Letting go of me

[Surfingthewave]

Ghosts of the Christmas Past

The chains of the past I've been dragging around I've let go. I'm not that person anymore. Reflecting on this year I've made small steps but also giant leaps. I made some bold moves in my relationships and in my work. 

Ghosts of the Christmas Present 

This is all we have so why spook ourselves out with our incessant thoughts in the present? I continue to surrender to what is, let the now become my guide. Future ghosts or clinging, longing and goal obsessions takes me away from the present, from what is. 

Ghosts of the Christmas Future

This is about what's real. Not from video, screens or thoughts but reality. More gurus, more experiences, more feeling, it's time to take my work to the next level. It's also time to make that giant leap in my life purpose and begin the transition out of wage slavery and into my dreams. 

@Raptorsin7 I can relate to this. I feel like you are on the verge of some mystical experiences very soon and this will guide you to where you need to be. That magic you talk about that lifted you out of depression is still within you, your energy has just got a bit blocked, perhaps?

The inner work I continue to practice is to reconnect with the now, to let go of thoughts/ the mind and to live from a place of conscious awareness. Thoughts don't guide the work. It's about surrendering and in doing so, living the dream. 

Edited December 27, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave I also feel i am close too thank you for those words of encouragement. Yes, i still feel it's here inside of me I just feel disconnected from it. 

Unconditional presence is what is described in the article, i imagine that's the same idea.

 

 

[Surfingthewave]

I revisted some of Leo's vids recently. Mainly the keys to self actualisation, techniques for living the good life. 

1) Self experimentation 

2) Radical open mindedness

3) Experience

Sometimes there are too many facets to this path, I don't stick to anything. The above three points to self actualisation are key for me. I can often be too close minded and not self experiment enough on difficulties areas such as finances, freedom and life purpose. I often still get too wrapped upin how I want an experience to be rather than how it actually is, in actuality. 

What are we here to do? To have the best quality of experience (through skills such as mindful meditation) To have a range of experiences. To drop illusions and fantasy. Something @Bill Wposted recently resonated with me, based on Alan Watt's Letting Go. 

Be humbled by experience, discover the power of experience. Although you may think you are the one experiencing, it is more powerful than you, so let go of perceptions of experience. Suffering comes from our own versions of experience. Joy comes from realising we are perfect, and the experience is enough just as it is. 

Key insights from Rusell Brand

I've always been a fan of Brand. He is clearly on the path to enlightenment and a bit of a modern day Jesus type, both in looks and personality in some ways. Brand talks about realising this perfection he has come to realise through recovery and years of inner work means he now sees life for what it truly is. Not something we need to take from to make ourselves feel better but as something we can give back to, as gratitude for being here, for experiencing. 

Edited December 29, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Bill W]

I loved the Russell Brand recovery book. It was one of the reasons behind me joining AA. 

My writings about letting go were based on david hawkins but perhaps alan watts says similar? 

Anyway, glad you took something from it ?

Edited December 29, 2019 by Bill W

[Surfingthewave]

@Bill W I'm a big fan of his writing - he cuts through the BS. Very inspirational, particularly when writing about addiction. Seemingly he's been key for your path to recovery too. He's got a new book out about his mentors, one being a spiritual guru.  

[Surfingthewave]

@Bill W Yes I did you've summarised very nicely, I think I meant Hawkins. Yes very similar but I haven't read much of Hawkins so I will be in the future. 

[Surfingthewave]

On the last day of the year I finally realise I have been given a gift. 

I woke up this morning with an incredible sense of awareness.

I saw the beauty around me. In everything. In the sounds of the birds outside, in the design of my room, the feel of the early morning light. I've had a difficult few nights of insomnia but today it was different. I woke up having slept, with the thought, what if there were no thoughts? 

The end of my seeking has really begun. The start of my deep inner realisation has begun. 

I have been born with this gift and I am thankful.

True seeing is not in thought, not in feeling, not in perception, not in sensations. True seeing is like the eyes on our face, like the sun and the moon, it's just there, ready and waiting to be discovered. 

Edited December 31, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

What am I actually letting go of? 

- Positive / Negative thoughts of what is happening (reality/experience) 

- Thoughts in general 

- Perception of experience 

What am I actually changing here? 

- I'm allowing reality and the moment to guide me

- Through the daily inner work I am guided by awareness or source which enables me to achieve the dreams I set myself 

- I have everything I need to let go and surrender to the reality that is before me

- My perception of myself. I'm not this person***** but rather an expression of consciousness through this person*****

What are my next steps? 

- Follow my intuition /gut feelings / source

- Allow myself to be guided by reality.

- Ultimately letting go to what is. 

Tools to get there

- Regular daily meditation 

- Regular daily life purpose work

- Regular daily well-being work 

[Surfingthewave]

I wanted to do a bit of a review of where I've been and where I am now. I feel I'm on the brink of a major shift in my life in terms of making gains in my life purpose, deepening my meditation practice and tacking those long term goals such as financial independence and freedom. 

Since 2015 I have been on this path. Here are the gains I have made. 

1. I have set up a regular meditation practice which has been life changing

2. I have had several awakening / mystical experiences, some profound enough to change my perspective on life radically 

3. I have completed several solo retreats and two group retreats 

4. I have taken up meditative Yoga, Reiki healing, Lomi massages, chi gong and breath work

5. I have begun studying the spiritual path and various gurus, teachers, mystics and guides

6. I have completed coaching training through my current job

7. I have made massive gains and successes in my career in the health profession 

8. I have re- set my life purpose to suit my values. This will involve transitioning out of the health profession and into mastery in the arts

9. I have dealt with long term relationship and commitment issues, I have come out the closet so to speak and married my long term partner 

10. I have dealt with serious emotional difficulties: grief following the death of a close friend and deep trauma from psychological abuse I suffered in my childhood

11. My anxiety and self esteem difficulties have been greatly reduced and no longer impact on my life

12. I have found my voice and confidence. Previously I was unable to communicate in groups /public speak without symptoms of severe anxiety 

13. I feel joy, fulfillment, love, self forgiveness and gratitude most days. 

14. I have tackled soft and hard addictions such as watching tv, social media /tech, criticising, gossiping, over eating, alcohol, over spending 

That's not to say my journey hasn't been difficult and is far from over. There are still things I am working on and will continue to work on this life long journey. 

I've had major set backs and ego backslashes on the way, some setting me back for months at a time, particularly when I was doing deep inner work.

My advice to anyone on this path: it is the most amazingly profound and challenging thing you will ever experience. It will bring you to your knees and will change your life in such positive ways you can only imagine. 

For now I feel the pull to silence. I will be leaving this journalling here for a while and take myself off the forum. I shall return for further insights on my journey soon. 

For now dear readers and seekers, keep fighting the good fight.

Silence speaks. ? 

Edited January 3, 2020 by Surfingthewave

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave Congratulations! Good luck and i'm happy for you that you're moving on from the forum 

[Surfingthewave]

Hello dear readers 

A break from the forum has helped me to gather myself and sink into silence. Addictions can come in many ways and just be aware getting addicted to this work is a sneaky way of distracting you from the work itself. 

I've had a really hard few weeks, stress, insomnia, overthinking and stuck in the self. Whether this is an ego backlash or not it felt like a bit of a test. 

More and more I see the illusion we all live in. As William Blake wrote about, The Doors of perception really does keep us stuck in our own conditioning. 

I continue to work on letting go and experiencing the sense of awareness. Yesterday I spent time looking at the way my arms and feet move (sounds weird I know). 

Patience and faith is an area I am focusing on. As well as celebrating those small moments in life (listening to the rain outside, birds chirping, the stars at night, a great refreshing drink) I have a new found energy of faith and intuition. 

I had a strange feeling that something bad was going to happen yesterday and I did get some sad news. 

I hope you are all well dear seekers. 

 

[Surfingthewave]

Updates from the illusion...

Sometimes you just need therapy! 

Well I've come to realise this and it's been a relief. A lot of trauma, stress, stories etc etc. 

However my baseline of consciousness has seemingly increased through the continued work. I feel myself resisting less and floating more through life.

A spirit/consciousness having a human experience not the other way round. 

The "direct" path is the key. See the veil. See the screen. See the door. 

As I walk through years and years of conditioning I begin to reach the bliss. Keep following it. Let go of heavy expectations of yourself. Let go of resistance. Enjoy the journey. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

On 12/26/2019 at 11:12 PM, Surfingthewave said:

@Raptorsin7 I can relate to this. I feel like you are on the verge of some mystical experiences very soon and this will guide you to where you need to be. That magic you talk about that lifted you out of depression is still within you, your energy has just got a bit blocked, perhaps?

The inner work I continue to practice is to reconnect with the now, to let go of thoughts/ the mind and to live from a place of conscious awareness. Thoughts don't guide the work. It's about surrendering and in doing so, living the dream.

I found god on LSD recently. You called it haha.

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 Good for you and good luck integrating your awakening. 

[Surfingthewave]

Leo's latest Video 

I see deep inner conflict and deep suffering in Leo's latest vid. I see someone not resting enough or taking a break from this work. Physical health issues are a manifestion of emotional difficulty. 

Next Steps- Walkabout 

In Australian Aboriginal society Walkabout is a rite of passage for young males to transcend childhood and make a transition into adulthood, usually as a spiritual practice. 

Its time for my own Walkabout. For so long I have been carrying weight from the past which has conditioned my current perceptions. After lots of deep inner work, where these difficulties have risen to the surface it is time to shed this conditioning to pave way for my higher self, my Truth. I will enter a new phase of expression and exploration without any focusing on end result. I have already begun to experience deep states of bliss but I continue to be pulled back to habits of the ego. 

From silence comes energy, healing, new beginnings and Truth. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave Thanks i'm working on embodiment as we speak. It's hard, i kinda thought it would be smooth after how I amazing I felt during the awakening but it's been harder to get back to those lvls of consciousness.

How has embodiment been going for you? Any thoughts or tips?

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 Yes it can be very difficult. I think every person's experience is so unique. For me it's about equanimity or not desiring to change/resist what occurs in consciousness, on a daily basis. 

The deeper you go with this work the more things seem to come up to the surface but if you keep up the practices regularly you realise it becomes easier to let it all go. 

I also came to realise everything I thought I needed I already had within me (or was coming to me) that stops the seeking. 

One tip or major stumbling block I hit a few times is the path itself can become a distraction. Make sure you take time out to have fun, relax and switch off. Also do solo retreats where you get a big hit at once. That ramps up the embodiment/integration. Other thing I would say when things get really really tough, that's because you're on the brink of real progress. 

 

 

Edited March 9, 2020 by Surfingthewave

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave Yeah i'm planning on doing more big dosage trips in the near future. I've become much more conscious since my major awakening about a month or so ago, but i haven't gotten back to that christ like consciousness i had so i'm hoping to make progress by hitting that peak more consistently with the LSD.

Thanks, and good luck with your emobdiment. This really is the fun part haha. It's almost unfathomable how much better life is post awakening, vs seeking without a clear idea of where it all leads.

[Surfingthewave]

Taming the ox and riding it home 

In Zens 10 ox herding pictures, the process of understanding and attaining enlightenment and/or consciousness, I am stuck here, between these two stages.

Taming the ox and riding it home, or fully letting go, integration, is harder than you think. I've heard it being described as falling "up" rather than falling "down". 

As my insomnia continues I wonder if I am stuck here for a reason. I'm still clinging on to desires and  goals and some thoughts but I'm also experiencing kensho or satori on a daily basis. Fully letting go of it all, it turns out, is like jumping off a cliff. The crazy thing is I'm addicted to ego, it has been my identity for decades.

I know part of it is because I'm doing this work against the back drop of my "normal" life - work, relationships, duties, media, news, responsibilities, etc. If I was alone in the mountains on Retreat maybe I would be galloping home on that ox no problem. 

Let's see where I end up. 

Quote from Rupert Spira's The Transparency of Things 

"As soon as we stop superimposing feelings onto bodily sensations, they cease to be an abode of ignorance and confusion and are revealed instead as a beautiful display of creative energies dancing in the emptiness of Presence, revealing its fulness moment by moment".

Addition:

When we sleep, we dream, we let go. Why I'm struggling to sleep? I'm struggling to let go. 

Trust myself, trust consciousness, trust what is. 

 

Edited March 13, 2020 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

Embodiment

After a significant time in meditation, contemplation, silence and study I've had a breakthrough. 

I've experienced a deep realisation. True surrender, true letting go is embodiment. Embodiment of my life situation, form, personhood, the avatar that is "I". No longer resisting no longer running from. 

The feeling I experienced today was true love and deep acceptance of myself as consciousness, multiple energies dancing to the moment like different frequencies of sound dancing in the wind. True embodiment of:

Previous life trauma, anxious overthinking states, work stress and flaws I see in myself which are actually perfectly amazing and meant to be part of consciousness. These flaws are in fact energies, beautiful energies meant to be there. Embodiment of Goals, dreams, desires and wishes. Physical states and body sensations as well as past and future states. 

Energies as source,  as awareness but in a different way I have felt before. Instead of the witness or looking "behind" the form I have become the embodiment of what is the form. 

I was resisting this for so long. Massive, massive trap on the path. 

My advice to others stuck in a similar situation is contemplate what letting go truly means, feels and what the experience this brings. Whether you use psychedelics or not the main lesson here is, whatever you think it is..... it's not! 

Be ready to be mindf****d beyond belief, radically open your mind then let it all go.

Sometimes it's about being kind to ourselves and not trying too hard to work on ourselves. 

 

 

Edited March 13, 2020 by Surfingthewave