Knowing When The Mind Is Wrong

[OhHiMark]

I've broken a number of habits in the past but these were all tangible, mental habits however are extremely difficult so I wanted some advice on the following;

 

Negativity plays a huge role in my Life which comes from my ego, when I think of my negative situations with no ego then I wouldn't have an issue,  There's a lot of 'Me me me' in my issues  and my mind likes to think the world revolves around me sometimes. i.e if someone is blocking the top of a stairwell then I take it personally for some reason, if someone cuts in front of the que then I take it personally, even though these people probably didn't even notice me or could describe me.

The book 'the 4 agreements' is really helping especially the agreement to not take anything personally.

So I guess the best example and one I'd love your advice on is my current house mate. It annoys me that they keep dishwasher tablets in their room and not in the kitchen like anyone else. In my mind the below is what I'm thinking;

-Doh, just buy your own and stop concerning yourself.

- 'I' allowed this person to move in to the property, how dare they not share or think of sharing

- Well, if they're not going to share the tablets then I won't be buying anymore supplies for the house, why should I?

- I'm going to confront them on it to put my mind at ease.

- What if the person has behavioural problems and doesn't realise what they're doing?

So as you can see, in my mind I make an entire drama out of something very small. Is this a situation where I'm thinking too much? How would an enlightened person handle similar situations where someone's not pulling their weight?

 

P.s yes, I'm working on the go part!

 

Thanks again guys.

Edited May 31, 2016 by OhHiMark

[vizual]

First fully acknowledge and accept that there is a situation in your life that you are not happy with. It's totally okay to not like a situation. The difference between an enlightened person and an unenlightened one is that the unenlightened people are always jumping through all kinds of hoops to not feel and change certain emotions. If a feeling is there, it's there, and it wants to be acknowledged. 

So relax, feel the feeling of your annoyance and let your actions take the natural path. Remember that your annoyance is a reflection of you, not the thing that is annoying you. I don't mean that you are not in the right about being annoyed by that thing, it's just that it is not necessarily 'true'.

You may find that with a lot of these things, it's not even the object of annoyance that keeps annoying you. It's the bottling up of that feeling the keeps gaining momentum and keeps increasingly annoying you. All the feeling wants from you is some acknowledgment. And feelings are not rational, there's no way to dance around it and try to intellectualize it by asking questions like "what would an enlightened being do?". An enlightened being would be the first to say, it's not about what you do, it's about how you do it. And the only way to do things right is in the light of truth.

[Mal]

@OhHiMark

Hi there...

I'm noticing a lot of very high expectations in your worldview. Maybe you imagine that you would cease to "be" without all these rules?

This is not a problem, the ego is not a problem either.  The problem, I think at least, is you are not connected to your inner world.  Your inner being. You imagine your inner being to be this individual with all this highly developed ettiquete and manners.  Manners are important, but after a certain point they tend to become an Achilles heel.  They end up hurting you, as you are now noticing.

The good news is that you don't need to abide by these rules.  Setting others free from these expectations also is an act of maturity.  

The "right thing to do" will be there even when you let go of these internalised patterns.  If you can become more carefree and stop identifying with your self concept as much you will be pleasantly surprised that even though you are more relaxed and easy going, your standards won't slip.  They will still be there if you need to call on them in appropriate situations. 

When you learn to disidentify from your conditioned mind, not only will you become more energetic, positive and easy going, but the skills you learned in life about ettiquete and manners will be there as skills, not as an unhappy "self".  

You will know how to deal with all types of behaviour in the moment as the situation presents itself.  

The main thing is you won't have this broken boundary issue of trying to control the outside world once you learn to stop trying to control yourself. 

Warm Regards

Mal

[governor]

excuse me for butting into this conversation but...

6 minutes ago, Mal said:

The main thing is you won't have this broken boundary issue of trying to control the outside world once you learn to stop trying to control yourself. 

what is Mal referring to when talking about boundary issues and control? honestly-I'm interested

[Mal]

@governor You may have noticed egos are always trying, subtely or not so subtely to get life to adjust to itself.

Depending how strong the identification to self is determines the easy goingness of a person. 

The less ego, the less needing to control others.  Getting upset when others are not living upto the egos rigidity is control.

"I need this to be MY way so I can just be happy, settled, at peace". 

It's a negative form of attachment to life.  Egos can't just let things sail on by, they get involved too much with life and loose perspective.  This is why it's scary to let go, because the ego doesn't see that life already has the skills and wisdom to deal with situations. 

[governor]

incredibly helpful-

I don't mean to interrupt in this conversation but I guess I am going to , so please excuse my rudeness...

is the any way you could maybe say something about this...

5 minutes ago, Mal said:

to get life to adjust to itself.

I really am interested in understanding this concept and wondering how to make it stop.how would I look up this type of subject?

[Mal]

@governor 

I don't think you are being rude. 

Read spiritual books, watch Leo's videos, part take in spiritual practice's.  Self inquiry and meditation is probably the most direct way to get a handle on the ego.  

There is little point in learning without practice.  Learn too much without direct experience and that in itself can become a problem because you need the experiences to validate the intellectual learning. 

Stick around and shortly you will start to get a grip with your own ego. 

Mal