Uncertain About My Life Direction

[Iulia]

Hello everyone!

Ever since I discovered Leo and followed through his work, listening to his videos weekly, i started seeing things really different than before..i'm in the process of becoming more "aware", but also more "uncertain" about what i want..

I could have written all this in a journal, but i feel like sharing my deepest thoughts and fears here is the right thing to do, as all of us are seeking meaning and progress here.. i could use a different perspective.

My main "concerns" now are my relationship and my career.. i'm 25, in my third year of marriage, we live with rent, have pretty small salaries, but my husband is thinking about opening a business.. my problem is, that I don't know why, when thinking about our future, buying an apartment,having a baby, etc... it's like something within me "freezes". 

I never really dreamed since a young girl about the white dress, at this point i don't dream about having a baby either..i always thought it's normal to feel "unprepared", but i started to wonder why i tend to take a step back when things tend to get serious.. 

What i really want for sure, is to help people feel good about themselves..

I'm passionate about fitness and i intend to become a fitness trainer, and i would also love to do coaching at some point, as I noticed I have natural inclinations towards it and i'm buying psychology books almost every month.. but i know i need to "walk the walk and talk the talk" for this also.

When studying a free life-coaching course, i learned about the importance of asking questions.

So i just want to share with you guys some of the questions that i'm asking myself currently:

Why do i always feel sexually attracted to some guys from time to time.. what is it that i lack in my relationship? Why do i feel the need to seduce? Does this reflect some kind of deep unfulfillment about myself? And how do i find out what than unfulfillment is?

Why do i feel like i'm not the "family" type of woman and i dream so desperately about freedom..does this mean i'm running away from responsabilities? If i come to the conclusion that i just want to be free... why would i be scared to just take charge of my life? Why do i feel the need to face life alone..and why i'm scared like hell of it at the same time?

How should i find out what is that which my soul is screaming for, and why is it that i can't get the message clearly?

If i love him, despite all the financial problems, shouldn't i be able to do my best to work at my life purposes with what i can at the moment, while simply trusting the process? 

I'm also thinking i should start meditating daily, journaling and positive affirmations.... to 'clear' my head. I just fell into this analysis paralysis...and unfortunately this isn't the first time. It happened, i talked to him, then i thaught i'm making too much of a deal about it.. then went on and got back to uncertainty.. i'm in a vicious circle and got stuck again..

Did you struggle with this kind of questions...and if so, how did things turn out to be in time? I know i should accept the situation as it is in the present moment but i can't help but thinking about things..

Thank you all if you read this far. Can't wait for your opinion.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Iulia
additional ideas

[ChimpBrain]

The sexual attraction to others thing is normal, read Sex at Dawn if you haven't already. As far as your need to seduce, that sounds like an ego's need to feel important, desired, worthy, etc.. Also totally normal but something that's relatively easy to overcome with a little effort. 

 

If you haven't already, watch Leo's video on making bold life changes. 

[Iulia]

Thank you for the recommendation, i also thaught about asking around for good books about sex, attraction, relationships..

Will watch the video too. 

Have a nice day!

[Iulia]

Thank you for the recommendation, i also thought about asking around for good books about sex, attraction, relationships..

Will watch the video too. 

Have a nice day!