Letting go of me

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave Welcome back 

[Surfingthewave]

Thank you @Raptorsin7! How's things with you? How is your practice? 

 

[SilentTears]

Nice to see you again. It’s been ages. I hope you are doing well. Take care of yourself and always achieve what you were meant to. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave Things are good. I've been learning an effortless mindfulness by a guy called Loch Kelly and doing weekly trips it's been going well.

[Surfingthewave]

@SilentTears Thank you I hope you are doing well too. 

 Sounds good, mindfulness can bring real joy. @Raptorsin7

[Surfingthewave]

January update: Returning to source

Something about returning to source has hit home for me. 

Practices:

One month of daily Do Nothing meditation

One month of daily enlightenment exercises (Deepak Chopra) 

Daily walks, readings, regular yoga 

Continuation of Abraham Hicks allowing (wow this does really work) 

Regular art practices - drawing and printing 

Update:

In deep meditation I sensed and felt infinity, a beautiful whirling space of nothingness and everythingness. I felt a pull to it but as soon as I began conceptualising what it was, of course it slipped out of grasp. 

There are days when ego has a tight grip and days when source is there. The path becomes another conceptual form. I know I'm breaking free and watching the chaos around me.

I sense a time to ramp up my practices and a pull to creativity as this is my life purpose. 

Edited January 21, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

Yoga Nidra and triggers 

Had my first Yoga Nidra session. A 45 minute session is the equivalent of 3 hours sleep. The science behind is a culmination of yoga/meditation - you are letting go of physical and mental blocks in the body through guided visualisation and breathwork. Sadness and other emotions arose post session. 

What are triggers? 

Situations that bring up deep feelings within us that may cause difficult or distressing thoughts. Mindful awareness is good here, as well as self care and seeking support. 

Focus for the moment 

Life sustains itself. Let go of the ego and life takes care of itself through you (Adyashanti). 

Does it really and truly matter (to your ego)? 

Let go by letting the moment embrace you. Life will sustain itself. We (the self) can't handle this however , we think that life is "me" or "I am....." 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

Tackling shame

What has been my biggest fear permeating in every aspect of life? 

Getting things wrong and getting laughed at. 

How has this manifested in my life:

Perfectionism (overworking) 

Fear (mainly of doing things and succeeding) 

Anxiety and physical symptoms (not being able to speak in public for example) 

Shame

Shame is a big one. In meditation today it came over me like a wave. Shame and sadness for myself. 

My daily walks have been like therapy.

I intend to move through this shame through meditation, yoga practices, reading, journalling, art practices and self love. 

Over 100,000 people have died of covid in my country. I feel sadness and loss. We ask for healing and oneness right now. 

Edited January 27, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

Going full circle 

So it turns out I have arrived where I started. 

Dropping the "I" brings me back to where I started all those years ago which was a book that changed my thinking forever, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle. 

"I am" = the moment. 

The moment = whatever is happening (before perception). 

It isn't just acceptance of What is, it is more dynamic than that. The What is, is infinite. 

These past few weeks I have continued my yoga practice, meditation and walks. I had a sense of a circle of sparkling light recently, that is what I am. Something so beautiful but so difficult to grasp.

We are always, seeking or resisting. 

The (real) Power of Now is knowing "I am" the Now. No seeking or resisting. 

Contemplate this fact. I am made up of, and aware of, the Now. ? 

Conversations I used to find difficult with family members are just words in my auditory awareness. 

Difficult reports I have to write for work are just words on a page, within my visual field. 

Difficult thoughts are seen and dropped. 

I know the power within me is my creativity. I am and have always been an artist. 

I express the nature of consciousness through my work. 

Painting from Nature isn't copying an object. It is realising one's sensations. (Cezanne). 

Edited February 23, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

The difficulty of this work 

Two things happened to me today, I hit a wall with this work but also had a deep realisation. 

This work takes you to the root of who you are, and can be difficult, emotional, draining and you can feel like giving up. But giving up myself is exactly what I am doing.

It is these times that can bring you to your biggest and most deepest insights. 

I was aware today of the role I take on as "the seeker" . And letting this one go is the hardest. Wanting to give up this work is a feeling, a sensation which largely is your mind rationalising why you need to listen to you mind, or the illusion. There are so many traps, one of the biggest being the seeking trap.

Today the big realisation was realising  the profound reason to why I am here. To experience existence, ever changing presence. It was a fleeting moment which affected me deeply.

I cried as I was suddenly aware of how I nearly died when I was born (due to complications) and how lucky I am to have the gift of life. 

Sometimes the most profound insights happen when you really and truly let go. 

 

Edited March 1, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

Time 

What is time? We are obsessed with time - getting things done within a certain time, judging ourselves based on the years we've been or not been on the planet, using time to frame and structure our lives and always running out of time. 

I haven't got time for this, we say. 

Time to do this. 

I didn't get time. 

It's time. 

What happened to the time? 

But really time does not exist. It is a concept. 

There is infinity. There is consciousness. But what does this look like in terms of time? 

There is no comparison, it's like comparing an elephant with an apple. Totally different things. You cannot fit consciousness into the limits of time. 

When we drop the pressure of time, we relax. We enjoy the everlasting presence. This is timeless. 

The present = endlessness of time. 

[Surfingthewave]

You don't have to do anything 

Before Enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. 

After Enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. 

I've been feeling lost when contemplating the After Enlightenment bit. I realise it's not about doing anything it's about living life at a higher consciousness and trusting life will give me everything I ever need.

Heavy Yoga Nidra session this week. Daily Breath work meditation. Following the Nidra session the next day I was feeling emotional, fragile and lots of thoughts. I was letting go of deep baggage to do with self esteem and identity. 

I no longer need outward events and feedback from others to feel good. I no longer need to work hard to get recognition. I no longer need success in my art to feel good. I do it to enjoy it. I feel good lots of ways, so many ways. 

This is massive progress and life feels light and free. My quest for wealth is deeply rooted in wanting freedom, which I actually have. Freedom from attachments to the now. I no longer put any demand on the moment. 

The Enlightenment trap is also the What After bit. Adyashanti talks about it in Emptiness Dancing. You are already free. There's nothing else you need to do. 

Edited March 12, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

The seeker has returned with a vengeance. It's like you rip out the root but the weeds return. 

Surrendering can become too much of a thing, don't let it. 

In my Yoga Nidra intention this week I am allowing. I allow the moment to appear as it is, in all its glory. 

Surrendering for life to reveal itself is a state of freedom, of love, of beauty. 

My morning walk was mind blowingly beautiful. I sat and watched, listened and sensed "morning". Nature appearing as it is. The start of a new day, new opportunities, another day to enjoy the beauty of what is. 

There is no "more". My years of conditioning still wants to seek more. 

@Surfingthewave

Who are you really? A bunch of conditioned thoughts, feelings, experiences. 

I know I am lucky to have this vision. 

Sometimes it is fun, sometimes it is tough,  sometimes when you see what's truly there it's scary. But it's always changing, moving, growing. 

[SilentTears]

On 3/12/2021 at 11:23 AM, Surfingthewave said:

I've been feeling lost when contemplating the After Enlightenment bit. I realise it's not about doing anything it's about living life at a higher consciousness and trusting life will give me everything I ever need.

 

I like this portion quite a bit. It’s truly like that. 
 

I often am thinking these same thoughts so it’s nice to see it expressed by you. Great journey. 
 

it’s like watching a mirror express my own inner thoughts. 

[Surfingthewave]

@SilentTears

Thank you for your words. It can be a lonely path at times so it's good to know others share these struggles and how connected we are. 

I've come to realise the importance of documenting and journalling the journey. 

I'm often asked what practices do you recommend and journalling is one of the top ones. 

 

[Surfingthewave]

Life purpose

Developing my life purpose has been an interesting path. What's been the most fascinating part of it is how I've tried to suppress it all these years. 

When I was 18 it was clear as day what I wanted to achieve in my life. This was shut down by various people and also perhaps myself. 

All these years later the artist within me wants to create and express the beauty of this world. However fear and being cautious has held me back. 

The art I created when I was younger was bold, expressive, unique and came from a place of no fear. It's mad how years of conditioning, distraction and life in general has changed this. 

As I awaken I am also awakening that deep part of my creativity that has been dormant and in the dark for so long, and I'm ready to express this part of my soul. Perhaps I'm allowing the expression of what is already my destiny? 

Watch this space as it was the space I really needed. 

Edited April 3, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

What is desire? 

According to OHSO desire can never be fulfilled. So why do we endlessly chase desire? 

He goes onto say if you let go of this desire by being aware of it, you will receive great strength as energy from the endless desiring is released. 

What you are left with is silence. Perhaps we fear this silence when the desire is released. We fear we may loose who we are. 

I feel tired of all the desiring. 

When we look into this silence according to OHSO, like a still lake reflecting a reservoir of energy, we'll also see the universe reflected in it. 

Let's not forget OHSO also owned 93 Rolls Royces. 

Michael Singer talks about desire being blocked energy. He talks about us compensating for something being wrong in our life with desire. 

In fact there is nothing wrong. Meet the moment where you're at and let go of the personal. Where that leaves you is to live in excitement and joy rather than living in fear. 

 

Edited April 4, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

There are no "moments" 

Insights from my meditation practice today have focused on time. 

I got a sense of how eternal awareness is. Awareness without perception, with no limitations of the mind. Experiencing. 

There is no "moment by moment" there is simply this. 

The mind likes to impose limitations on the unlimited. If we could see the true unlimited nature and beauty of what we're experiencing, then there would be no reason to seek at all. 

Today on my walk I realised I am enough. I do things because I enjoy them, with an idea of a goal perhaps, a purpose, but this doesn't limit me. I was chasing a goal for the wrong reasons. We all get caught in the trap of wanting to achieve things. When it is enough to just be alive, experiencing. 

Rupert Spira wrote that Time is thought superimposed upon eternity and eternity is another name for our true nature of awareness. 

Today remember that rather than just a moment, you're eternity. 

 

[mandyjw]

[Surfingthewave]

@mandyjw Thanks for reading..

Great YT channel btw, keep doing what you're doing ?