Would you advise me to date?

[Applegarden]

I am a 23 male, and i have been a masturbation addict, not a porn addict, however. I always avoided girls even tho i have female attention, but i do have this virgin type fear of approaching women and whatnot, tho after years of meditation and more intense benefits of meditation i am really starting to contemplate whether i even need sex or intimacy as some powerful cognitions relax me and makes me look trough the big picture (death is god and its always beside you, you are eternal if you want you will take many births and experience whatever you want, and my seeking is very much triggered by fears and what not). I would like to hear your experiences what is your story and what would you do? I mean dont get me wrong i adore women and i think i am very naive about them, but over time i really take my free time for granted in thst case, because of the reason i didnt go out i spent alot of time with myself and got to this point where i feel bliss my sahasrara daily.

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Applegarden said:

I am a 23 male, and i have been a masturbation addict, not a porn addict, however. I always avoided girls even tho i have female attention, but i do have this virgin type fear of approaching women and whatnot, tho after years of meditation and more intense benefits of meditation i am really starting to contemplate whether i even need sex or intimacy as some powerful cognitions relax me and makes me look trough the big picture (death is god and its always beside you, you are eternal if you want you will take many births and experience whatever you want, and my seeking is very much triggered by fears and what not). I would like to hear your experiences what is your story and what would you do? I mean dont get me wrong i adore women and i think i am very naive about them, but over time i really take my free time for granted in thst case, because of the reason i didnt go out i spent alot of time with myself and got to this point where i feel bliss my sahasrara daily.

 

Try answering 

 

 

What do you really fear when it comes to dating? 

 

What's holding you back from it? 

 

 

Would you like to date a girl if the fear did not exist? 

 

 

Be honest while answering. 

 

 

 

[Forestluv]

You don't "need" to date. Nor "should" you date. . . If you have a genuine desire to explore dating, go for it. If you have a desire to date, yet don't feel ready then perhaps take a look at underlying issues. If you are resonating with exploring existential realms and feel that dating is a distraction, then don't date. Follow your heart and true desires. Let love be your guide.

And not dating doesn't necessary mean isolating oneself from women. Currently, I'm not dating anyone - yet I have two close female friends. We discuss deep stuff including sexuality. I think many people think "intimacy" must mean dating and sex. Yet there are flavors of intimacy that do not involve dating and physical sex. 

[Applegarden]

11 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

You don't "need" to date. Nor "should" you date. . . If you have a genuine desire to explore dating, go for it. If you have a desire to date, yet don't feel ready then perhaps take a look at underlying issues. If you are resonating with exploring existential realms and feel that dating is a distraction, then don't date. Follow your heart and true desires. Let love be your guide.

And not dating doesn't necessary mean isolating oneself from women. Currently, I'm not dating anyone - yet I have two close female friends. We discuss deep stuff including sexuality. I think many people think "intimacy" must mean dating and sex. Yet there are flavors of intimacy that do not involve dating and physical sex. 

Thank you very much, i will do more self inquiry, but short answer to dating for me feels no and yes for enlightenment.

[Applegarden]

15 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

Try answering 

 

 

What do you really fear when it comes to dating? 

 

What's holding you back from it? 

 

 

Would you like to date a girl if the fear did not exist? 

 

 

Be honest while answering. 

 

 

 

I fear rejection and i fear expressing what i really feel because of fear of judgement and fear being repressed, taken advantadge off. Whats holding back - some sense inferiority for sure, putting women on pedestal, ankwardness and misunderestandings, i acctually fear intimacy and sex too, because i feel i have alot to lose and keep (spiritual work related) and sex for judgement probably.

Right now, having the clarity that life is not about any of that, acctually now, low mood provokes the interest and sexual fantasies.  

[Preety_India]

8 minutes ago, Applegarden said:

I fear rejection and i fear expressing what i really feel because of fear of judgement and fear being repressed, taken advantadge off. Whats holding back - some sense inferiority for sure, putting women on pedestal, ankwardness and misunderestandings, i acctually fear intimacy and sex too, because i feel i have alot to lose and keep (spiritual work related) and sex for judgement probably.

Right now, having the clarity that life is not about any of that, acctually now, low mood provokes the interest and sexual fantasies.  

To be totally honest, you aren't really ready for it yet because of your mental and emotional circumstances. 

If you want to start dating you will need a lot of mental work before that or else you will meet major disappointment leading to further downspiraling of your mind. 

 

So in order to protect your mind, the safety net you need right now is to stay away from the subject of dating. 

You can always start your spiritual journey anytime, right now is the right time to start it. It's never early or late. 

Along with spirituality, look into psychology stuff, read books and internet stuff or material on psychiatric stuff like anxiety, depression, borderline, phobias, awkwardness, emotional regulation. 

Next step will be to start slow or gradual socialization. Step by step. Baby step at a time. 

This will loosen up your hangups regarding social stuff and free you a bit. 

Once you feel more confident socially then you begin experimenting sexually like being casual relationships to get some preliminary sexual experience. 

This whole process will take some time and effort. 

Once you have conquered the fear of intimacy and sex, you can then start gradually with being around women, especially those who easily accept you do you don't get rejected right away. This will give you an initial experience of dating. But you will have to be careful with your emotional needs and emotional safety. Not to get emotionally bonded with a woman right away but approach slowly knowing fully the emotional consequences of a rejection or even breakup. 

You will need a ton of mental preparation. 

You can't get into dating right now with an unprepared mindset. 

Best wishes on your progress. Keep developing and never give up. 

 

 

[Applegarden]

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

To be totally honest, you aren't really ready for it yet because of your mental and emotional circumstances. 

If you want to start dating you will need a lot of mental work before that or else you will meet major disappointment leading to further downspiraling of your mind. 

 

So in order to protect your mind, the safety net you need right now is to stay away from the subject of dating. 

You can always start your spiritual journey anytime, right now is the right time to start it. It's never early or late. 

Along with spirituality, look into psychology stuff, read books and internet stuff or material on psychiatric stuff like anxiety, depression, borderline, phobias, awkwardness, emotional regulation. 

Next step will be to start slow or gradual socialization. Step by step. Baby step at a time. 

This will loosen up your hangups regarding social stuff and free you a bit. 

Once you feel more confident socially then you begin experimenting sexually like being casual relationships to get some preliminary sexual experience. 

This whole process will take some time and effort. 

Once you have conquered the fear of intimacy and sex, you can then start gradually with being around women, especially those who easily accept you do you don't get rejected right away. This will give you an initial experience of dating. But you will have to be careful with your emotional needs and emotional safety. Not to get emotionally bonded with a woman right away but approach slowly knowing fully the emotional consequences of a rejection or even breakup. 

You will need a ton of mental preparation. 

You can't get into dating right now with an unprepared mindset. 

Best wishes on your progress. Keep developing and never give up. 

 

 

Thank you, i find your in depth advice very worthwhile!

[Preety_India]

@Applegarden  you are very welcome.