How Do I Find Myself?

[Raptorsin7]

When we look for our self we will find that pain and resistance stands between us and our true identity. When we find our self we will realize it was never there to begin with. 

This is an insight I had from my past meditation session. Does sound accurate? Are insights generated through meditation generally beneficial to reflect upon and treat as genuine knowledge or do we sometimes delude our self with our spiritual ego?

[JustThinkingAloud]

8 minutes ago, TylerJ said:

The yourself that you are talking about is the same before, during, and after your meditation. 

Once you glimpse it like you said you have, it is just going to become more and more apparent over time that you do not exist 

And then you realize that it's completely ok to be whatever you were before.

[zeroISinfinity]

@TylerJ You do exist. But not in a way you currently think so. 

Do the work. 

[zeroISinfinity]

It is Just to avoid big ? trap, nothing else love you all. 

[ivankiss]

The one you are looking for is not here.

[SoonHei]

the one that is looking is the one who is being looked for by the one who is being looked at and thus, the one searching can never find the one who is looking.

therefore, no need to find yourself. you're already yourself. you just think you're the one who is searching when you're the one who is looking.

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 Why are you looking for self? What are you doing meditation for? Who actually is looking for self? What is true identity? What is pain and suffering? What is the resistance? 

You are having some good insights. Someone said meditation is boring, I laugh until I cry. There is nothing boring about discovering life itself.

What I love about this work is the deeper you go the more questions there are. 

[Forestluv]

@Raptorsin7 If we are to assume a "self" is alive, the "self" is a deeply ingrained and complex construct. As well, it is evolved and conditioned itself to survive. Full transcendence = death. What self wants to die? For a self to exist, it must be alive. 

Now consider it from the perspective that the self is dead. There is no self. It doesn't exist. If one goes the full monty, all these questions about what is "self", what is "true self", what is "higher self and lower self" don't exist. . . This is hard to imagine due to attachment/identification of a "self". The human mind is conditioned to be attached and identify as a person in a human body. It doesn't identify as a rock or a tree. . . Completely remove the attachment/identification and see what happnens. . . For example, let's recontextualize your questions removing attachment/identification.

"How Do I Find crorjun?"

"When we look for crorjun we will find that pain and resistance stands between false crorjun and true crorjun. When we find our crorjun we will realize it was never there to begin with."

These statements are meaningless. Wtf is "crorjun"? It's nothing. I just made it up. Just like we make up a "self". Notice how there is no attachment/identification to "crorjun". There is no desire to protect "crojun" so it can survive. There is no obsession about making "crojun" happy. There is no obsession with protecting "crorjun" from suffering. . . However, the dynamics of "crorjun" will dramatically change when we create a contruct in which "crorjun" is a "me" that was born and will die. There is deep desire to protect "crorjun" from harm and death. An elaborate story of "crorjun" is created. . . Crorjun is a male that was born in Australia in 1994. Crorjun had a difficult upbringing and has ADHD. Crorjun is afraid of heights, likes vanilla ice cream and plays tennis. Crorjun hopes to transcend the false Crorjun to find his true Crorjun. . . This seems absurd because I just made Crorjun up and nobody has attachment/identification to Crorjun. . . Yet when we replace "Crorjun" with "me". . . millions of years of evolution arises and years of conditioning arises that has created immense attachment/identification to "me". . . It's the biggest lie ever told. A lie so big that 99.9999% of beings live life immersed in a story of Crorjun that is just made up. 

 

[Nahm]

14 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

When we look for our self we will find that pain and resistance stands between us and our true identity. When we find our self we will realize it was never there to begin with. 

This is an insight I had from my past meditation session. Does sound accurate? Are insights generated through meditation generally beneficial to reflect upon and treat as genuine knowledge or do we sometimes delude our self with our spiritual ego?

Does insight feel accurate?

Does it feel the same as knowledge? 

One seem more ‘deluded’?   What does deluded really mean?

[erik8lrl]

You don't need to find yourself, you are it. Just be it. Just love. 

[Raptorsin7]

 

3 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

@Raptorsin7 Why are you looking for self? What are you doing meditation for? Who actually is looking for self? What is true identity? What is pain and suffering? What is the resistance? 

You are having some good insights. Someone said meditation is boring, I laugh until I cry. There is nothing boring about discovering life itself.

What I love about this work is the deeper you go the more questions there are. 

The main reason I do meditation is because I want to be happy and live and amazing life. I want feel happy and I want to feel like my life is amazing, I have had some dreams throughout my life where I remember feeling something during my dream, the content of my dreams were basically little episodes of a tv show, and I know it's possible for my life to be infinitely better than it is now, so here i am. (Note, I have begun using a dream board for the past few days and I legit feel like it's working so I don't want to act like my life isn't trending in a profound direction). Right now in my meditation i am just trying to be. Whatever arises i just sit with it and be it, and i'll also throw in some I love you's once in a while too. 

In the short term i'm looking for genuine flow and joy from my meditation that I can carry into my normal life. So for example, I'm hoping to find a mental state through meditation that I can then use in my life. So, when I go to basketball and I think how can i play my best, I will go to that mental space I have cultivated through meditation. Or when put something on my dream board, and I think how can i manifest this, I am going to go to that mental space and let it guide me.

But ultimately what i want is an amazing life, that makes me just smile with disbelief that I can actually be this happy and live this life.

[Raptorsin7]

@erik8lrl

8 minutes ago, erik8lrl said:

you are it. Just be it.

Do you mean just be whatever exists in my direct experience right now. Like I have a major sensation coming from my third eye right now, and whenever I meditate it feels like it's being massaged by fingers. How do I be the sensation of the third eye? Just bring awareness there and let go?

[Inliytened1]

@Raptorsin7 you literally are direct experience.  Subtract what you think is you and there is just actuality.  You ARE actuality.

Dissolve the perceiver and there is just direct experience.  That is your true nature.  Being itself.

And its nothing.  And everything. 

[Raptorsin7]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

Does insight feel accurate?

- I definitely  feel my meditation evolving recently. But I also feel like I haven't what i'm looking for yet. I have some found what seems like an empty sapce, where i'm no longer lost in thought, and  it doesn't feel like ME until I start thinking again, and then the sense of self returns. But part of my mind is skeptical because I feel like there should be more? This isn't happiness, it's more like peace. But it doesn't feel like eternal peace or lasting bliss. 

Does it feel the same as knowledge? 

- This was different than knowledge. For example, I have knowledge of legal principles. But i didn't derive that knowledge from direct experience of legal principles. This insight came from meditation, and it came after I felt I went deeper. But this could just be a post hoc rationalization for how i got to a deeper place, and not the actual truth of how i got there.

One seem more ‘deluded’?   What does deluded really mean?

-Delusion would something not accurate and not reproducible in direct experience. For example, if i came back to you peeps after meditation and said that the way to happiness and peace in the present moment is to HATE everything that arises instead of loving it. That would be delusion because happiness in the present seems to come from loving everything.

 

[JustThinkingAloud]

4 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

But part of my mind is skeptical because I feel like there should be more? This isn't happiness, it's more like peace. But it doesn't feel like eternal peace or lasting bliss.

If you want happiness you have to find something that you love, appreciate it and enjoy it. Some people find it in nature, some in knowledge, some in basketball. The world is your oyster, you just need to pick what it is for you. You can meditate on the things that you pick and you should start feeling the bliss. Imagination is a very powerful tool and also a free "entertainment". 

[Raptorsin7]

@JustThinkingAloud NOPE. lol sorry it just felt right to say it like that.

From what i've read, and from what I understand from my dreams and my current reality. It doesn't matter what you do. The reason people love doing what they are doing is the way it makes them feel. For example, I love playing basketball when I'm playing well and I'm dominating. The most fun i've ever had has been when i'm in the zone, which has been rare because I've always been in my head. But WHY does it feel good. I thought the why would be addressed through meditation. Same thing with extreme sports. People do it for the flow, and the feeling of effortless and silence of mind. That is where their "happiness" comes from. It's not the thing. It's the way it makes you feel. Happiness should exist right fucking now. But it's not here. Which means i'm doing something wrong. Just not sure what.

[JustThinkingAloud]

4 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@JustThinkingAloud NOPE. lol sorry it just felt right to say it like that.

From what i've read, and from what I understand from my dreams and my current reality. It doesn't matter what you do. The reason people love doing what they are doing is the way it makes them feel. For example, I love playing basketball when I'm playing well and I'm dominating. The most fun i've ever had has been when i'm in the zone, which has been rare because I've always been in my head. But WHY does it feel good. I thought the why would be addressed through meditation. Same thing with extreme sports. People do it for the flow, and the feeling of effortless and silence of mind. That is where their "happiness" comes from. It's not the thing. It's the way it makes you feel. Happiness should exist right fucking now. But it's not here. Which means i'm doing something wrong. Just not sure what.

You're the creator of your own happiness, it doesn't just fall into your lap on its own. Time to do some creating!

Also, there's emotional flow and cognitive flow. Both are very important for top athletes. I analyse MotoGP all the time. Emotional flow comes from understanding yourself, cognitive flow comes from optimal brain stimulation. We all have different things that work for us, play with things and you'll find your "spot". 

[Angelite]

w a l k t o n e w p l a c e s a n d s e e f o r y o u r s e l f 

[Raptorsin7]

@JustThinkingAloud Agreed. I need to get creative. It's funny i've been pretty unhappy my whole life so I've never really created anything. I used to think creative things were stupid. I think I need to spend some time with my board trying to create more life.

[JustThinkingAloud]

3 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@JustThinkingAloud Agreed. I need to get creative. It's funny i've been pretty unhappy my whole life so I've never really created anything. I used to think creative things were stupid. I think I need to spend some time with my board trying to create more life.

God has spoken.