Oh Leo, Thanks

[Rebecca Kalamata]

I love to begin writings with the word "so". For me it connotes that I am continuing a previous discourse. So expect a lot of "So".Also, my journaling habit has been to be writing TO someone as in, "Dear Diary" from back when I first began when I was 10. So it seemsappropriate to be writing directly to you Leo

So I have been listening to your AZ Solo Retreat Night Talks and have just heard Day 6. On the face of it, this that you shared is not good news.My dark little secret is that I don't meditate. Please don't tell anyone. The thing is that I don't know how. I searched meditation here at your siteand I am sparked to see you have Meditation For Beginners and Guided Meditations. I am hoping there are no golden lights to notice or even warm feelings in my body. I stopped visualizing in my rush to speed through delicious novels when I was a kid. I just read the adjectives rather than visualizing them.And due no doubt to my reversal of, "The Pick Up Game" (what's a girl to do upon finding herself continuously on the losing end of THAT stick) I am a bit disconnected to my bodily sensations.

So moving on... I am not thrilled that I have hundreds of hours in front of me of meditating to do. And the best of them being done in chunks of 10 hours at a time. I am sitting, pretty much isolated if I choose, in one of the most precious little cities in the world with just a magical cat to keep me distracted. The house is sparse as it is not yet mine. There is only a minimarket down the block from which to buy fresh fruits, vegetables, rice, and all the crap that I would want if I wanted it. Not many meters from there is the Messianian Gulf. This little jewel of a city is pretty much a secret, even from the Athenians for demographic and historically prejudicial reasons. With the "new" highway and the Greek austerity measures it is blooming. The blooms will become blossoms and then there will be such an explosion of flowering that it will be another place entirely. But that's all another story. For now, there is no reason for me to not spend my day in meditation.

Except... I have been in this place you are in on Day 6 of relentless meditation so many times before.  I have always been deep in this rabbit hole. Language does not suffice to convey this comprehension.  

So I'll digress again and then I'll go back to listening. Everything feels so OLD. Everything feels so NOW. One moment of eternity, thousands of lives being lived simultaneously. Right now. All EGO/ME. If I turn my focus just a little bit, if I change my point of view just a smidgeon. my here and now reality becomes another of the endless existent probabilities. So WELCOME TO MY WORLD Leo. I'm glad to have you in it. It's about fucking time that you showed up.

Oh thanks guy. Day 7 is pretty much defining what I know my situation is without my even starting. I looked back and see that you did all this in 2017 and you are still at it now at the end of 2019. Praise Allah, God Bless You, and May The Force Be With You!

That's exactly what I am talking about! I mean your "Moth Metaphor"! Ha, ha, ha. Years I ago I learned from a little rabbit Guru (in a story) that the secret is to just change my mind. Waaa, waaa, waaa. That was the problem. I couldn't change the tapes in my mind. Then taking pictures, the most magnificent pictures, with my Galaxy 10, showed me how to change my point of view. ZAPPO! I got it! It's quite easy now for me to change my mind by changing my point of view. OH HAPPY DAYS.

So a funny story that I told myself when my Galaxy 10 was snatched from my hand while taking pictures of cats below the Acropolis. It could have been that the kid was a Christian Greek Orthodox national, but for the sake of my little story... I'm real glad that Paradise and Heaven are separate places and that i am an older (much) woman cause though I kicked off my thongs and chased him through the streets of old Athens, alas he had a get away route and I soon lost him. Had I been able to close in I'd have leaped upon his back and probably killed him as his head hit the street and he'd have probably plunged a knife into me just to try to get away. The kid would probably go to Paradise for killing a Christian and I would probably go to Heaven cause i would repent with my dying breath. HOWEVER, if Paradise and Heaven turned out to be the same place and I saw that little SOB with MY Galaxy (cause no way would anybody leave a Galaxy 10 anywhere on Earth, even upon death), I'd have bitch slapped him and grabbed my phone back. There would have been a terrible row and we would both have been sent back to life, PROBABLY intimately connected to try to work out our most messy at this point, kismet. 

So to answer my own question as to why to do this work... I'd very much like to experience a life in which I am pure CAUSE. This particular life is one of putting an end to eons of suffering caused by my mistaking myself for being Effect. I was thrilled with myself for being able to let the phone go. It was time to get out from behind the lens anyway. And if the price of Enlightenment is a Galaxy 10, so be it. I'm a lot closer now than I was a few months ago. Now on to Day 9 and then to your meditation videos.

 

 

 

Edited November 14, 2019 by Rebecca Kalamata
typographical corrections, editions to the original