challenge or threat

[studentofthegame]

Broadly speaking i categorise my issues into one of two camps; a challenge or a serious threat.

Things like subtle addictions, bad habits / inability to maintain good habits, jealousy and envy issues, performance anxiety etc. are a challenge for me. I deal with them from a place of motivation to grow and better myself.

The possibility (and eventuality) of loss (primarily of a parent) i feel as a threat to my survival and my ability to function or cope. It's been a lifelong, debilitating fear to me of losing a parent. I didn't have a great start in life in many respects and come from a broken home, but love each parent a great deal. I am highly motivated to deal with the underlying issues so that i will eventually grieve such losses in a healthy 'normal' way. There is a fear-driven urgency for me to keep looking for answers as to how to stop this looming fear from affecting me to the extent that it does.

I empathise with anyone whose issues genuinely feel a threat to their survival. Life is a quest in many regards and managing these issues is one of the grandest.

Edited November 15, 2019 by studentofthegame

[Surfingthewave]

@studentofthegame The tone of your post seems like you're quite hard on yourself. Have you tried any practices to get to the source of your fear? When I've looked fear in the eye (turned to face it directly) it dissolves. My take on fear is that it is trapped energy in our body wrapped up with intrusive thoughts. A challenge and/or threat is still resistance to what is. Accept your feelings of fear, drop the challenge /threat (fight or flight?) and work on what beings you joy in your life. Yes fear of death of a loved one is a real fear but if it is impacting on your everyday joy, think about other ways you can work on it. 

Edited November 15, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[studentofthegame]

@Surfingthewave my therapist and my girlfriend both say i am very hard on myself, it's perceptive of you to pick up on this. 

You talk a lot of sense about fear. I've read a lot about the subject and your comments concur with much of what i have read (and experienced). To deal with fear i generally turn into it and have started doing the things i am afraid to do, to desensitise myself to the feelings and grow my courage. It's a lifelong process. I am using something that geoff thompson calls the fear pyramid. Similarly tim ferriss talked about 'fear setting' which is useful.

In terms of fear of loss of a parent, it impacts the wounded inner kid that i am trying to nurture through therapy and self-help. When something alarms the inner kid (parent unexpectedly not home, or one of them requires a medical procedure etc) the panic can be overwhelming and seemingly irrational.

Thanks for dropping in.

[Nahm]

On 11/15/2019 at 0:25 PM, studentofthegame said:

subtle addictions, bad habits / inability to maintain good habits, jealousy and envy issues, performance anxiety etc. are a challenge

Maybe look at them as indicators to what is actually challenging for you. (Meditation every morning)

On 11/15/2019 at 0:25 PM, studentofthegame said:

The possibility (and eventuality) of loss (primarily of a parent) i feel as a threat to my survival and my ability to function or cope. It's been a lifelong, debilitating fear to me of losing a parent. I didn't have a great start in life in many respects and come from a broken home, but love each parent a great deal. I am highly motivated to deal with the underlying issues so that i will eventually grieve such losses in a healthy 'normal' way. There is a fear-driven urgency for me to keep looking for answers as to how to stop this looming fear from affecting me to the extent that it does.

I empathise with anyone whose issues genuinely feel a threat to their survival. Life is a quest in many regards and managing these issues is one of the grandest.

Death is not the ‘issue’ at hand, it’s overthinking. When someone actually passes, we naturally mourn. When we worry about the possibility of it, we are worrying & ruminating - overthinking. 

Overthinking is fueled by unsettled feelings. The mind goes into a “resolve this feeling by thinking” mode. But feeling isn’t resolved by thinking. Again, meditation is the way, as beliefs about ourselves are freed. Just let them go. This will likely involve some emotional releases, tears, relief, followed by a greater understanding. Also, as always, utilize every resource available to you. That’s a ‘two birds one stone’ for where you’re at. 

 

9 hours ago, studentofthegame said:

my therapist and my girlfriend both say i am very hard on myself, it's perceptive of you to pick up on this. 

Get a large dry erase board, and start writing what you really want in life on it. This will reconnect you with feeling, and expedite the flushing out of false self beliefs. If you don’t want anything more, if you’re not dreaming up a dream life - then there is little inspiration to courageously let false beliefs go - and these are the root of fear. All fear is of ourself, not because there’s anything there to fear, but because you’re actually unbelievably, unthinkably, awesome. A belief held about yourself to the contrary will always feel “bad”...this is because it’s not true, and the true self actually is awesome. It’s like trying to put two magnets together with one backwards, it’ll never work no matter how hard you try - until you align them. Then they’re rather inseparable. 

 

9 hours ago, studentofthegame said:

to desensitise myself to the feelings and grow my courage.

 Noooooooooo!  Fill your body with feeling! Being is very very sensitive - and knowing your true self more deeply is where “courage” comes from. Everything you could ever fear - is actually you. If you “desensitize yourself from feeling” - you are separating yourself, fragmenting, and this causes more fear. Get as close as possible within, with feeling. Feeling is guidance, the variance between each arising thought, and your inner being. Let the thoughts go readily, willingly, and effortlessly - by listening to feeling. 

10 hours ago, studentofthegame said:

It's a lifelong process. I am using something that geoff thompson calls the fear pyramid. Similarly tim ferriss talked about 'fear setting' which is useful.

You’re already you. You’re you no matter what you do. If you think “it’s” a lifelong process, “becoming you” / letting thoughts which don’t feel good to you go - and you believe that thought - you will experience that it is a lifelong process. You could write self beliefs on your board right now, inspect them, and have revelations and relief. You could begin to understand why, when, where, and any who’s involved, as to the initial creating of the beliefs. Thinking is very sneaky, you’ll never “beat it”. The only “win”, is letting go, surrendering to feeling leading, not thinking. Put that sneakiness to work, toward the life you actually really want - the life vision of all that feels good to you. 

10 hours ago, studentofthegame said:

In terms of fear of loss of a parent, it impacts the wounded inner kid that i am trying to nurture through therapy and self-help. When something alarms the inner kid (parent unexpectedly not home, or one of them requires a medical procedure etc)

 

To be clear, I’m not at all suggesting you stop doing therapy, or anything else which is working for you. By working, I mean releasing, understanding, feeling better. 

There’s a write off at play here, and it’s deep. “Fear impacts the wounded inner kid”. 

When the mind attaches or credits love, to another, then the mind has to cover that falsity up with a story. The feeling of the “inner kid being wounded”, is actually the inner being saying “I am you, and I am Love! - these thoughts are not true!”. 

The dream board will serve you so well in addition to the therapy and nurturing. When you start really wanting for this life, the “taking the garbage out” so to speak, emptying of false beliefs - becomes worthwhile. The more worthwhile it feels, the braver you get - and the more you begin to realize there’s no need to begin with for the “fear & bravery” paradigm. Otherwise, one can end up spinning their gears in a directionless state for way too long. 

”...the panic can be overwhelming and seemingly irrational.“

I’ve experienced panic attacks too. What I learned, is that the self, you, are indeed unconditional love. You can believe to the contrary once, and there’s a little bit of feeling discord. You can do it twice, three times...and still, the feeling is not too bad, not a lot of discord. However, if you do this chronically, repeat negative beliefs about yourself over and over - it is because you are awesome - because these negative self beliefs are not true - that eventually, your inner being, in totally looking out for you, in having your back like nobody else ever could...kind of says... 

“ok. This bullshit has been going on long enough. You’re going to stop everything you’re doing right now. Not later, not “when you have the time”, not somewhere in your “lifelong quest” - but right now. You’re going to realize right now that you are not going to fast forward and rush through this life unhappily, you’re not going to carry these beliefs one more second. I love you!  I got you! This Present is for you! The whole damn thing is for you!” 

And then you do the only thing you can do when that “panic attack” is given - you stop everything, rendered rather helpless, and you tune into the present, the here now, the sight, the sound, the feeling, - the endless love of your inner being. 

 

[LeoX8]

@studentofthegame I will give you a simple (but not so easy) tecnique: imagine that one of your of parents (or even both) dies (one of your biggest fears), what will you do? Will you accept the situation and move on or you will die out of sadness?

I know that this may sound provocating and I'm sorry for that, but I think that this piece of advice will help you a lot.

Realize that if you want to create the extraordinary life that you want, you have to accept ( actually surrender) the fact, still hypothetical, that one of your parents has died, and if you don't accept that you won't move any further. 

When you understand that you can move forward, even if that happens, and you accept totally that fear in your mind, you have succesfully set free from your fear (it won't acually leave you, but you will live upon the fear)

If you can do this, you will grow A LOT.

I hope that this will help you, I trust you <3

[silene]

Hi @studentofthegame   naturally death is the hardest lesson to learn, especially if you are a young person (I don't know your age). We know intellectually that everything is impermanent, but can't accept this emotionally.  I don't have a deep spiritual answer, except to reply from my own experience, having lost both my parents (after I was well into adulthood). Having the support of significant relationships is so helpful. People to lean on like a life partner, family members and close friends. 

From the conventional point of view, the traditional way to deal with life's insecurity is to get married and have a family of your own, so you take on the baton of parenthood from your parents onto your own shoulders, and have children to pass it on to when the time comes. In this way, fixed identities like 'parent' and 'child' and 'grandparent' become transformed into a flowing process through time. The individuals may be impermanent, but the whole process of life can be seen as not so impermanent. 

This traditional approach to life has broken down in recent generations of course, we don't have the same obligations to family values, but there is still a grain of truth around belonging to something larger than ourselves, which we support and supports us too, as we move through our lives. We need to reinvent the old nuclear family no doubt, but hopefully without throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

[studentofthegame]

@Nahm hi nahm. Thanks for taking the time to put together such a well constructed reply. There is a lot to take in there, and i will need to read, and re-read. In the meantime, the erase board exercise you suggest stands out. Can you expand a little bit more about this? What goes on the board, how do we use it and what is the process?

Once again many thanks. I will sit with this for a while before responding further.

[studentofthegame]

@LeoX8 hi mate. Thanks for that. It sounds like some kind of worst case scenario meditation. Accepting the fear, as you put it, is my biggest challenge i think. 

[studentofthegame]

@silene hi silene. To answer your question, i'm 36. I do have ambitions of having a nice family of my own and being a parent and im lucky enough to have a girlfriend who i love. I can well imagine that becoming a parent myself will create a shift in dynamics and mentality. 

In terms of leaning on my partner when the time comes, there is a challenge there in itself, as when i am distressed i tend to seek either the support of my father, or to run away like a wounded animal.

Thanks for your response and like the others, i will spend some time today pondering on this.

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, studentofthegame said:

the erase board exercise you suggest stands out. Can you expand a little bit more about this? What goes on the board, how do we use it and what is the process?

??♥️

In short - just get a big one and start writing everything that comes up, that you want, on it. Anything, no matter how big or small, significant or insignificant to others, no matter how possible or impossible what you really want might seem today - write it all on there. It will come, and you will expand leaps and bounds in learning the “receiving mode” living of it all. It is very very counter-intellectual to a contemporary culture which puts all emphasis on the intellect, rather than feeling, dreaming big, and the quality of direct experience.  

Wherever “you’re at” pathwise, it’s important to reinterpret the “dry erase board”, even if only linguistically for now, to “dream board” / “holon”. At first, the dream board is representative of something...the idea that this life is not “heavy”, “serious”, or “pressure laiden” - but to be taken lightly, for fun, lovingly - feeling is what “matters” - it is the point, the joy of, the source of, and the guidance of, living. The dream board / living, is unwrapping the true present, that is your reality - which is created of God’s unconditional love. 

Filling the board with what you want in life brings up personal & collective conditioning, notions that you are not enough as you are - and kicks up awareness of these resistant thoughts. Dreaming the life you really want, no matter what degree one “get’s it” or not - is aligning with the actuality, that this life experience is indeed dreamlike, that you are enough just as you are right now.  “Life”, “experience”, is responsive to a deeper, yet lighter, underlying vibrational offering.

As you get all that you are wanting up onto the board, and see that it indeed does then begin to manifest in the most amazing of ways - you begin to realize the underestimated importance of “receiving mode” - of your invaluable, immeasurable, uncompromisable - worth & deservedness. You are learning to “allow your light to shine”. 

Source’s love is magical, all encompassing, and can be downright overwhelming in the beginning. If one was to experience source’s love all at once, it would actually be too much. Too life changing too fast. Really. And the infinite intelligence would shoot to your head, and you’d blow the opportunities coming to you. The love is so great, it would actually be a “problem”. Really. There aren’t even words for that infinite endless love. It’s very common, upon first glance, to be “terrified” by your own infinite goodness. So the dream board, the dreaming of the wanted life, begins a sort of “changeover”, from “regular physical paradigm living - pounding square pegs into round holes, worrying about how everything will go” - to wanting, allowing, receiving - living in the amazement of this miraculous moment. 

A great way Abraham Hicks put’s it... “you’ve been doing 90% thinking, and 10% receiving....you’re designed to be doing 10% thinking, and 90% receiving.”  Statements like that seem like wishful thinking in the beginning, but the heart of the dream board metadventure is discovering just how true this is. Eventually, it is realized, there is a literal effortless living..a “0% thinking, 100% receiving - “Way”. And this way is actually most natural. I would not argue with anyone who suggested this was always the intention, always the actuality, all along. 

A deep learning & understanding arises - that the “contrast” of life - the “bullshit” if you will...the “plight”, the “struggle”... - is actually the making-this-possible-ness of reality. Infinite perfect being / love, has to create the appearance of otherwise, so there can be experience, life, all our stories. More & more, this is what is revealed, first hand, to be “more real than real”...as it is discovered our prior notion of “real”, was a bit conditional.  

This can trigger our identifications with thought stories / narratives, etc. It takes some balls to establish what one really - actually - wants. You might say it is facing the fact that “it is our light which we fear, not our darkness”. How extraordinary you are, how special, unique, and talented you are - what you’re capable of experiencing in this life, where you can “go” from where you’re at now - what your unique gifts can bring to your life and the world - it’s mind blowing. So much so that it is literally unending, a bottomless pit of awesomeness and experience. 

More mind blowing than that, is the ever-deepening realization that source, reality, you - are completely, intimately, unequivocally “involved” at a vibrational level. All that is, is first source, superposition, infinite potentiality - and vibrates into what we call, “physical”. It is always vibrational - but that is the very means of appearing, physical. We, are of the same.  

That the entire universe is relative - to your experience. That this is not some random cosmic collision, some happenstance of existence. That source has a nature, a will, and is wholly lovingly focused on your dreaming of this life. That source, ‘prior-to-manifestation-you’ - is the all that is. That there is no separation to truly be found between the dreaming, the writing, the wanting, the reality from which it unfolds, and love. All a “holon”. 

Like everything else - it is not the thought about it - but the direct experience - the “getting your hands in the clay of creation”. 

[Raptorsin7]

@studentofthegame Look at Nahm's thread on the dream board. I have been using it for about a week, and I feel completely different since I started using it. It works. IMO.

Also, @Nahm you should think about adding that board to your little box thing at the bottom. Great post too, you've been on fire recently.