How To Get In The Mood For Sex As A Female All The Time

[Fitness Model]

is there a certain routine or something to do to become in the mood for sex all the time?

I use to be feeling sexy and horny all the time when I was single and during dating period with my boyfriend whom I married, sex was unbelievable, ecstatic.

but now after marriage its like not that exciting, simply because we\re not horny for each other as we use to be, familiarity is a bitch, but I still want to have amazing sex and believe that we can if I just be in the mood, so I get creative, because just doing it isnt exactly our thing, there must be like some dirty talk or telling him a fantasy, but even that is getting boring, I dont know please help.

I would love to hear from both men and women, what do you think is the way to go.

ps he is a bodybuilder and I am a fitness model so we look fairly good most of the time, we just let go you know in holiday times to get treats and eat like we want

[charlie2dogs]

29 minutes ago, Fitness Model said:

is there a certain routine or something to do to become in the mood for sex all the time?

I use to be feeling sexy and horny all the time when I was single and during dating period with my boyfriend whom I married, sex was unbelievable, ecstatic.

but now after marriage its like not that exciting, simply because we\re not horny for each other as we use to be, familiarity is a bitch, but I still want to have amazing sex and believe that we can if I just be in the mood, so I get creative, because just doing it isnt exactly our thing, there must be like some dirty talk or telling him a fantasy, but even that is getting boring, I dont know please help.

I would love to hear from both men and women, what do you think is the way to go.

ps he is a bodybuilder and I am a fitness model so we look fairly good most of the time, we just let go you know in holiday times to get treats and eat like we want

both of you have lost the desire you once had for each other,  and why must it be you that has to be in the mood, what about him, what is he doing to get you in the mood, or make you horny, when the desire goes, it can get boring very easily, and you may never get that back with him, most likely if you was in a new relationship and excited about it you would feel sexy and horny.

I do think there are a few people who come together and the excitement and desire stays, but i think that is a very small percentage.  Most anything you do long enough will get old, unless you have great passion for it.

most relationships start out generally neither party having the tools to make a fruitful lasting relationship, Most enter a relationship looking for love that they don't have.  Love is a state of being.  The human identity seeks love because it only knows about acts that are called love and with that the desires of the flesh, the desires of the flesh being the driving factor most often.   Most have this belief that everyone needs love,  that isn't true.  The need to love and be loved causes humans to do a lot of crazy things that end up with a lot of crazy consequences.

[Sarah Marie]

@Fitness Model My advise, spice it up. Go outside, rope play, add toys, do new kinky stuff. Get ideas from porn.

[ChimpBrain]

Frankly I think the expectation that you'll have the same kind of sex after 10yrs that you had during the first year is an unrealistic ideal put forth by pop culture. It's not that it becomes worse necessarily, just different. The physical attraction wanes but the emotional attraction should grow. It doesn't have to be less passionate, just a different type of passion based more off of emotional connection than lust.

This is my experience anyway. Hope it helps.

[Salaam]

@Fitness Model

How long have you two been married?

My Wife and I have been married for over 4 years now and the sex is more soul and mind blowing than ever before.

The key for us has been maintaining and building Sexual Tension, plus continuing to grow sexually together. Seduction is a passion of mine, it's communication, and dancing with emotion and sensation. My wife often says that I seduce her everyday and she returns that seductive energy in kind.

Captivating attention, drawing out feelings and holding them till the thirst becomes over-whelming. Sex is not just a pleasure to drink from, it needs to be given time to build, it is a part of our identity and has both pains and pleasures around it. It is as much about self-restraint as it is about passion, and more about self-expression and adding personality then mechanical release.

Anyways, without proper seduction you lose tension, which means you lose detail that your and his emotions respond to, and less feeling means more autopilot/habitual behavior, leading to boredom and the killing of anticipation.

First-taste novelty and infatuation will only go so far and the comfort found in a relationship is not enough to sustain richness alone. In fact, comfort can lead to even more degradation of tension and an auto-pilot relationship, slowly draining of color. We have to protect the sexual sides of our nature from the habitual normalcy of life, it is a slippery slope that must be balanced, so our partners are both our confidants and lovers.

But, it's not just about protecting that side, it's about fostering it, growing it, adding depth.

I still haven't touched the bottom or seen all the sides of my wife's sexuality, nor experienced the very bottom of my own. Our sex just explodes into new heights as we grow and process who we are as people. It's amazing and blows my mind when I see all the more sex can really be. That mystery or unknown, protects the anticipation we have, fuels it, so our bodies ache for each other and our emotions leap into fires at the touch, because we've built these sexual patterns, over and over again together, for the course of our relationship.

Also, for your guy, does he watch a lot of porn or masturbate often? Compared to the sex I know, porn fucking suuuucks and what's more is it desensitizes you to all the details that go on when your in the presence of your woman. The pixelated visual stimulation on a tv screen or whatever can't compare to all the energies being exchanged and most of all the tension that occurs when in real life. Plus, it reinforces the frame of mind that sex is about release and not about personal expression. There is no undulating and arching of bodies, the sharing of breath, the dominance and shared primal sexual deliciousness... it's a waste of sexual energy in my opinion and something to look into. Personally, I try not to even masturbate and prefer to hold that sexual ache and share it with my wife.

A man should have dominance over his sexual urges and nature. So it is a part of him that washes over and surges around him, like waves from the ocean... at least that's how it feels within me. A slow burn, that you feel in your bones and draw from, so it shines in your eyes and smile.
 

[charlie2dogs]

4 hours ago, Salaam said:

@Fitness Model

How long have you two been married?

My Wife and I have been married for over 4 years now and the sex is more soul and mind blowing than ever before.

The key for us has been maintaining and building Sexual Tension, plus continuing to grow sexually together. Seduction is a passion of mine, it's communication, and dancing with emotion and sensation. My wife often says that I seduce her everyday and she returns that seductive energy in kind.

Captivating attention, drawing out feelings and holding them till the thirst becomes over-whelming. Sex is not just a pleasure to drink from, it needs to be given time to build, it is a part of our identity and has both pains and pleasures around it. It is as much about self-restraint as it is about passion, and more about self-expression and adding personality then mechanical release.

Anyways, without proper seduction you lose tension, which means you lose detail that your and his emotions respond to, and less feeling means more autopilot/habitual behavior, leading to boredom and the killing of anticipation.

First-taste novelty and infatuation will only go so far and the comfort found in a relationship is not enough to sustain richness alone. In fact, comfort can lead to even more degradation of tension and an auto-pilot relationship, slowly draining of color. We have to protect the sexual sides of our nature from the habitual normalcy of life, it is a slippery slope that must be balanced, so our partners are both our confidants and lovers.

But, it's not just about protecting that side, it's about fostering it, growing it, adding depth.

I still haven't touched the bottom or seen all the sides of my wife's sexuality, nor experienced the very bottom of my own. Our sex just explodes into new heights as we grow and process who we are as people. It's amazing and blows my mind when I see all the more sex can really be. That mystery or unknown, protects the anticipation we have, fuels it, so our bodies ache for each other and our emotions leap into fires at the touch, because we've built these sexual patterns, over and over again together, for the course of our relationship.

Also, for your guy, does he watch a lot of porn or masturbate often? Compared to the sex I know, porn fucking suuuucks and what's more is it desensitizes you to all the details that go on when your in the presence of your woman. The pixelated visual stimulation on a tv screen or whatever can't compare to all the energies being exchanged and most of all the tension that occurs when in real life. Plus, it reinforces the frame of mind that sex is about release and not about personal expression. There is no undulating and arching of bodies, the sharing of breath, the dominance and shared primal sexual deliciousness... it's a waste of sexual energy in my opinion and something to look into. Personally, I try not to even masturbate and prefer to hold that sexual ache and share it with my wife.

A man should have dominance over his sexual urges and nature. So it is a part of him that washes over and surges around him, like waves from the ocean... at least that's how it feels within me. A slow burn, that you feel in your bones and draw from, so it shines in your eyes and smile.
 

this is a very good piece,

[Denis]

@Salaam great post.   @Fitness Model just like @Sarah_Flagg suggested definitely incorporate toys into your sex life if you already haven't.  Its always fun to  experience those new sexual adventures together when it is new for both of you.  Also you can buy some sexy outfits for yourself and just surprise him with it, you can even give him a hint that you have a surprise for him in the bedroom.  Ali Express has a big variety and they are pretty cheap compared stores that sell that stuff.  Now I am not saying it is up to you to always put both of you in the mood but its ok  to give your sex life a spark when needed.  Like Salaam said in his great post above it is both of you that contribute to this but usually when one person gives the vibe the other can feel it.  Also have sex in exciting places like when you first met.  Maybe in back of your car or somewhere where you might get caught.  Don't be afraid to try new things.  Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 5 years and sex just gets better and better and it is because we add variety to it.   If you like to be restrained to your bed you can try that too, it can be very exciting.  You can end up doing so much other stuff that by the time you have plain old missionary sex again it will feel mind-blowing because you haven't done it for so long.  Also you say both of you are into body building,  I don't know if your husband takes any kind of testosterone products but those can mess with his libido, one of my friends who is body builder told me that.  Just don't make sex a routine, and if you two are at that point its easy switch it up and make it exciting again just don't be afraid to try new things 

[Fitness Model]

@Salaam BIG BIG BIG APPLAUSE for the piece of art you wrote, and I really appreciate your time and effort to share this amazing sexual wisdom so thank you very much. this is the sex Im actually aspiring to achieve what you have described.

we also have been married for almost 4 years and have a 2 year old baby but dated for 3 years and were engaged for 2 years so we know each other for 9 years

but forgive my ignorance as I am obviously not at the same level of knowledge where you are otherwise I wouldn't  be stuck here, so Im gonna be greedy and beg you please to give an example of how to build Sexual Tension, what exactly do u do to Seduce her.

what inspires this idea of the seduction? where do you take your inspiration from? 

please give an example of how you:

13 hours ago, charlie2dogs said:

Captivating attention, drawing out feelings and holding them till the thirst becomes over-whelming

Captivate attention, draw out feelings and hold them till the thirst becomes over-whelming.?

 

13 hours ago, charlie2dogs said:

I still haven't touched the bottom or seen all the sides of my wife's sexuality, nor experienced the very bottom of my own. Our sex just explodes into new heights as we grow and process who we are as people. It's amazing and blows my mind when I see all the more sex can really be.

what do you mean bu that? sides of her sexuality? new positions? i doubt it, being submissive then becoming dominant? sexual orientation? becoming bisexual? doing threesomes? how exactly do you grow sexually together?

 

doesnt lifes responsibilities affect your desire to seduce? 

how did you manage to stay attracted to your lady and not get bored or wish you could sleep with another girl, a more beautiful or sexy one? 

ps my husband barely watches porn but checks pics of real life girls with hot bodies and masturbates top that. that happens if he finished playing video games real late & Im deeply sleeping (he is a game producer btw)

God bless you and your wife and grow your love & happiness togather

 

[Fitness Model]

@Sarah_Flagg Thank you dear, I do suggest stuff like that to him but he seems not that interested & honestly Im doing it half hearted as I rather do something else or sleep and he is the same and we both know this is what the other person is thinking, so its not as much of a toy thing or technique thing as it is a lust and desire thing (AKA being horny and lusting the other person).

I watch porn sometimes but it doesnt turn me on as it feels soooo fake, I get more horny on reading erotica or watching movies like basic instinct 2, killing me softly, loool thats how I

[Fitness Model]

@ChimpBrain well the emotions we have are boredom and I am not sure what love is so I cant know if he loves me or even if i love him, we care about each other yes, but I dont know how this emotional bonding that most women talk about works? like they become soul mates and talk heart to heart, that kind of stuff? I dont know but thats not the case with us, its just everyday life, same routine same thing, not much feelings I guess

[Fitness Model]

20 hours ago, charlie2dogs said:

both of you have lost the desire you once had for each other,  and why must it be you that has to be in the mood, what about him, what is he doing to get you in the mood, or make you horny, when the desire goes, it can get boring very easily, and you may never get that back with him, most likely if you was in a new relationship and excited about it you would feel sexy and horny.

I do think there are a few people who come together and the excitement and desire stays, but i think that is a very small percentage.  Most anything you do long enough will get old, unless you have great passion for it.

I agree, but I want to have great sex in my life, I think its up to me, I am sick of waiting for him to do something and Im sooooo sick of being a victim, I take full responsibility and I want to turn this around completely, screw the rules and the norms, I want something costumed to me.\

 

20 hours ago, charlie2dogs said:

most relationships start out generally neither party having the tools to make a fruitful lasting relationship, Most enter a relationship looking for love that they don't have.  Love is a state of being.  The human identity seeks love because it only knows about acts that are called love and with that the desires of the flesh, the desires of the flesh being the driving factor most often.   Most have this belief that everyone needs love,  that isn't true.  The need to love and be loved causes humans to do a lot of crazy things that end up with a lot of crazy consequences.

I know! and that is what drove us to this state, we were so in love then we fell out of love (love as the illusion that is portrayed on TV).

but after watching some of Leos videos about this subject, it was a big AHA moment for me, that I dont need anything from him or anybody, I am self sufficient, and want to be a giving force rather than a receiving and expecting force

[Fitness Model]

@Denis Thank you for your really kinky suggestions, but may I ask which toys do you recommend?

and do you find your girlfriend sexy or are you bored with her and check other girls? I believe you do find her sexy, now if you didnt what would she have to do to put uou on high gears again? thats kind of my problem.

 

@Sarah_Flagg which toys do you recommend? I never squirted if theres a toy that can help with that please advise, thankl you so much dear

[Kimasxi]

Dear Fitness Model, I have problems with my sexual attraction to men. I am reading books that are dating guides for men. I invite you to do the same because it's really absorbing and fun! Find them, read them and see if there is something that might apply to you. Going back to the beginning and seducing each other may be more important than toys and kinky stuff from porn. Especially if as you say you have already fallen out of love.

"but after watching some of Leos videos about this subject, it was a big AHA moment for me, that I dont need anything from him or anybody, I am self sufficient, and want to be a giving force rather than a receiving and expecting force"

What I read recently in one of those guides for men is a theory that sexual attraction in women to their partners naturally fades with time because nature evolved us in such a way to ensure that after providing care for one offspring (the first couple of years when it's the most needed. 9 years you say?) the woman can get more variety to her genes, so she "kills" her partner (killing her sexual attraction to him) to get prepared for a new one. So, perhaps you should feel that you are losing this guy, maybe he should become more unavailable, a challenge again so that you have an impression you're dealing with a new person. Some people get horny when they quarrel. Maybe you should watch each other flirt with other people and get a bit jealous? Is your guy behaving masculine enough? Do you have an opportunity to observe the activities when he exerts his masculinity? Do you respect him or you have thoughts like "he's useless"?

 

Edited June 3, 2016 by Kimasxi

[Emerald]

On June 2, 2016 at 1:50 PM, Fitness Model said:

is there a certain routine or something to do to become in the mood for sex all the time?

I use to be feeling sexy and horny all the time when I was single and during dating period with my boyfriend whom I married, sex was unbelievable, ecstatic.

but now after marriage its like not that exciting, simply because we\re not horny for each other as we use to be, familiarity is a bitch, but I still want to have amazing sex and believe that we can if I just be in the mood, so I get creative, because just doing it isnt exactly our thing, there must be like some dirty talk or telling him a fantasy, but even that is getting boring, I dont know please help.

I would love to hear from both men and women, what do you think is the way to go.

ps he is a bodybuilder and I am a fitness model so we look fairly good most of the time, we just let go you know in holiday times to get treats and eat like we want

Note: This will have A TON of generalizations about male and female sexuality. So, there are (of course) going to be many exceptions to the rule. 

As a woman, I need emotional excitement and sexual tension in order to get turned on. Otherwise, sex is just a chore that I do for my husband. The promise of pleasure or orgasm isn't enough to get me there, because this isn't the main reason I have sex. It's nice to have orgasms, but it really isn't that much of a motivator.

I have sex primarily to feel close to my partner and to experience strong erotic emotions. It is my guess that many women operate in this way. I think that a lot of times, female sexuality gets understood in the shadow of male sexuality which is very linear and very easy to operate. For men, it's about getting to orgasm because that's what's biologically necessary to make a baby. There are no complex emotional riddles to solve... just lather, rinse, repeat. But female sexuality doesn't really work this way. It's less linear and has less to do with achieving orgasm and more to do with abiding in a cocktail of erotic emotions and full body pleasurable sensations. So, the pleasure is more diffuse than targeted. 

So, if sex gets approached in the "let's get to orgasm" mode of thought, it will be at least okay for the man. He will at least have his bare minimum needs met, even if it isn't extremely great. The phrase "Sex is like pizza. Even bad pizza is still pizza." was probably said by a man for this reason. Orgasm for a man equals fulfillment, and is pretty much a given barring an interruption. But a woman needs more than orgasm to motivate her to have sex and to fulfill her sexual needs.  

The thing that gets me going the most in that erotic mode is feeling like my partner desires me and to see it in the way that he acts toward me. I want to feel like his desire for me (and not just his desire for orgasm) turns him into an animal that just can't control himself. If I feel taken for granted or under appreciated, sex becomes just a mechanical thing that I do to help my partner release. Then I feel bored with the whole scenario, and just don't want to expend the energy. 

There was a saying that I'll paraphrase on a new age video that I was watching about chakras, and it makes sense. A man penetrates the woman below the waist. A woman penetrates the man's mind with her own mind. This is why horny women are always asking men "What are you thinking about?" It turns a woman on to know that she's gotten inside of a man's head and to know his thoughts.

Edited June 3, 2016 by Emerald Wilkins

[charlie2dogs]

my take on this having to get in the mood is this,  if you have to get in the mood for sex in a relationship, something major is missing in the relationship, and that is real love and passion for the one you are with.  there is no connection on all levels of being in the relationship.  Most relationships are a failure before they begin, because generally neither one has what it takes to produce a fruitful relationship.  When one isn't love they seek it in another person, this particularly applies to men.  for men its more about infatuation and sex more than love.  if you dont take the tools to the relationship to make it work most often it will end in failure, that is why the divorce rate is so high, but you can always justify it by saying oh well, its just a learning experience and part of a journey

[CA19]

Have you two tried Karezza?It'll increase the intimacy!

[Fitness Model]

@Kimasxi dear Kim, thank you for your generous reply, but I doubt that theory applies to me, as I loved my husband throughout the relationship, engagement and beginning of marriage, I fell out of love because he hurt me too many times, he never cheated but he killed my self confidence & made it very clear that I no longer turn him on just by looking at me, he started checking hot girls as early as our honeymoon, as he discovered that they're hotter than me, then when we went to live in Brazil all hell gates opened in my face as he said he can't consider me a female next to them (I was pregnant at that time so I was definitely not sexy or fuckable) anyway after all that I no longer feel love for him, I care about him but. Definitely not love him.

ps now we live in Germany thank God, so I'm in among the hottest girls here.

im half British half Brazilian (actually 1/4 Brazilian as my mums dad is Brazilian & her mum is Russian) so I have a pretty face like Kate upton/Michell Trachtenberg & my body is hour glass shaped so I'm a 10 in my good days but never went under 8 in my worst days, but Brazilian girls are not human they have insane bodies, make even the best looking girls feel flabby & not sexy at all Loool (very deep & non shallow of me)

[Fitness Model]

23 hours ago, Emerald Wilkins said:

Note: This will have A TON of generalizations about male and female sexuality. So, there are (of course) going to be many exceptions to the rule. 

As a woman, I need emotional excitement and sexual tension in order to get turned on. Otherwise, sex is just a chore that I do for my husband. The promise of pleasure or orgasm isn't enough to get me there, because this isn't the main reason I have sex. It's nice to have orgasms, but it really isn't that much of a motivator.

I have sex primarily to feel close to my partner and to experience strong erotic emotions. It is my guess that many women operate in this way. I think that a lot of times, female sexuality gets understood in the shadow of male sexuality which is very linear and very easy to operate. For men, it's about getting to orgasm because that's what's biologically necessary to make a baby. There are no complex emotional riddles to solve... just lather, rinse, repeat. But female sexuality doesn't really work this way. It's less linear and has less to do with achieving orgasm and more to do with abiding in a cocktail of erotic emotions and full body pleasurable sensations. So, the pleasure is more diffuse than targeted. 

So, if sex gets approached in the "let's get to orgasm" mode of thought, it will be at least okay for the man. He will at least have his bare minimum needs met, even if it isn't extremely great. The phrase "Sex is like pizza. Even bad pizza is still pizza." was probably said by a man for this reason. Orgasm for a man equals fulfillment, and is pretty much a given barring an interruption. But a woman needs more than orgasm to motivate her to have sex and to fulfill her sexual needs.  

The thing that gets me going the most in that erotic mode is feeling like my partner desires me and to see it in the way that he acts toward me. I want to feel like his desire for me (and not just his desire for orgasm) turns him into an animal that just can't control himself. If I feel taken for granted or under appreciated, sex becomes just a mechanical thing that I do to help my partner release. Then I feel bored with the whole scenario, and just don't want to expend the energy. 

There was a saying that I'll paraphrase on a new age video that I was watching about chakras, and it makes sense. A man penetrates the woman below the waist. A woman penetrates the man's mind with her own mind. This is why horny women are always asking men "What are you thinking about?" It turns a woman on to know that she's gotten inside of a man's head and to know his thoughts.

@Emerald Wilkins I couldn't agree more dear Emy, but you see that's the problem, he doesnt desire me, he desires sex, and sometimes I show him sexy pics of girls on Instagram or even my girlfriend to put him in the mood. That's why I lost self confidence for a long time, until recently I started gaining it once I stopped defining my self worth & if I'm pretty or sexyy enough by his view (after watching Leo's video on how to be attractive & how to stop jealousy) those 2 videos changed my life. 

So yea, definitely having sex with someone who desires you just you is the thing that would make me wild horny, but that's not gonna happen, and I don't want to stay a victim I want to upgrade my life, have great sex with what I can have control over.

[Fitness Model]

@charlie2dogs well yes we both didn't have the resources to make a fruitful relationship, but I think you know that love isn't a real thing, it's what you see in movies so that can't be what is missing in the relationship, now connection on all levels yea that's definitely something to work on as our relationship didget better in terms of communication, and we are more honest with each other than we use to, I understand way better than before, we got much closer after we had our daughter as he is an extraordinary father, we don't fight anymore, we discuss and I respect him because he's intelligent and logical. So our relationship isn't a failure it just needs on going improvement especially on this area: sex, if this is fixed I think I'm in the best marriage ever.

[Salaam]

On 6/3/2016 at 11:20 AM, Fitness Model said:

@Salaam BIG BIG BIG APPLAUSE for the piece of art you wrote, and I really appreciate your time and effort to share this amazing sexual wisdom so thank you very much. this is the sex Im actually aspiring to achieve what you have described.

we also have been married for almost 4 years and have a 2 year old baby but dated for 3 years and were engaged for 2 years so we know each other for 9 years

but forgive my ignorance as I am obviously not at the same level of knowledge where you are otherwise I wouldn't  be stuck here, so Im gonna be greedy and beg you please to give an example of how to build Sexual Tension, what exactly do u do to Seduce her.

what inspires this idea of the seduction? where do you take your inspiration from? 

please give an example of how you:

Captivate attention, draw out feelings and hold them till the thirst becomes over-whelming.?

 

what do you mean bu that? sides of her sexuality? new positions? i doubt it, being submissive then becoming dominant? sexual orientation? becoming bisexual? doing threesomes? how exactly do you grow sexually together?

 

doesnt lifes responsibilities affect your desire to seduce? 

how did you manage to stay attracted to your lady and not get bored or wish you could sleep with another girl, a more beautiful or sexy one? 

ps my husband barely watches porn but checks pics of real life girls with hot bodies and masturbates top that. that happens if he finished playing video games real late & Im deeply sleeping (he is a game producer btw)

God bless you and your wife and grow your love & happiness togather

 

Awww, you're a sweetheart. Thank you so much, it's a pleasure to be of whatever help I can for you. I know what it's like to re-connect and nurture sexuality back into it's vibrancy and fire, so I can empathize from both sides, the struggle and the success. Judging from the emotions I feel in your words, I have hope that you already carry the most precious piece needed to start healing this side of yourself and that's caring about it. Caring is a humble little thing, but in all the many challenges I've learned from and faced, it's served me as the best of foundations.

Caring even when it sucks and it hurts and the feelings you want are scarce. So many people give up or settle when in that scarcity space or distract themselves with something new, but you're taking it on and trying to do something about it. In my experience, that care is the seed from which passion and motivation for all things, springs from... if we didn't care we wouldn't stay connected with it, we'd discard it or forget about it, you know? But some things are precious and worth the struggle. I wish you the best with this and hope your partner will be inspired by your efforts and share in this together with you.

So, how does this all come about? Well, it's actually very much like your passion for fitness in a way. I'm sure you often have people asking you what's your secret or how did you get to where you are in fitness. The people who are asking those questions are sometimes looking for a quick fix, but some genuinely care about fitness and want to make it part of their lifestyle, like you do. In fact, not only is it an integral part of your lifestyle it is also something you seem to identify with, considering your forum name.

Seduction is much the same, it is not just a set of techniques or abilities, but an integral part of a person's health and lifestyle. It's something a person eventually feels inside themselves and identifies with. It "leaks" out of you and colors communication when attraction is present. But, also like fitness, this life style isn't created in a single moment, it is built over time and there is a learning curve or adaptation process. Just like in physical fitness, there is a tensile fitness or tensile resiliency that develops with consistent exposure. And just like with working out, there is a process of developing that mind-muscle connection and building muscle memory as well as muscle maturity. All of these facets have mirrored principles in seduction.

Do you know what it's like be in a "bubble" with another? Those moments where nothing else exists but you and the other person. That's what I mean by captivation. It's when something captivates to such a degree that for a brief moment or more, nothing else exists. It can happen with people, it can happen with music or with things in nature, like a beautiful sunrise, or even the smell of something precious to you, that fills you with nostalgia. In each of those moments, you are pulled from the drab, habitual cycle of thoughts, and focused on this vibrant experience, filling your senses with emotion and anticipation, while also connecting you in this sharing with so many details and energies.

Tension is what creates that captivation and how a person handles that tension and expresses themselves within it, determines how long these moments last and whether or not they build and carry over into another moment and then another, till it simmers in the background, gathering in force. It is a thing of nature, so rather than control it, you work with it as it comes and goes, protecting it's spontaneity and natural or accidental involvement. Controlling yourself, rather than controlling it, so you can handle it's pull without indulging too soon and being patient as it builds. Learning a bit more then the time before, till after many years you can play with it like a violin, coaxing out the most of each note, building a song of an experience, laden with delicious chemistry and personal meaning. An endless well of pleasure and discovery. 

Anyways, what that all means is being opportunistic with tension and developing habits that create an inviting or fertile ground for tension to be present. This means connecting deeper with your own sexuality and the rest of your identity so you have more flavors and styles for tension to wrap around in those moments as you engage with another, but it also means seeing and savoring more of the flavors and styles of your partner.

You ask, what exactly do I do when I seduce my wife? Well, as you can maybe feel from all I wrote above, it is an organic and spontaneous process, rather than a tactical or calculating one. As a man, my seduction is about communicating and sharing feelings I have for my wife that in turn makes her feel incredibly sexy, empowered, felt and seen for who she is, relaxing her and distracting her from hard or logical thoughts, softening her, and building trust and a sense of magic, while also giving her those "tingles" and ache in her body.

She may have a new fingernail polish on and rather than just comment on it, I'll take her hand in mine and slowly slide my fingers over her skin as I talk about her nails, noticing how they go with her eyes or how it works with her dress. In between that I'll kiss her fingers, then her wrist softly, then bite her there. Mixing the softness with a little bit of the animal inside me, taking her by surprise. Giving her a cheeky smile and a little flash of the sexual hunger, coiled inside me. Then I'll switch to talking about something else and let that simmer, while pulling her into me and sharing a moment of closeness, maybe nuzzling against her every now and then and slowly savoring the smell of her hair, gently and slowly grazing her ear with my lips and breath. I have a deep voice and when my sex rises, there is a subtle vibration or purr that does something to her.

Life is a mixture of different feelings and emotions, and when sex is about sharing and communicating, rather than "getting something" a man can relax a bit from his usual tunnel vision and add sexuality to a mixture of other emotions. It's like cooking something in a crock pot over time with a mix of ingredients and delicious richness, rather than broiling a thing, so it is but a single dry flavor. PUA guys call this fractionation, but for me it's about having an abundant and multi-faceted experience.   

You take your time and make the little things something more than it would be if you remained passive. When I kiss my wife for instance, it is never some perfunctory peck on the lips, but a deep kiss, drawn out, and added onto with my hands on her body. Pulling her closer, playing with her clothes, holding onto her hair, trailing my lips from hers, down her jaw to the softness of her throat. When I kiss my wife, she has visions of us in different times, it transports her, it leaves her breathless and off-balance, but safe in my arms. The mixture of all these different feelings, fires her senses and carries her aloft.

Sometimes, we'll play with each other, just almost touching to kiss, so close to the cusp, and then we'll slowly undulate around each other, holding that cusp and anticipation, till eventually it pulls us together in a passionate embrace. She'll even do similar things while dancing for me, dancing so close to my body, I can feel the tingle of anticipation of my skin touching hers, spreading out all over me. Then she'll dance, slowly leading me to the bedroom, stopping every now and then to add a flourish of her sexual personality to her dance moves. 

Seduction is about viewing normal things as an opportunity to create something more. A touch, a gaze, a conversation, sex... building it and enhancing it, slowing it down, so each individual detail has it's own space to breathe and be felt. Injecting your personal style and meaning to the movements and what they communicate. This is how a relationship stays fresh and vibrant. At first you have the novelty and infatuation making things so compelling, but eventually we have to take that responsibility into our own hands and create, rather than passively being carried along by hormones.

This is getting pretty long, so if you have any questions on things I may have missed answering please just let me know. I want to switch gears for a second and talk about staying attracted to my wife and the different sides of her. 

In seduction there are two important distinctions to be aware of when examining how we respond to another. There is the allure or hotness of a person and their presence/spirit/personality. Focusing on allure, just by itself is a high-end dead-end, in that it appears to create intense attraction, but never satisfies and is eventually seen to be immature in it's ability to leave an impact on our fulfillment. Most people only focus on the allure of a person, chasing it's high, one girl or guy after another, treating the people behind the allure as disposable, an object of fantasy rather than actual connection. But, also most people haven't taken the time to connect with and mature the depths of their sexuality. 

The best sex comes from the interplay of presence and personality, while allowing that inter-play to balance out, ground, and enhance the natural allure a person has. The interplay is where the chemistry and tension are, allure alone is masturbatory and disconnected from the sharing of an experience together.  The combination of my wife's spirit, sexuality, and natural allure is so fucking attractive to me and so deeply satisfying that I feel little need to indulge in other women. We're actually in an open relationship so we can sleep with whoever we want, but rarely do. I still seduce other women in little moments, here and there, but it's more about my health and love for rich experiences, than it is about getting sex. I can play chemistry like a violin and read a woman's sexual personality and coax it out of her as a part of who I am, so I don't have those egoic or insecure pressures pushing me for validation like other guys do.

My focus is instead on building deeper and richer moments with my partner, because the more it builds, the more it transports us into higher and higher flow or trance states, that allow us to tap into deeper and more primal parts of who we are. For instance, male orgasms are usually like a spark of an experience. A brief moment of build-up and release. But mine last for a long time and build and change me, so I am like this bull of a man, roaring and devouring my wife, triggering her primal and ancient, witchy sides to come to the surface from her subconscious depths. Those are the kinds of sides, deep within a woman, that not many men, ever truly get to see. Orgasms are great and all, but there is more, they can be a vehicle that allows us greater access to who we are, when they are a part of a more intimate and richer experience.

Actually, here is something my wife posted on Facebook last week that kind of shows her side of it.

"I'm curious...is there anyone that has seen sacred geometry, flowers, shapes, ...etc during sex?
Yes, I have as of last night...i saw just a simple white 5-petaled flower with a big rosy center and today I saw the sacred geometry flower forming...Hmmm...my left ear started ringing during a simple kiss yesterday too.

Something has changed inside me. There's a stronger feeling of calm, peace, being at ease entirely...grounded, and capable. More than I've witnessed before...a knowing and wisdom too...and again calmness around it. Oh and the passion and fire! I don't know what...but married sex!!! lol I've never experienced ANYTHING like what we've been experiencing. wooooooo

David says that it feels very empowering. Both of us! Just mind blowing!!! Body expanding and exploding into a million stars, whilst forming again and grounding into what feels like a VERY ancient knowing. I want to say 'body' but it isn't my body that is ancient...it's my soul...ALL of it. I feel that I have found new pieces of my soul...new knowing, understanding...so much.
Oh! And I have gotten way more vocal in terms of saying what I want...if you have known me in the past...you know I don't generally speak up. I kinda like it it's powerful. I've never been like that during sex...

So...I was curious if anyone sees sacred geometry, flowers, shapes...etc during sex? Feel free to private message me if you don't want to say it publicly. But please don't be a creepy dope. I'll block you."

Jeez, this was long. I hope this helps you and please let me know if I need to clear something up for you. I wanted to share with you the spirit of seduction and the feeling around it, more than some logical, step by step thing. But, now that I've gotten through with talking about how to cultivate tension, I can give you more specifics after you digest this piece.