Biggest Fear

[JevinR]

My biggest fear is that I get a job I hate. It's a constant negative worry that what-if I hate my job, what-if I hate my job, what-if I hate my job. It's why I bought the life purpose program, and I'm thinking something to do with science/technology/engineering but I have this fear that scares me from going into something like engineering or something along those lines. I wanted to become some kind of renaissance man akin to Da Vinci or Newton or Tesla, but when I started studying calculus books I borrowed from the library, my head started pounding and I wondered if is this really my life purpose? I am only on Life Purpose Assesment #1, I have the top ten values, one of which is truth and discovering the fundamental laws of nature which is basically science, but I keep getting these headaches for some reason, possibly anxiety. Another fear that the subconscious is bringing up in my brain and flashing it to me is that I get a job that I hate so much I end up in depression and then I die, fear of death? Goddamn stupid monkey brain trying to kill me. What should I do? Thanks for reading if you did 

 

Also I gave away the lifepurpose program to other people which is infrigement of copyright laws, and I feel bad for Leo. So I am thinking make maybe 5,000 to 10,000 dollars for him as in the lifepurpose program he says he falls into the category of people who are neurotically attached to money and that must have made him infuriated thinking "oh you little sh*t you " I am so grateful he didn't sue me. I know I would've especially knowing that growing up, sometimes the electricity went out and his family lit candles for lighting, and that caused a lot neurocism to his views on money. I live in an East-indian household, so as a male I have to stay with my family and live with them, as my parents took care of me, I now take care of them. So the mortgage is paid off, and I just need a life purpose job to make money, I'll donate to Leo, but the reason I gave the course is for people who are neurotic as me have no clue as to what they are doing and need their life-purpose and need to get on track and make a utopian society. It may have been a kind gesture, but I have suspicion some people don't care about the most important part of life purpose which is contribution to society, the only real reason for life purpose.

Edited June 2, 2016 by JevinR

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@JevinR I'm going to answer your second paragraph first. The problem is, you essentially robbed from Leo's own Life Purpose to attempt to empower others. If you really want a utopian society, I doubt it would include those type of actions. I was able to know my purpose without that video, but I will buy it anyway (when I'm financially able) to support Leo (because he has helped me so much for free) and because there is always more to learn. Everyone makes mistakes, and it sounds like you've learned from this one... I'm am not trying to inflict guilt on you, it really upset me to hear though...I think as many gestures you can offer Leo without it being about re-payment, more about genuine giving; financial or beyond (personal) would be amazing!

If you hated your job, you'd move on to the next... purpose: I would guess that unless you have experience with finding flow while doing things like calculus, that it is less likely your purpose (maybe something else in that field?)... that is not firm though ... if your ultimate goals involve a little calculus on the way, and you are really set on those goals... you could surpass that issue... Here's something to ponder... my variation from Leo's lessons:

1. If you were going to die in 6 months, and you had to work, it could be any job and your training was instant, what would it be? Consider the mundane/ menial tasks, equations, etch involved before your final decision. Really research daily activities, role play, spend time with a mentor in that job...something you enjoy doing and you are "good at", or want to be "good at",  which skills & abilities do others always compliment you on?

Example: I love all of that Tesla stuff too... if you asked me for concepts related to that science, some fun drawings, I'd love it... but when I even think about your calculus book, my head hurts too.... lol....

Edited June 3, 2016 by Epiphany_Inspired
grammar

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@JevinR I thought about it:

Consider watching the life purpose course again, and again, even again... until you have one solid sentence to state what your life purpose is. This should be something that you can't help from working on (even if it involves calculus), you would be compelled. Your purpose description should explain to others what you are offering to the world/earth, humanity, etc. It would not be wish-washy like it is now. If those inventors are your mentors, read everything by and about them, find out every possible career option in that realm etc...You will know when you've found it... and if for some reason you grow to dislike it, move on...

Gratitude is very helpful, I think you are on the right track there. You could start by expanding the gratitude you already have for Leo with the not suing you thing..(the typical less-conscious businessman could have kicked you off the community, etc...too)...I don't think it's about money... Leo deserves respect, to have compensation for something he worked so hard on... everyone does... your belief that your actions came out of compassion for your lost friends is flawed... Leo is not the "Sherriff of Nottingham", and you are not "Robin Hood", (if anyone is Robin Hood in this story it's Leo, lol).I don't mean to sound too harsh, sending so much love too... that said, we are west-coast Canadians, usually as respectful as a Japanese princess... represent... I know eventually you will find the ideal way for you to contribute to society... one that respects the integrity of everyone involved especially yourself...

[JevinR]

I hate my old therapist, she said to not do pick-up or talk to girls as it was "evil" in her mind. Little did she know, If not for pick-up I would never have had any access to even talk to or even be with woman as my social circle isn't very large. Now, when I think about talking to a girl I hear her voice about the conversation we had. She told me to go join clubs when I get into college and meet and interact with people and date through a social cirlce, but I hate, hate HATE social circles. They're fake platonic and just down right annoying. I like having close connections rather 500 friends on facebook that I barely even know. When a woman expresses her sexuality, she's a "slut", now when a man expresses his sexuality he's a "rapist". Complete load of bullshit. The therapists response was fear driven, as she had this demonized view of what pick-up is, and I can understand that, but castrating some 19 year old from dating/sexuality for his entire life for wanting to have sexual relationships is akin to the catholic approach of having sex only once married, and what I mean by that is this blog a catholic woman posted about how the demonization of sex ruined her sex life, how she had to repent and felt shameful,disgusting,unpure about having waiting until marriage and then proceeded to bawl her eyes out after sex  absolutely complete fucking bullshit all these anti sex idiots are spewing, wrecking the mental health of thousands if not millions world wide.

I feel bad that I wronged my mentor, my teacher the man that took me in after having giving me so much hope for such an amazing life. I am just going to need to give Leo 5-10k dollars. Dad has 24k for education, not sure if I should be a theoretical physicist and chase my dream, and become like the people I adore because of this... 

So I am a crook, opened Rich Dad Poor Dad and first page was on Robin Hood being a crook. Gura has given me all my major goals and the things I value you the most, along with many amazing concepts and what not. I'll pay him back whatever Im not shaming myself. Fuck this place, nobody even supports me anymore. Knew I should've gone with elliot hulse's forum, the man gives straight forward advice, but his forum would be filled with liftaholics

Edited June 4, 2016 by JevinR
,

[JevinR]

@JevinR The payment will be of $35,000 USD

[charlie2dogs]

On 6/2/2016 at 4:26 PM, JevinR said:

My biggest fear is that I get a job I hate. It's a constant negative worry that what-if I hate my job, what-if I hate my job, what-if I hate my job. It's why I bought the life purpose program, and I'm thinking something to do with science/technology/engineering but I have this fear that scares me from going into something like engineering or something along those lines. I wanted to become some kind of renaissance man akin to Da Vinci or Newton or Tesla, but when I started studying calculus books I borrowed from the library, my head started pounding and I wondered if is this really my life purpose? I am only on Life Purpose Assesment #1, I have the top ten values, one of which is truth and discovering the fundamental laws of nature which is basically science, but I keep getting these headaches for some reason, possibly anxiety. Another fear that the subconscious is bringing up in my brain and flashing it to me is that I get a job that I hate so much I end up in depression and then I die, fear of death? Goddamn stupid monkey brain trying to kill me. What should I do? Thanks for reading if you did 

 

Also I gave away the lifepurpose program to other people which is infrigement of copyright laws, and I feel bad for Leo. So I am thinking make maybe 5,000 to 10,000 dollars for him as in the lifepurpose program he says he falls into the category of people who are neurotically attached to money and that must have made him infuriated thinking "oh you little sh*t you " I am so grateful he didn't sue me. I know I would've especially knowing that growing up, sometimes the electricity went out and his family lit candles for lighting, and that caused a lot neurocism to his views on money. I live in an East-indian household, so as a male I have to stay with my family and live with them, as my parents took care of me, I now take care of them. So the mortgage is paid off, and I just need a life purpose job to make money, I'll donate to Leo, but the reason I gave the course is for people who are neurotic as me have no clue as to what they are doing and need their life-purpose and need to get on track and make a utopian society. It may have been a kind gesture, but I have suspicion some people don't care about the most important part of life purpose which is contribution to society, the only real reason for life purpose.

where did you get this idea that the only real reason for life purpose is contributing to society?

[JevinR]

@charlie2dogs I don't know, it just struck me that everything I am doing is for society and puts this tremendous stress when working or doing anything really.

[Saarah]

@charlie2dogs I was thinking this too, there are no shoulds in life and all purpose is created, contributing to society is an inauthentic action to take if it doesn't align with your state of consciousness 

[JevinR]

@Saarah Mine does actually. I want massive contribution to society, I just have to deal with the have stress somehow.

[Saarah]

@JevinR I defo think you should find some books to do with reprogramming the subconscious and that work to make you enter more positive states, you started your post with how worried and fearful you feel, I think that in itself is probably causing you more of the stress than actually achieving your goal! Once you let go of that tension you'll be better positioned to take more effective action, good luck

[abrakamowse]

My biggest fear was losing my identity, and I think I am ready to drop the identity... Lol

But that was my biggest fear and it is to certain extent now...

[Saarah]

@abrakamowse I guess it's like death in the sense that once you're there, you care not to go back  

[abrakamowse]

8 hours ago, Saarah said:

@abrakamowse I guess it's like death in the sense that once you're there, you care not to go back  

Yeah, I think so. I had one experience of no identity once. And it's scary as f***.

At that moment was, because of my ignorance and my attachment to my identity.

I feel now that I am ready but I am not sure hehehe... Maybe I need someone to push me

hahahaha

Cheers!

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@JevinR I'm so sorry if you did not Feel supported. I took the time to answer your dharma questions to the best of my ability, my intention was of compassion, .. I told you it upset me, Etc, I only hoped for your understanding., not shame. I've been in negative spirals before too, one thing that might help is opening up to a more balanced view of Everything. Some social circles may be fake, others are genuine, truly supportive, and  Incredibly beautiful. some elements of pick-up may empower you, other elements may dis-empower...see Leo's rant...there is no point in hating anything, you will only harm yourself...there is no point in assuming your therapist was 100% wrong, there was value to that approach too (Potentially more meaningful connections than pick-up)..just consider everything with an open mind and you'll be feeling more positive soon..

I can't speak for Leo, but I don't think he'd want your education fund. What I meant about genuine giving vs repayment would look something like; you find your purpose, you become successful (enlightened, financial, other) and maybe you record an awesome testimonial or something for Leo That in turn helps even more people actualize...

 

Edited June 9, 2016 by Epiphany_Inspired

[JevinR]

@Epiphany_Inspired @Epiphany_Inspired Thanks for replying, I watched this video and have to really be persistent and dedicated to get in the 5%, no point in writing a testimonial if it's not fantastical/very-high quality. Mortgage is paid off, it would be easy to pay back Leo. Have to be very dedicated in order to achieve results. (This is a moralized "should" statement which may not work in the long-run)

 

 

Edited June 10, 2016 by JevinR

[charlie2dogs]

On 6/9/2016 at 1:43 AM, Saarah said:

@abrakamowse I guess it's like death in the sense that once you're there, you care not to go back  

his identity will be the last thing he gives up , and what is there to go back to,

[abrakamowse]

48 minutes ago, charlie2dogs said:

his identity will be the last thing he gives up , and what is there to go back to,

No way back!

[Saarah]

@charlie2dogs @abrakamowse I see now the answer is shit all! Lol  

[abrakamowse]

27 minutes ago, Saarah said:

@charlie2dogs @abrakamowse I see now the answer is shit all! Lol  

Drop everything!!!!

[abrakamowse]

When you say, ‘Shall I just drop everything to find the Self?'
you will then become a somebody who dropped everything to get the Self.
So, some form of identity will remain over.
Be nobody. If you are nobody then there is no Self to 'get'.
You are and have always been the one effortless Self.
This you will ultimately discover when you leave believing in 'things' and their perceiver being apart from the one Self.

~ Mooji, Monte Sahaja 2015