How To Get In The Mood For Sex As A Female All The Time

[Emerald]

16 minutes ago, Fitness Model said:

@Emerald Wilkins I couldn't agree more dear Emy, but you see that's the problem, he doesnt desire me, he desires sex, and sometimes I show him sexy pics of girls on Instagram or even my girlfriend to put him in the mood. That's why I lost self confidence for a long time, until recently I started gaining it once I stopped defining my self worth & if I'm pretty or sexyy enough by his view (after watching Leo's video on how to be attractive & how to stop jealousy) those 2 videos changed my life. 

So yea, definitely having sex with someone who desires you just you is the thing that would make me wild horny, but that's not gonna happen, and I don't want to stay a victim I want to upgrade my life, have great sex with what I can have control over.

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like he's desensitized himself through use of external stimuli (i.e. pictures, pornography, etc.) So, this makes it harder to get off to a real tangible woman with an array of human traits and not just an image that can be idealized. I'm pretty certain that it comes from this desensitization and not a lack of desire for you based upon traits that you carry. This is why over-use of pornography is detrimental. It really becomes a barrier to intimacy because people who watch it regularly, develop neural pathways where their main outlet for orgasm relates back to an image and not a real person. So, it becomes easier to get aroused by a picture/fantasy and simultaneously harder to get aroused by a real woman. It would take months of practice for him to condition himself to get aroused by non-image/fantasy based sexual stimuli again. 

[Salaam]

Ugh, reading what he said to you while you were pregnant makes me want to punch him in the mouth. Your guy sounds like he has an immature and stunted sexuality.

So many guys suck with handling sex. They don't know how to protect and cultivate it's health within them.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that shit, while in such a vulnerable state. He doesn't even realize that the baby feels those things just as much as you do.

That pisses me off on so many levels.

Edited June 4, 2016 by Salaam

[Emerald]

4 minutes ago, Salaam said:

Ugh, reading what he said to you while you were pregnant makes me want to punch him in the mouth. Your guy sounds like he has an immature and stunted sexuality.

So many guys suck with handling sex. They don't know how to protect and cultivate it's health within them.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that shit, while in such a vulnerable state. He doesn't even realize that the baby feels those things just as much as you do.

That pisses me off on so many levels.

I just went back and read that post and I agree. I couldn't feel attraction to a man who said that to me. The intimacy barriers go up if a man tries to tear me down and attraction turns to disgust. Intimacy becomes impossible with someone who puts me down. In order to be intimate, vulnerability is 100% necessary. You can't be vulnerable around someone who tears down your self-esteem on purpose.

[Natasha]

@Salaam Wow.. your wife posts her sexual experiences on FB? 

 

Edited June 4, 2016 by Natasha

[charlie2dogs]

29 minutes ago, Fitness Model said:

@charlie2dogs well yes we both didn't have the resources to make a fruitful relationship, but I think you know that love isn't a real thing, it's what you see in movies so that can't be what is missing in the relationship, now connection on all levels yea that's definitely something to work on as our relationship didget better in terms of communication, and we are more honest with each other than we use to, I understand way better than before, we got much closer after we had our daughter as he is an extraordinary father, we don't fight anymore, we discuss and I respect him because he's intelligent and logical. So our relationship isn't a failure it just needs on going improvement especially on this area: sex, if this is fixed I think I'm in the best marriage ever.

love is a state of being, but not one that can be had by the human identity.  The human identity does acts that it associates with and as love, and it involves emotional and mental states.  Any time love is based on emotional and mental states it is subject to be one way today and another tomorrow, depending on the emotional and mental state of being.  When one experiences love as a state of being, it is love and what it does is not dependent on emotions or mental states, love will do what love does and it wont be an act that looks like love.

Having said that i understand you have a good relationship with your husband, and both of you may have grown to make it a better relationship, for those who can do that it is great, but so many cant or wont and it ends up in a mess.  sounds like both of you are making changes to  create a better relationship, i hope it continues for you both.

My statement before wasnt directed at you it was a general statement about human beings , love and sex.  at least that was what i intended

[Salaam]

1 hour ago, Natasha said:

@Salaam Wow.. your wife posts her sexual experiences on FB? 

 

And wow right back at you. Project much?

We're not a part of that weird "kill the ego" cult. Fuck that nonsense.

My wife is a shaman, healer, counselor, ordained minister, and survivor of child hood sexual abuse and trauma.

She's done A LOT of work on herself and with me to be able to enjoy her sexuality in ways she's never experienced before. She deserves to be able to share in that enjoyment and celebrate in whatever medium she chooses. Plus, it's clear that wasn't a "look at me" post about some shallow shit. But one of sharing and discussing energetic experiences, that is relevant to a lot of our other friends who happen to work on the same stuff.

I mean jeez, the woman is sharing an experience where she felt like she got a piece of her soul back and the only thing you can come up with is this shit?

Ha... funnily enough, Eckhart Tolle liked one of my Wife's pictures on instagram a couple weeks ago. It's kind of ironic, given your video selection.

Edited June 5, 2016 by Salaam

[Natasha]

1 hour ago, Salaam said:

And wow right back at you. Project much?

We're not a part of that weird "kill the ego" cult. Fuck that nonsense.

My wife is a shaman, healer, counselor, ordained minister, and survivor of child hood sexual abuse and trauma.

She's done A LOT of work on herself and with me to be able to enjoy her sexuality in ways she's never experienced before. She deserves to be able to share in that enjoyment and celebrate in whatever medium she chooses. Plus, it's clear that wasn't a "look at me" post about some shallow shit. But one of sharing and discussing energetic experiences, that is relevant to a lot of our other friends who happen to work on the same stuff.

I mean jeez, the woman is sharing an experience where she felt like she got a piece of her soul back and the only thing you can come up with is this shit?

Ha... funnily enough, Eckhart Tolle liked one of my Wife's pictures on instagram a couple weeks ago. It's kind of ironic, given your video selection.

You don't kill anything. Ego is to be developed in a responsible way (self-actualization), integrated, and transcended.

Isn't sexual intimacy is to be enjoyed, shared, and celebrated between the 2 people involved. Not everyone wants to know what's going on between other people's sheets, honestly. That's called boundaries.

Your part about seduction/ building tension is very good. But perhaps a personal blog would be a more fit place for your wife to talk about more intimate details, where she can help others with similar problems to recover and to heal. What she's done with her life is indeed admirable.

I recently deleted my FB because people would share too much on there, some of the stuff made me wonder what the heck. This is just my opinion anyway. Peace.  

Edited: Eckhart mentioned in one of his talks that he doesn't do FB or any other kind of social media, he's a very private and conscious person. His assistant Steve takes care of that. 

 

Edited June 5, 2016 by Natasha

[Salaam]

@Natasha

Lol, come on, many women are sex nerds. They talk about all the intimate details with their friends. That post of hers created an awesome discussion with many different people chiming in. Many of whom knew what it was like to go through similar things in their past and gained hope and inspiration from her successes. Maybe you should read up on how some women who have been abused go through periods of hiding their body with bulky and black clothes, disconnecting from their sexuality. It's a big thing for them to see a kindred spirit be able to bask again in their natural femininity and sexual expression.

I get it, it is your opinion. I don't have a problem with that. What I don't like is how you tried to push that opinion onto my Wife's expression of something beautiful and self-empowering. You're similar to the baptists down south, trying to shame people into conformity. There are girls that have been molested by deacons and when they try to tell someone about it, they are shamed into silence and conformity as well, all for the sake of some ignorant, righteous view.

I'm not going to allow anyone to shame my wife on some side-shit. And don't even try to tell me that wasn't your intention.

See, on facebook they give you the option to choose who you share it with. It can be public, or some unique mixture of private. Why are you assuming it was a public post? It wasn't. You should have asked me about that first in a private message, before derailing this thread.

Also, you talk about transcend? Do you even understand the role validation has in our bodies? Do you understand that humans will always have a self-referencing mechanism, because it is a system that learns through contrast and association with things outside (and inside) it's physical boundaries? 

Every single memory, belief, view, etc. is internalized and maintained and shifted along deeper or shallower degrees of internalization via validation. When you eat something good for you and get a healthy feeling from your body, that is a form of validation. You have a wide spectrum of internal and external flavors of validation. It is not validation itself that is ever the problem, it is the CONTEXT of what is being validated and consequently internalized.

That is a physical reality, no matter what religion or philosophy you ascribe to. I know this because my awareness is faster, deeper, and more sensitive than any of your damn gurus. I can feel and track it in my body and if other people spent the time I have they'd be just as capable.

Anyways, if you want to respond to this, please send me a private message. I don't want to clutter up this thread with an off-topic discussion.

Edited June 5, 2016 by Salaam

[Sarah Marie]

On June 3, 2016 at 8:25 AM, Fitness Model said:

@Sarah_Flagg Thank you dear, I do suggest stuff like that to him but he seems not that interested & honestly Im doing it half hearted as I rather do something else or sleep and he is the same and we both know this is what the other person is thinking, so its not as much of a toy thing or technique thing as it is a lust and desire thing (AKA being horny and lusting the other person).

I watch porn sometimes but it doesnt turn me on as it feels soooo fake, I get more horny on reading erotica or watching movies like basic instinct 2, killing me softly, loool thats how I

Awesome, I understand that. I love 50 shades of grey. MACA root might be worth looking into to boost your libidos. 

[charlie2dogs]

8 hours ago, Natasha said:

You don't kill anything. Ego is to be developed in a responsible way (self-actualization), integrated, and transcended.

Isn't sexual intimacy is to be enjoyed, shared, and celebrated between the 2 people involved. Not everyone wants to know what's going on between other people's sheets, honestly. That's called boundaries.

Your part about seduction/ building tension is very good. But perhaps a personal blog would be a more fit place for your wife to talk about more intimate details, where she can help others with similar problems to recover and to heal. What she's done with her life is indeed admirable.

I recently deleted my FB because people would share too much on there, some of the stuff made me wonder what the heck. This is just my opinion anyway. Peace.  

Edited: Eckhart mentioned in one of his talks that he doesn't do FB or any other kind of social media, he's a very private and conscious person. His assistant Steve takes care of that. 

 

Natasha, you are wise to get rid of facebook, i never did facebook, twitter,  those programs are run and controlled to a large degree by those who want to control, monitor and manipulate your life.  I agree with your thoughts on the ego,  I too lead a private life, in real life.  I also agree that what happens between a man and his wife or mate, should remain private between them, to me that is one of the few things that can be considered sacred, and to toss that out on the web, under the guise of helping others, is something that human identities might do, but not a truly awakened being.

[Annie]

@Fitness Model I have been married for 13 years now, we have 2 small children and our sex life was great at first, then became boring, then almost inexistent and now we're back "on track" after my libido was extremely low (had never been super high but never thaaaat low). What worked for me to finally get things going again was something so simple it's almost ridiculous. Do you ever look into each others eyes when you have sex? Have you ever had an orgasm with your eyes wide open looking into his? I swear to you it's the hottest thing there is!

[Fitness Model]

22 hours ago, Salaam said:

Caring is a humble little thing, but in all the many challenges I've learned from and faced, it's served me as the best of foundations.

I do believe this as well, thank you for the encouragement,

 

22 hours ago, Salaam said:

what that all means is being opportunistic with tension and developing habits that create an inviting or fertile ground for tension to be present. This means connecting deeper with your own sexuality and the rest of your identity so you have more flavors and styles for tension to wrap around in those moments as you engage with another, but it also means seeing and savoring more of the flavors and styles of your partner.

please mention one of ur habits or suggest one that would work on u by your wife.

what do you mean by: connecting deeper to my identity and sexuality? how do you do that? I honestly forgot what my sexuality was after trying to alter it so many times to fit my husbands taste but with no success.

he tried to convince me to take cheating as a fetish (AKA get turned on when I fantasize about him having sex with another woman) and it worked FOR A WHILE till I no longer felt it turns us on to do that fantasy so we thought maybe have a threesome with my girlfriend (whom I use to make out with when I was single) but I thought of that out of desperation more than inspiration. but I was scared that this would become the norm, and deep down I knew he wanted to do it just so he would be able to become actually horny when hes with me cz if its just me than thats not enough, and that idea was killing me. we didn't do it, he also coward out of it when I told him to send her plane tickets.

22 hours ago, Salaam said:

She may have a new fingernail polish on and rather than just comment on it, I'll take her hand in mine and slowly slide my fingers over her skin as I talk about her nails, noticing how they go with her eyes or how it works with her dress. In between that I'll kiss her fingers, then her wrist softly, then bite her there. Mixing the softness with a little bit of the animal inside me, taking her by surprise. Giving her a cheeky smile and a little flash of the sexual hunger, coiled inside me. Then I'll switch to talking about something else and let that simmer, while pulling her into me and sharing a moment of closeness, maybe nuzzling against her every now and then and slowly savoring the smell of her hair, gently and slowly grazing her ear with my lips and breath. I have a deep voice and when my sex rises, there is a subtle vibration or purr that does something to her.

Reading this I got soooo turned on I almost masturbated, ARE YOU A REAL PERSON? I never imagined that there would be a man who would actually do this!! and after 4 years of marriage!! you know if my husband does that I would probably orgasm as he is kissing my fingers (we dont kiss to begin with not even in sex, he avoids it)

anyway, this reminded me of the good old days when I was obsessed with seduction (I was reading The art of seduction by Robert Greene and playing those techniques on my husband who was my boyfriend then. how can you be seduces after seeing all her flaws? 

I have a question, are you enlightened? cz you cant be just a normal human thinking this extremely high thinking, your superhuman.

may I ask what is your job? are you an author?

22 hours ago, Salaam said:

Seduction is about viewing normal things as an opportunity to create something more. A touch, a gaze, a conversation, sex.

today for example we went to the park and I thought let me try what Salaam was talking about so I put my self in seductress mentality and I thought to imagine time stopped and I smiled at him and wanted to make an eye contact with him but he smiled back quickly and immediately put his eyes on his phone to play a game, so I dont know how I can ever experience a fraction of what your experiencing

22 hours ago, Salaam said:

The best sex comes from the interplay of presence and personality, while allowing that inter-play to balance out, ground, and enhance the natural allure a person has.

how to have presence, and how to make the other person play along, especially if that person isnt into this high thinking?

22 hours ago, Salaam said:

My focus is instead on building deeper and richer moments with my partner, because the more it builds, the more it transports us into higher and higher flow or trance states, that allow us to tap into deeper and more primal parts of who we are.

22 hours ago, Salaam said:

so I am like this bull of a man, roaring and devouring my wife, triggering her primal and ancient, witchy sides to come to the surface from her subconscious depths. Those are the kinds of sides, deep within a woman, that not many men, ever truly get to see.

I conclude from this that you are both mediators, if not both enlightened?  Im a beginner in meditation like 6 weeks only of 20 minutes do nothing meditation.

my husband isnt into that at all and thinks its a waste of time, he rather playing video games.

is it possible to achieve a small percentage in this practice if just one of the 2 people in relation is a mediator, a seductress?

22 hours ago, Salaam said:

"I'm curious...is there anyone that has seen sacred geometry, flowers, shapes, ...etc during sex?
Yes, I have as of last night...i saw just a simple white 5-petaled flower with a big rosy center and today I saw the sacred geometry flower forming...Hmmm...my left ear started ringing during a simple kiss yesterday too.

Something has changed inside me. There's a stronger feeling of calm, peace, being at ease entirely...grounded, and capable. More than I've witnessed before...a knowing and wisdom too...and again calmness around it. Oh and the passion and fire! I don't know what...but married sex!!! lol I've never experienced ANYTHING like what we've been experiencing. wooooooo

David says that it feels very empowering. Both of us! Just mind blowing!!! Body expanding and exploding into a million stars, whilst forming again and grounding into what feels like a VERY ancient knowing. I want to say 'body' but it isn't my body that is ancient...it's my soul...ALL of it. I feel that I have found new pieces of my soul...new knowing, understanding...so much.
Oh! And I have gotten way more vocal in terms of saying what I want...if you have known me in the past...you know I don't generally speak up. I kinda like it it's powerful. I've never been like that during sex...

So...I was curious if anyone sees sacred geometry, flowers, shapes...etc during sex? Feel free to private message me if you don't want to say it publicly. But please don't be a creepy dope. I'll block you."

wow!!!!! your lady is definitely on the same page, she seems to have the superhuman thinking as well.

does your lady meditate during sex?

Edited June 5, 2016 by Fitness Model

[Fitness Model]

@charlie2dogs I apologize if I came offensive, you are obviously more knowledgeable than me in the self actualization field, I think Im not mature enough and my ego creeps out of no where and acts defensive.

you are absolutely right, Love is a state of being, and that is what I am trying to achieve.

[Fitness Model]

@Salaam hey there Master! 

I replied to your amazing post above but forgot to @user you so apologies for that.

thank you sooo so much for your kind help, I hope you get it back multiplied!

[Annie]

@Fitness Model You don't kiss?! Well if I were you I'd change that as soon as possible because that - for me at least - is a very important part of intimacy, it will make a huge difference I promise you. If he avoids is ask him why.

[Fitness Model]

@Annie your right dear Annie, its very important for me and I actually get wet just by kissing, I told him I love kissing and foreplay but when we are having sex he becomes so hurried to put it (intercourse) and he wants it either by me sitting in reverse (reverse cow girl) or doggie, so I dont know how to kiss during that.

even when I initiate sex by kissing he quickly turns his face to the side, I thought I had mouth odor but I made a test with the spoon, and I dont, it smells good.

I asked him why do u turn ur face when I start kissing u, he said cz he cant breathe and kiss in the same time.

liar ofcourse cz he use to kiss me for loong times when we were dating.

same applies for giving me oral sex, as he doesnt lick me at all, he did it like 4 times throughout our 4 year marriage, I also thought I had vaginal odor but I always stick a finger inside me before sex and smell it and taste it, I never ever had a smell its almost tasteless n no odor.

I always wash with intimate wah after each urine and dry with a separate towel especially for my vagina, and I always am shaved down there, and at the house I dress panties and bra to keep my body fresh, and anyway my skin isnt the kind that produces sweat, I basically dont sweat, not even while working out unless its HIIT training, and I shower and scrub everyday.

[Annie]

@Fitness Model I believe the problem here is definitely not you here but only his attitude. Your husband clearly has some intimacy issues.  Perhaps he choses those positions so he doesn't have to look at you. Forgive me for making this assumption but perhaps he is fantasizing about having sex with someone else because why else would he avoid getting intimate with you? Does he only care about reaching his orgasm quickly or do you have sessions that last a few hours? Does he treat you well when you're having sex?

[Fitness Model]

@Annie no sweetie your right! and I know it, I feel it, and I told him that but he said that my low self esteem issues are not his problem and Im a needy person, jealous and do not possess self confidence otherwise I wouldn't think that.

but I know it, he isnt attracted to me anymore, and he claims cz Im not horny like I use to be. (he basically lies down and tries to save as much effort as possible)

I told him that he changed as well, cz he use to actually LIVE  between my legs when we were dating, he said that was because he was turned on by my supreme horniness.

he is sooooo immature, he just doesnt wanna do anything about it, its easier to put the blame on me, and keep checking girls out in the street, and follow hotties groups and masturbate over their slutty pics, thats more comfortable for him than working with me to make us both happy and satisfied.

I wanted to leave him so many times, but I keep thinking: why does my daughter have to pay the price for 2 adults who are sooo selfish they dont want to make any effort to make this a happy family.

outside sex, we have a great time together, we dont fight anymore, we both love our daughter to death, he never cheated, so thats why Im sure I can do something about it, just like I was 103 kilos when I was 17 and lost those to 49 kg in 2 months and built a perfectly toned body, and kept the weight off, I think I can manage this guy, I just need patience and the right strategy, my daughter will get the best life no matter what!

[Annie]

@Fitness Model Glad to hear that at least every other aspect of your relationship is fine. Specially for your daughters sake. But he needs to understand that he is causing the problems, not you. You alone can't fix it, it takes two to do that. You mentioned earlier you're located in Germany, so am I by the way. Are you both German? Perhaps its a cultural thing that his way of thinking is so weird?! Although on second thought I think his behaviour is off in pretty much any culture. You are his wife, the mother of his child, he should worship you on every level. If he was turned on by your supreme horniness then tell him that his behaviour is a huge turnoff and that this horniness will return if he puts some effort in this too.

[Fitness Model]

@Annie HAHAHHAAAAAAAA u cracked me up soo bad, yes Germans are weird loooool, they kill sexuality in anything, even in nudity.

actually I am half British half Brazilian, and my husband is Yugoslavian, we met in the UK when I was out of an MBA class heading to the Gym, he was giving a presentation to Bill Gates looool, and on the road we car raced then he blocked me and refused to let me go unless I gave him my number, really nice time. at that time I had one 3 beauty pageants, miss bikini and a face model for makeup.

he had hair now hes bold hahahaaa, Im less pretty than before because of the hard times and my baby isnt an east one at all, super hyper active, naughty, expert in making mess and hates to sleep  I look tired even when Im not tired and my waist is wider than before, generally chubbier than before but still fit and toned, I just dont spend 3 hours getting ready to go anywhere even to the gym like I use to. no time

 

but you are definitely right, I must sit with him and tell him to work with me as soon as I understand Salaams technique looool.

 

ps I live in Hamburg, lovely city and very friendly people