I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Proactive]

This journal is going to be about measuring something to ultimately achieve flow. So without homework, I can be unengaged when all I'm doing is trying to read a textbook for example.

IF anyone has ideas about how I can increase flow using this journal or happiness in short + long term. I'm open to hearing about it. Also if anyone wants to join in to help you achieve your goals feel free. Accountability is useful.

I want to feel a sense of growth everyday. Not just have a daily goal, then tomorrow have a completely unrelated set of tasks. I want to be pushing my limits, in order to do that, we need to know where our limits even are.

So I'm just going to start with measuring these qualities every single day. What i'm aiming for is on the right side.

 

Happiness 10/10

stress 1/10

External achievement 10/10

Focus levels 10/10

[Proactive]

This way of measuring is not a very accurate one, as I am only doing it during 1 time during the day. I could keep a notebook or something. And do this multiple times, then average them.

 

Happiness 6/10 - got reminded of how beautiful this world is. How beautiful nature is through some alan Watts videos. I focused a lot on feminine energy today. Just enjoying the moment. Remembering that happiness cannot be achieved by attracting girls. Or, doing well externally result wise. I let the external achievement lower down my happiness by a bit..

Stress 3/10 

External Achievement - 3/10. I got some homework done. Probably just enough so that I can survive school.

Focus levels - 3/10 , I didn't even focus much. I was scattered with all sorts of ideas. With videos.

 

Score - 47.5%

Setting intentions - This is hard, because if we plan shit out. It takes away from the process. Therefore should be very broad.

Today I had low levels of external achievement and focus because I decided to go home, and the environment here is very distracting, but is more relaxing as i'm alone.

Tomorrow I have work, usually tired. I'm going to come back home, meditate, feel what I want to feel. Journal, whim hoff technique.

 

Homework assignments currently feel very scrambled, and there are many things i'm not too clear about that have to do with the questions themselves instead of the content. 

Make a clear plan about how I'm going to proceed with doing these questions. Send emails. I also want to start on my next project. This semester at-least, finishing my course load is not enough external achievement to push my limits. Maybe contemplate about that during your nightly walk.

 

Edited November 20, 2019 by Proactive

[JustThinkingAloud]

I'm watching you! 

[Raptorsin7]

@Proactive GREAT IDEA! Have you read Nahm's thread on using the dream board?

[Raptorsin7]

@Proactive I highly recommend yoga or long distance running. Something where this pain and suffering that you can go INTO to. Last night in my yoga class I went into the pain rather than my usual habit of avoiding and waiting for an easier position. It was my best class to date. Pain and suffering will lead to happiness. And when we learn we are immune to pain and suffering then flow will come easier because we know we are untouchable (I think, not sure about this but it sounds right). 

I am also looking for flow in my life.

[JustThinkingAloud]

@Proactive

Don't let us influence you, you're doing great! I'm always intrigued by originality. Thank you 

[Proactive]

@Raptorsin7, isn't the dream-board like finding pictures about where you want to go in life. Then putting it on the board ? I was working on drawing some images a while back, but I suck at drawing. lol. 

I love long distance running, amazing way to realize that we are capable of more than we think as well as managing self-talk.

@JustThinkingAloud - thanks for babysitting me ?

Happiness - 6/10. I had a bunch of external events that made me happy. There was this girl at work that had a bunch of feminine energy and I was just soaking it up.  Aswell as I enjoyed improving my focus by a ton for a short period of time. 

I am not in the moment currently. That is causing me lots of pain.

stress - 5/10

External achievement - 5/10

Focus levels - 8/10 - I gained a bunch of motivation due to me reframing my failures. Aswell as having a ton of energy from no-fap. I was literally jumping up and down, basically sprinting to do my homework. For  a short period of time.

Score - 52.5%

 

I'm going to start taking multiple measurements a day and average them starting tmr. 

Edited November 20, 2019 by Proactive

[Raptorsin7]

@Proactive I don't use pictures. I just write in word what i really. I actually think words are better because you can be mores specific about what you want. It's all about wanting and then letting going and letting it come to you through meditation and clearing your mind. I highly recommend it.

[Proactive]

Happiness - 4.25/10

Stress - 3.25/10

Focus - 4/10

External achievement - 2/10

 

score - 42.5%

 

How can I improve? All my scores, I'm not even passing.

1. Go to school more, so I have this idea that studying should be fun, and I should flowwwwwwwwww. 

We should not ever be studying because it feels goooood, or because it feels bad. This will cause inconsistency.

 

This is a matter of life and death for me. give it everything you've got. 

Goal from tomorrow till the end of semester is to get above 70% average. 

Edited November 21, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

Happiness -4.33333333333333333333333333333333

Detatchment -5.66666666666666666666666666666667

focus - 5.333333333333333333333333333333

external results -1.6666666666666666666667

 

Score 42.4% - the reason for the weird numbers is cuz I took 3 measurements today.

 

got bombarded with external results attacks yesterday. Shit sucks. Anyways, lets live 1 day at a time.

Life is a hard one, atleast for me anyways.

No need to blackmail myself. So mean.

Also these stats feel very wrong. All these things are measured subjectively, and I intend to maybe run some exercises in my head, and see how I react. From that reaction, I can give myself some score???

visualization and unconscious mind shit is important.  Gonna try nahms dreamboard.

What do I want?

you

 

I think i'm just gonna imagine what I want my day to be tmr, b4 I sleep.

[Raptorsin7]

18 hours ago, Proactive said:

Gonna try nahms dreamboard.

Can't wait! Make sure you record your progress

[Proactive]

@Raptorsin7 

So i'm not 100% certain how it works. 

1. Place your desires on something physical?
2. Then get clear on your vision
3. feel your desire for this vision
4. watch for signs of improvement

I wish there was like a way to take a sample of my blood, and it goes like oh he's 50% happy, and 10% detatched. Cuz the data i've taken so far is  quite inaccurate . 

So happiness is such a weird thing to measure. I think i'm just going to relabel it as pleasure.

 

So in order to maximize happiness, we need to be more healthy. I think the food from my work makes me unhappy, even though I try to eat as healthy as possible. I need to start cooking food.

Edited November 23, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

DELICIOUS FOOD RECIPES THAT ARE HEALTHY

soups, and vegetables.

The thing with vegetables are they are not fiilling. 

RICE, CHICKEN, THOSE ARE PRETTY NICE.

 

HOW TO COOK MEAT

honestly....... Who cares, just put everything into the pressure cooker lol.

 

[Proactive]

DREAMBOARD ATEMPT #1

Sitting there,

detatched, objectively looking into the nature of reality.

 

flying through space,  peering into reality.

Exploring, looking at this magical wonderful detailed world. 

 

It's so beautiful ain't it.

Calm, and steady as a clear picture fills my vision, a new facet of reality. So clear. So clear.

A glimpse into reality. Into another perspective.

 

I WANT IT, I WANT IT!

[Proactive]

pleasure - 5.6

Focus 6.2

detatchment - 5.8

external results -4.2

score 54.5%

 

So I realized i've actually been going through withdrawal symptoms from no-fap. I feel emptiness in my heart, and it feels like there's something flicking me in the head.

When I place attention on it, it doesn't go away. So i'm glad i've caught it early so I can deal with it.

I'm getting back into the habit of meditation. Cold showers. Exercise. 

 

These things won't come naturally to me like it did when my testosterone was high.

 

Also, try to put yourself into life-death situations where you are forced to grow.

Edited November 23, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

A job is something you do regardless of how you feel. To provide value to other people.

Learning is my job, to accumulate knowledge so that I can one day apply it.

 

Today i'm going to be reading "boring " slides.

The way I operate is definitely not the way slides are putting them in.

So, what I need to do is get a big picture view of what we are learning, then go downwards from there.

1. What are we learning?( obtaining concept names)
2. Why is it useful? What is it used for?
3. How does it do it? (hand wavey solution)
4. How does it do it?(precisely )

 

 

Edited November 24, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

I've decided to just scrap that shit. I think this journal is going to end as i'm switching to other things but we'll see.

I had some insights onto what is masculinity and feminity today which made my day so much better aswell as a reminder of 

how I became the person I am today. A GOD, A LEGEND. THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME!

........or a low self-esteem thing

 

YIN AND YANG

engaged/direction -masculine

detached/flow  - femininity

flow towards your direction

 

The feminine ultimately cannot be controlled by the masculine. You just have to truly surrender. To embody it. You have to enjoy this moment, not for the sake of some goal. But because it feels right. 

Create the light. Strengthen the light, but don't forget to change your attention to carving your path. All I can do to embody the feminine is give it suggestions. 

 

examples of masculine trying to control femininity - Having goals, changing happiness levels in order to achieve it.

examples of femininty trying to control masculinity -  Trying to obtain happiness, from achieving your goals

honestly, the insight was a while ago, doesn't seem all that cool anymore. Maybe what i've written isn't that accurate.

 

If you want to create anything, you need both the flow and the direction.

[Proactive]

why don't I have friends?

1. I don't care about anyone unless they need help.
2. I have an unconscious belief that takes consciousness to override(that i'm socially inadequete)
3. I also have a habit of not letting go, just flowing regardless of this rule. Should I say this? How will they react

How should socializing in a group be like. What should happen is, a group is not an individual. It's an actual entity.

That's what I don't realize, in a group you don't try to elevate a this perosn then this person. But you try to increase the groups vibe. Yeah. idk.

[Proactive]

Don't chase for happiness, Don't chase for success.

 

The more you chase, the more you've defined that you are not HAPPY, or successful.

peace

[Proactive]

This society of ours.

 

where everyones chasing. chasing, chasing

 

after the same thing.

 

just abandon this thing. Everyones after success.

So many people wasting away this life. Trying to be something that we are not.

We don't treasure it enough or atleast I don't.

 

Be who you are.

 

Accept what is to come. Forget about food, money, shelter, acceptance

Forget about dreams and aspirations. Make what you want to happen. HAPPEN.