How Do I Find Myself?

[VeganAwake]

Turn within ask yourself who are you really. You are not the story of Raptorsin who has been adding layers to the self identity ever since birth ...you are what was prior to that.

What was prior to that? shed the layers and find out for your self ❤

 

 

[tedens]

@Raptorsin7 no advice here will lead you to happiness / whatever it is / even this if you won't meditate consistently. it's as simple as it sounds but is it? hahaha

[zeroISinfinity]

@Inliytened1 lol they do not get that they are THIS forum. 

One Infinite Consciousness. 

To try to point to this you fuck yourself up lol. 

OK let return to my Matrix collapse and inception movie irl lol. 

[Surfingthewave]

19 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

 

The main reason I do meditation is because I want to be happy and live and amazing life. I want feel happy. 

Here's the problem, you're setting yourself up for failure here. Meditation won't bring you a feeling of happiness. Meditation is a stripping away of feelings. Meditation will bring you fulfillment and yes as you describe, more of the flow state as you are flexing that concentration muscle. You seem to want to live your life in this state but this will take years and years of practice. 

Perhaps seek advice from meditation teachers/gurus? Just to help you with your tools and techniques. 

You also mentioned you haven't felt happy for most of your life, do you experience depression /low mood? If so it may be a chemical imbalance and need further investigation. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave I'm hoping meditation will bring me a mental state of peace and equanimity that i can access throughout my day. Then when I go to yoga or play basketball, I can use this acquired mental state to push myself to my absolute limits and try my absolute best, which will allow me to access the bliss and happiness available when we push through suffering. I don't believe it will take "years and years" that is a limiting belief imo. I have been practicing meditation for 2 hours in the morning, and an hour at night over the past few days and I feel like a different person already. I'm not "there" yet, but I am getting glimpses of what it will take to be happy. For example, last night in yoga for the first time I went as deep into the suffering and pain as I could go, rather than my usual aversion and mental chatter waiting for it to end. It was my best practice to date. It's not about living my life in this state. It's about increasing the amount of time in this state slowly but surely. I don't need to be in flow 1000% of the time, I just need a bit then it will grow.

I am seeking advice right now from all of you guys lol (: @Nahm and @Synchronicity have been a huge help me to so far, and I will continue to post asking questions. But I also need to be mindful that some of my questions are just resistance to me doing the actual work, but I will continue asking questions until people tell me to fuck off.

I have been depressed before. But my general unhappiness/ dissatisfaction with life is distinct from my episode of depression. I was raised very spoiled, and my parents just kinda let me do whatever I wanted. But not in a push my limits, be whatever I want to be kinda way. If i wanted junk food I got it. If i wanted a video game, I would throw tantrums until I got it. I never pushed myself out of my comfort zone, or pushed into the pain to find out who I am, because I had everything handed to me. I always felt like I wasn't living up to what I could be. I wasn't as happy as I felt I could be. I wasn't as good at sports as i felt i should be. My chemical balance has come from the way I live my life. And there a million ways I could have improved my life, but I always afraid of the pain and suffering (or resistance). I'm hoping meditation will give me a mental state to overcome pain and resistance in my life. 

[Surfingthewave]

7 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Surfingthewave

I am seeking advice right now from all of you guys lol (: @Nahm and @Synchronicity  

I'm hoping meditation will give me a mental state to overcome pain and resistance in my life. 

It will but again be aware you are "hoping". Just be aware of the goals you have for meditation. You are having powerful insights about who you are, thank you for revealing them here. Meditation is a returning to the source, the source of awareness /consciousness, nothing more nothing less. If you want to find yourself and/or be happier perhaps try other things aswell. 

Edited November 20, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave You seriously don't think meditation will help accomplish those "other things" to make me happy? I view meditation as complementary to all the other things in my life. Like a piece to the puzzle that makes it easier to find and work with other pieces. 

5 minutes ago, Surfingthewave said:

Meditation is a returning to the source, the source of awareness /consciousness, nothing more nothing less.

 

 

That i do not believe. I'm pretty sure there is something there that will bleed into the rest of my life.

Edited November 20, 2019 by Raptorsin7

[88888will88888]

You don't so much find yourself as you create yourself. Are you a human? I'm guessing you are. Decide what kind of human you want to be, then create that life for yourself. Yes, if you search for the True Self, then you'll find that it doesn't exist, or it's nothing, or it's everything. The only thing to "really" do at that point is be somebody. I emphasize "really" because by being somebody you make yourself "real" -- though I understand that real is a funky word especially when discussing nonduality, as everything simultaneously is real and isn't... depending on how you look at it  

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 I'm not a meditation guru, I have been meditating for 12 years or so, and it has changed my life. Yes I think you're right it absolutely will be complementary to all the other things. 

[Raptorsin7]

@88888will88888 I am in the process of creating my self as we speak. I'm not necessarily searching for my true self, I'm more searching for a the selfless quality of mind that meditation that allows us to access, so i can apply it to my life to be the best me I can be. I do feel like i'm getting closer to connecting with THIS, but i don't how long it will take me. My third eye has been going crazy during these meditations so hopefully that does something too.

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave For example, when I did yoga last night for the first time i actually went into the pain instead of avoiding it and hoping for an easier posture. It was my best session to date. I was only able to do that because of my meditation, I kept turning attention on itself during meditation and looking for the thoughtless quality of mind i'm trying to develop. That is the link between meditation and life that i'm hoping I get more of as i do more meditation and awaken the truth of no self

[Surfingthewave]

This is a great example. When you turn into your pain (that is what you are doing - becoming it) it dissolves over time. If you keep working on this you'll see long lasting results. What I would say is if you're meditating for 3 hours a day, it's tricky to keep up with this long term. Shinzen Young talks about "dropping on a dime" so using your meditation practices in your day to day life e.g as you have described in yoga/basketball. Good luck ? 

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave Thanks woman (haha i didn't realize you were a female). Yea I don't plan on practicing so much in the future, i'm just kind of on a high right now since i started using the dream board and I'm just sucking in all the good vibes from meditation I can. I appreciate you taking time to engage, I realize when i start feeling better I really don't like when people challenge what I do. But I definitely need to drop that like a bad habit haha

Edited November 20, 2019 by Raptorsin7

[tedens]

15 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

Meditation won't bring you a feeling of happiness.

meditation in the form of self-inquiry ofc will