I Am Scared

[Raptorsin7]

So over the past few weeks my meditation practice has grown a lot. I was meditating and doing yoga for multiple hours per day, culminating in a day when I did like 6 hours of meditation and 2 hours of yoga. Now I feel a strong sensation in my third eye region that is basically there all day, and I find meditation sessions go much smoother and feel more effortless then before.

However, I'm afraid of taking the next step. The reason I'm on a self improvement journey is because I want to be happy and live an amazing life. But I don't know if i want or am ready for awakening. I'm actually kinda scared to meditate because I don't know what i'm going to see and I don't know what effect awakening will have on me. I'm definitely feeling a little bit of an existential dread right now and i'm not sure how to proceed. Have anyone faced something similar on their spiritual journey? How did you deal with it? 

[Nak Khid]

when you say you do 6 hours of mediation is that regular sitting meditation?

[Raptorsin7]

@Nak Khid It was like 6 total hours. 2 Hours in the morning. Then another 4 *1 Hour sits throughout the day. Plus 2 different ashtanga yoga practices.

[erik8lrl]

Surrender. It is all love.

[Raptorsin7]

@erik8lrl Is child pedophilia all love?

[Nak Khid]

The amount you are doing is beyond self improvement aims.   It is more like  what someone wold do to pursue an awakening.
If you don't want an awakening reduce the amount of time for a while.  Then find a good teacher to advise

Edited November 24, 2019 by Nak Khid

[Raptorsin7]

@Nak Khid Ok. I do not think I am ready for an awakening. I will just limit my meditation to the morning then focus my attention on more egoic forms of happiness for the time being.

[erik8lrl]

@Raptorsin7 It is, and you are it.

[Raptorsin7]

@erik8lrl Sigh... I know, i'm just scared of the path to the awakening. I feel like it's going to be scary up until I actually realize the truth and i'm not ready for that journey. If i could experience truth without the pain and death it would be great, but i'm not ready to experience all of this yet.  

[erik8lrl]

@Raptorsin7 Yeah, if you really feel you are not ready, you should stop.

[Raptorsin7]

@erik8lrl Can i stop though? I feel like any time i go to meditate it could happen. My third eye pressure is literally here all the time now, if i'm even mindful for a few moments the pressure comes and I feel massaging my eyes.

[erik8lrl]

@Raptorsin7 Trust your intuition. 

[erik8lrl]

@Raptorsin7 If you can't stop it, the only thing you can do is surrender. 

[Ananta]

17 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I feel like it's going to be scary up until I actually realize the truth and i'm not ready for that journey.

This is all thought, thought, thought.

You, awareness, are identifying yourself AS this scary thinking. The scary thinking, comes and it goes, if you don't hold on to it. This latching onto thought is preventing you from moving forward. Let it go. Breathe.

[Raptorsin7]

@Sombra Thank you very much for sharing. That is what we must go through to get awakening I think. Our deepest fears will come to fruition and because it is all love, these fears are just another representation of us or source that can be loved and accepted if we are willing to surrender to the experience. The problem is it's fucking hard af to surrender to something like ghosts or demons, or whatever else we fear at our deepest being. On the other side of this fear is love and bliss, i'm just not ready to cross it.

I wonder what others think about this. Maybe we can learn to build ourselves so we can confront our deepest fears easier, but idk...

[Preety_India]

It won't be scary. Don't worry at all. But I wouldn't recommend meditation for long time. 

Just short periods like 15 mins. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Anna1 Yea i'm definitely lost in this thought story right now. I feel a deep fear/uneasiness in my experience right now and my mind is feeding off it like a positive feed back loop. But right now, I feel like if i let go I will see IT. And i'm not ready, so i'm kind of suck in no man's land. What is the alternative here? Do you think it's possible to experience awakening without facing our inner fears and demons. There's stories i could create in my mind that would scare the fuck out me. Even if I know it's all me, and the source of all the thoughts is all love. The fear is still real nevertheless.

[Raptorsin7]

@Sombra So why are you on this forum if you're not pursuing spirituality or enlightenment? Not being rude at all, i'm just curious I thought most people here have sort of bought in to the whole enlightenment/truth sch-peel 

[erik8lrl]

@Raptorsin7 Why are you so scared of awakening? 

[Raptorsin7]

@Preety_India Why only 15 minutes? Right now I do either hour or 30 minute sits.

Also, have you had an awakening? I highly doubt it's not scary. The best things are the most expensive.