Is it normal of Human beings to be against "reality"?

[Javfly33]

I want to now if this is normal of Human beings or might have been an illness of my personality / having way too much ego from birth.

All of my life I have took choices. But then there has been moments in my life where my choices have been clearly driven for "let's see how can I win reality, reality won't have it it's way, I'll have it MY WAY".

Of course that never worked out. 

It never does and now I'm starting to really grasp it. With this understand however it feels like an annihilation of myself. I have done meditation..I have done some psychedelics. They both have helped tremendously to let go, something I have always sense it's the most painful thing I can experience. But still it seems I have a very strong personality or better what I call an "adversity" to reality.

If I could summarize my life, it would be like this:

-Me trying to have it "my way".

+Reality showing me a way that seems more easy/with ZERO suffering

-Me rejecting it because accepting reality's way would be an humiliation/annihilation

-Me suffering

+Reality waiting until I suffer enough that I actually do it his way. (Lol)

It seems im in a constant brutal duality between myself and the "outside". Recently I self inquired because if I could answer this it surely will be the end of my suffering. I tried to see how could I prove I was "separated from reality". I couldn't. However I wonder if feeling such an strong duality might be an illness of the mind. 

Edited November 24, 2019 by Javfly33

[WelcometoReality]

@Javfly33 It seems like the normal thing for "thought" to be that way. It creates a thought that is completely opposite to what reality looks like and then imagines that to be real and reality to be the way it shouldn't be.

Of course it's the thought that is imaginary and reality that is real. Could it really be any other way?

Seems like we humans are conditioned to believe these thoughts but as we become more conscious of the illusionary nature of thought it starts to loose its power.