Letting go of me

[Surfingthewave]

Today it's time to let go. 

Let go of...... 

My self concepts, self constructs, self perceptions, fears, goals, hopes, selfishness, selflessness, barriers, worries, shoulds, woulds, why nots, must haves, coulds, can'ts, buts, she saids, he saids, what ifs, all the things that separate me from everything else. 

Its time to let life do the talking. Rather than the mind. Its time to feel that energy. 

Surfs up, are you ready? 

[Surfingthewave]

It sure feels strange knowing people are reading this. I'm used to scribbling down my inner most thoughts in a jounal and locking it away. 

Today was the first day of fully surrendering to what is, after a meditation in the morning and being more conscious of the technique of surrendering I was able to have a productive day at work. Interestingly I seemed to become a magnet at work with people talking about their problems to me so it was a bit of a test. 

"The events that happen in the moment belong in the moment, they don't belong to you" Michael Singer (The Untethered Soul). 

I'm reaching the edge, or the comfort zone in a lot of my practices and can feel a push to just jump. 

Ironically this weekend I'll be visiting family, so this is where the fun really begins. Can I fully let go of who I am with the people who have helped define and shape me? This will be interesting.

[Surfingthewave]

Ps an additional. The most difficult part is letting go of goals and dreams. I hold onto these for dear life. These are wrapped up in my identity, my oxygen, becomes the air I breathe and what helps the day go fast. (I'm clearly not living my life purpose just yet but working on it). 

I know I need to rest in awareness and let go. Easier said than done. 

Edited November 14, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

@Surfingthewave Letting go was harder today, realised I get easily bugged by people's personalities, could be due to inner conflict about own. 

I'm finding it more easy to let go of when things go balls up or don't work out or "I" don't necessarily get the outcome I want. However where I'm getting more stuck is if someone says something to annoy me, I can hold onto this. I'm getting better at caring less about what other people think but in a professional capacity, when I've got my work "hat" onthis can be harder to let go. 

Also letting go of "soft" addictions much much harder, procrastination, laziness, avoidance, social media, gossip etc. 

[Surfingthewave]

Yesterday I had a very very powerful yoga session. As I stood up to get into a particular pose, I felt this intensity of energy all around me, right through me going from my hands right through to my feet and beyond my feet. It was like I could feel  consciousness. The way it felt was beautiful, loving, safe and that it had my back, no matter what. It was so powerful it brought tears to my eyes. 

Something was releasing in me and I felt this love deeply. It was very moving. 

Last night I had a very intense dream, I was in a place that was familiar, a place I loved but I was leaving it and I felt sad. This sadness resonated when I woke up. 

The experience of feeling consciousness is one I've never experienced before. 

[Surfingthewave]

Visiting family at the weekend brought back a lot of strong feelings and emotions, nostalgia being a big one. However I was able to have discussions enjoyably and let go of any attachment feelings that may arise. Realise there are certain traits I do in the family home, like interrupt if my parents are arguing and try and keep the peace. This time, I let it go, and just sat with the uncomfortable feelings. This was more tricky. 

I've been "seeing" colours around more, almost like my visual field has become heightened. I also have a strange sensation like I can feel consciousness. This morning my mind was running amok. Dreams of loneliness and being lost. Interesting. 

[Surfingthewave]

Strong feelings of anger today and underlying shame. I know this experience that has occurred is not my fault. The letting go part is particularly hard when someone has let me down big time. But this is the thing, letting who down? I am = pure awareness, consciousness,  Yet I still feel certain emotions deeply moving through me, and this one is clinging on for dear life. Shizen Young talks about unifying  and separating these deep feelings and sensations in mindfulness practice, expanding and contracting like the breath and concentrating on them so they dissolve. 

Underlying fear here is I still care what people think. Damn I thought I kicked that can down the road! 

In Singers The Untethered Soul he talks about opening the heart up instead of closing it at the first sight of suffering and letting these feelings in rather than resistance. I've also looked at The Empaths survival guide recently, as someone who is very empathetic, this is an interesting read. 

Generally however what amazes me is how blissed out I can be one minute and not the next. Unconditional happiness is definitely something I feel more as more (in between feelings of resistance)  but maybe the more I let go the more I'm uncovering. 

Edited November 18, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

Current practices :

- Letting go technique 

- Strong morning routine (visualisations based on T Robbins work) 

- Daily meditation

- Improved diet 

- Clutter clearing (!)

- Daily life purpose work

- Increased exercise 

- Weekly goal setting

- Dream boarding

- Awareness of soft and hard addictions

Edited November 20, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Raptorsin7]

Have you read Nahm's thread on using the dream board?

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 Yes I have indeed, I've added it to my list of practices. There is definitely something  in receiving, trusting and knowing. This is all part of the letting go/surrender technique. Part of what has scared me in the past, to the point of active avoidance of doing and achieving things is the not knowing what's going to happen. 

Opening up to having faith in the unknown is new territory for me. 

Faith is trust. Faith is a deep sense of connectness to being - Tolle. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

I highly recommend. I've used it for a week and I feel like a different person. Pretty stagnant in my growth before that.

[Surfingthewave]

Feeling very fatigued and sick at the moment, maybe it's my body purging all the unwanted stuff out of my mind. The morning/meditation routine is going well although the exercise has not been as regular due to feeling sick. 

With my life purpose I've been reading Mastery by George Leonard. Fantastic book, great for thinking about homeostasis, playing your edge and the "keys" to learning. Realise I'm aware of being fairly impatient when it comes to LP, so doing more to allow things to manifest when the time is right / things are ready. 

Had a strong insight yesterday of letting things be as they are. Almost like a space between thoughts it was a space between actions and intentions. Meditation practice - Do Nothing technique. It's important to meditate with the right technique depending on where you're at- Do Nothing when you're mind is all over the place and the labelling when you're feeling lacking on energy or focus. It felt good to be aware of how our mind clings on to anything, but even creating stuff when there is nothing to hold onto. 

 

 

Edited November 22, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Surfingthewave]

I've been examining what brings me meaning in my life and also how I can drop some of this meaning. Family dynamics seem to hold multiple meanings, social relationships, current political systems, sexuality and how I view the path I am on are some of the things I'm aware of. 

The last couple of days I read a few things on the forum which kind of stopped me in my tracks. There is literally only this moment, and everything else is just perception. There really only is consciousness, which is created by me. 

My meditation practices tailed off a bit at the end of last week, so am keen to get back on the cushion this week. My dream boarding is giving me clarity but my sneaky self is kicking back on how I manage my Life Purpose. We waste so much time consuming rubbish, again input = output so if I read/look at crap I'm going to feel crap. 

Resources that have helped recently, The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. Great story but tricky to put into practice. 

Edited November 25, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[allislove]

> Resources that have helped recently, The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. Great story but tricky to put into practice. 

Try to listen to Abraham Hicks  

[allislove]

On 11/21/2019 at 0:51 AM, Raptorsin7 said:

I highly recommend. I've used it for a week and I feel like a different person. Pretty stagnant in my growth before that.

Haha, the same for me 

[Surfingthewave]

@dimitri Thanks for this, I will definitely try this resource, its not the first time this work has come up. 

Just had a good Do Nothing meditation session. Letting go of toxic social relationships is a priority and also letting go of limitations I have put on myself (perfectionism being one) I look forward to receiving deepened, quality friendships from others and from myself. 

[Surfingthewave]

Really felt a shift today. There is something bigger at work. Something guiding me, supporting me. Really felt the frequency of this, and the power of this. It's time to fully let go into being. 

Last few days I've struggled to sleep, felt sick, had headaches and fatigue. My body is purging stuff, all the stuff. 

Today I felt a sense of knowing, of magic at work. Although I'm going about my day, I'm floating. 

Edited November 27, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Raptorsin7]

What was it like the first time you got to being during your meditation? I am struggling with just being right now, and it seems you're on the right track.

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 I got a real sense of the depth of awareness and how infinite it was. It took quite a bit of practice, i used practices such as shinzen youngs Strong Determination Sits and Noting. I would meditate daily but also ramp it up by having solo weekend retreats, for example a day of doing one hour sits (4 hrs in total with breaks) . What I'm struggling with is sticking to the practice however. 

What are you finding difficult with locating being? You could also try self inquiry work. 

Edited November 27, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Raptorsin7]

Yes, i need to do some more days of multiple hours of meditation. I did 1 day of 6 + hours of meditation and yoga, and i had an ego backlash but overall I felt i made a lot of progress. Did you notice your third eye opening (a sensation between your eyes around your forehead)? I was very close to getting into a state of being while watching an ekkart tole video, but i didn't fully let go and become one with experience. I felt a subtle resistance to fully immersion into the present. My difficulty is just being whatever i am in the present, without thought and without resistance. I have difficulty going deep in the meditation. 

Do you have other sources of being and happiness in your life other than meditation. I find yoga followed by meditation gets me the closest to a state of no-self/ego, but if you have other ways of accessing the present moment then meditation may not even be necessary.