Observing Life As It Happens: Beautiful Yet Scary

[Franz]

Hello there friends.

I am surrounded by a lot of people during my work hours.

Practicing mindfulness as good as I can, I started watching them (and myself) more and more. 

It is interesting how much we work by sheer impulse, somebody is pushing certain buttons inside

of us and by that, things are said and done. I kept observing and almost! started to judge them as 

being asleep, but then I started to see that this human form called "Franz", which my ego thinks it is

controlling so much, does not behave any different.

Some pretty girl asked for information  and I felt how my ego wanted to act all cool and give her an extra-interesting,

funny, flirty answer with a friendly face. Instead, I just answered the way I talk to anyone else, maybe even with a tiny

bit of subtle shyness and coldness. Maybe with a forced smile, I cant remember since it felt all very unconscious.

 

Why did i not deceide what to do? I was trying, but my automatic response was way faster.

Wait! Me (as the Observer) did not care about the reaction since it does not judge. My ego did.

But Leo says there is no Observer. Am i still not even close to clear consciousness? (Also: Leo might be wrong!)

How do I call this consciousness that Iam (who the F... is this "I" again) experiencing? I (again!) have the urge to

to give this consciousness a name.  

Crazy trains of thought kept running through my head as my body, ego whatever, kept working.

But it did not feel bad, so I didnt force myself to stop.

 

What was most enjoyable about this experience: This form of existance did not feel seperate from anyone else.

As they are observed (writing in passive tense is nice to avoid "I"), Franz is observed too. 

 

Dont missunderstand: there was much time being spent sleeping. This Observation only happend for a brief period of time,

but those moments are accuring more frequently.

The ego kinda wants to dismiss this whole topic as childish, useless, and to delete everything that was written in this post,

so submitting the topic has to happen.

 

Enjoy your day