I Need A Way-out...

[Canadian]

Today I had an accident at school. My friends and me were playing soccer when I saw a boy insulting a girl who is also my friend. I went to their place  and I found out that this guy was insulting a girl for no reason. (Just because she went to their place to see one of his friends.)  As I said, this girl is my friend and I tried to explain to this guy that insulting  is not a good and he could explain anything in a polite way. He didn't even listen to me. He was like :''Ok, I understand, now please, I'm telling you in the polite way, get the fuck out.'' I was going to start a fight but  we were on a soccer stadium and there were so many people there. I just left with my friends and now I'm thinking what to do. that guy isn't normal, he is always high, he smokes almost every day. Also, he uploaded a picture of his penis of Instagram. I know that is seems like crazy, and it is , but it is truth. I'm writing it here  to explain you what kind of person he is. I still don't like that I didn't punch him, I always think about it now. I got it as a failure. Now I feel like I amn't a man anymore, and this forces me to make a step back in my self-actualizing because I feel like I'm nothing. I'm thinking about punching him anymore. What can you advice me? How can I handle with this feelings which cause so many negative thoughts?  In what do you think a way-out? I'm 17 years old.

 

P.C.  Hope you help me ,Thank you everyone in advance 

[charlie2dogs]

2 minutes ago, Canadian said:

Today I had an accident at school. My friends and me were playing soccer when I saw a boy insulting a girl who is also my friend. I went to their place  and I found out that this guy was insulting a girl for no reason. (Just because she went to their place to see one of his friends.)  As I said, this girl is my friend and I tried to explain to this guy that insulting  is not a good and he could explain anything in a polite way. He didn't even listen to me. He was like :''Ok, I understand, now please, I'm telling you in the polite way, get the fuck out.'' I was going to start a fight but  we were on a soccer stadium and there were so many people there. I just left with my friends and now I'm thinking what to do. that guy isn't normal, he is always high, he smokes almost every day. Also, he uploaded a picture of his penis of Instagram. I know that is seems like crazy, and it is , but it is truth. I'm writing it here  to explain you what kind of person he is. I still don't like that I didn't punch him, I always think about it now. I got it as a failure. Now I feel like I amn't a man anymore, and this forces me to make a step back in my self-actualizing because I feel like I'm nothing. I'm thinking about punching him anymore. What can you advice me? How can I handle with this feelings which cause so many negative thoughts?  In what do you think a way-out? I'm 17 years old.

 

P.C.  Hope you help me ,Thank you everyone in advance 

if he understood and it stopped, you should let it go, its all in your thought process, stop thinking about it, its over, let it go, and maybe you did the right thing by not punching the guy out.  Drop it and the feelings you have about it, it is serving no purpose but to cause you stress, why do it.  The problem is you have thought about it so much now  you cant get it off your mind.   Start right now, and dont allow yourself to think about it, find something else to put your focus on for a while, some good mp3 that hold your attention, and if the thought comes up turn away from it, and focus on something else, it will stop bothering you if you do that.  I know what you are experiencing and the hold it has on you but you can break it, just realize that you are programing this crap in your consciousness and you have to stop it before it creates a real problem.

[Canadian]

@charlie2dogs I know that thinking about it destroys my  mind by creating so many negative thoughts. So, do you recommend me using some mp3 to stop worrying about it?  cause when something like it happens to you, you automatically  stop positive thinking and start negative thinking which is a regress for self-actualization.  That's why I have a feeling like my psychological trip  is regressing...  

Edited June 2, 2016 by Canadian

[charlie2dogs]

1 hour ago, Canadian said:

@charlie2dogs I know that thinking about it destroys my  mind by creating so many negative thoughts. So, do you recommend me using some mp3 to stop worrying about it?  cause when something like it happens to you, you automatically  stop positive thinking and start negative thinking which is a regress for self-actualization.  That's why I have a feeling like my psychological trip  is regressing...  

i have been where you are with this several times in my life until i figured out what i was doing to myself, your only recourse is to force your mind on something else until you let go of what you are dealing with, and remember this lesson, when you allow yourself to be consumed with something it becomes rooted in your consciousness, then you got to get it out,  I used to listen to some of alan watts, stuff i had recorded, some mooji stuff, good relaxing, soothing music,  and it kept my mind occupied and took it away from what i allowed to create the problem for me in two or three days you should find relief , but remember this lesson, dont let things get a grip on you like that, now you know what it will do to you.

[Nathalie]

@Canadian

Hi Canadian,

I think @charlie2dogs is absolutly right if it only happened this one time to you, no need to spend time with those thougths..

But if similar situations, you struggle with, often occur to you, perhaps it would be good to sit down as long as necessary to meditate about it. To go to the core and learn something profound about it, about you :

Relaxe first and ask yourself one question after another until you feel absolutly good and everything is answered..

At least it's what I do and it helps me to see the things much clearlier

PS: Don't you have the feeling that this kind of classification in positive and negative limits you?  

 

[Canadian]

@charlie2dogs  Music was a really good way today, I took control on myself, Thanks for your advice.

 

@MartineF I'll definitely meditate about this topic this evening. It's also a very good advice, thanks for that

 

22 hours ago, MartineF said:

@Canadian

Hi Canadian,

I think @charlie2dogs is absolutly right if it only happened this one time to you, no need to spend time with those thougths..

But if similar situations, you struggle with, often occur to you, perhaps it would be good to sit down as long as necessary to meditate about it. To go to the core and learn something profound about it, about you :

Relaxe first and ask yourself one question after another until you feel absolutly good and everything is answered..

At least it's what I do and it helps me to see the things much clearlier

PS: Don't you have the feeling that this kind of classification in positive and negative limits you?  

 

Answer of PS : In real life, there are no positive or negative things, I got it, But thoughts can be negative and positive , it maybe limits me, I don't know, but what I know is that thoughts really exist both positive and negative. That's why I wanted to stop worrying about yesterday's accident...

Edited June 3, 2016 by Canadian

[Nathalie]

13 hours ago, Canadian said:

what I know is that thoughts really exist both positive and negative. That's why I wanted to stop worrying about yesterday's accident...

I use to see it like this:

There are thoughts that make us feel relaxed, so we usually define them as positive, or good..

Then there are some that make us cramp ourself so we say it's negative because we feel bad in our body and we kind of accuse the thought, indeed, both are linked and feed each other.

So far so good and in this state I absolutly agree with you.

But what if we use this cramp or thought that struggle us and look at it quietly and deeply?

Doesn't it often show us something that we have hidden for ourself? Isn't it a good opportunity to grow?

Since I search (and generally find) how a situation, that my ego defines as bad, may give me a possiblity to understand something new, good and bad seem to melt..

So when a "cramp thought" comes up and I'm aware of it, I welcome it and I win doubly:

- the thought weakens

- I evolve from it

Hope I could explain what I mean? Does it make sense?

[Canadian]

@MartineF yes! It does make sense my friend. So basically  we are on the same point, you admit that there are positive and negative thoughts, but you think it's better to call them thoughs which make us feel uncomfortable or good. The main point is that It's better not to use positive or negative on anything, even on thoughts. These 2 words, positive and negative limit our opportunities. Did I understand it well?

[Nathalie]

It seems really dificult to word it, right?

Maybe I just don't like this two words because soon you get the feeling you have to purchase the one and avoid the other..

And this lifestyle isn't really enjoyable.. is it?

[Canadian]

3 hours ago, MartineF said:

It seems really dificult to word it, right?

Maybe I just don't like this two words because soon you get the feeling you have to purchase the one and avoid the other..

And this lifestyle isn't really enjoyable.. is it?

you're right, I'll stop saying good/bad/positive/negative about anything. Let's see if it helps..  

[Nathalie]

On 3.6.2016 at 11:36 PM, Canadian said:

stop saying good/bad/positive/negative about anything.

maybe the first step.. Don't know if it works..

Living without avoiding feelings makes life exciting.. But of course it's just my opinion.. what I experience

[Kelley White]

On 6/2/2016 at 5:55 PM, Canadian said:

 I know that thinking about it destroys my  mind by creating so many negative thoughts. So, do you recommend me using some mp3 to stop worrying about it?  cause when something like it happens to you, you automatically  stop positive thinking and start negative thinking which is a regress for self-actualization.  That's why I have a feeling like my psychological trip  is regressing...  

Hi @Canadian, it's nice to meet you.  

I have never found I could will myself to "not" think about something.   Like @MartineF and @charlie2dogs have offered, there are lots of options to either redirect your focus in the moment.  Something I am finding more helpful is pausing in that moment and doing self inquiry to find the root cause of the thought loop I am in  at the moment.  I will detach from judging it, I just allow it, feel it, and begin to ask if it is true.

For me "the Work" of Byron Katie has helped me do self inquiry in a way that I can get to the heart of those root causes.  

I hope you are doing better today and wish you the best of luck working through this. 

[Fello]

You actually did the right thing not fighting. Fighting wouldn't have solved the problem it was only going to escalate it. I would have confront him to help as you did but I wouldn't fight. Actually what I would do is stay away from him.. in real life and in social media and advice my friend to so the same. If he kept bothering her or me I would talk to people in charge in school or even his parents. and let the system deal with him.

Violence isn't a solution and "a real man isn't who punches other people but a real man who can control himself in the moment of anger." said a wise man.

There is nothing gonna be more effective than to ignore that person completely. And instead of running away from that feeling of failure you want to actually confront it and understand that you did the right thing not fighting with him and remember there is always a peaceful effective way of dealing with such assholes.

Fello