

 

I think there are tiers in dwiser thinking

Edited December 13, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

This winter has finally put me at ease

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm trying to think how not to operate in survival mode. 

It's tough 

 

I feel depressed every day. Life is hard. 

 

I wish I was never born. 

Today I'm again battling with feelings of suicide and self harm.

I had these feelings even when I was 14 even when I was 16 even when I was 18 even when I was 22. I always had it.

Life has never been normal. 

I wish I could get freedom

Sometimes I ask myself "why I was born" 

It's a hard question.