Letting go of me

[Raptorsin7]

What does letting go mean to you?

On LSD i felt a surrender to a higher power, and it felt like i was being guided and carried forward. Things flowed easier.

Now that i'm off the drugs it feels like i'm stuck in molases, but i bet surrender is the key out of my situation on and off the drugs.

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 Like the words enlightened or awakening, letting go means different things for different people. 

For me I got stuck in a place where I thought letting go was releasing all the "stuff" which I felt was getting in the way of my progress. 

In fact, this whole concept was stopping me from moving forward. 

Letting go, I realise now, for me, is becoming being. It's bigger than I ever envisaged. It's realising you are pure energy, changing all the time. Impermanent. Beautiful and fully accepting yourself as you are. 

It's becoming consciousness. Becoming is very different to releasing.

Sounds like your LSD trip gave you some insights on this. Whatever you think or feel now, let go of. What do you become when you let go of it all? See the beauty in this. Going with the flow of life is definitely part of it. Not resisting, realising as avatars we put our "good" or "bad" stamp on different experiences. Letting go is trusting what is, trusting what you need will come to you, but that actually all you need is this. 

When I meditate now I realise, I am, my true self. Any other times I am expressing consciousness but as a human, in this avatar. 

It's a total mind bending thing, that's probably why a lot of people take psychedelics to get there. 

Edited March 15, 2020 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

Insights this week

Today I was able to feel the thoughts as energy. Felt a bit like a trip. I was aware after a day at work my mind was a bit like a pot of mixing paint with lots of paint being mixed in. 

Also a sensation feeling of completeness today. The paradox of this sensation with the sensation of seeking mastery made me collapse into myself. I realise the seeking mastery is a bit of an illusion itself. It's the losing yourself in the art which is true mastery of thought or, flow. Aware of perfectionism and how this can be the enemy to an artist. 

Getting back on track with meditation is refocusing me. I tried Qi gong again today and this seemed to focus my energy. 

For so long I've fought the overactive thoughts in my head. But that's all they are, thoughts.  Energy appearing and disappearing. For a moment in meditation yesterday I observed a thought actually disappear. The content of these thoughts are just consciousness. Just, infinite. It's the thoughts and feelings which are hard to separate. But when you see them separate, it's like a pretty blissful experience. 

Heading to full on lockdown here in the UK. 

Time to pause, reflect, be mindful and also intensify my practices. 

 

[Surfingthewave]

The Consciousness Trap

Well I got stuck there for a while. Following on from insights last week, experiencing the infinite is a whole lot of difference from the perception of the infinite. 

That's a trap. As separate selves we want to analyse, weigh up, argue, reason, work out. Contemplation is key here. 

As I integrate my recent insights, is consciousness...........? I realise this is the trap right there. Consciousness is..... here. Is beautiful. Is love. Is. 

What is a moment? What is Love? Same thing. A moment is a thing of beauty, it radiates, it permeates, it is aware, it is giving you a gift. 

Will you take the gift? 

Are you ready for the gift? 

My mastery is really taking off. Because whatever happens I believe. I have faith in the path. The path itself is in fact the gift of mastery. 

Anyone struggling with mastery, see it for what it truly is. 

 

Edited March 26, 2020 by Surfingthewave

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave Do you do pyshcs?

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 No I don't, it's not on my list of practices currently. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave  How did you reach the infinite without psychs?

What are your practices?

 

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 Through meditation, yoga and contemplation. (meditation 13 yrs or so) 

How are things with you? 

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave Wow impressive.

Things are really good. I recently came home to my parents house, after 3 months in a neighboring city for school, and i feel much better now. I think the isolation of being alone in a city is really detrimental to one's health. I was kind of brute forcing my psych trips and not taking the time to prepare and feel good before taking it so i payed a heavy price those last few trips lol.

I'm really excited for my next trip, i expect an easy break through into what i call christ consciousness, which is basically just feeling really good and connected to myself deeply.

I'm hoping for a break through into this state and then have more consistent access without the drugs. But for now i'm happy if i can just hit that peak at all.

[SilentTears]

I really liked "The Consciousness trap"

I actually experienced this myself not to long ago. 

I catch myself trying to explain, label (you get it) The unexplainable. 

Anyway, I really like your energy from your words. Lately I've been able to feel people's energy through words/ text. 

Lovly journal 

 

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 Good for you, sounds like you are making waves with your practices and know what you need to feel good. 

@SilentTears Thank you for your kind words. It feels strange at times posting a private thing to the public so positive feedback and shared experience makes a difference. I wish you well in your work and practices. 

[Surfingthewave]

The Consciousness Trap part 2

Further insights:

So today after meditation practice I was totally aware of the physical sensations of resistance in the body. My back, neck and shoulders having been carrying this resistance for a long time. As soon as I became aware of it, I released it. 

I also had a vision of the infinite, of source. It was appearing around me  from everywhere but also jetting out of my hands and body. Sounds trippy again but very vivid. After these moved throughout me I became aware of oneness. How everything is oneness. 

My thought energy is very active at the moment as is the adrenaline in my body. This appears to be coming from collective thought anxiety about the Coronavirus. 

Tonight at 8pm I'll be clapping my hands for the health care workers and carers on the front line here in the UK. 

This brings us together, releases energy and may renergise for the next phase. Do join me if you're reading this. I'll know as I'll feel your energy. 

Edited March 26, 2020 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

The Consciousness Trap part 3

Meditation isn't a journey, a skill to be mastered, a thing to be learnt. Meditation isn't tricky, difficult, easy, etc (insert adjective here). 

Meditation is what we truly are. 

Meditation is the gateway to the source, to consciousness. 

The next consciousness trap I fell into was the above. That somehow meditation was something to gain, to achieve, to learn. 

Like other objects in duality I had separated myself from it and it had become another desire to fill a sense of lack.

As I contemplated today I realised this:

Consciousness (I am) is made up of  sensations, perceptions, thoughts, feelings

Consciousness (I am) is also knowing sensations, perceptions, thoughts, feelings. 

The witness becomes reality itself. (thanks to Rupert Spira). 

John Kabat- Zinn talks about the real work beginning when you meditate during life itself. Off the cushion. Then you realise meditation is life itself. In pure formless-ness : it's being. As I do this more and more, I see how much time we waste fretting, worrying, ruminating, reacting. Creating form to cling to, to desire, to need. 

It's time for joy, passion, celebration, gratitude, compassion and kindness. 

John Kabat Zinn talks about riding the wave of awareness. ? Especially now. 

What if you're actually the sea itself? Thoughts, stresses, worries, emotions are all just froth on the waves. 

Surf is definitely up. Join me. 

 

 

Edited March 30, 2020 by Surfingthewave

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave  How did you switch from meditating from a dualistic point of view, to a pure non-dualistic form of meditation.

I still meditate from a dualistic, self doing the meditation, pov, but I also am aware that the point of practice is to glimpse the non-dual nature of reality and then meditate on that insight.

Any thoughts on finding a specific practice that facilitates this recognition?

I'm using the waking up by sam harris and he mentions this specific point, but I don't even know if I've had the recognition yet and i'm very confused on this subject.

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 I began moving my practice off the cushion and into real life. When travelling, when I was in meetings, when I was doing other things

I also purposely began meditation practice during and after really tricky emotional blocks. This is really the best time to meditate as you can't see the wood from the trees so to speak. The resistance is all consuming, but at those times I was able to experience the non duality. At times it was frustrating, endless and exhausting but when you break through it is worth it my friend. 

 

[Surfingthewave]

Insights this week

The Consciousness Trap continues

We all say, just be in the present moment. But the present moment is ever changing. It's hard to keep up. What we actually should say instead is be the ever changing presence. Again thank you Rupert Spira for your teachings. 

What is the ever changing presence? Consciousness. Awareness. 

Today on my daily walk I realised how much we hold onto from one moment to another. In our minds, in our bodies. This is because we want to cling on to something, anything, that gives us our personhood. What would it be like if we instead let go of everything, moment by moment. Would we exist? Yes we would, we would absolutely exist. Try it tomorrow. Let go in every moment. Then see the joy. 

When I realised this I looked up to see a squirrel jump in between trees. In that moment it was a flying squirrel...

Namaste ? 

 

 

Edited April 7, 2020 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

How do we get rid of a sense of self importance? 

Self importance is something that for me, stops me from really really really listening. When you really listen to your body, your mind, the outside world, your significant other, etc etc, a miracle can happen. 

When you really listen, you feel. When you really feel, you become aware, of that energy, that energy that is around us, within us, enveloping us, carrying us, supporting us. 

As I continue to integrate my awakenings into my daily life, I feel more love, more light, more hope, more clarity. Stepping away from "human-ness" or "person-hood" continues to amaze me at how deep this goes at every level. 

To get rid of self importance is to embody it with love but realise it is a mere drop on the wave of existence. 

 

Edited April 10, 2020 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

Last journal entry here

I've taken the decision to leave the forum and to move on from actualized.org teachings.

I feel ready to do this, there are lots of reasons but for me it is about finding a suitable teacher and the right path at the right time.

In learning how to let go of myself, it is also learning about letting go of the things stopping you from moving forward.

I will continue my journalling as I think it is one of the most powerful ways to self actualize.

I wish you all love, peace, self acceptance and luck on your journey. 

Namaste ? 

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave 

[Surfingthewave]

Happy New Year dear seekers

My last entry here was April last year, after which I quit the forum. I was projecting a lot of difficulties I was facing onto other things (including the forum and Leo) I wanted return to review where I'm at now.

The biggest thing that happened was of course Covid. The outbreak that happened in my country, around the world and the subsequent impact on my daily life as a health worker was massive. It made me deal with some significant emotional issues from the past which were impacting on my enlightenment and meditation practice and stopping me from moving forward. I was angry, sad, upset, struggled with soft addictions and struggling to come to terms with who I was. 

I am now in a place where letting go has become a daily practice. I needed professional support and a great deal of work to understand how to move forward. 

The main take away is you must face those difficult feelings. Under my anger was fear,  sadness and loss. Moving through these feelings was life changing. Self care and self love became a priority as was being active, healthy and connecting with nature. 

The more I learn, the more I realise how life really is a mystery waiting to be explored. I am aware of my infinite nature, that connecting with that open infinite space potential once you let go of ego noise is a thing of beauty, love, possibility and peace. 

Let go of what is holding you back - yourself. Let go of all that resistance. It could be fear, anxiety, sadness, regret. All of that is just sensations in the never-ending space that is your potential. Allow those things to be there. Invite them in. When you you do your life will change. Relax into the ever expanding moment and forgive yourself. There is something much bigger than you to behold. 

I continue to study, meditate, be active and create but most of all I feel joy in the small things. Don't let the beauty and mystery of life pass you by. 

Happy New Year and namaste ? 

Edited January 2, 2021 by Surfingthewave