Where to go?

[StephenK]

What is there to do? Where to go? All the thought stories come along and say: "Do this!" "Do that!". But why? Why the constant drive to moralize, judge, create, destroy, run from death, shame, guilt, pain -- all this nonsense bombards my mind like a thick fog. I feel paralyzed, like a branch on top of a wave in a stormy ocean. I see all the bullshit, but I just. cant. drop. it. I just want to see clearly for once. All I want is that which is real, but everything seems so unreal. Then there is a voice in me that says: "So, desire nothing." And then I feel paralyzed. I am so god-damn confused.

[Recursoinominado]

See Leo's video "What is Actuality" and apply it, work on your first chakra, ground yourself in your direct experience, stop mental masturbation, practice contemplation (aka how you use the power of your brain in a healthy way). 

When in doubt, look in your direct experience and see if you really have to do anything and if this anxiety is justified or mind chatter. 

[erik8lrl]

@StephenK This is good, the ego is starting to question itself. It is the only thing stopping you from the truth. To gain the clarity you have to see things as they are, not as what you think they are. If you continue to inquire deeper, you have a good chance of finding the truth, but the process is not fun to the ego. So truth or the ego, you need to pick one and do the work. Much love to you. 

[King Merk]

You’re in a good place my friend(: 

Stay present.

[Forestluv]

43 minutes ago, StephenK said:

Why the constant drive to moralize, judge, create, destroy, run from death, shame, guilt, pain -- all this nonsense bombards my mind like a thick fog. 

Because of genetics and conditioning. Your body has evolved to survive. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t. This survival desire gets reinforced into children through messages such as the importance to get a job, a home, having children etc. Yet on top of that is an additional self that is created and all sorts of extra add-ons are conditioned into children: what is right and wrong, what is good and bad, respectful and disrespectful, purpose in life, what is success, what has value . . . and on and on and on. It can take a while to de-condition all of that programming.

I’ve found it helpful to introspect all of that, engage in practices that allow release and practices that re-condition the mind-body to be Here and Now, with whatever is happening Now.