My ego un-did all my work. why?

[Justine]

Hello friends of leo. Back towards the beginning of this year I started noticing my old self /ego self starting to dissolve and my awareness increased significantly to the point i could sense energy in my energy field especially bad vibes that made me feel very uncomfortable and being so aware to notice my ego flaws and displeasing traits. one day I was sitting on my bed, freaking out and crying, missing the old me. It was all I ever wanted and I spend such a long time and put so much effort and struggle in, trying to get there it most definitely was not an easy process by all means. Alot of pain and trauma servaced it was a real struggle. But boy did I learn alot about me and why I was the way I was on a psychological scale and a quantum level. It was all neccessary for the grand scheme of this genius game God perfectly constructed. So why was I so ungrateful? I began to realise the old me was dying and the new me was a stranger even though the stranger was a better version of me and not only did I change but the world reflected change for the better back to me. everything was so great. 

But my ego through a tantrum and wouldn't let me let it go it was holding on by thread and somehow made it's way back leading me down a self destructive path. Before I knew it I lost everything I loved and life took the worse turning. My ego at this point now is fully grown back. after all them years of shedding the layers it is all back and I have to start all over again. Clearly there was something missing from my self actualization. Perhaps it was the meditation part maybe even more. I need to start the process from the beginning and do it properly this time. 

Any recommendations as to how to go about it? 

Also, has this ever happened to anyone else before and if so did you get your self sorted out? 

 

Edited November 20, 2019 by Justine
To be more specific

[JustThinkingAloud]

@Justine

Our ego needs persuasion and constant reminders for it to fully change. You'll learn how to notice that it's coming back and "nip it in the bud". It will eventually fully go but it just needs some more work. You've learnt your lesson, it'll be much easier next time.

[Justine]

That is great to hear thank you so much for the response ?

[OctagonOctopus]

I think it would be a good idea to couple your meditation with shadow work. It sounds like you could have just been repressing parts of yourself threw medition, rather then just seeing them for what they are. Find out what kind of needs this old ego feels are not being met, ask this part of you questions like "What are you trying to show me?". Understand its needs, and send it love. 

[Justine]

@OctagonOctopus

Hello do you have any links or videos of Leo's that speak of this kind of work please so I can teach myself better. 

Also is shadow work same as self inquiry?

[SoothedByRain]

Survival and Homeostasis 

[Harikrishnan]

10 hours ago, Justine said:

@OctagonOctopus

Hello do you have any links or videos of Leo's that speak of this kind of work please so I can teach myself better. 

Also is shadow work same as self inquiry?

There is a book on his booklist. Its pretty good book. 

There are pretty good videos on diamond net (she is also here in the forum)

This one of videos i saw last about the sub 

Self enquiry and shadow work are different. Shadow work is integrating repressed/supressed parts of onself. 

 

Edited November 21, 2019 by Harikrishnan

[Pramit]

On 21/11/2019 at 4:36 AM, Justine said:

Any recommendations as to how to go about it? 

Also, has this ever happened to anyone else before and if so did you get your self sorted out? 

I don't know

IT has happened to me before (I think). Nope. 

[ZZZZ]

On 11/20/2019 at 6:06 PM, Justine said:

missing the old me. the way I was. the old me was dying and the new me was a stranger even though the stranger was a better version of me. everything was so great. 

But my ego...leading me down a self destructive path. My ego at this point now is fully grown back.  I have to start all over again.

Clearly there was something missing from my self actualization. Perhaps it was the meditation part maybe even more. I need to start the process from the beginning and do it properly this time.

 

Through the process of self actualization, you will realize that there is no "old" or "new" you. There just simply is, and it is always great, and always perfect. Instead of beating yourself up about progress you feel like you lost, you will instantly regain all of that progress back and more by simply realizing you do not need to do anything at all to overcome your idea of ego. There was never a start or a stop, this is also just an idea. You have yet to discover your true nature, and any personification of ego and its influence you feel like it has had over your life is nothing other than a farce. Some significant self inquiry and daily meditation will eventually reveal this for you. Focus on what is right here in front of you right now, and this will all make more sense with time.

 

Don't beat yourself up, this is a journey that takes years. The truth is always waiting there for you to discover it, when you're ready.

[Leo Gura]

@Justine See my video: Ego Backlash

[Alex bAlex]

Is there ever an escape from such a thing (I know-death!) ?

What I mean is that after your awareness increase there will be an ego backlash. So in order to prevent it you have to "guard" yourself with awareness 24/7 making it neurotic. 

If I want to relax at any moment I'll be afraid that I will end up at the square one and it's just a waste of time. 

[JustThinkingAloud]

7 hours ago, Alex bAlex said:

Is there ever an escape from such a thing (I know-death!) ?

What I mean is that after your awareness increase there will be an ego backlash. So in order to prevent it you have to "guard" yourself with awareness 24/7 making it neurotic. 

If I want to relax at any moment I'll be afraid that I will end up at the square one and it's just a waste of time. 

You'll eventually start doing it subconsciously. That means you'll be doing it without even knowing you're doing it, it will become automatic.

[Average Investor]

Ego backlash will be heavy sometimes making large changes. Resistance to it and backsliding is important to watch out for. Few things to check

Habits

Friends

Diet 

Exercise

Mediation

You need a strong reason to keep yourself on course especially when times are tough. You will want to backslide back into old habits. Surrounding yourself with people who encourage your old self is not going to help at all. I would say at the core of it you need a habit or two that you will not give up no matter how tough times get. I would say meditation and exercise would be best. You also really have to commit to keeping the bad habits out of your life as well. If you go back to indulging and toxic and negative things will bring your consciousness down. You will get back into your new projected self soon enough and surpass it if you continue to work on yourself. Growth is not a linear path. 

Edited November 23, 2019 by Average Investor

[ajasatya]

On 20/11/2019 at 8:06 PM, Justine said:

My ego

Who/what possesses an "ego".

[Nahm]

On 11/20/2019 at 6:06 PM, Justine said:

Hello friends of leo. Back towards the beginning of this year I started noticing my old self /ego self starting to dissolve and my awareness increased significantly to the point i could sense energy in my energy field especially bad vibes that made me feel very uncomfortable and being so aware to notice my ego flaws and displeasing traits.

It’s now. Awareness, consciousness, love, are only now. A thought story about our consciousness in the past, is itself the deviation from now / consciousness, awareness, love.   Present.   Presence.   Presents.   The gift, is The Now. 

one day I was sitting on my bed, freaking out and crying, missing the old me.

Believing those thoughts, is itself the deviation away from now. 

It was all I ever wanted and I spend such a long time and put so much effort and struggle in, trying to get there it most definitely was not an easy process by all means.

All the more reason to shift attention to what you want, rather than relive / retell the thought story. I hope you’re making the distinction...not trying to ‘beat up on you’ for sharing this on the forum. Rather, suggesting none of this “needs a solution”, because the deviation is itself conditioning. That must be recognized, and go to what you want to create instead. That way, you’re always moving up the emotional scale, rather than taking that first movement of thought on the slip & slide of thought story. Eventually, you don’t think, or choose thought, as you are filled with your life dream, and the inspiration, desire, and passion. 

Alot of pain and trauma servaced it was a real struggle. But boy did I learn alot about me and why I was the way I was on a psychological scale and a quantum level. It was all neccessary for the grand scheme of this genius game God perfectly constructed. So why was I so ungrateful? I began to realise the old me was dying and the new me was a stranger even though the stranger was a better version of me and not only did I change but the world reflected change for the better back to me. everything was so great. 

Stop efforting the path so hard...in the thoughts you’re choosing. Really burn the boats. Be 100%, entirely, wholly DONE with telling any stories that don’t feel great to you. Whatever methods, practices, modalities, trips, etc, that you try - ultimately, you will be here now nonetheless, aligning thought, feeling & unconditional love (“source”). 

But my ego through a tantrum and wouldn't let me let it go it was holding on by thread and somehow made it's way back leading me down a self destructive path.

By believing the thought “ego”, and more specifically, by claiming it - “my ego”, you’re actually falling into the conditioning. You will never out sneak the ego, so imo, don’t bother with it in the first place. Without a self referential thought story - what is an ego?      See what I’m sayin?    Repurpose that sneakery, that cleverness - into your dream life. The actual life that you actually unabashedly want. You can. It’s all coming from you already. 

Before I knew it I lost everything I loved and life took the worse turning. My ego at this point now is fully grown back. 

This is what I’m saying here. Zero can be credited to the ego because it is not a thing nor object which actually exists. It is simply what one is unconscious of. Blaming it - even naming it and attaching any motivations or outcomes to it - that is in actuality a sneakery of remaining unconscious of the matter at hand. “Wasn’t me...Sally did it”. You’re Sally. 

after all them years of shedding the layers it is all back and I have to start all over again.

Worst thought story of all time ?    Let the now emotion out now. No thought is needed. Understanding expands after emotional clearance / purification / emptying / letting go. 

Clearly there was something missing from my self actualization. Perhaps it was the meditation part maybe even more.

Meditation, every single morning, would probably be ideal for you. Self actualization is not a ramp up, it is a letting go. You are already perfect love. Learn skills, gain knowledge, experience, mastery, etc - just look to let go of thoughts so there is no attachment via identification, no confusion between you, and a body mind which learns. The more you give credit to an “ego”, the more you are fragmenting, actually creating more “work” you must then do. Viscous cycle. 

I need to start the process from the beginning and do it properly this time. 

“First, empty your cup” - Buddha on meditation. It’s a sneaky quote in and of itself, because when actually do empty that cup - you see the nature of thinking, and it’s hollow. You give meaning. Thoughts are already empty. 

Any recommendations as to how to go about it? 

Meditation every morning. Never skip a day, instead, if it’s feeling resistant, just sit on the cushion for literally 5 minutes. Almost every time, you’ll find the issue was not with not wanting to meditate - but with being sucked into a thought story. Counter logically, once your on the cushion, you see precisely this, and cherish the value of daily meditation, and end up going deeper & longer, with an overall better quality. 

Also, has this ever happened to anyone else before and if so did you get your self sorted out? 

Yep. A hundred times. Makes me appreciate this forum deeply. What a meta-tool.  The key is no “on & off” with meditation. Butt on cushion, at least once a day. It can’t be that easy!!! It is. You’re way too hard on yourself in thoughts. A gentle care-full nudge of the choice in the wanted direction, right at the base, at the budding of the thought, is the most powerful thing in the world.  

Flip that script. Love the shit out of your totally awesome spontaneous magical self. Between self love and meditation, and not “on & offing”, thoughts go and there is no mind, perception goes and there is no self, sensation goes and there is nothing... “the desert of the real”...absolutely nothing. ♥️    The dessert of the real! 

What do you love? 

What do you enjoy that feels better than any food can tastes, than no drug can match? You have something, we all do, what is it? How can it be expanded into your life, your living, your income, your passion? 

What do you love!?

 

 

[Justine]

@SoothedByRain  thank you.

[Justine]

@Maximus @Maximus

Wow thank you for sharing with me

Some of the traits listed resonate with me 

Apart from one, which was envying others. The rest though makes alot of sense. 

I may have to write these down and figure out a way of not doing them next time 

Perhaps il have to just be aware of the situation as it arises.

Thank you so much for the great reflection. I really appreciate it. X 

[Justine]

@Leo Gura hello leo. I have seen your ego back-lash video many times but as you say" enlightenment can not be bought nor taught" direct experience is needed in order to understand a concept fully. I find that each time I watch one of your videos I get a more deeper understanding of it depending on how much experience I have gained myself in between. So I will watch that one again today and see what i have learned that I hadn't yet before.

I watched self deception part 1, Friday for around the 4th time in the past year. I literally had a huge light bulb moment as though someone just flicked the switch on! I understood it to a certain degree before, but not as fully as I do now. To be honest it effing blew my mind! Just goes to prove how everything has infinite depth.

[Justine]

@ZZZZ thank you for your input.

You mention how I do not have to do anything to overcome my ego, but my partner who believes he has accomplished self actulization to a merging turquoise apers to my perspective to be somewhat forcing me to become actulized. Yes I want to master my psychology but I'd be more comfortable if I knew I could take it easy and go at my pace without fear of losing him if I do not change. He does reassure me I am going well and says he is proud of me all the time and says "I believe in you" often. 

Which is nice. I do believe if I'd of not met him I wouldn't of got this far. But I guess I dont really know as that's not actual is it! 

On this topic I'm now beginning to wonder if leo has or would if not, release a video on how to be a supporter to a loved one on actulizing themselves. Because I do wonder if he is doing it properly and it may be quite helpful. 

Going back to how I mentioned my old self, i guess what i really meant was that some of the personality traits that I worked so hard to rid myself of developed again. It's like a thick ugly layer of tough skin that if I apply self care to for a lengthy time eventually completely fades, then it starts growing back ever so subtle that I am not even aware of it and before I know it I wake up in the morning and its fully grown back!! Grr. 

 

[Tetrapeter]

Hey!

I emphasize the points Nahm made. Meditation every day.

After you made a solid routine I would recommend doing meditation retreats once in a while. After such Retreats my daily meditations improved massively. At start are single day retreats the best option. And you can do it solo.