From External To Internal

[joseph--]

To tell someone my present life situation and to say im the most content i have been since about the age of 16 (34 now) would not make much sense but its how it is thanks to some massive realizations  over the past year reading and watching videos on self development. 

Through school, childhood, as an adult, iv always been able to make friends very easily. Though since watching leos eye opening video on approval seeking i realize i was just a dancing monkey and whoring myself out to have friends and be popular. Being massively stifled and stuck in my head.  Having read 'how to win friends and influence people' recently i noticed how i had been doing nearly all the principles my whole life and it doesnt fulfill you.  People just like you, and do favours for you, it aint that great.  keeping people happy is a game you cant win either.

At present i am in massive debt and have companies chasing me for money. I have to move out in 3 weeks and im not sure where im going. There is a big chance i will have to do a short amount of time in prison for stupidly selling counterfiet dvds in 2014 a year i struggled with a cocaine problem. was diagnosed with adhd- although i believe this has been behind some harder limiting beliefs to let go of. The genetic ones! I only took my speed pills for a month before binning them.... i didnt give myself much choice though i snorted half of them at christmas But this past few months i feel liberated knowing i have the power to create anything i desire and  can be like a lighthouse in a storm  not letting anything external affect me emotionally! its working too-through postive thinking, meditation, clearing my mind when something that usually annoys me happens, i just accept that its a thing that happened...deal with it!

so this is my journey to continue raising my esteem by not needing approval from anyone but myself. changing from scarcity mindset to abundance. Try to make sure im expressing rather than impressing and get slight enjoyment from someones disapproving look as i know im heading in the right direction. Not wanting any outcome when i say a joke im just doing it to self amuse and give value to the group. Most importantly i feel is live in the moment more.

Thanks leo for showing me how some beliefs and patterns of thinking have been holding me back and making me suffer- for showing me a new passion in self development.