My deepest meditation yet. Very thankful.

[Swagala]

Initially, there was some frustration caused by the random thoughts. And even more frustration caused by the thoughts that felt like I was thinking them, like a narrative voice. I wanted to go beyond the thoughts. So I asked for some help from the higher self for some guidance. I then tried to place my awareness somewhere else on the body away from my head where the thoughts seem to appear from. Then suddenly, I did find the spot. Not really sure where it was, it felt more like I accidentally (or as if something helped me get there ?) sunk right into it. I don't know what to call it but it felt like a void. It was a place that seemed familiar from my previous meditations but this one was way more "vivid". The body felt like it was lying on its side suspended in the air even though it was actually sitting down. It also felt like I was leaning at an angle but I was being supported by some force. It felt like I could have stayed there forever. Thoughts still popped up but they were so easy to identify as thoughts, they were easy to let go of.

I've always had trouble being motivated to meditate because the previous ones I did I would just be calming down the mind and would spend the rest of the time focusing on the body and that was it. But this experience was so blissful and peaceful. I want to go back.

[Swagala]

Update.

I attempted to re-enter that place again only to gain an insight. I became very aware of the mind narrating. It had the habit or tendency of narrating everything that was being experienced. Then, I started wondering why it was doing that. I was the one experiencing the experiences but for some reason the mind still wanted to describe everything to itself. There's no one else here, anyone and everyone else is irrelevant in this moment. It's only me, so why the need to describe everything? Then I began to be more aware of the fact that there's only me "here". There IS no one else, or at the very least, they're irrelevant right now. The thoughts started to disappear since there was no use for them anymore since there's actually no one else. There's no need to describe anything because I'm the one experiencing it. I already know it.

There's definitely a lot of redundancy in that paragraph XD.

I also feel lonely now after realizing that there's really only me. It also feels like this attempt to share this insight is pretty much futile since I'm the only one here. I also began to lose me sense of self. Since there's only ever me, the idea of an "I" or a separation did not make sense.

Edited November 10, 2019 by Swagala

[ewerson18]

3 hours ago, Swagala said:

 It felt like I could have stayed there forever.

This is very interesting, thanks.