Are White Lies Acceptable?

[Roise]

Hi,

As easy as it is to condemn the act of lying around us, it is very easy to fall into the trap of lying. Is intended concealment of information lying? What is lying? What if the lies are being passed on without the intermediaries knowing? What kind of intention behind lying makes lies justifiable and acceptable? What about white lies, lies that are intended for the better? What are your personal takes? Feel free to share with me (:

Edited June 2, 2016 by Jess

[khalifa]

lying is a neurotic act, you generally/ideally would want to get rid of all your neurotic traits

[Markus]

It seems to me that white lies fall into the "please be compassionate to my ego" category. Furthermore, I imagine that the reason we tell white lies is more out of fear of being embarrassed and judged, rather than genuine concern for others' feelings. If I go on a righteously indignant rant, I don't give a fuck for others' feelings, while when I'm afraid I'd be judged for telling the truth, the feelings excuse comes into play. For compassion to the being, rather than the ego, tell the truth. You might want to read Radical Honesty.

Edited June 2, 2016 by Markus

[Corte]

I don't feel bad about lying when it doesn't reinforce my ego or others opinions of me. Sometimes I lie for the opposite, to literally make myself less than I wish to portray. I care immensely about others feelings however and no one ever needs to hear everything that is churning inside my little head. It simply never helps. 

Most people I know would live with much more nueroses if I was brutally honest 100% of the time, they simply don't have the tools to use it the right way...

[nbolt]

1 hour ago, Corte said:

 Sometimes I lie for the opposite, to literally make myself less than I wish to portray.

I very much doubt this. I'm pretty sure I can confidently state that almost every single white lie that I have ever told has been out of personal convenience. This doesn't mean they are these terrible, malicious things, but saying you lie for the sake of others just seems a bit strange to me.

Edited June 2, 2016 by Neill

[nbolt]

Yeah I also wouldn't go so far as to say that lies are never acceptable under any situation or anything like that, this is another moralization , but one should be very mindful about exactly why they're doing so. As @Piotr also mentioned, you don't need to share every one of your opinions in every situation. There's a difference between directly lying and just not sharing everything going on inside your head. In general I'd say you should be concerned about just bettering the situation for everyone involved, with the underlying motive being one of compassion and not neurotic self-interest. Most of the time this means just being honest, though .

Edited June 2, 2016 by Neill

[Bronsoval]

To determine what is a lie depends on the intent beind the action. If you are trying to deceive, then it is a lie.  If you misspeak, it is not a lie.  Deception breeds contempt. 

[Roise]

@Bronsoval

4 hours ago, Bronsoval said:

 Deception breeds contempt. 

All the time? Even if it is deception intended for the better? What if someone lie just so as to help you get through the worst period of your life?

[Pelin]

I've also told many white lies, so I am no ways innocent here, but I feel telling a white lie for a good purpose/intention doesn't give you intended results at all. At best the person who you told a lie/hid something from understands the lie at a time it does not matter at all, at worst they understand it just when you are telling it and they never trust you again. In any case will you feel that it is the right thing to do, deep inside? I've always felt that the white lies hurt me a lot so I usually end up talking to the person and confess that I've misinformed them.

I also feel that it is nobody's call to decide what's best for another person. Everybody deserves to know the truth.

[Roise]

@Pelin  Thank you for your honest sharing. In a way I felt similar to what you have mentioned. What probed me into a period of overthinking and pondering and eventually asking this question here on this platform is that one of the people I have always looked up to and respected told me a white lie. I have yet to let her know that I knew the truth. Indeed, I felt hurt even though I knew she did it out of good intentions. The white lie she told helped me to get through my worst moment thus far this year. I am in a dilemma whether was it for the worse or for the better. What do you think? Definitely I do not like the idea of telling a white lie and have always tried my very best not to. And I would disagree to this opinion of yours:

1 hour ago, Pelin said:

It is nobody's call to decide what's best for another person. Everybody deserves to know the truth.

 

[Concioushairqueen]

White lies are still lies and the anwser is no... one lie leads to another and another becoming a cycle of lies no matter how small it starts to be... my opinion is to stick to your core beliefs at all times so respect and trust isnt lost

Edited June 6, 2016 by Concioushairqueen

[key]

Lying with awareness is not inherently wrong. Depends on the situation if you're looking for a b&w/good vs bad.

[Mal]

@Jess

Hi Jess,

White lies are acceptable. Some of us at certain points in our lives need and want to be lied to.  It's just a fact of life and if done with skill, care and the best intentions then one can't really go wrong.  We will always be ready to hear little nuggets of truth anyway once we are ready.  It all depends on the situation, and as we all know there is no perfect situation.  What matters is the quality of relationship.  Most of us here are not going to subject ourselves to neurotic pathological relationships based on deceit and deficiency anyway. So the answer for me is white lies can indeed be an act of love.

Mal

[Pelin]

@Jess I believe that you should tell her what you felt when you first realized that she told you a white lie. And that you know it helped you get through difficult stuff in your life. If this person means a lot to you, let her explain how she felt when telling you what she told. Maybe it wasn't a lie after all, it was just how she perceived something. Talking to her may be very difficult, but I think it is worth it. It might even make your bond stronger.

[Bronsoval]

On 6/6/2016 at 1:35 AM, Roise said:

@Bronsoval

All the time? Even if it is deception intended for the better? What if someone lie just so as to help you get through the worst period of your life?

Yes. Lies are a form of moralizing. Moralizing brings suffering.  The opposite of moralizing is integrity.  See Leo's rant against moralizing video.  They are saying that the fantasy or lie is better than reality.  Reality is not good or bad, it just is.  Reality is the way it is, and the only possible way it could be.

Edited June 16, 2016 by Bronsoval

[Omega]

I don't and have virtually never lied. I never lie and am generally very straightforward. If I do something wrong I take responsibility, and I don't identify with the mockery or scorn.

I would definitely lie in any scenario where I deemed it either personally convenient, or more compassionate. White lies to children (e.g. dead people go to heaven, Santa Claus exists, psychos are just confused; their motives aren't pure 'evil') don't justify as such a scenario.

Yet, I don't go around proclaiming truth. I hide a lot of information. People may exert their Free Will not to know. But if a child asks a question, I tend to either dismiss the question or answer based on my true beliefs. I am able to notice which people tend to be more capable of honesty; A life filled with continuous lies and illusory schemes devised by authority seems to derive one from the capacity or tools necessary to cope with reality. There are no consequences within the safe and sound constructs of lies, and thus one takes an inappropriate approach to reality.

On 6/6/2016 at 9:35 AM, Roise said:

What if someone lie just so as to help you get through the worst period of your life?

As a child, I was absolutely driven insane by the moral fallacies and irrational behavior demonstrated by authority. I would argue that you either continue to live the lie, or experience the pain of the lie's dissolution later.

I just don't get the point. Like, really, why do you lie? Please illuminate this for me.

[Bronsoval]

Basically people lie because they don't trust the other person to respond rationally.  It is to protect your ego and theirs,, nothing more.

[charlie2dogs]

On 6/2/2016 at 6:05 AM, Markus said:

It seems to me that white lies fall into the "please be compassionate to my ego" category. Furthermore, I imagine that the reason we tell white lies is more out of fear of being embarrassed and judged, rather than genuine concern for others' feelings. If I go on a righteously indignant rant, I don't give a fuck for others' feelings, while when I'm afraid I'd be judged for telling the truth, the feelings excuse comes into play. For compassion to the being, rather than the ego, tell the truth. You might want to read Radical Honesty.

did you base your belief on the book radical honesty?  sometimes it pays just to keep your mouth shut, and let things be when it concerns others, you can do a world of harm to others with the so called truth of the human identity.  its not your place or right to give others your version of the truth, when you dont have it yourself.  the author of this book radical honesty is he a self realized being, or a human identity writing a book?

[Zane]

I've been improving excellently with my honesty in life. I see telling the truth as the great opportunity to learn from my own failings and to have freedom over a mistake. For example, when I have a bad day, I talk to someone about it to release the pain like a good friend, a parent or a therapist. When I fail an assignment, I take a deep breath, I tell the truth to a parent, a friend and the teacher and I propose a solution and I act on the solution. I see honesty as being authentic and shows that you're wiling to expose your vulnerabilities and it makes it much more likely for people to help you out. Being outspoken and blunt can be great qualities but I feel like brutal honesty where you blurt out your thoughts with no consideration can be highly counterproductive and it can destroy friendships. Lies are like an untreated splinter that gets more and more painful and the wound rots the more you cling to a lie. To quote Morpheus a lie is a "splinter in your mind driving you mad." Telling the truth can be like removing the splinter! It can be painful, yes, but the wound heals much faster. Lying is very broad and can vary from white lies, fibs, and deeper and more destructive lies like deception, betrayal, and even worse self-deception. White lies may have short-term benefits but you can become addicted to them and they can be more destructive long-term. 

Edited June 22, 2016 by Zane

[DizIzMikey]

@Roise It is if you have no free will