Why Women Aren't Attracted to Nice Guys

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, Nickyy said:

Thanks for the rec. I'll check it out in a moment.

You're right about that, some people think that shared interests or commonality are what relationships are really built on. It just so happens a lot of people get taken in by this mistake. 

Yes I agree. One way to view masculinity is congruence. If you have conflicts inside that have not been addressed then you're not going to be rooted in masculine. The "now". You're going to be fixated on those things in the back of your mind, or pushing them away for a later time.

It's crucial to get these issues sorted out and to be present in the moment, being here fully, knowing what your purpose is in this moment and how whatever situation you are in fits into that purpose. What is your aim in this moment? Is what you're doing in this moment reflective and supportive of your larger purpose? 

Everyone (not just women) sense this alignment. There should be no complications. There should be transparency, straight forwardness, no self deception. No BS.No games. No "game". Gaming women is not a life purpose. Nobodies life purpose is ultimately centred around attracting women. The attraction comes from congruence . 

 

That's the ultimate alpha thing to do. 

 

[pluto]

40 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 the definition of consciousness. Nothing boring about it. 

Not boring for me though. 

 

Life has never been so alive, so fun, so pure, so magnificent, so beautiful, so divine, so radiant!

I can go all day

Bless!

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, pluto said:

Life has never been so alive, so fun, so pure, so magnificent, so beautiful, so divine, so radiant!

I can go all day

Bless!

Thank you 

[Preety_India]

8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

your purpose is in this moment and how whatever situation you are in fits into that purpose. What is your aim in this moment? Is what you're doing in this moment reflective and supportive of your larger purpose? 

Funny because I had this same insight a few days ago. And I labeled it as "engineering"... 

 

[Dumuzzi]

13 minutes ago, Nickyy said:

Thanks for the rec. I'll check it out in a moment.

You're right about that, some people think that shared interests or commonality are what relationships are really built on. It just so happens a lot of people get taken in by this mistake. 

Yes I agree. One way to view masculinity is congruence. If you have conflicts inside that have not been addressed then you're not going to be rooted in masculine. The "now". You're going to be fixated on those things in the back of your mind, or pushing them away for a later time.

It's crucial to get these issues sorted out and to be present in the moment, being here fully, knowing what your purpose is in this moment and how whatever situation you are in fits into that purpose. What is your aim in this moment? Is what you're doing in this moment reflective and supportive of your larger purpose? 

Everyone (not just women) sense this alignment. There should be no complications. There should be transparency, straight forwardness, no self deception. No BS.No games. No "game". Gaming women is not a life purpose. Nobodies life purpose is ultimately centred around attracting women. The attraction comes from congruence . 

Trying to create attraction is not attractive. A guy can get used by women in those circumstances, but they won't trust that guy long term. 

 

Great points.

My sister is actually a professional dog trainer and I help her out sometimes. Almost no one who has a dog knows how to handle them. I noticed a similar deficiency in people's personal relationships. It is mostly about the belief you have in yourself when you approach someone else. If you believe that you are confident and worthy of attention and affection, people will immediately relate to you from that frame of reference. You will exude this attitude energetically, in terms of your posture, non-verbal clues, the tone of your voice and even body odour and pheromones. The trick is to truly believe that you're top dog and have no doubt whatsoever in your mind that you are doing the right thing. Once your confidence wavers, people / dogs will immediately pick up on it. This fearlessness and confidence is not easy to develop, but it is worth it.

[Nickyy]

16 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Funny because I had this same insight a few days ago. And I labeled it as "engineering"... 

 

Your life purpose is engineering? Or do you mean that you perceive doing only things that support your life purpose as engineering?

Can you clarify for us please? ?

For example, participation in the forum, are you consciously aware of how your contributions here fit into your overall life purpose? Is your behaviour in every moment congruent with your life purpose? 

Life purpose doesn't have to be a career either. You can be a Gardner if that is what you know your calling is at this time.

Edited November 19, 2019 by Nickyy

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Nickyy said:

Your life purpose is engineering? Or do you mean that you perceive doing only things that support your life purpose as engineering?

Can you clarify for us please? ?

I keep like a larger goal in my mind. Then I think about the moment and like you said I think if what I'm doing in the moment is reflective and supportive of my larger purpose. I have just recently started implementing this technique. I call this process engineering. Fitting smaller things into a larger plan. 

It's not my life purpose. Just a thought process I have recently begun to practice. 

When you mentioned it, it reminded me of what I had been doing. 

 

[ugreglo]

Let me guess, the "nice guy" is balding, short, has too much bodyfat, narrow skull bad eye area, hairstyle that doesn't fit him, maybe NCT, maybe small wrists etc. ?

[Preety_India]

13 minutes ago, Dumuzzi said:

Great points.

My sister is actually a professional dog trainer and I help her out sometimes. Almost no one who has a dog knows how to handle them. I noticed a similar deficiency in people's personal relationships. It is mostly about the belief you have in yourself when you approach someone else. If you believe that you are confident and worthy of attention and affection, people will immediately relate to you from that frame of reference. You will exude this attitude energetically, in terms of your posture, non-verbal clues, the tone of your voice and even body odour and pheromones. The trick is to truly believe that you're top dog and have no doubt whatsoever in your mind that you are doing the right thing. Once your confidence wavers, people / dogs will immediately pick up on it. This fearlessness and confidence is not easy to develop, but it is worth it.

I disagree. Confidence can't come without real inner work. Confidence just for the sake of confidence has no real source and thus its foundation is shaky and easily crumbles under pressure and test/obstacle. 

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, ugreglo said:

Let me guess, the "nice guy" is balding, short, has too much bodyfat, narrow skull bad eye area, hairstyle that doesn't fit him, maybe NCT, maybe small wrists etc. ?

That was an awful amount of projection. 

 

 

[Nickyy]

Just now, Preety_India said:

I disagree. Confidence can't come without real inner work. Confidence just for the sake of confidence has no real source and thus its foundation is shaky and easily crumbles under pressure and test/obstacle. 

You got it. Confidence that is put on is contrived, it is not authentic, because only true confidence comes with being in alignment with yourself. 

That's why women test men with emotional tests. To find out if he is worth time and energy. To see if he really is the Mack daddy he is presenting himself to be. When a guy knows why he is where he is in this moment, and it makes 100% sense to him, then whatever he's experiencing in his mind at that time in relation to a woman's behaviour has no effect, because he knows why she is in front of him and how she fits into his purpose. Purpose being the larger context. 

If a guy has no integrity with himself and he is just hanging around a woman for no reason then that's when neediness takes over, because he's with her to take from her rather than be there for a real reason that makes sense to him. And when a guy is trying to take from a woman then he gets very shaken up when he doesn't get what he wants. 

He becomes flaccid, like a limp penis lol

Women don't like that kind of guy. 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Nickyy said:

You got it. Confidence that is put on is contrived, it is not authentic, because only true confidence comes with being in alignment with yourself. 

That's why women test men with emotional tests. To find out if he is worth time and energy. To see if he really is the Mack daddy he is presenting himself to be. When a guy knows why he is where he is in this moment, and it makes 100% sense to him, then whatever he's experiencing in his mind at that time in relation to a woman's behaviour has no effect, because he knows why she is in front of him and how she fits into his purpose. Purpose being the larger context. 

If a guy has no integrity with himself and he is just hanging around a woman for no reason then that's when neediness takes over, because he's with her to take from her rather than be there for a real reason that makes sense to him. And when a guy is trying to take from a woman then he gets very shaken up when he doesn't get what he wants. 

He becomes flaccid, like a limp penis lol

Women don't like that kind of guy. 

Oh wow!!! 

You sort of answered all threads that men write here in one post. What you describe is like the problem with nearly 99 % of men in relationships. They never get the point you're making. 

All is within that post. The cognitive dissonance that causes men to get unnecessarily needy and not be rooted. Constantly getting shifty and unstable in a relationship creating constant tension causing stress to the woman and making her undo the cognitive dissonance he suffers from and eventually tiring her out. Because it's an endless loop based in the false confidence of a man that is the source of the problem. 

Most men show false confidence to win a woman and then get flaccid and clueless as you mentioned. This crumbles the relationship eventually. At that point it doesn't even matter whether he is a nice guy or a bad boy because he is already on the path to the demise of the relationship. He set himself up for failure and its the woman's job to relentlessly work at saving the relationship taking a toll on her. And if she is the type who gives too many shit tests then the demise is going to be much earlier. 

Golden points in your post. 

[Nickyy]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Oh wow!!! 

You sort of answered all threads that men write here in one post. What you describe is like the problem with nearly 99 % of men in relationships. They never get the point you're making. 

All is within that post. The cognitive dissonance that causes men to get unnecessarily needy and not be rooted. Constantly getting shifty and unstable in a relationship creating constant tension causing stress to the woman and making her undo the cognitive dissonance he suffers from and eventually tiring her out. Because it's an endless loop based in the false confidence of a man that is the source of the problem. 

Most men show false confidence to win a woman and then get flaccid and clueless as you mentioned. This crumbles the relationship eventually. At that point it doesn't even matter whether he is a nice guy or a bad boy because he is already on the path to the demise of the relationship. He set himself up for failure and its the woman's job to relentlessly work at saving the relationship taking a toll on her. And if she is the type who gives too many shit tests then the demise is going to be much earlier. 

Golden points in your post. 

That's why the pick up community and MGTOW are delusional. 

 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Nickyy said:

That's why the pick up community and MGTOW are delusional. 

 

I agree. They teach false confidence lol 

[Angelite]

In reality, there is only Truth.

Okay I'm gonna say this from a higher conscious plane of looking at thing. 

In the end, it is love. 

Anything that is not based on love will not last forever. Love can't be faked. 

I believe in natural attraction. 

35 minutes ago, Nickyy said:

Thanks for the rec. I'll check it out in a moment.

You're right about that, some people think that shared interests or commonality are what relationships are really built on. It just so happens a lot of people get taken in by this mistake. 

Yes I agree. One way to view masculinity is congruence. If you have conflicts inside that have not been addressed then you're not going to be rooted in masculine. The "now". You're going to be fixated on those things in the back of your mind, or pushing them away for a later time.

It's crucial to get these issues sorted out and to be present in the moment, being here fully, knowing what your purpose is in this moment and how whatever situation you are in fits into that purpose. What is your aim in this moment? Is what you're doing in this moment reflective and supportive of your larger purpose? 

Everyone (not just women) sense this alignment. There should be no complications. There should be transparency, straight forwardness, no self deception. No BS.No games. No "game". Gaming women is not a life purpose. Nobodies life purpose is ultimately centred around attracting women. The attraction comes from congruence . 

Trying to create attraction is not attractive. A guy can get used by women in those circumstances, but they won't trust that guy long term. 

 

These are all reasons. You don't need reason for love. True love won't fade. 

But judging from this forum, people aren't looking for love, but to get their needs met. 

Love is not a need. Love is simply love

[Dumuzzi]

@Preety_India @NickyyGood points from both of you, but I think the existence of conmen and their success would indicate that faking confidence can be just as effective as genuinely having it. The very essence of a confidence trick is to fool the other person into seeing you the way you want them to. Psychopaths in particular are very adept at this and such people are often at the top of our social hierarchy. See the current leaders of the UK and the US as a typical example of that.

[Nickyy]

11 minutes ago, Dumuzzi said:

@Preety_India @NickyyGood points from both of you, but I think the existence of conmen and their success would indicate that faking confidence can be just as effective as genuinely having it. The very essence of a confidence trick is to fool the other person into seeing you the way you want them to. Psychopaths in particular are very adept at this and such people are often at the top of our social hierarchy. See the current leaders of the UK and the US as a typical example of that.

Yes, fake confidence works, to a point. It's also the reason that these people get booted out of office when the public loses confidence in them.

 

[Nickyy]

4 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

The type of dude who would be nice because they are overly naive, delusional, lack survival skills etc...

Niceness doesn't mean yes to all. Some guys will be yes to all, and disappear in his attempt to please you. It's unhealthy and unattractive. 

What you're describing is nice guy syndrome ? 

The pickup community / men's movement, have swung to the opposite polarity by not really understanding what it actually means to grow up as a man. 

 

[Preety_India]

19 minutes ago, Dumuzzi said:

@Preety_India @NickyyGood points from both of you, but I think the existence of conmen and their success would indicate that faking confidence can be just as effective as genuinely having it. The very essence of a confidence trick is to fool the other person into seeing you the way you want them to. Psychopaths in particular are very adept at this and such people are often at the top of our social hierarchy. See the current leaders of the UK and the US as a typical example of that.

That's okay. People build empires by stealing money and scamming. I want to walk on a path of consciousness and truth and values. So I don't need to follow their examples. 

Success achieved by wrong means is not true success and no success at all. 

It's like the ends justify the means. 

I'd rather the means justify the ends. Sportsmanship is more valuable to me than winning the game. 

But I can understand the need to sharpen the tools or skills needed even if it meant the intent is not right or authentic. Like a mock rehearsal. 

Edited November 19, 2019 by Preety_India

[Dumuzzi]

7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

That's okay. People build empires by stealing money and scamming. I want to walk on a path of consciousness and truth and values. So I don't need to follow their examples. 

Success achieved by wrong means is not true success and no success at all. 

It's like the ends justify the means. 

I'd rather the means justify the ends. Sportsmanship is more valuable to me than winning the game. 

But I can understand the need to sharpen the tools or skills needed even if it meant the intent is not right or authentic. Like a mock rehearsal. 

The point for the pickup community seems to be, that they envy psychopaths, or as they call them, Alphas. Such men see women as prey and are in effect predators, on the hunt. They seem to want to be able to completely detach from their emotions and their empathy, so that they can relate to women as objects to be used for sexual gratification, rather than as actual human beings with feelings and wants of their own.

The thing is though, you can't "unhave" empathy and normal human emotion, you're either born with it, or if you're a psychopath, you are incapable of it from birth. Thankfully, only about 4 percent of the human population is psychopathic, most of them men, but it is enough to cause plenty of mayhem. I think nice guy syndrome at its root is about the envy normal men feel towards psychopaths who are often a lot more successful at certain things than they are. Thing is though, psychopaths may be able to "get" women easily, but are unable to form normal human relationships and enjoy their conquests on an emotional level.