My boyfriend shames me

[Lento]

7 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I broke up with him an hour ago.

Congrats! You did the right thing for the both of you. You will look back after one month and be thankful for this decision.

7 hours ago, Preety_India said:

It hurts like hell

Sure. And sure the pain won't last. Let it all out in a journal, or here. We all support you.

[Ananta]

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I broke up with him an hour ago. It hurts like hell

 

 

Awww, here's some songs for you❤?

 

[Preety_India]

@Anna1 thank you so much

[Ananta]

@Preety_India Your welcome. Take care of yourself. ? 

 

 

[CreamCat]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@CreamCat whats the meaning of going meta ?

Going meta means seeing a higher level pattern. As you observe your relationship over time, you discover patterns in it. You can even discover how your relationship is structured. Structure of your relationship dictates contents of your relationship.

After meeting a few bad boy friends, you will discover patterns and structures. Maybe, you are specifically attracted to attractive assholes, but you are not aware of it, yet. That can be a pattern. Or, the pattern can be that attractive assholes appear on the dating scene more often than good alpha guys because women do not let go of good alpha guys.

I recommend setting aside 3~4 hours of time for watching the video. The gist of the video is to make structural changes to your life and your relationships.

Edited November 12, 2019 by CreamCat

[fi1ghtclub]

Psychedelics or some healthy contemplation can really help you to understand to get this baggage off of you.

It can be healing. 

Have you tried anything of that sort?

[Preety_India]

22 minutes ago, CreamCat said:

Going meta means seeing a higher level pattern. As you observe your relationship over time, you discover patterns in it. You can even discover how your relationship is structured. Structure of your relationship dictates contents of your relationship.

After meeting a few bad boy friends, you will discover patterns and structures. Maybe, you are specifically attracted to attractive assholes, but you are not aware of it, yet. That can be a pattern. Or, the pattern can be that attractive assholes appear on the dating scene more often than good alpha guys because women do not let go of good alpha guys.

I recommend setting aside 3~4 hours of time for watching the video. The gist of the video is to make structural changes to your life and your relationships.

That was some awesome advice. Since relationships are such a key component of life ,it's very important to go meta on it more than anything. 

The most important statement you made was that the structure of a relationship determines it's content. And that is so true in almost every relationship...

One thing I acquired from your post is that if a particular kind of content is observed in a relationship then a particular structure must also be present. Usually such a structure is being ignored while the focus is fully on the content of the debate or fight or argument happening at a given time. Because maybe our brains are wired to constantly think in the moment or handle things scenario by scenario instead of the overall structural scenario. So I guess what I'm trying to come to is that both structure and content are closely operating side by side. 

So if you have a large spreadsheet of two columns....one column for structure and the other column for content. Then you can do match the column. 

You will see that every structure leads to specific content in the content column. 

This will make it very easy to just match your current situation whether lifestyle, relationship or life purpose and then just use your structure reference chart and see how your content matches to the any of the contents specified on the chart. If you have a match, the structure correlated to it is the structure you are living in or dealing with. 

This way you can always keep away from unhealthy structures in your life and only choose those structures that are suitable for your life growth. Consequently even the contents  will fall into place. 

Your general psychology is also a kind of structure that you need to go meta on. When you do that, it will reveal why certain kind of content exists in your life. Once those structures are weeded out,  it will be easier to move towards healthier psychological structures and never fall into psychological traps again . 

I would add that along with recognizing structures it would be necessary to have an optimal or ideal structure in mind for a good comparison. This will help in easy detection of a bad or unhealthy structure you are already dealing with in life. 

Starting out with an ideal structure and then improvising on it as time goes by would be a great way to kickstart the necessary change

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

15 minutes ago, fi1ghtclub said:

Psychedelics or some healthy contemplation can really help you to understand to get this baggage off of you.

It can be healing. 

Have you tried anything of that sort?

Yes I'll be looking into psychedelics although I'm a bit apprehensive of that. I have tried Ayahuasca and it does help a wee bit. 

Healthy contemplation. I do meditation everyday for the spiritual insights in my journal

So far so good. My journal is my only saviour. 

I have realized that one thing that helps with mental peace is maturity. 

The more matured I become the better I feel. Like I can have a grip on a situation. 

In the end our own qualities and states of mind come to our rescue. 

 

[fi1ghtclub]

26 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Yes I'll be looking into psychedelics although I'm a bit apprehensive of that. I have tried Ayahuasca and it does help a wee bit. 

Healthy contemplation. I do meditation everyday for the spiritual insights in my journal

So far so good. My journal is my only saviour. 

I have realized that one thing that helps with mental peace is maturity. 

The more matured I become the better I feel. Like I can have a grip on a situation. 

In the end our own qualities and states of mind come to our rescue. 

 

Yes - I've been reading your journal. It is amazing.

Psychedelics can literally take you to the next level though where you can breakthrough of all the concepts and the traps you have created for yourself and keep falling into.
I don't want to sound preachy here but you have to realize that it is ultimate you responsible for your state of mind and situation. Not your boyfriend or any circumstance. And when you actually do get it - you automatically start being accountable and take ownership.

It can take you miles ahead in terms of personality development work and making sense of your narrative.

I specially recommend LSD for this purpose.

[Preety_India]

@fi1ghtclub thank you so much for the suggestions. Helps a lot

 

 

 

[Key Elements]

12 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I broke up with him an hour ago. It hurts like hell

Oh no...I understand...

In moments like these, I find inspirations like these to be helpful:

Please take care of yourself. Reality is really not what we think it is. This whole movie that we're in, and the way it's being played out, it's not really what it seems to be.

[Forestluv]

@Preety_India Be strong. . . . Based on what you've written about him, he may try to re-engage. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Key Elements @Serotoninluv

I am used to such behaviors and relationships. It's good that I'm already pretty aware of what the other person is like. You guys are very kind and supportive and without you I wouldn't have had the courage to finally let go. But I did the brave thing and spared myself further suffering. The initial hour after break up was very brutal with chest tightness and anxiety and depressed feelings. I cried it all out. After that I calmed down 

After listening to some music and I went for a long drive. Then I  had a shower and I felt better. 

Now I'm trying to engage my mind to keep intrusive thoughts out and not trying to think about him. So far so good. I am trying to laugh and feel better. 

He did call me a few times but I switched off my phone. He will try again maybe, but I will make it clear to him that I'm not going back to him

The failure of the relationship does hurt. But I'm trying to be matured about it and take life as it is. Nobody can change life. Just have to preserve myself and live it. Fortunately I have a group of friends I can hang out with this weekend. So that will also help a lot. 

Things happen in life. That's why it's called life. But you have to take its assaults and still recover and move on. It hurts initially but later on you have to get up and get going and not remain stuck in old thoughts. You have to survive every situation thrown at you and let the human body go through the human experience bad or good. 

That's my attitude towards it. 

I am a good person and I have done nothing wrong. So I don't have to guilt myself. I can find peace within myself rather than begging for it from someone.. 

I have learned that I can love myself more. If I loved that person so much, I can also love myself that much. In loving that person, I forgot myself. That happens. Love is blind and crazy. I did not do wrong. Love is not a crime. Mistakes happen.. But I have to learn from them and protect my future. 

In the end I have deep faith in God. God loves without judgement. Even if that person didn't love me, it's okay, he was being selfish, I'll forgive him... It's human nature to betray. I can continue living my life with whatever grace I have 

Thanks for all the support. I'm coping very well now. 

 

[Forestluv]

@Preety_India  Stay strong. I've found no contact to be best. . . . The thing about people with narc/bpd traits. . . when they realize they can't get the ex back, they drop them and put their sites on the next one. 

[Key Elements]

29 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I'm coping very well now. 

Awesome! ?❤️?❤️?❤️?❤️?

 

Now...

???????

[zambize]

On 11/11/2019 at 3:34 AM, Preety_India said:

 

He is a bit alpha and he does seem to take pride in his looks and achievements. But he is also emotional and sensitive, but not sensitive enough to give air to my concerns. 

With all due respect he ain't an alpha.  If there is such thing as an alpha, he doesnt need to flex on his girlfriend and put her down constantly.  He's probably scared of you leaving him because he knows you are much better than him, and if you ever realized that, youd break up with him immediately.  Seems like a weak, scared little boy trying to convince his girlfriend not to leave because he think hes worthless and depends on your emotional support, and if you get away from him, his worthless ass wont be able to land a girlfriend ever again, especially not as good as you.  Your husband is about as alpha as spongebob in the episode he gets blow up muscles, I highly recommend breaking this off immediately based on what I've read 

Edit: read further down and your broke it off, hope you're doing well!

Edited November 13, 2019 by zambize

[Ananta]

2 minutes ago, zambize said:

I highly recommend breaking this off immediately based on what I've read 

She already did. Should've kept reading?

Btw, @Preety_India how are you doing? 

[Preety_India]

@zambize  Yea I broke off with him yesterday. He wasn't my husband, a boyfriend. 

 

2 hours ago, Anna1 said:

She already did. Should've kept reading?

Btw, @Preety_India how are you doing? 

I'm doing well now. Better than yesterday. I need to collect my focus and put it back into my self development. Thanks for your kindness and support. 

[Preety_India]

@modmyth thank you so much 

[remember]

@Preety_India it`s very inspiring that you handled it! strong decision. he still seems to have limits what`s good. how you described him, it sounded a little bit more severe and obsessive than he reacted so far. i`m happy for you! still be on guard and very awake for some time! this is due to not knowing.

thank you so much for your openness also, i`d wish a lot more women would be more open about their abusive relationships. and abusive dynamics, really strong that you share it! 

time for healing.

that`s also love.