Is neediness or just an illusion?

[Fede83]

I basically started a new job 3 days ago . I started knowing every kind of ppl different and share different stories and perspective,classical stuff for a new job..but than when i approached several new girls and started picking over..i feeled deep inside me this neediness sensation,like my ego was pushing me so hard that I can’t almost control myself and going all over the place to make a contact with a new girl,I’m not sure what happened and also why it happened..should I reconsider my priority ? Let it go of this sensation and just enjoy the moment ?

Edited November 15, 2019 by Fede83

[ajasatya]

@Fede83 I don't know what you call by "illusion", but neediness is a toxic mental pattern that takes serious inner work to unwire. Depending on your commitment, it can take decades!

[Fede83]

@ajasatya Because i'm not convinced it real..i'm not sure if i force my self think about neediness,how can i spot my addiction on women at any point?when i can say i'm addicted to the idea of picking women?

[Nickyy]

4 hours ago, Fede83 said:

@ajasatya Because i'm not convinced it real..i'm not sure if i force my self think about neediness,how can i spot my addiction on women at any point?when i can say i'm addicted to the idea of picking women?

Neediness isn't real. People are only needy when they are fixated on the future. If you can learn to live in the present, as the present rather than identified with thought, you will see neediness is just a thought. 

[egoeimai]

I don't like to judge my neediness like it's mine. Nothing is mine. I don't want to identify with it. A lot of I. But the thing is mind tries to rationalize everything. So rationalizing the neediness and making it 'yours' makes it manageable and so that you can resolve this with step A. B OR C. 

You see I'm tired of this approach. 

I prefer of just watching and observing and trying to not bother so much about that stuff. Because after all it's not yours so why stress about it? Also, taking a step back makes it easier and it prevents you from seeing it from black and white perspective. 

I want all of us to not judge our 'problem' to not identify with it (it's my problem my neediness I need to do something) f*ck that mentality! Who went far with this train of thoughts? It's so full of guilt. 

You don't have to agree with me. Anyhow. Thanks for bringing up the subject. Don't worry. 

Peace. ?

[Lento]

If it's neediness, then it's related to having goals. That would be a clear case of what is called 'attachment', which is linked to the ego since it causes suffering, whether now or in the future.

[Fede83]

On 15/11/2019 at 1:27 PM, Nickyy said:

Neediness isn't real. People are only needy when they are fixated on the future. If you can learn to live in the present, as the present rather than identified with thought, you will see neediness is just a thought. 

Great tip gonna focus on the present and be aware of the process ?

 

On 15/11/2019 at 3:15 PM, egoeimai said:

I don't like to judge my neediness like it's mine. Nothing is mine. I don't want to identify with it. A lot of I. But the thing is mind tries to rationalize everything. So rationalizing the neediness and making it 'yours' makes it manageable and so that you can resolve this with step A. B OR C. 

You see I'm tired of this approach. 

I prefer of just watching and observing and trying to not bother so much about that stuff. Because after all it's not yours so why stress about it? Also, taking a step back makes it easier and it prevents you from seeing it from black and white perspective. 

I want all of us to not judge our 'problem' to not identify with it (it's my problem my neediness I need to do something) f*ck that mentality! Who went far with this train of thoughts? It's so full of guilt. 

You don't have to agree with me. Anyhow. Thanks for bringing up the subject. Don't worry. 

Peace. ?

I see ur way of thinking and I respect it ,thingh is if I razionalize it and deconstruct will be way better I guess?

 

23 hours ago, Lento said:

If it's neediness, then it's related to having goals. That would be a clear case of what is called 'attachment', which is linked to the ego since it causes suffering, whether now or in the future.

Well is having goals a bad thingh ? Can lead to more suffering instead of more inspiration for the future ?

[egoeimai]

Yes. You will be free of it. You are going to see it and slowly it will fade 

[Lento]

6 hours ago, Fede83 said:

Well is having goals a bad thingh ? Can lead to more suffering instead of more inspiration for the future ?

Of course not. In my experience, it just needs proper monitoring so it doesn't get out of control. The way you monitor it would be through being aware of it, just simply watching it without resisting or judging or anything like that. Allow yourself to speak to you, let the desires be, breathe deeply and bring your awareness into them, and then do what you would do to your best friend, because you are your best friend.

[Fede83]

22 hours ago, Lento said:

Of course not. In my experience, it just needs proper monitoring so it doesn't get out of control. The way you monitor it would be through being aware of it, just simply watching it without resisting or judging or anything like that. Allow yourself to speak to you, let the desires be, breathe deeply and bring your awareness into them, and then do what you would do to your best friend, because you are your best friend.

Ye treat me as my best friend will be surely be the everything I was looking for:) love is the key ❤️ Thank u ❤️

Edited November 17, 2019 by Fede83

[Lento]

@Fede83 ??❤️