How to have Sociopathic levels of detachment with girls and dating

[Bridge to Infinity]

Introduction:

So Im a very needy guy. Ive been that way for as long as I can remember and I don't know how to live in an UNEEDY way. I usually can get a girl to feel attracted but slowly she starts to discover that im needy and gets very turned off and starts ghosting me or treating me as a friend (she just loses interest). I've heard @Leo Gura and many others in the pickup community talk about the value of NON NEEDY socialisation. 

My Problem:

I have a problem with understanding how not being needy is possible. I don't see how I can go about not being needy because as I said ive never lived the detached bad boy life, rather ive always lived the attached clingy type life.

Solution request:

I would like for you to tell me how I can intrinsically change myself so that I am naturally detached. 

What does non needy behaviour manifest as?

How can I really really change myself to become non needy? (Repetition I know)

[Preety_India]

You are having a mental habit and an immature disposition. This can be broken with practice. Most non needy guys were a bit needy in the beginning. Then with experience and many heterosexual relationships, they lose that neediness automatically. 

Understand and be aware that needy behavior can trigger a "shrugged or paranoid" psychological response in the female. I had this with my needy ex (one of the exes).. I would get frustrated with every "needy move or clingy behavior".. 

One trick is to reprogram your mind and realize that a girl is not the center of everything in life. Take deep interest and motivation in many pursuits and activities in life but don't do them just to impress a girl. That way the girl factor is dropped out. 

You are suffering low self esteem and low self worth combined with emotional immaturity and lack of emotional independence. 

Emotional independence means you don't need the opposite gender to fulfill you or complete you. 

Age is a factor here. With age progression, detachment gets very easily accomplished. 

Next strategy 

Intense socialization.. Try socialization online if you suffer social anxiety real time. 

Have as many friends as you can. Talk to a lot of people in whatever way you can. This helps with emotional independence 

 

Next strategy 

Travel

This helps big time. Traveling to many places has a natural way of rewiring your brain to feel less needy and more confident and self assured. 

Games. 

As strange as it might sound, games are healthy as a coping mechanism for engaging the mind and keeping out neediness. They make you feel productive and independent. Though in moderation.. 

Social media 

Try setting up a social media account like Twitter or Instagram. May be did difficult in the beginning because you might not have much to post. Try posting anything, just your every day feelings or about political events. As you begin to gather an audience, this boosts your confidence and the need to express and open and reduces the need to rely on one person for your needs. 

Exercise 

When you exercise, the endorphins released bring a natural sense of independence and grounding. Don't do this to take a selfie. Do it for your mind. This keeps the mental hormones in check and reduces extreme reactions like neediness 

Openness. 

Seek a partner with whom you can share everything. If your partner is such that you can't be open with because of your self esteem or their judgmental behavior, this can cause you to naturally become more needy for their affection and validation. If the person has a great comfort zone with you, your neediness will exponentially decrease. 

Engagement 

On the spot remedy is engagement. If you spot yourself acting needy, distract and engage in some activity like watching a YouTube video, solving a puzzle or going out for  a walk or doing household chores. 

Is your relationship depriving you 

Sometimes your neediness may not be your fault but your partner who constantly punishes you even for little affection. In this case you are going through Alienation or deprivation. Such a relationship is not worth having. Either air it out and let them hear you or break it up. 

Hanging out with the opposite gender 

Hang out with girls not necessarily for a relationship agenda in mind but just for friendship. Casual flirting helps ease the sexual tension and makes you feel comfortable and not as needy. Interact online if offline doesn't work 

Practice self control 

You need affection. You need reassurance. You need their time and comfort. This is part of addictive personality. You need intense self control for this impulsive addictive behavior. It's completely impulsive. The receptors in the brain constantly stimulate you to want the other person's presence. Practice self control by setting a self restraining boundary - like - I'll call her only 2 times today. I won't check my phone. I won't respond to her today. I won't bug her today. Keep days apart. Keep a particular time slot to communicate and exchange affection or company. This reduces the need to constantly want to want that person. Keeps that need in check.. 

The more time you put into practice, the better you get at it. 

Remember that partners are for you to grow in life. Try not making them the center of your life. 

Hope this helped 

Edited November 13, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Bridge to Infinity said:

What does non needy behaviour manifest as?

These people are very confident. They are deeply engaged in things that interest them. They talk to their partners only when they need something, have to vent or have a communication or a discussion and not just for the sake of lovey dovey exchange and assure each other that they are for other. This is a very matured relationship 

A relationship where partners have to constantly remind each other that they are for each other is very abnormal. They are acting petty and too immature and attention seeking. Won't be healthy long term. 

A non needy guy does not ring up her girlfriend only for sex. That's a primal duffer. 

A non needy guy will communicate a lot with his girlfriend openly but won't bug her to death 

A simple example - 

If the girlfriend says, "hey I need to go to bed" the guy allows it. And is okay with the end of the conversation or intimacy. But a needy guy will ask more time and no amount of time would ever be enough. 

A non needy guy doesn't keep a tab on what his girlfriend does or does not do. He is not thinking of what she must be doing all the time 

A non needy guy is not scared if he doesn't receive a reply to his text sent to her. He waits patiently. In fact he doesn't even wait. He immediately sets out to do his work in the meantime 

A non needy guy is not desperate to hear his girlfriend's response to a question related to the relationship. He gives her her own time. "take your own time" 

A non needy guy does not send his girlfriend a deluge of 30 text messages and 10 missed calls in an effort to reach her if she is not replying. 

He sends her only one text saying that he will wait till she replies back. 

 

. A non needy guy allows a girlfriend to go on a break especially after an argument. If she needs a break of a week, he lets her. 

A non needy guy is not feeling miserable if the girlfriend is hanging out with her girlfriends. He knows that she needs her own time. 

A non needy guy leaves his girlfriend completely alone when she says or begs 'leave me the fuck alone'... He doesn't bother her further. 

 

A non needy tries to hear his girlfriend first and lets her speak as long as she wants without constantly badgering and interrupting her thus frustrating and tiring her out 

A non needy guy doesn't get testy with a girl.. 'do you really love me'.. 'why can't you do this for me'... He doesn't ask her to prove her love for him constantly on a daily basis. He trusts her completely and believes that she loves him and doesn't put her to test  or keep her in tight spot with this endless requests and questions. 

A non needy is more concerned if his girlfriend is happy with him. He tries to read her eyes, read her mind, he respects her space deeply and tries what she needs and what needs to be done to keep her in peace. He lets her be as she is and doesn't control her every move and responds only when he knows she is ready too. 

Finally. A non needy just minds his own business most of the time but shows affection when he thinks he needs to spice up his ladylove a little bit especially after a hard day's work. 

 

And yes..... 

A non needy boy doesn't have to be badboy to appear non needy. He is just a matured man. 

 

 

 

 

[Annoynymous]

@Bridge to Infinity title of the post caught my attention.

Be careful what you wish for. Wanting to become a sociopath to be a non needy person to attract women can be very lethal selfishness.

See how the dynamics goes:

Becoming a sociopath= becoming non needy= attracting girls

Can you see your own selfishness which is huge?

This is how evil is born.

Look, i am not judging you.

You want to attract girls. That's absolutely fine.

In order to become non needy, you don't necessarily have to become a sociopath.

You can pursue your goal  in a conscious,healthy and responsible manner.

But don't do such thing as sociopathy.

It can create bad karma also which will eventually bite you in the ass.

[Nickyy]

1 hour ago, Bridge to Infinity said:

Introduction:

So Im a very needy guy. Ive been that way for as long as I can remember and I don't know how to live in an UNEEDY way. I usually can get a girl to feel attracted but slowly she starts to discover that im needy and gets very turned off and starts ghosting me or treating me as a friend (she just loses interest). I've heard @Leo Gura and many others in the pickup community talk about the value of NON NEEDY socialisation. 

My Problem:

I have a problem with understanding how not being needy is possible. I don't see how I can go about not being needy because as I said ive never lived the detached bad boy life, rather ive always lived the attached clingy type life.

Solution request:

I would like for you to tell me how I can intrinsically change myself so that I am naturally detached. 

What does non needy behaviour manifest as?

How can I really really change myself to become non needy? (Repetition I know)

The thing is, you're not actually a needy guy. That's just a "self" that you have created that is held together by a bunch of thoughts , feelings and behaviours.

If I called you an elephant you wouldn't believe me, would you?

Because its quite clear that you're not actually an elephant.

So there is no danger as you idenitifying as an elephant. 

It's seems very easy to identify as a needy guy tho, doesn't it? Because it seems so real because of the confirmation you keep getting from your direct experience. 

But what happened is that because you created an identity, you then went ahead and thought, felt and behaved in ways that confirmed that identity. The last thing anyone wants is to lose their identity (even if it causes them incredible suffering).

The way out of this is easy (believe it or not). It's so easy that when it happens for you, when you become free of this affliction, you will laugh so hard and then wonder why you spent so much time looking in the wrong place to try to "become " some other identity. To become someone "confident".

You don't need to become anything, what you are is already what you seek. All you have to do is notice the times you are triggered into your needy thoughts feelings and behaviours and just watch the identity you made and notice what happens to it when you no longer continue to perpetuate it by mistaking it for who you are. 

[Nickyy]

@Bridge to Infinity I will give you an example of how to do it. 

Someone was rude to me the other day and I found myself getting angry as usual with being spoke to that way.

I noticed how I was feeling and I noticed the thoughts I was having.

The thoughts went something like "man why are people so rude and inconsiderate at times? I'm never that way, I think it's terrible that humanity has to treat each other in these ways, it makes for such a nicer world if we could all get along"

Look at the story, and the sense of identity built around this skill in had learned of being polite and considerate to everyone.

I had attached an identity to this skillset and when anyone came into my space with a different viewpoint I immediately felt threatened because my identity was threatened. 

As soon as I noticed that I had made a self out of being polite and considerate, the reaction immediately vanished and all that was left was peace. 

Its called ego death. 

Needless to say I no longer have problems with people being rude, because I don't identify as someone who is polite. Therefore I am no longer personally threatened when someone breaks my code. 

 

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Bridge to Infinity said:

How can I really really change myself to become non needy?

In practice this is solved simply by over-satisfying your needs.

So if you're needy with girls, go sleep with 10-20 girls and your neediness will drop significantly.

You cannot just wish your neediness away.

The process you go through to successfully sleep with 10-20 females will cure you of much neediness. But it will be challenging process. Don't expect it to be easy. You will fail a lot. And that's exactly what will beat the neediness out of you. Every girl you lose will teach you a valuable lesson. You will come face-to-face with the ugliness of your own neediness.

[Forestluv]

3 hours ago, Bridge to Infinity said:

So Im a very needy guy. 

What do you *need*?
What is the underlying desire seeking?
 

[Aeris]

15 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

In practice this is solved simply by over-satisfying your needs.

So if you're needy with girls, go sleep with 10-20 girls and your neediness will drop significantly.

You cannot just wish your neediness away.

The process you go through to successfully sleep with 10-20 females will cure you of much neediness. But it will be challenging process. Don't expect it to be easy. You will fail a lot. And that's exactly what will beat the neediness out of you. Every girl you lose will teach you a valuable lesson. You will come face-to-face with the ugliness of your own neediness.

not sure about this one.

not efficient for weed, weed has a threshold and "plateau" even if you smoke more, you doesn't go more higher.

but this experience show me something more deep about the whole of life 
 

__________

@bridgeto

best way is let go of need, what happen will happen, and if so, it's not by clinging to needy ideas that reality will unfold graciously.

by not purging your attachment to logic and not flowing, you'll always be "incomplete".

 

Edited November 14, 2019 by Aeris

[Leo Gura]

@Aeris I wasn't talking about weed. I was talking specifically about sexual neediness in men.

[oMarcos]

"partners are for you to grow in life. Try not making them the center of your life." /close

[Bridge to Infinity]

@Leo Gura

what about neediness with friendships, just with guy friends. How does one go about evolving past that?

[Bridge to Infinity]

@Serotoninluv im seeking them, I want them to be with me, I want sex from them, I want to have a man to woman romance between us. I need that to make me feel content. 

[Bridge to Infinity]

@Leo Gura how can I sleep with girls in the first place to get over my neediness if I am needy.

[Preety_India]

@Bridge to Infinity  how exactly are you displaying your neediness. 

Can you give a few examples?

 

[Gili Trawangan]

31 minutes ago, Bridge to Infinity said:

@Leo Gura how can I sleep with girls in the first place to get over my neediness if I am needy.

Fake it 'til you make it.

[hundreth]

On 11/13/2019 at 4:56 PM, Preety_India said:

You are having a mental habit and an immature disposition. This can be broken with practice. Most non needy guys were a bit needy in the beginning. Then with experience and many heterosexual relationships, they lose that neediness automatically. 

Understand and be aware that needy behavior can trigger a "shrugged or paranoid" psychological response in the female. I had this with my needy ex (one of the exes).. I would get frustrated with every "needy move or clingy behavior".. 

One trick is to reprogram your mind and realize that a girl is not the center of everything in life. Take deep interest and motivation in many pursuits and activities in life but don't do them just to impress a girl. That way the girl factor is dropped out. 

You are suffering low self esteem and low self worth combined with emotional immaturity and lack of emotional independence. 

Emotional independence means you don't need the opposite gender to fulfill you or complete you. 

Age is a factor here. With age progression, detachment gets very easily accomplished. 

Next strategy 

Intense socialization.. Try socialization online if you suffer social anxiety real time. 

Have as many friends as you can. Talk to a lot of people in whatever way you can. This helps with emotional independence 

 

Next strategy 

Travel

This helps big time. Traveling to many places has a natural way of rewiring your brain to feel less needy and more confident and self assured. 

Games. 

As strange as it might sound, games are healthy as a coping mechanism for engaging the mind and keeping out neediness. They make you feel productive and independent. Though in moderation.. 

Social media 

Try setting up a social media account like Twitter or Instagram. May be did difficult in the beginning because you might not have much to post. Try posting anything, just your every day feelings or about political events. As you begin to gather an audience, this boosts your confidence and the need to express and open and reduces the need to rely on one person for your needs. 

Exercise 

When you exercise, the endorphins released bring a natural sense of independence and grounding. Don't do this to take a selfie. Do it for your mind. This keeps the mental hormones in check and reduces extreme reactions like neediness 

Openness. 

Seek a partner with whom you can share everything. If your partner is such that you can't be open with because of your self esteem or their judgmental behavior, this can cause you to naturally become more needy for their affection and validation. If the person has a great comfort zone with you, your neediness will exponentially decrease. 

Engagement 

On the spot remedy is engagement. If you spot yourself acting needy, distract and engage in some activity like watching a YouTube video, solving a puzzle or going out for  a walk or doing household chores. 

Is your relationship depriving you 

Sometimes your neediness may not be your fault but your partner who constantly punishes you even for little affection. In this case you are going through Alienation or deprivation. Such a relationship is not worth having. Either air it out and let them hear you or break it up. 

Hanging out with the opposite gender 

Hang out with girls not necessarily for a relationship agenda in mind but just for friendship. Casual flirting helps ease the sexual tension and makes you feel comfortable and not as needy. Interact online if offline doesn't work 

Practice self control 

You need affection. You need reassurance. You need their time and comfort. This is part of addictive personality. You need intense self control for this impulsive addictive behavior. It's completely impulsive. The receptors in the brain constantly stimulate you to want the other person's presence. Practice self control by setting a self restraining boundary - like - I'll call her only 2 times today. I won't check my phone. I won't respond to her today. I won't bug her today. Keep days apart. Keep a particular time slot to communicate and exchange affection or company. This reduces the need to constantly want to want that person. Keeps that need in check.. 

The more time you put into practice, the better you get at it. 

Remember that partners are for you to grow in life. Try not making them the center of your life. 

Hope this helped 

 

It's not always the case where women know what's best for a man to do in the dating world, but this is REALLY good advice. Listen to her. Go do other things and build your confidence. Your neediness will naturally go way down.

[Nahm]

@Bridge to Infinity Need is an inward projection, and will never resonate because the source of you needs nothing, it is unconditional happiness. Want, is an outward orientation. Let go of the need belief, and the judgments of your wanting. 

[Proactive]

Here's a contemplation I just did to hide your external motivation through internal goals. Hopefully it helps.

 

So basically you don't want to be completely detatched from the result of attracting mates. Cuz otherwise you won't be assertive enough. You also don't want to be too needy. But to decrease the neediness I would set goals such as asking 1 girl out. Maybe that is too difficult for you, do something easier. Now you are focused not on getting the girl, but focused on asking 1 girl out. Which is internal.

Quote

Cultivating the inner world.

So in life there are many contradictory things. Where in order to get external things, you must focus on the internal.

Such as attracting other people, you need to not care about attracting other people.

 

So a problem I notice with myself is that in order to achieve these external activities, I am externally motivated to become internally motivated.

 

This is not sustainable. Once other people become attracted to you, you feel a sense of joy or something. You overreact, which makes you ultimately externally motivated.

You need to be internally motivated because you are internally motivated. 

But am I really? This is a big idea, that can be applied in many subtle ways. That I suspect will be very hard to catch.

 

Honestly rather than working on improving my social abilities, I think I should just be working on this. I've worked on it enough. 

 

This is weird, I am externally motivated to become internally motivated still. It's like something that you can't hide.

How to become truly internally motivated

How to not give a fuck. I read the art of not giving a fuck. I read 30% of it, just like all 20 books I have. Idk i'm weird. Maybe I should actually buy books.

Anyways.

 

To become truly internally motivated, you need a reward that is internal. Your goals should never be external. In the back of my mind it does guide everything I do honestly. But I can hide it pretty well, by creating internal goals. Then just focusing on it really hard. 

Therefore the only thing that stops me from being internally motivated is the amount of consciousness I put into an activity. It's like tackling one branch at a time, rather than looking at where all these branches start from.

Such as socializing, school.

Edited November 16, 2019 by Proactive

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

Why do you want to have sociopathic levels of anything? Realize that human nature is depending on other people for survival. But at the same time, you won't be needy if you were to have a high level of self esteem, meaning been content in your own skin and not relying on other people or any external factor to determine your happiness and overall internal state.